Winter child

Oh goodness, I never did give a reason for my absence, did I? Well, since this is tumblr, and everyone enjoys a good story, I’ll give you the long version.

This winter I had come to a point in my life where nothing was moving in any direction. I stood on the brink of a relapse in my eating disorder, and I was just about ready to give up and give in. I didn’t want to, but I was so tired of fighting. So, like the good tumblrer (how do you even say that?) I am, I solved it by running out the door, yelling:

Okay, not quite, but almost. You see, I’ve been a christian all my life, but for the first time I gave my faith an honest chance. I told God I’d give him one chance to fix a life that had spun out of my control, and trust me, he did! Before I knew it, I had applied to a DTS (discipleship training school) in one of YWAM’s (youth with a mission’s) bases. Because I was so insecure about it all, I didn’t actually tell anyone. If it failed, I wanted to loath in it alone and I didn’t want pity.

So in January I went south, to the west coast of Sweden, to (hopefully) get my life in order. And guess what? Four weeks in, I was completely changed. I more or less stopped having anxiety attacks, and my eating disorder became like an annoying mosquito I could just swat away. I even found the foundation of pretty much all of my insecurity and mental problems. Who would have thought that one single abuse story in my childhood would affect me so much? I had never planned on telling anyone, but God had other plans (and for that I’m thankful. The moment it was brought into the light, my anxiety and ED lost it’s grip on me, and I barely even realized. I grew happier, stronger and more confident by the day. For the first time in my life I was completely happy and at peace with who I am. I got closer to God, and he provided for me. I went to this school, having only half of the school fee, and without anything for trips, travels or anything really, but somehow I always had enough and when I got back home I had as much on my savings account as I had when I went. I have NO idea how that happened, my only answer can be that God made sure I could afford all I needed to.

Included in this school was a missions trip. One half of the class went to Serbia and Albania, while the other (where I was too) went to Vietnam and Cambodia. And OH BOY what an adventure that was. It’s another LONG story, and I will tell it, just not now. So much happened that changed me for life. I wouldn’t believe half of it was true unless I was there, saw and EXPERIENCED it myself. God really did clean up in my life, I only had to let go.

So, my conclusion: Nothing is, or was, wrong during this time. I was simply too focused on this school to remember to share my adventure with everyone here on tumblr. I am a happier, stronger and more healthier person than I have EVER been. I can only call this what it is: