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crooked kingdom :)
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
$LAYYYTER
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@foxyip
If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading
crooked kingdom :)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Barty with his goddamn oral fixation can never not have his mouth on Evan one way or another
He's behind Evan while he's reading, mouth on his neck, mouth on his arms, mouth on his feet, licking and sucking on every bit of exposed skin he can reach, trying to get a rise out of Evan the most he can, just waiting until he hears the first breathy sigh, knowing that means he's won
He's under the table, on the floor of the couch pulling Evan out of his pants, just sitting there cockwarming him or eating him out lazily like it's just something to do, he's just scrolled on his phone while he's done it before
And he'll just kiss Evan for way longer than anyone would consider sane or normal, relishing in the feeling of their saliva exchanging, their tongues sliding and moving against each other, swallowing each and every one of Evan's sounds
When he can't do any of that, he'll just take Evan's fingers and put them into his mouth, play with them no differently than sucking on a lollipop
I took some sleeping pills because sometimes when the periods starts it hurt so much id rather sleep the day away, things is when I do that the dreams are weird
Anyway I dreamed that I was drinking tea with Matthias Helvar, and I was sad cause I don't actually like tea. And at first he was sad because he made the tea but then he ran off to the window and turned into a blahaj plush and jump off
He fell into the sea and I was left behind but then he came back (as a human) and handed me a bag of maltesers
And then i woke up
⭐To all the fanfic writers out there, a little gold star!⭐
"I asked chatgpt-"
Well I asked Matthias Helver. He didn't answer, because he was too busy dreaming. Dreaming again. Dreaming of her.

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As far as I can gather, the Grishaverse doesn't have actual terms they use to refer to LGBTQ+ folk, they just... are there. When Tamar and Nadia get together, Alina has literally no reaction despite neither girl ever technically coming out. Zoya's only reaction is being annoyed that everyone's "pairing up". When Wylan essentially asks Jesper if he's bi, he doesn't actually use the term. He just asks if Jesper likes boys too. I haven't read like half the books in the universe, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I know there's no actual words for any of it. I think that's the most beautiful thing. Their universe never decided that a certain type of love was different or wrong. It's normalized in their society to such a degree that they don't even have a name for it. It's just... there. Some people date the same gender, what about it? It's my favorite thing in the world and it makes me smile when I think about it.
ok kids repeat after me
vinegar and bleach makes chlorine gas, which is highly toxic
ammonia and bleach makes chloramine, which is highly toxic
rubbing alcohol and bleach makes chloroform, which is highly toxic
hydrogen peroxide and vinegar makes peracetic/peroxyacetic acid, which can be highly corrosive
be careful about your cleaning products and dont get yourself injured or potentially killed ok
why it so dangerous to be clean
As someone who’s job is to handle chemicals like this, I need to state that this information is IMPORTANT. Plenty of people have accidentally injured or killed themselves at home because they didn’t know what kind of reaction certain substances have with one another. Play it safe and don’t mix chemicals.
Also don’t use bleach to clean up urine it’ll create chloramine bc of the ammonia in it and you can give yourself chemical pnemonia that way
Every time I see “helpful” posts telling people to mix these things while cleaning I cringe with my entire body.
reblogging in this time of heightened interest in disinfectants. please don’t get fancy
Pick one. Stick with that one.
evan gave barty full permission to eat him when he died
barty grabbing the back of evan’s hair and yanking it back and pouring vodka down his throat is hot okay dont get in the middle of that
Or Regulus? And wine?
i hate how rosestarkiller are portrayed as sex obsessed freaks.
i cannot find a single fanfic of them that doesnt include seven pages of pure smut T-T

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wolfstar meeting because Sirius is a somewhat known influencer that sometimes posts photos of his big black dog, Padfoot, on his story. One day he stops and he receives a dm on insta going something like this
0 posts 0 followers his negative aura enthralled sirius 🔥🔥
my age gap rosekiller is like evan “yayyyy i love being 20 years old and having money and domming my 46 year old professor my life is awesome no homo tho” rosier x barty “my abusive dad who ruined my life died last year and sometimes when i remember im sleeping in the house he left me i frow up about it” crouch jr
Jesper asking for relationship advice
Jesper: guys what do I do
Kaz: call him an asset
Nina: turn him in to the stadwatch
Matthias: hunt him
inej: don’t listen to them. Just don’t come on too strong
Jesper: ok got it. *later*
Jesper holding out red flowers: come home with me.
I got you
honestly im done with bottom barty more top barty and bottom evan pls

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there’s something really sweet about wylan’s nickname being wy, as in “why” was the one question that’s haunted him his entire life (why was his father so cruel? why couldn’t he remember his mother? why couldn’t he just be like everyone else?) only for his friends and future partner to eventually dub him that same dangerous, spiral-inducing word. he really doesn’t like it at first, but as time goes on whenever he hears “wy” coming from them, he’s only met with looks of love and knowing, like they aren’t asking him the question but telling him that he’s always been their answer, and eventually he starts to believe them
Sheriff Barty fucking Outlaw Evan while he's wearing ass-less chaps...