First Date Daisy

All of my guys hit a different area I am working on building within myself and actively setting boundaries in different styles of relationships:

Pit Guy: vulnerability, intimacy, & comfortable silences

Nerd Guy: spontaneity & communication

New to the team:

Art Guy: elements of the kink scene & sexual exploration, valuing transparency with honesty

Theme Guy: holding space for natural growth of intimacy and connection

I am feeling very secure and safe with this roster for the summer. I also am grateful I have found good guys are care about me as much as I care about them.

Then there is a conversation.

If nothing changes, we’re done here.

I saw a new man twice last week. He is very giving in every other way except….that.

It also takes him FOREVER to finish. Like to the point where I am tired and wishing it were over.

We have not had sex in a while and we have been sexting due to the long distance (obviously). I have never been a fan of sexting but since we had the friendship, trust, and have had sex in real life; it was so fun and we actually learned a lot about what the other person likes in bed. I highly recommend couples sext (if the trust is there), it’s a game changer.

So when we met up today…it was out of control amazing.

I also was very proud of myself, I spoke up about restating boundaries since he lived here now. I have been working hard on practicing stepping into my emotional power with dating and communicating. I love it.

Keeping Up Appearances was a British tv show in the 1990s. Rose (on the right) is single and coming back from a date one morning. Her sister Daisy (on the left) assumes it was a wild night.

Rose: "I would have gone straight home if I thought he meant it. 'Would I like to pop in & see his model aeroplanes' he said. Go on, ask me anything about model aeroplanes!"

I often think of this scene when it comes to my own dating life.

I hope you are doing well, and that one day our paths may cross again.

You were the best cuddle buddy.

🌩️

This man has discussed not using condoms, inviting me to sit on his face, cream pies and NOW he’s sending me Bible verses, wants me to be “saved”, and thinks being gay is a sin. So I simply expressed that we will not be meeting. Ever.

I can’t make this shit up.

Moving forward: what the fuck? Make it make sense.

If you want to read the ridiculousness, read pictures left to right.

Disconnected from him and took myself on a very fun date. Had drinks, picked up some pizza and went to a Photo Booth attraction and did a little photoshoot by myself!

I had a great time!

I was supposed to have another date today but he disconnected from me this morning. I was going to cancel anyway so yeah. Not too disappointed.

This was a man I was talking to for less than 24 hours. Then he left the chat. Don’t want to get vulnerable my guy? 😂

Noted!

He’s a nice boy. I really don’t mind hearing from him inconsistently.

I asked Ruby if he wanted to hang out on Tuesday over the weekend. He said he would like me know on Monday.

Monday was going and I still had not heard from him so I texted him that night. He didn’t respond for hours, I woke up Tuesday morning to a text from him saying he would let me know later because he wasn’t in a good mood.

I said all good and that I hoped he had a better day.

Tuesday rolls along, I do my thing, and thank god I didn’t go home to wait for him. He texted me at 8:30pm to let me know he wasn’t going to make it. I told him I was having a good night out with friends and to let’s make a plan next time so I don’t feel like a second choice.

He of course got all defensive and was like “what do you mean?! I have to work I’m not going out.”

I said that’s fine, let me know when you want to hangout again.

He gave it a thumbs up.

I was very proud of myself because old me would have been like “I get it, all good!” But no, don’t leave a girl hanging until the last minute.

3 new boys to my roster.

2 boys maintained on my roster.

1 new friend who had to end things to focus on his family.

3 boys who could flirt but not plan even a first date.

11 page breakup letter world tour.

Understanding my own desires for attention and how that shows up in my dating life.

Understanding my anxiety/secure attachment styles and when either show up.

Recognizing how my hormones play into my attachment styles.

Finding confidence in myself, my looks, my actions, and my words.

I officially have added a new gentleman to my roster: Ruby.

Ruby is a beautiful man with a complicated inner mind. We have been hanging out for a few weeks now and have very much enjoyed each other’s company. When I got back from vacation I asked him how is weekend was and I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. So, with my mindset, I was like “ok dude, it was fun while it lasted, weird but no hard feelings”.

Side quest: very fucking proud of my growth and not crumbling when I don’t get the attention I want. Not making it personal and instead, just noting effort.

But last night I heard from him. He came over and I didn’t try to make him feel better for lightly ghosting. I held him accountable and he was clearly anxious and stressed about things happening in his life. As we were chatting he just unraveled this identity crisis*.

I asked him some hard hitting questions with compassion. We had a nice night and I found out a lot about him.

He is not long term material. Not because of everything he told me, no, people are in transition all the time and at different times. He will have to figure this out for himself, I’ve put my own life on hold too many times and I am not in the space to give in that way right now.

We reset boundaries and are on the same page.

Moving forward: Welcome to the team Ruby.

We live in the same city and will probably see each other again. We both are casually dating right now.

I enjoy talking to my boys so much, more than one person is very welcomed right now.

I am in the process of adding another gentleman to my roster. Still working on a nickname but we met up this weekend and it was faaaaabulous.

“If it’s shining a glowing light on you it might force me to grab my boom box and stand outside your window.”

I told him that energy is what I want from my person. He is the first man to reference this action for me. I am going to take it and run.

So I had to see him and speak to him. He then proceeded to FOLLOW ME around the beginning of the event. Multiple times I turned around and he was right there.

After I exchanged pleasantries at the beginning of the event, I no longer felt the need to speak to him. So I didn’t. But he liked to make sure his presence was known.

I hate that my body still clocks his presence. I guess that is trauma for you.