When I read accounts by detransitioned women, many of them break free when it sinks in they'll never be men. The female solidarity might come later, but their breakthrough moment is often realizing their efforts are in vain.

So combining those two points, I think it's important to keep calling out transmen, but in a way that is clear and factual, not catty.

I was thinking of this when I saw one at the store the other day. I clocked her immediately by her eyes and head despite her beard. Her voice was admittedly impressive, it sounded like a grown man speaking with the cadence of a teen girl. She lifted a tiny hand to point me in the direction of what I asked for and the interaction was done.

Nothing can be done about her hands, feet, height, or facial structure. Decades of hormones will never change them. No matter how well a woman "passes" as a man, there will always be at least one detail that unravels all the work she put in.

The human brain is fully developed around the mid to late twenties. It's not like a switch flips on your 26th birthday, it's just a general age range.

In the US, 18 is a legal adult and when most graduate high school. The reason that number is so low is so we can send kids off to war and pretend it's their informed choice. The end of high school is the end of a significant kind of structure in your life. Maybe you extend this structure into college, maybe you go full-time into the workforce. Work is very different from school.

When I look at the younger age gaps that people like to argue about, I think of them in terms of "How long out of high school?" A 20 year old has 2 years experience out of high school, and the 25 year old she's dating has 7 years experience out of high school. They're probably in different places in life and I'm side-eying that 25 year old.

And let's say you study like hell for 4 years in college and get out by 22 into your starter job. You've gained education but are still a bit lacking in life experience. If a 27 year old who's been in that job for a while starts hitting on you, it's wrong! They have an established career already while you're just beginning yours. But we know SOMEBODY would say "Ummmm actually they're both adults? Are you calling the younger one stupid? Are you denying them agency?"

Your skill levels can all be equal here, but the atmosphere is not. It's not fun or engaging to have to deal with that treatment.