think fast

people say harebrained is an insult but. ! have you considered the hare is actually doing a reallu really good job atbeing your brain ?

thats right

just learned that my friend’s sister likes to learn what cologne her boyfriends’ dads wear and then buy it and layer it with her perfume when they’re having sex to create a Freudian effect. omg

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

sometimes I have to stop myself from posting shit like "who made replacing a bike chain so erotic" because I remember the number of people who see my posts and I have to take a step back and reconsider my choices. sometimes I have to hide my true and sincere thoughts in a post about how I'm not posting them because it is funnier this way

whatever. it's just reaching between all its delicate parts to wrench out its guts with lots of sweating and straining. while it's upside down and immobilised. and then it's just taking the slick and shiny new chain and feeding it gently through gears and between metal before pulling it taut until the derailleur is extended and the chain clicks into place and can no longer be removed. I; think I'm bicycle. I mean bisexual

Horrifying lack of Bruce being weird about Damian looking like Talia. She's his star crossed lover, she's the one who got away, but worry not! Your child who looks strikingly like her is right here and wants nothing more than he wants your approval.