Art by Alena Aenami on Artstation.

To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what they’ve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you can’t eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasn’t done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.

My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they don’t listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one we’ve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesn’t like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasn’t been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. That’s enough punishment for them, so they don’t break it.

She’s now teaching them about mindfulness, Spanish, self care, and cooking. They have little yoga mats and practice breathing in and out with her every morning, and then they do affirmations together. I visited them a while back and they have a new board up! She created a system where they’re challenged with the task to do something nice for each other or for someone else every week. With this challenge they’re instructed to use their listening skills to figure out what that person might want or need, and then figure out how they should react. The only reward at the end of the week is a big hug and some snacks, and every month, she lets them have a movie day if they’ve done really well.

She’s also making them use their words when they’re upset instead of grumbling in silence. Her oldest one was notorious for that. She made up a little saying to remind him: “Mommy can’t help if Mommy doesn’t know.” It’s forced him to explain why he’s upset and that gives them a chance to have an actual conversation about it. Now they talk about ANYTHING. If they don’t feel like talking at that moment and they express that, she’ll lead them to their playroom and turn their favorite show on or let them meditate or draw until they’ve cooled down. She also accepts letters if they just didn’t want to use their words. It was so good to watch.

Topic: Photography, Feminism || by STAFF