Ask FluffSystem

It's a program that helps disabled folks access education, training, and employment. For FREE.

You only have to be disabled to qualify (autism, ADHD, mental illness, physical illness, etc) and they cover very broad categories of disability. You do NOT have to be officially diagnosed yet when you walk in - they will even help pay for your diagnosis if you are struggling w disability.

I applied with my suspected autism and fibromyalgia, and they paid for 100% of my formal autism assessment.

Once your disability is established they will give you career counseling to learn about your interests and skills, and depending on the plan you create with your caseworker they will then help with school or finding employment. They paid for 100% of my college tuition and books, and even provided a laptop for me to use.

You do not have to pay anything for this program. If you make above a certain income, you will have to contribute to educational costs but will still receive assistance.

They will also help with the cost of things like mental health counseling while you work towards your goals, clothing for interviews, etc.

They cannot discriminate based on your race, gender, or sexual orientation.

They won't make you do excessive meetings.

They will allow you to do meetings with your caseworker remotely.

They will not drug test you.

They want you to succeed.

I'm sure that individual experiences vary but my caseworker was exceptionally easy to work with and very kind.

Vocational Rehab is a phenomenal resource every disabled person should be aware of. Here is the list of offices in every state:

Mienshao custom for RKitsune

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[ Link to survey ]

The eighth annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 10th March 2021.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, retweet this tweet, boost this Mastodon post, check out this post on Reddit, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks like Facebook. Every share is extremely helpful - it’s what helped us get 24,000 responses last year.

Survey URL: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/gendercensus2021/

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BE SELECTIVELY PROGRESSIVE 

You can hate Ann Coulter. But if you suggest that she deserves to be raped, you are a misogynist.

You can hate Woody Allen. But if you say he’s part of a Jewish conspiracy or joke about putting him in an oven, you are an antisemite.

You can hate Michael Vick. But you call for him to be lynched or call him the N-word, you are an anti-black racist. 

You can hate Caitlyn Jenner. But if you misgender her, or make comments about her genitalia, you are a transphobe. 

And you can hate the military. But if you deliberately try to trigger veterans with PTSD, you are an ableist piece of shit. 

You do no get to pick and choose which people to treat fairly when it comes to acknowledging and combatting prejudice. 

I felt the urge to draw a couple nerds today. Figured I should post it here too…

this is meant to be a comprehensive list (to the best of my limited abilities) of aro-spectrum and ace-spectrum identities. all the posts I saw had like 3 choices or a hundred, and I wanted something that was accurate and had a lot of research behind it…so I made it myself. I wrote the definitions, based on preexisting ones, for additional clarity and context.

anyone a-spec, questioning, or simply wanting to know more about our community is free & encouraged to reblog!

*”romantic/sexual” is in the definitions because the labels apply to both spectrums unless -romantic or -sexual is in the name

Asexual : not feeling sexual attraction to any gender(s)

Things that are completely separate from being asexual (but can be related): libido, sex drive, being a virgin, having/had sex, being sex positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, romantic, & familial love

Apothisexual : asexual that is sex repulsed

Aromantic : not feeling romantic attraction to any gender(s)

Things that are completely separate from being aromantic (but can be related): shipping, fantasizing about relationships and love, wanting a close relationship, been/being in relationships, being romance positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, sexual, & familial love

Apothiromantic : aromantic that is romance repulsed

Apath- : romance/sex neutral, regardless of orientation or attraction felt

Cupio- : not feeling romantic/sexual attraction but still desiring a relationship of that nature

Gray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction weakly, rarely, only under certain conditions, or all of those. also an umbrella term for between allo and asexual/aromantic. may or may not desire a relationship.

Demi- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed. the bond strength and time before attraction can vary between the demi person and the person they’re attracted to.

-Flux : (aroflux or aceflux) their orientation fluctuates, but always stays on the aromantic/asexual spectrum

Lithro-/Akoi-/Akoine-/Apo- : feels romantic/sexual attraction and enjoys relationships in theory, but don’t need/want those feelings reciprocated or to be in a relationship. (there are several labels because the original, from litho, is argued to be appropriated from lesbian butch culture, so wouldn’t recommend using it.)

Recipro- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only to people who feel it for them, they reciprocate the type of the attraction

Fray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction when less familiar with a person, but it fades as they get to know them better (sometimes described as the opposite of demi)

Aego- : enjoys the idea of romance/sex, but doesn’t wish to participate in it or related activities (based off autochoris- : a disconnection between the person and a romantic/sexual target or fantasy)

Quoi/WTF- : feeling unsure if romantic/sexual attraction is being felt and/or if they experience it. feeling as if the concept of that type of attraction is inaccessible, inapplicable, and/or nonsensical. (Another commonly used definition that isn’t correct is for the term below, so use that instead.)

Platoniromantic : feels no distinction between platonic and romantic attraction

Idemromantic : feels romantic and platonic attraction similarly so they are not particularly distinguishable from each other. categorizes platonic and romantic relationships based on external factors such as age, compatibility, closeness, etc. they mean different things and can be categorized, but feel the same.

Requies- : little to no romantic/sexual attraction due to trauma, possibly caused by bad past experiences with the type of attraction, or mental/emotional exhaustion

Caed- : used to feel romantic/sexual attraction, but doesn’t anymore due to trauma

Apres- : feels romantic/sexual attraction after another form of attraction is felt, and the original may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction

-Vague : (arovague or acevague) their a-spec status is uncertain or affected by mood

Burst- : romantic/sexual attraction comes and goes, may or may not have a reason

Nebularomantic : difficult or impossible to tell romantic and platonic attraction apart because of their neurodivergency or they’re platoniromantic

Novi- : feels complicated romantic/sexual attraction so it can’t be described in a single label

Quasiromantic : “someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc.” -general def

Vocab

S.A.M : split attraction model. most used in the a-spec community, it means that romantic and sexual orientations are different and separate. for example, someone could be homoromantic asexual, or aromantic bisexual. in the case of someone who is, for example, panromantic and pansexual, they can just state their orientation as pansexual, as there is no need for the SAM. however, it’s totally optional! if you feel, for example, asexual is your orientation and doesn’t need other labels, that’s fine!

Q.P.R. : queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic if the participants are not LGBT+) relationship. this is a type of relationship created by aro people for aro people, but anyone of any sexuality can be in one if they wish! it is defined as “a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all.” -Aven Wiki

Peach Fuzz : qpr partners (known as zucchinis) pretending their relationship is romantic to avoid questions and explanations

Positive/Neutral/Repulsed : labels used to describe how someone feels about sex or romance in relation to them. positive: willing to be in that kind of relationship and/or do related things; neutral: indifferent, almost apathetic to the idea of sex/romance, doesn’t care too much if they give and/or receive it; negative/repulsed: actively disgusted by the idea of sex/romance. can also describe a person’s attitude about sex in general (not used in this post).

Amatonormativity : society treating romantic relationships as more valuable/better than non-romantic ones, and generally that a romantic and sexual relationship is the end goal and necessary (it’s really not)

Nonamory : doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship, regardless of orientation

Aromate : a platonic soulmate, aka an aromantic partner

Lush : sensual attraction crush

Plush : queerplatonic crush

Smush : sexual attraction crush (can be considered lust if applicable)

Swish : aesthetic attraction crush

Squish : platonic attraction crush, usually more intense than “want to be friends”

Soft Romo : subdued romantic attraction

Post Rubor : gets quick crushes (of any type of attraction), but once the initial excitement fades, their feelings do too

Aplatonic : as platonic attraction is on a spectrum just like every other type of attraction, this is being on the lack-of end. not experiencing platonic attraction

Placio- : little/no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts, but wants to perform them on someone else. not specifically an a-spec term but is used more in the community

Alterous : attraction that isn’t completely platonic or romantic, somewhere in between, but still a desire for emotional closeness. used as -alterous, like -sexual or -romantic. can also experience romantic and/or platonic attraction, but feel some level of discomfort by categorizing it as fitting in those labels.

*remember, even for people who use the same label, it’s different for everyone, as are most things here! if you’re questioning and looking at this list to try and see where you fit, there’s no rush. take it slow and think about it.

The terms “platonic” and “polyamorous” have been used to describe complex relationships between people before any of us were alive. They’re not new terms at all. The individual here is simply taking existing concepts to describe their ideal relationship. I don’t know why that’s so disturbing or depressing to you. 

For many people, friendship is defined as two individuals spending quality time with one another. That could involve going out for drinks on the weekend, but rarely involves a long term commitment as described above. Friendships often become secondary to romantic commitments and/or marriages. 

The majority of my friends are in committed romantic relationships and/or they are married. They feel obligated to their partners first and foremost, as is their right to be. In addition, our society puts an incredible value on heterosexual partnerships between two individuals above any kind of friendship. 

The individual above is describing a commitment between multiple individuals to a platonic relationship. By commitment, they are referring to taking on some of the same responsibilities as one would in a marriage or long term partnership. That is not the same thing as being in a “friend group.”

I continue to have “friend groups” in and outside of work and school. We may be there for each other when we need to be. We may have a lot of fun together. We care about each other. However, we don’t live our lives like a marriage. We are not always together, either – and that’s okay.   

That’s not what the individual above is describing, though. They are using existing terminology which encapsulate very specific experiences in order to express a desire for a specific type of relationship that cannot otherwise be explained using your preferred terminology… (i.e. “friend group”)

…because what you are describing has little to do with their conceptualization of a platonic polyamorous relationship. You are describing expectations you have in a friendship. They are describing a committed relationship wherein resources are shared between multiple individuals. 

You might own or rent housing with a friend, but you might not be committed to doing so forever. You might make decisions and share resources with a friend. You might be there for a friend in desperate times. That doesn’t mean you are committing to them as a partner. 

…and if it comes to a point where you and a friend or friends are involved long term in each other’s lives to the point where you desire to commit yourselves to one another, then that’s perfectly fine – you may choose to still call it a friendship, but you may also want to call it something more fitting. 

Given the societal perception on what a friendship should entail, people might need a term that goes beyond “friendship” to describe their relationship(s) but that does not fall under sexual or romantic labels. Otherwise, “friendship” can be interpreted as “a person I go out and get drinks with on the weekend”

And that’s it. 

For those in committed platonic relationships, polyamorous or not, they might not be content with people thinking that about them. They may also want to differentiate between friendships and committed relationships. It’s their personal business, and it’s not sad that they’d want to do this.

I care about my friends, but I do not have a platonic polyamorous relationship with any of my friend groups. That’s not what we have and it’s not sad that our friendship doesn’t look like that, because a platonic polyamorous relationship doesn’t hold the same exact meaning as “friendship.”

Stop freaking out over it and let people live.

I have friends. And I am in a committed platonic relationship. 

They are not the same thing. 

My friends and I see each other when we can. Sometimes it’s virtual. Sometimes it’s in person (more so before this whole quarantine thing but even then it wasn’t always frequent–sometimes we’d go weeks or even months between visits because that’s how adult life works). 

On the other hand, my partner and I own a house, a car, and six cats together. We’ve lived together for over 11 years. At one point we were engaged, more because it felt expected of us than because it felt right (largely because of pedantic people like the ones in this thread who insist that you’re either romantically involved or you’re “just friends” but that there’s no in-between). 

But there is an in between. We live there. We exist in a perfectly lovely, perfectly valid in-between that is no more or less than friendship or romance, but that does not fit neatly into either one, and you know what? I’m tired of people deciding that just because it doesn’t make sense to them that it must not be “real” or we must be just “special snowflakes” because we can’t just call what we have “just friendship.”

We don’t call it that because that’s not what it is, at least not the way you want it to be. It’s not romantic either, though, and that’s also fine.