Life's all about seeing the brighter side

It’s been a long few months since quarantine began and I’ve struggled to put it all into words.

My experience has been nothing short of transformational, and I’m honestly a whole different person than I was at the beginning of this all in March.

I started at rock bottom, lower than I’ve ever been before. Fighting myself day in and day out just to get through the day. I was able to get away from all the outside noise and distraction for a week to really focus on myself and get my medications right, followed by an intensive month long therapy program.

It hasn’t been easy, or fun, but I’ve grown so much. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle. A lot. But I’ve gained so many tools to help me through it.

Hello, tumblr, my old friend. It’s been a while. A lot has happened since we last spoke. I’ve checked in on you here and there over the past couple years, but never stuck around long enough to post anything. 

But now I’m back. And I’m on a whole new journey: motherhood. And the postpartum depression and anxiety are REAL. I guess that’s why I’m back after all these years. You were where I found comfort all those years ago when I was struggling with my mental health. You were always there for me through it all. And I’m hoping you can be again. 

I’m actively in treatment now, after a weeklong trip to an inpatient facility. With the whole coronavirus thing going on, my partial program is all virtual-- 5 hours of video chat group therapy every day Monday-Friday. I can’t help but wonder what the difference would be if we weren’t in such a crazy global state right now, if I were able to attend group in person instead. Would I get more out of it? Would I be more hesitant to share? Would I be more vulnerable? Or is it easier to share when I’m hiding behind a computer screen?

I guess that’s what we’re here to find out. This is a new journey to recovery for me. One I’ve never been on before, and am feeling all types of ways about. 

I don’t usually do this, but my entire life fell apart this morning, and I have no one to lean on for support in this.