I love women more than I hate men.

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@fossettt
I love women more than I hate men.

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It's important to analyze cosmetic trends and how they impact women, but it's never right to critique a woman's appearance with the intention of tearing her down.
When I read accounts by detransitioned women, many of them break free when it sinks in they'll never be men. The female solidarity might come later, but their breakthrough moment is often realizing their efforts are in vain.
So combining those two points, I think it's important to keep calling out transmen, but in a way that is clear and factual, not catty.
I was thinking of this when I saw one at the store the other day. I clocked her immediately by her eyes and head despite her beard. Her voice was admittedly impressive, it sounded like a grown man speaking with the cadence of a teen girl. She lifted a tiny hand to point me in the direction of what I asked for and the interaction was done.
Nothing can be done about her hands, feet, height, or facial structure. Decades of hormones will never change them. No matter how well a woman "passes" as a man, there will always be at least one detail that unravels all the work she put in.
Ideally we should make young women aware of that before they get too far into their transition. But we also have to make a point to accept detransitioned women as they are, with no pressure to continue chasing cosmetics. If she's a woman then she's our sister, and we can see who the women are.
So this is what trust looks like.
Funny, my first thought was βSo this is what the patriarchy looks like.β
Yup. This is how women are supposed to trust men. With their lives.
Woman : βHey, can we justβ¦ Drop the bow?β Man : βWHY DONβT YOU TRUST ME IβM NOT A VIOLENT GUY, YOU ARE INSULTING ME THINKING I WILL HURT YOU!!!β Woman : βNo itβs justβ¦ Well Iβm afraid.β Man : βBut why? Look at me, Iβm not afraid. And weβre equal, look, we pull the bow together.β Woman : βI think weβre not equal, you can kill me with the arrow and I canβt.β Man : βWhat? So you would like to be able to kill me? Youβre so agressive!β Woman : βThatβs not what I mean, we were talking about equality : you can hurt me, I canβt.β Man : βOf course you can. You can hit me with the bow if you want.β Woman : βThatβs not the same thing, it will never kill you.β Man : βOh, you always complaining, stop victimising yourself! Do I talk about the difficulty of holding the arrow? Of the responsability it giving to me?β [β¦] Etc, etc. Every debates about gender equality, ladies and gentleman.
Hey, I sent in that butch question for the poll, and it was absolutely in good faith. A year ago I asked an acquaintance about an attractive friend of hers I was interested in, this woman had chin scruff and was dressed handsomely. My acquantence says "That's Anthony, and HE'S single >:( . . ." It was embarrassing and if I had approached Anthony herself I'd be even more embarrassed. There's that social aspect, and the fact that I don't think getting into that relationship is a good idea if she thinks there's thoughts/feelings/styles that are inherently closed off to me because I don't call myself anything other than a woman. Yeah it's unfair to butch women as a whole but I'm not as strong as I wish I was, I can only handle so much heartbreak and dehumanization. I'm also VERY upset that the mod omitted a bunch of options?? I even made it easy to copy/paste, what the hell? I think those omissions made the question seem more insidious than it was, I tried to phrase and order them as respectfully as I could.
Thank you for your response!! I see your point better now, yeah. My sister also pointed out in the comments how some options were removed and it does change the tone of the question. I'll assume it was an honest error (possibly got mixed up because she wanted to put the "not ssa/see results" at the end so she wasn't copy pasting? Or something along those lines.) on @/rad-poll 's end.
It was my mistake to load more ethical/moral meaning to a question about dating/romance, so I apologise for that. I was hung up on the association of butch women & gender identities, since the rhetoric is the same one trans people themselves use when they accuse butch lesbians of being "basically (trans) men" etc.
Speaking from experience it really is a pain to date someone who's into gender ID things. It's an important aspect of ones political views especially for same sex relationships.
On that note, I have a similar reaction to when people use rainbow flags/merch. A few years ago I would have approached them for sure because it's always good to find community, but in recent years with the boom of gender identity things I've also held off more than occasionally.
I don't like using the coddle-y vocab of validity and all but your apprehensiveness is, for lack of a better phrase, totally valid.
The post/poll that anon is referring to
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When did we as a society get so afraid of offending people with fetishes? Who cares? Why do we act like fetishists are a constitutionally protected class?
THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's especially transparent when they say stuff like "genital preference" instead of "sexual orientation."
Liberals when serial killers say their mothers abused them: Oh no, that's terrible! Poor things. :( If only those women had treated their children kindly these killings would never have happened! There's definitely no way these men are lying btw.
Liberals when pedophiles say they were victims of CSA: How awful! They're stuck in endless cycle of victim to abuser. :( We need to be kind to pedophiles, not mean, like their abusers. It's the only way to get them to stop! And anyway most pedophiles would never actually hurt a child. They're definitely not lying.
Liberals when serial killers and pedophiles say pornography played a role: Well, you know you can't trust what a serial killer or pedophile says. lol I watch pornography and I don't kill people or molest children. This is just fear-mongering. There's no point in regulating or banning pornography. It has no link whatsoever to hating women or hurting children.
What kind of feminism doesn't ask WHY women are oppressed? What kind of activism treats symptoms but actively discourages people from discussing the cause?
βPansexuality means [definition of bisexuality] except [insults bisexuals].β
and i don't think there would be as many transmen/transmascs if women weren't socially punished for short hair, hairy legs/pits, and bare faces
Oh, sex drive too! I've seen multiple instances of heterosexual TIFs on here and Twitter reposting and displaying vintage gay pornography. Their logic is that if an erotic thing is produced by and marketed to men, and they find it attractive, that must mean they're men.
It's normal to have a sex drive. It's normal to want to be an active participant in sex rather than a passive receiver, which is how society views stereotypical sex roles for men and women.

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I'm not thrilled with my job, but another woman at my work says she'd quit if I quit. And her husband's been pressuring her to become a domestic servant stay-at-home wife. So I'm sticking around and putting on a smile for her sake. Idk where I'd even go if I left so maybe it's for the best.
My biggest takeaway from Invisible Women is you cannot read it and maintain the delusion that women are oppressed on the basis of gender rather than sex.
Medication, crash test dummies, office temperature - these things affect you on the basis of your sex, and claiming a different gender doesn't change any of it, nor does it challenge the systems and structures that are built to put women at a disadvantage. If every woman on earth woke up tomorrow and realized they were non-binary or trans men, they would still be at a significant disadvantage compared to men.
We have to fight female oppression on the basis of sex, or all we'll do is change the label for which half of the population is default and which is afterthought without any actual change.
and i don't think there would be as many transmen/transmascs if women weren't socially punished for short hair, hairy legs/pits, and bare faces
too real for me personally.
That IS real sex. Real sex is getting off together; don't let anyone tell you that PIV is the only """actual""" sex. Don't let anyone tell you that it's okay to forgo orgasms during sex either. You never have to have penetrative sex if you don't want to and that can still lead to a fulfilling sexual/romantic relationship. This applies to all sexual orientations.
Age Gaps in your 20s
The human brain is fully developed around the mid to late twenties. It's not like a switch flips on your 26th birthday, it's just a general age range.
In the US, 18 is a legal adult and when most graduate high school. The reason that number is so low is so we can send kids off to war and pretend it's their informed choice. The end of high school is the end of a significant kind of structure in your life. Maybe you extend this structure into college, maybe you go full-time into the workforce. Work is very different from school.
When I look at the younger age gaps that people like to argue about, I think of them in terms of "How long out of high school?" A 20 year old has 2 years experience out of high school, and the 25 year old she's dating has 7 years experience out of high school. They're probably in different places in life and I'm side-eying that 25 year old.
And let's say you study like hell for 4 years in college and get out by 22 into your starter job. You've gained education but are still a bit lacking in life experience. If a 27 year old who's been in that job for a while starts hitting on you, it's wrong! They have an established career already while you're just beginning yours. But we know SOMEBODY would say "Ummmm actually they're both adults? Are you calling the younger one stupid? Are you denying them agency?"
It's really hard to consider power dynamics when you're more naive than you realize, and you WANT something. It's hard to consider power dynamics when you're smart and accomplished and the older person is someone who you think you can handle. I wish I knew how to communicate that to young women because I wish someone had communicated it to me when I was that age.

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Do you know where I can read jkrβs essay?
I sure do!
As much as I love J.K. Rowling's hilarious and scathing tweets, I like to reread her essay every once in a while to remind myself that THIS is what they hate her for.
Warning: The below content is not appropriate for children. Please check with an adult before you read this page. To go back to the children
I think most of the people out there who hate Rowling so much have not actually read the essay that kicked everything off. Here's the source straight from her website; read it and form your own opinion. You might still hate her afterwards but at least you'll be doing it because it was YOUR decision, and not a determination based on someone else's review. 5 minute read.
Have you, as a girl or woman, ever tried to play popular online games with voice chat among strangers? Counterstrike, TF2, Overwatch, whatever? It's sexual harassment central. Even when you're not being sexually threatened, you've still got the suckups and the men who talk down to you and assume you were looking for a mentor or something. The VIBES are OFF.
Your skill levels can all be equal here, but the atmosphere is not. It's not fun or engaging to have to deal with that treatment.
Please think about that the next time you complain about women wanting female-only leagues for things like chess and darts. They're sports where men have no physical advantage but they bring the mood down with their sexist attitudes that they may not even realize they have.