stupid bastard seafood special

notice that no one on MTV Cribs has an emergency eyewash station

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

I understand some of you are 19 but that is not an old man, he's 32.

it’s just me and the song i choose weekly to play six thousand million times against the world

Lowkey I bet it felt good as fuuuuuuck to be one of the coal miners that got to blow a pinkertons brains out from a high ridge with a bolt action rifle.

they don't tell you this but you can actually watch a movie

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

studying history is like. here's to another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be. thank you women who fight for abortion and contraception and independance from men for another beautiful day of not being pregnant and of having no obligation to ever be