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i bet those colors only shrimp can see suck major ass

jealousy isn’t the way bro

The shrimp aren’t gonna have sex with you.

you take that back right fucking now

babe wake up new shrimp color drama dropped

you could tell me british people say/do literally anything and i would believe it 

Whoever made that tag doesn't realize how much we love 80s Synthwave Numb Bob Fan Dance in this home

Zoned out for twenty min thinking about how I’d explain fortnite to an ancient Roman

....well? don't leave us hanging 👀

I’d open with its a painting but it moves. (It’s enchanted to move?) Uh, sure. (Witchcraft!) I am stoned. Let’s try again. I’d open with its many paintings put together in succession so it has the appearance of movement. Demonstrate by drawing a simple page flip animation of a fish swimming in the margin of a book. Okay. So this buff cat. You see the cat’s head on the muscular man’s body? (Is this an Egyptian god?) Uh, no. It’s just like, we don’t have that shit anymore. I mean, so much time has passed, its pretty much fallen out of the cultural milieu here. (Existential crisis. I get him some tea. He spits it out cuz he thinks it’s disgusting.) ok buddy. So. You good to keep going? Okay so. It’s many paintings in quick succession so it appears to move, and you control its movement. Not the whole painting. Just the cat. He moves around on this landscape. The point of controlling the cat’s movement is like the point of a war game. Loosely. (So you practice war? Sharp nod. War.) Uh, okay. So then, when you get your little man to kill someone, that’s good, right. (What is he doing now?) Oh he’s dancing. You can make him do a little dance after he kills someone. (It’s inappropriate to do a little dance after you take a man’s life.) Okay but it’s not actually — (it’s INNAPROPRIATE. I spit on this). He spits at my laptop.

Keep finding out shit I do has names.

this gave me PHYSICAL PAIN

i didn’t realize that i repressed that memory but i absolutely did and it happened almost exactly like that

I only made it halfway through.

man I couldn't do twitter. on tumblr nobody gives a shit if u bully celebrities, on twitter it becomes a fucking national conversation for three days

john green's cock monologue never could have happened on twitter

drinking a monster energy drink undoes your baptism

okay so this is wildly off this blog’s “theme”, but can somebody pls explain to me what these two middle-aged men are doing to each other with their fingers?

Gay off

mutuals do this with me

#this is what a stand fight looks like to people who aren’t stand users

date of origin: 11th of march, 2013.

Jesus fucking Christ I thought this entire thing was a parody. I was flipping through it thinking it was a perfect imitation of these horrific 2012-2014 era slideshow posts and reaching the heritageposts date tag was like reaching the end of a horror movie.

I saw the punchline and it still killed me

we stan Mrs. Sofolarin

you told your toddler not to be rude and so now he is developing an incredible skill with sick fucking burns

*ends my father’s bloodline*

<3

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil