Toast

marauders fanfic and oc-related content (-> I took a sprinkle of canon and ran with it, and by canon I mostly mean names)

Original Character: Belshazzar Crouch (masterlist under the cut)

ao3 | currently working on:

The Sin That Binds Us All

My Dearest Enemy

microfics under the tag multa paucis

minors proceed at your own risk.

Evan would never take off his shirt while they're being intimate pre-top surgery, because he hated the idea of someone seeing his chest; Bénja would keep on his shirt in solidarity

he never touched Evan's chest because he knew how triggering it could be for his boyfriend to do so

after Evan's surgery, Bénja developed a habit of drawing soothing circles along the surgery scars because he believed it brought Evan immense pain; it didn't, but Evan appreciated the gesture

Evan always took care of the surgery wounds himself, because it was his 'issue' to deal with, and Bénja respected the decision

while Evan had his surgery, Bénja spent the entire day cooking Evan's favourite meals. They celebrated that milestone in the comfort of their own home with movies, good food, and extra cuddle sessions with their dog

the first time Evan experienced bottom growth due to an increase in testosterone, he got uncharacteristically shy. Bénja reminded him constantly how beautiful he looked, working through these changes with gentleness and compassion. He asked how this and that felt, whether or not Evan liked being touched this way or another. The scientific approach to these changes made Evan's head dizzy from want, and he asked Bénja to suck him off at least twice.

how did he figure out he was trans? when did he transition? how did people react? how does he himself feel about being trans?

tell me all the hcs please !!

and if you made a post about this already 💔 pls direct me to it

please and thank you!!

Happy pride month, dear mossy! While I'm certainly honoured of the title you so benevolently bestowed upon me, I must clarify that I am merely a vessle; the monarch's quill, if you so will. It was @panchashire who first pitched the idea of Evan being trans to me. He's the true master of trans Evan, and I am nothing but a devoted follower of his cult.

Thank you, my sibling from distant lands, for peer-reviewing and approving of the material I am about to present.

How did Evan figure out he was trans?

Well, he always knew. Naturally, as a child, the concept of gender is a foreign one. It is only by the choices of our parents that we are first introduced to the topic that determines so much of our future identity, both good and bad. And Evan's parents? They treated him as if he didn't exist, as if he had died a long time ago. A time so long, in fact, that he wasn't even worthy of mourning. Therefore, Evan has always had the freedom to express himself however he liked. Even as a young child, he disliked his long hair, believing it got in the way. Back then, the only one who had been able to convince him to keep it was Dora, who loved the idea of braiding and styling his hair however she liked. Most of the dresses he wore were those of his sister, who was doted on and spoiled horrendously by their parents. But Evan was quick to request less frilly and more neutral clothing through the voice of his twin. In short, for him it was never a maybe, but always a given that he was male. It was simply his physical form that needed adjusting.

When did he transition?

Socially, he started transitioning as soon as puberty hit, so somewhere around twelve to fourteen years old. His chest made him uncomfortable, and he didn't understand why he stopped looking like other boys his age. So, he started to hide his chest as best as he could: with oversized clothing, a horrible posture, and first attempts at binding that eventually got better and more professional. He cut his hair and trained himself to speak in a deeper voice in an attempt to erase every bit of evidence that could betray the sex with which he was born. Even in later years, when he's grown both comfortable and confident in his identity and body, he keeps the oversized clothing. However, by then, it is more out of habit than a necessity. It is not entirely uncommon for Evan to wear clothing that hugs his frame, and the brothers tend to go feral over him whenever he does.

Medically, he transitioned around the age of sixteen. It is then that he received his first shots of testosterone (or magical, gender-affirming potions, depending on the AU). Around eighteen, Evan underwent top surgery, but not bottom surgery. His private parts had always been his business, and his business alone, and the bottom growth he experienced due to an increase in testosterone was gender-affirming enough for him. His chest was more difficult to hide and unsettled him much more than what was between his legs, hence the necessity to have his chest removed.

How did people react?

Dora never really minded. Of course, the first time Evan buzzed off his hair, she was pouting and close to throwing a tantrum, because they no longer looked identical, but she soon understood what presenting a certain way meant to her brother, so she relented. Evan is one of the most important people in her life. They entered this world together, and she made him promise to leave it at the same time, too. Given that no one in their childhood except her ever took an interest in Evan, she sort of developed a innocent protectiveness, if not possessiveness, over him. Seeing her brother happy is worth much more to her than anything else ever could be.

Since Evan didn't have any friends other than Dora growing up, most people get to know him when he's already started socially transitioning. Of course, he kept it more or less a secret that he was trans, feeling a sense of shame from being assigned femalte at birth. It took him a lot of time and acceptance to be able to speak about it with anyone who wasn't his sister. I think he told Wilkes, his best friend, once while the two of them smoked a blunt together, but Wilkes is one of the most laid-back people to exist, so he never truly cared (he did make one or the other good-natured joke, though, because it is also Wilkes we're talking about here).

However, Evan is also a man with feelings and desires. Around the same time he first started medically transitioning, he met Bénja, with the two of them falling in love shortly afterwards. Their relationship encompassed almost all of Evan's medical transition. Bénja didn't understand it, but he tried his best to be supportive. He was the one who took him to the appointment for his top surgery and also the one who cared for him afterwards, making sure Evan always felt comfortable whenever they were intimate with each other. It was only when Evan started to pass all around that Bénja saw himself faced with his own internalised homophobia. He could no longer explain away that he was in love with a man, or his attraction to more than just the female sex, and that realisation left him vulnerable to more malevolent influences.

Barty is one of the easiest to explain. He's obsessed with Evan. Period. Whether he's male or female, has a dick or a cunt, doesn't matter. He wants Evan, whoever Evan decides to be. To Barty, this comes as easily as breathing does.

How does he himself feel about being trans?

At first, confused. Again, he always knew he was a boy, so the fact that his body underwent all these changes so differently from all the other boys left him disoriented and, yes, maybe a little scared, too. Most of all, however, it left him angry. Evan started to hate his body and projected that hatred onto everyone around him. He was mean-spirited, cruel, easily provoked, and violent. Worst of all, he couldn't explain why he felt that way. He didn't realise that it was his mind fighting so hard to survive in a body he couldn't recognise as his own. Since he was treated as less than a ghost in his parental home, Evan had always struggled with accepting that he is someone real, corporal. Gender dysphoria added to that internal struggle in similar yet more tormenting ways.

Only once he was allowed to transition medically did that anger subside, and he learned to dislike acting so rash and tempestuous. He outgrew his violent tendencies and grew into someone more calm and indifferent, albeit still a bit cruel and mean at times. But most importantly, he grew into someone confident. He stopped demonizing feminity and, to a certain extent, began to embrace it again. His hair grew longer, and he started to wear nail polish along with tighter clothes. It was Barty jokingly dressing in drag for a Halloween party once that made Evan not only incredibly hard, but also taught him that neither clothes nor hair has any true effect on his gender identity. And, let's be honest with ourselves, who wouldn't fall for Barty in drag?