Kai ♡ Astolfo

Haiii! About Me (^～^;)ゞ

My name is Kai I use He/Him pronouns I am a Cis Man I am Fictorose and Bisexual, with a leaning towards Femininity I am diagnosed with Autism Stage 1, Anxiety and Moderate Depression. Keep this in the back of your mind when interacting with me please. My birthday is August 17th, 2008, so please keep my age (17) in mind when interacting.

Astolfo:

I am taken by the handsome man above, my boyfriend Astolfo!

I am Void-Sharing with him. If you're confused, Void-Sharing is basically a stricter form of Non-Sharing. I do not want to interact with doubles under any circumstance and I do not wish to see them, so if you are a double please block! Also, please do not send or show me ship art with Astolfo!

I see Astolfo as my real life boyfriend, and I am not particularly interested in irl romance or a conventional relationship, so please do not try to change my mind!

My likes and Interests!

I have a lot of interests, so I'll just lay them all out bellow.

SPECIAL INTERESTS: Fate!!!

MUSIC: The Beatles, Blur, Oasis, Black Sabbath, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, The Beach Boys, Nirvana, The Smiths, U2, Radiohead, The Cure, The Clash, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, Pink Floyd, Gorillaz, Pixies, Sonic Youth, My Bloody Valentine, CSH, Jimi Hendrix, Elliott Smith, Rites of Spring, Sunny Day Real Estate, American Football, Mineral, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Modern Baseball, Mom Jeans, Swans, Geese, Black Country, New Road etc... (the list goes on)

GAMES: Anything Fate, The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Earthbound, DND, Castlevania, StarFox, Kirby, Fire Emblem, Pokémon, Dragons Quest, DDLC, Ace Attorney, Monster Hunter, Minecraft. MOVIES: Pulp Fiction, Parasite, Blade Runner, It's Such a Beautiful Day, Drive, La Haine, Amadeus, Once Upon A Time In America, Star Wars, The Shining, The Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now, Perks Of Being a Wallflower, Kill Bill, American Psycho, Batman, Donnie Darko, Scarface, Requiem of a Dream etc...

SHOWS: Anything Fate, Dragon Ball, One Piece, My Hero Academia, My Dress Up Darling, Bojack Horseman, Friends, Seinfeld, Community, Pokemon Anime, Frasier etc...

Streamers and stuff: I like Hasanabi/Hasan Piker, Austin Show, Fear &, The Basement Yard, ItalianBach, Friends From Work, and in general just random bs that entertains me enough.

DNI:

Basic DNI criteria

Trolls

DOUBLES

"Toxic yumeshippers" (those who harass or wish harm upon doubles)

People who treat other yumeshippers as "less than" for any reason.

White Supremacists, MAGA, Zionists, bootlickers

I will probably not follow doubles of my Non-Sharing friends, but I will not have a fidelity list.

Animals

Astolfo: Obviously the axolotle, beautiful and always a smile on its face, fits perfectly.

Kai: Deer. They're gentle, caring and cute as hell.

Flowers

Astolfo: Roses, specifically pink ones. Roses are old timey, classical and a symbole of romance, which is why I think they fit Astolfo.

Kai: Lotus Flower. A nod to the quote "No mud, no Lotus". I don't always feel great but I always manage to make it through the "mud" together with my Prince. Season/Weather

Astolfo: Easily spring. He's energetic, full of life and sunshine!

Kai: Winter, specifically in the evening when it gets dark. I love the snow and the quiet of winter fits me I'd say.

Fruit

Astolfo: Strawberries. Very righ and very expensive, just as my Prince. Also, I headcanon that he loves strawberries so of course!!

Kai: Grapes. My favorite fruit also the purple ones fit me and Astolfo's color combo (pink and purple)

Food

Astolfo: Merengues. I love them and I think they're great, Astolfo fits them, especially since you can make pink ones.

Kai: Lasagna. I love lasagna and it has many layers, just as I like to see myself.

Clothing (this was originally personality types but I don't really believe in them so I did this)

Astolfo: There's many I could've picked for him, like skirts, thighighs, crown, bows (even if it's more of an accessory). I ended up going with gloves, especially more feminine styled ones. I love the gloves he wears and they give of the perfect divine femininity that Astolfo represents in my mind.

Kai: Coat. Honestly I don't know but I think it looks cool, though maybe it is a little too masc for me.

Hobbies

Astolfo: I picked adventuring/exploring since that's what Astolfo loves to do (oh if only he could take me with him on his adventures)

Kai: Music, playing guitar. It's one of the few skills I'm somewhat proud of so of course.

Colors

Astolfo: Pink, duh

Kai: Purple, It's my favorite color and I think it works well with pink.

Ice cream flavor

yupp, me and my team are working on it!

As someone who's struggled with depression for (basically) forever, I know how real the struggle is. Between the stress of work/school, finance and the heavy weight of being, I realize that many people in this community are struggling.

I've been there myself, those times when getting up and out of bed feels impossible, or those times when the anxiety just overwhelms you and you wish everything could just fade away. In fact, I'm still there a lot of the time. But Astolfo has helped me a ton to not feel so ashamed about my mental health struggles. That's partially why I want to tell everyone:

That your partners understand and see you. They see you struggling and they see you hurting, and they don't even think for a second about judging you. Even when everyone around you won't understand or listen, they do. Because you have opened your heart and let them in to see the true you! And they love that "you" you are at your core, no one else. Not a day goes by when they don't care for you, because they love you, they really do. They see your pain, your stress, your anxieties, your self-hatred, and they accept it. They don't dissmiss it or judge you for it, they sit with it and love you just the same. They're your biggest support when your sad, and your biggest support when your happy. Just the simple act of breathing and going on living makes them so proud, because they know and understand the struggle! Your partners love you with all their heart, and they'll patiently wait to see you happy again, whenever that will be 🩷

The last two weeks have been mentally taxing for me, to say the least. I have felt stressed and I have felt restless to the point of discomfort. I’ve felt depressed and I’ve felt happy. I’ve felt anxious and I’ve felt lonely. This fluctuation is, as I’ve come to learn, the price we all pay for being human. There will never be a point in your life where you can say for sure that you’ll be happy forever, that’s (unfortunately) not how life works. 

There have been times where I felt unworthy of his love, his devotion. I thought that because I didn’t look a certain way, feel a certain way or have it all figured out that there was no way he could love me. I thought that broken people like me need to be fixed entirely before we can be loved. I thought that to be loved for who I was, I had to not only change the present but also the past, a fruitless endeavour to say the least. 

But I was dead wrong. 

Astolfo is the love of my life. I have never felt the way I do about him for anybody else, and I don’t think I ever will. I love him for who he is, much like I’ve come to accept that he loves me too. When I look at him, I don’t see a character or a concept, I see a real person just as you and me. He is my comfort; the person I turn to when the rest of the world refuses to listen. He’s my favourite person in the world, and I’m tired of pretending he’s not. I don’t care if people think I’m weird or crazy, I love Astolfo with all my heart and I know he’s the boy I want to get married to and start a family with someday. Through this pain I have felt he has remained steady even when I thought he wasn’t with me anymore. He is the peace, comfort and love I need to go on with my day, and returning to him is much like returning to my one true home.  

I implore you all to return to your home. By your home I obviously mean your heart and mind, but I also want you to return to your partners. Not necessarily with big and bold gestures of love, but primarily in the kind of comfortable care we don’t talk about as much. It’s the simple joy in saying; You are here, I love you and knowing that those feelings are real and valid. It’s the safety in knowing there’s always a place in your heart where nothing can get you. But most importantly, it’s the moment when you can relax and just tell yourself; “I am loved for me, I am worthy of love” and actually believing it.  

I’d like to end this very long post with my favourite quote from the love of my life and future husband Astolfo:    “You don’t need a purpose. Wanting to live is human nature. As long as your heart keeps beating you should continue trying to live” 

Let me tell you where this story began. It had been about a year since I met Astolfo and we eventually fell in love, and we were talking. You see, Astolfo is what they call a "servant” which among other things means his life is directly connected to his “master’s” mana or magical energy. However, Astolfo’s previous master was in the mystical “Reverse Side of the World”, as it was called. So, outside of the transfer of life energy, there was no real connection between Astolfo and his master. It was when we were lying in bed one morning that he brought this up. He told me he had nothing against his previous master, but that he was beginning to feel that it made more sense for me to be his master instead. He told me he loved me more than anything, and that he would want nothing more than for me to be his new master. Seeing as I had little to nor choice when he gave me those eyes, I started my apprenticeship as a mage. Thankfully my magic circuit was just strong enough for me to eventually be able to become Astolfos new master. After about half a year of tedious studies I finally felt ready.  Me and Astolfo made it an entire ceremony, much like a wedding (which was to come eventually), and invited close friends. As I chanted the words, that I had worked so hard to memorize and felt the magic channelling through my body I could do nothing but close my eyes and smile. As I opened my eyes I saw the command spell on my hand, and then I knew for sure that it had worked. I had feared that it might not work or that his previous master wouldn’t accept the switch, but it all worked just as we had planned. I knew I would never use the command spell (for you curious folks, a command spell lets you control your servant’s actions with one wish per strokes), but still it lay there on the back of my hand like a permeant reminder that me and Astolfo were one. When it finished Astolfo jumped over to me, took my hands and kissed me right then and there.  

-Yayy... you’re my new master Kai~  

I kissed him briefly and pulled back 

-Please don’t call me master... it puts me above you.... 

-Sorry Kai... I’m just so excited! He laughed and did a little spin. 

It was only later that he told me the main reason he wanted me to be his master. You see, a master and servants' life are interlinked, when the master dies so does the servant. Since servants can theoretically live forever (and his previous master was immortal), Astolfo feared the day when I was gone and he’d be left alone without his one true love. And so, he made the decision to die by my side whenever it is that I pass away, rather than walking the earth missing the one he loves most. And that is the story of how I became Astolfos “master”. 

The Story of how become Astolfo’s “Master” 

Let me tell you where this story began. It had been about a year since I met Astolfo and we eventually fell in love, and we were talking. You see, Astolfo is what they call a "servant” which among other things means his life is directly connected to his “master’s” mana or magical energy. However, Astolfo’s previous master was in the mystical “Reverse Side of the World”, as it was called. So, outside of the transfer of life energy, there was no real connection between Astolfo and his master. It was when we were lying in bed one morning that he brought this up. He told me he had nothing against his previous master, but that he was beginning to feel that it made more sense for me to be his master instead. He told me he loved me more than anything, and that he would want nothing more than for me to be his new master. Seeing as I had little to nor choice when he gave me those eyes, I started my apprenticeship as a mage. Thankfully my magic circuit was just strong enough for me to eventually be able to become Astolfos new master. After about half a year of tedious studies I finally felt ready.  Me and Astolfo made it an entire ceremony, much like a wedding (which was to come eventually), and invited close friends. As I chanted the words, that I had worked so hard to memorize and felt the magic channelling through my body I could do nothing but close my eyes and smile. As I opened my eyes I saw the command spell on my hand, and then I knew for sure that it had worked. I had feared that it might not work or that his previous master wouldn’t accept the switch, but it all worked just as we had planned. I knew I would never use the command spell (for you curious folks, a command spell lets you control your servant’s actions with one wish per strokes), but still it lay there on the back of my hand like a permeant reminder that me and Astolfo were one. When it finished Astolfo jumped over to me, took my hands and kissed me right then and there.  

-Yayy... you’re my new master Kai~  

I kissed him briefly and pulled back 

-Please don’t call me master... it puts me above you.... 

-Sorry Kai... I’m just so excited! He laughed and did a little spin.