Arden

feeling shit without knowing why is honestly worse than when I know

I had this girl in my class and she was considered to be like really dumb. She’d ask a ton of doubts and questions in class, which everybody would consider to be “stupid"and “silly” and even the teachers would often taunt her but she’d never stop asking. But the thing was that she’d almost always top the class examinations and everyone was like???? They all thought she was cheating and stuff and obviously even the teachers were very biased because she wasn’t so ‘smart’ in class, and she was regularly accused of cheating. But nobody could prove that she was actually cheating but the whole class and teachers totally believed that she did. I’m pretty socially awkward so I never really talked to her, but she was leaving school this year and I was genuinely curious about how she was so good during exams and how she didn’t let everyone’s remarks affect her. She always used to sit and hang out with only one girl, and she told me that that friend of hers was severely socially anxious and she’d lag in studies because she couldn’t bring herself to ask doubts in class or ask for help from others. So they had this system where during lectures her friend would write down any question she had, and she would ask them for her. And I was just so touched??? Idk but it really changed the way I looked at people?? This girl endured taunts and jeers and borderline bullying for being “stupid” when she was actually really smart and could easily have refused to ask such doubts for her friend but she did?? And brushed off everything others would throw at her for her friend?? I was just, idk it just really changed me in some way.

remus would just be sitting, reading normally, and sirius would get so flooded with affection and adoration , for this boy with his stupid brown eyes and oversized jumpers, looking so cozy, he would have to straddle remus, sitting on his lap and pressing kisses all over his face, neck, hair, saying mineminemineallmine and remus would just sit there, taking it, running his hand through sirius's hair, sighing (and secretly loving every second of it)

one thing from the phm book that didn't quite make it into the movie, quite understandably so but saddens me nonetheless, is just how much ryland was attached to ilyukhina. they became friends on stratt's vat, although it wasn't explicitly shown through the flashbacks. when he sees rocky's ship the first thing he thinks about is how ilyukhina would be jumping around and cheering about it. he constantly refers to how she had this bright smile and could make anyone crack a laugh with her jokes. even yao. when ryland first meets rocky and needs to go to sleep because he's been awake for two days, he immediately thinks about how ilyukhina would have powered through and stayed hours and hours and hours with him without needing to sleep because of how ecstatic she would have been. while he doesn't mention yao as much, ilyukhina is a constant. he remembers her as this smiling, wild beam of light. they were close. they were friends. and he has to deal with the fact that when he gave discovered her body and gave her this joke of a burial, he couldn't even remember the smile he loved so much.

bathroom discourse feels so removed from reality, have we not all had circumstances where co-ed bathrooms become a thing and just...adapted? sometimes i feel like i am the crazy one when i see terfs freak out over the idea of a penis. how are you going to be in your 30s but never once used the mens restroom?