Toast

marauders fanfic and oc-related content (-> I took a sprinkle of canon and ran with it, and by canon I mostly mean names)

Original Character: Belshazzar Crouch (masterlist under the cut)

ao3 | currently working on:

The Sin That Binds Us All

My Dearest Enemy

microfics under the tag multa paucis

minors proceed at your own risk.

Hello~ *leaning against virtual car nonchalantly*

After reading a few posts about Belsh (I'll read more tomorrow probably hehe), I have come here to annoy you with questions 😈

This is part of the oc campaign haha/hj

Sooo! Here are some questions I found online, you don't have to answer all of them, of course! I haven't read all the posts, so you may have answered some already.

1. Does he tend to hold grudges?

2. What does kindness mean to him?

3. Is he aware of his flaws?

4. What motivates him to take risks?

5. What were his dreams/ambitions as a child?

6. Are there any lingering traumatic experiences in his childhood?

7. Does he consider himself in control of his emotions?

8. What ends up being Belsh's greatest struggle when it comes to staying motivated?

Since I'm here, I want to say that I love the whole lore!!! He's officially on my 'to-draw' list, once I learn better anatomy! Can't wait to read more! Thank you and have a great day!!!!

(⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

Hello!

*lies sideways on the car roof, head propped up, not realising they're slowly sliding towards the ground*

An OC campaign, eh? You child of a waffle, I'm in. Soon, the entire world shall know how annoying I can be when it comes to my favourite son! It will be a delight to answer all of your questions, my fellow baked good. And it's a great selection, too. I don't think I have answered either one of them before.

It's also not the first time I heard tumblr deleting an entire ask or the answer to an ask. Whatever bug is going on, I sure hope they fix it soon.

1. Does he tend to hold grudges?

He does. He never forgave his father for destroying their family by remarrying and having another son. Young Bénja saw the pain it caused his mother, whom he adores, and decided to never accept what had happened. This, paired with the circumstance of Bénja growing up in his mother's house, made it easier for Liza to pitch him against his father in a way. The resentment towards his father, although outwardly he tried not to show it, is something Belsh could never shake off. He made it his mission to outdo Crouch Snr in everything his father ever managed to accomplish.

However, unlike his disdain for Crouch Snr, his hatred for Barty was never Liza's doing. She always made sure that Bénja knew that it was his obligation as an older brother to care for his younger one. Yet, the very existence of Barty was, in Bénja's mind, proof of his father's failure as a husband, and soon the brothers became estranged. Not to mention that Barty's infamous for being a pain in everyone's butt, and he loves nothing more than to piss off his older brother, who he felt had abandoned him, much like their father did, so there are a lot of grudges Belsh could have against Barty. But since there are so many, he stopped counting. All that remains is the contempt they have for one another to the point where they would both deny having a sibling when asked.

2. What does kindness mean to him?

Not much. With Bénja (Belsh's alter ego), it would have been different, but Belsh certainly believes kindness to be a means to an end. He can be kind, but he will always expect something in return: a favour, a certain outcome. He's a businessman, you see? Kindness is just another transaction, something that can be bought, wagered, and taken away. If it gets him closer to his goals, he will feign kindness without batting an eye, not even with remorse. I mean, who needs friends when you're at the top? It's lonely there anyway.

3. Is he aware of his flaws?

Subconsciously, maybe, but never openly. Belsh is quite the arrogant character. He believes himself the most brilliant, most charming, and most capable man there is. And he may be both charming and brilliant, but he's definitely not as great as he believes himself to be. He's cruel and selfish; he only keeps people around who can benefit him in some way and discards those who no longer serve a purpose. All his relationships are shallow and superficial. He surrounds himself with yes-men constantly. Belsh wouldn't know of his flaws, because there is no one left to call him out on his bullshit. There used to be Travnikov, his best friend, or Evan, who more or less humbled him, but, by becoming Belsh, he made sure to have those once close to him abandon him for good, and with good reason, too.

4. What motivates him to take risks?

Promises of wealth and influence, mostly. Unlike Barty, who is recklessness in the flesh, Belsh takes calculated risks only. He won't wager if there is nothing to gain. The only exception to this rule is Evan, because, for Evan, Belsh would risk it all: his wealth, his influence, his reputation, everything he ever worked for. Losing Evan tore open a hole that couldn't be fixed. Of course, he tried — by accumulating more wealth: more cars, more homes, more clothes, more women (and men), more shares. He attended and hosted grander and more lavish parties as well as events. He shook hands with even more influential people than he already did. He used his work as a distraction, much like his father does, and reaped what he sowed. But money does not buy one's happiness, so that hole persisted. Yes, for Evan, he'd risk it all, and that scares him.

5. What were his dreams/ambitions as a child?

God, where do Liza's or Crouch Snr's dreams and ambitions end, and where do Bénja's begin? The line is so blurred, I don't have a straight answer for this, not even a gay one. From the second Bénja was born, he was always meant to be Crouch Snr's heir. He had the same knack for politics, the same charisma his father used to have in his youth, the same ambition and diligence. Even in looks, Belsh is practically a carbon copy of his old man. Not following in his footsteps was never in the picture, and his father prepared him for exactly that: to eventually take his place.

In addition, there are the dreams and expectations of his mother, who had a promising career ahead of her, who was sought after and asked for, yet had to retire early due to a career-ending injury. Everyone else in her family had been successful, so she placed all her hopes of achieving that success into her son. He is her vessel through which she gets to live her own dreams, and she always pushed for what she believed was his rightful future. Bénja believed her, and soon her ambitions became his own.

To make a long answer short, Bénja had been born with expectations and ambitions placed upon him. He never had the chance to develop his own. Whatever his parents dreamed up for him, he made sure to follow their visions and grow into the perfect son.

6. Are there any lingering traumatic experiences in his childhood?

Aside from the fact that Bénja witnessed the absolute mess that was his parents' divorce as well as his mother's horrible temper on more than one occasion, especially in the years following the divorce, he grew up fairly protected. In fact, his mother loved him so much that this might have had a lasting effect on him. He yearns to make her proud, to not disappoint her. And Liza is not shy to put Belsh on a pedestal either. In her mind, her son can do no wrong, no matter the crimes he committed. Whatever is going on between them is not necessarily healthy: a toxic boy-mom and her more than devoted son.

7. Does he consider himself in control of his emotions?

He does, but mainly because he's so far in denial, he might actually drown in it, loony-tunes-style. If one were to take a magnifying glass and hover it above him, one could see how much his image is actually bursting at the seams. He is a wealthy and influential businessman, but beyond that glamorous and put-together facade lies a lonely, heartbroken, and grieving man. In other words, he's quite pathetic. All it takes for Evan to look at him a certain way, and Belsh will crumble at his feet. Similar happens when someone talks about Evan. One wrong word, and Belsh will be at that someone's throat, teeth bared and threats rolling off his tongue. A sore spot, Evan is, and a man with a fragile ego is no more than a loaded weapon. I heard Barty takes great joy in setting off that specific gun. Certainly, nothing unusual between siblings, is it?

8. What ends up being Belsh's greatest struggle when it comes to staying motivated?

This is the hardest one to answer, because when is Belsh not motivated? Work is his escape, his coping mechanism. I can assure you, he is locked in. It is only when the walls eventually tumble down around him that he gets hit with everything he's done and cannot change. At once, all the motivation he used to have drains away, and all that is left is a hollow shell, an empty and broken man. He goes from having all the motivation to having none in the blink of an eye. He's a mess, a pitiful heap on the floor, and that's how I like him best: grieving and shaken with guilt and regret; a man who once had it all now fallen from grace. It takes a lot of work to build him back up. Depending on how hard the realisation hit him, he may or may not come back changed... or, perhaps even, redeemed?

Let me end this by saying how honoured I am that Belsh not only piqued your interest, but he piqued it enough for you to consider drawing him. It's one of the highest compliments you can give a little weirdo like me, so a thousand thank yous for this and for your kind words also. Please tag me once you have tried your luck with him, but also don't forget to tag me as soon as you have chosen a Marauders OC for yourself. I want to learn everything about whoever you can come up.

Evan would never take off his shirt while they're being intimate pre-top surgery, because he hated the idea of someone seeing his chest; Bénja would keep on his shirt in solidarity

he never touched Evan's chest because he knew how triggering it could be for his boyfriend to do so

after Evan's surgery, Bénja developed a habit of drawing soothing circles along the surgery scars because he believed it brought Evan immense pain; it didn't, but Evan appreciated the gesture

Evan always took care of the surgery wounds himself, because it was his 'issue' to deal with, and Bénja respected the decision

while Evan had his surgery, Bénja spent the entire day cooking Evan's favourite meals. They celebrated that milestone in the comfort of their own home with movies, good food, and extra cuddle sessions with their dog

the first time Evan experienced bottom growth due to an increase in testosterone, he got uncharacteristically shy. Bénja reminded him constantly how beautiful he looked, working through these changes with gentleness and compassion. He asked how this and that felt, whether or not Evan liked being touched this way or another. The scientific approach to these changes made Evan's head dizzy from want, and he asked Bénja to suck him off at least twice.

how did he figure out he was trans? when did he transition? how did people react? how does he himself feel about being trans?

tell me all the hcs please !!

and if you made a post about this already 💔 pls direct me to it

please and thank you!!

Happy pride month, dear mossy! While I'm certainly honoured of the title you so benevolently bestowed upon me, I must clarify that I am merely a vessle; the monarch's quill, if you so will. It was @panchashire who first pitched the idea of Evan being trans to me. He's the true master of trans Evan, and I am nothing but a devoted follower of his cult.

Thank you, my sibling from distant lands, for peer-reviewing and approving of the material I am about to present.

How did Evan figure out he was trans?

Well, he always knew. Naturally, as a child, the concept of gender is a foreign one. It is only by the choices of our parents that we are first introduced to the topic that determines so much of our future identity, both good and bad. And Evan's parents? They treated him as if he didn't exist, as if he had died a long time ago. A time so long, in fact, that he wasn't even worthy of mourning. Therefore, Evan has always had the freedom to express himself however he liked. Even as a young child, he disliked his long hair, believing it got in the way. Back then, the only one who had been able to convince him to keep it was Dora, who loved the idea of braiding and styling his hair however she liked. Most of the dresses he wore were those of his sister, who was doted on and spoiled horrendously by their parents. But Evan was quick to request less frilly and more neutral clothing through the voice of his twin. In short, for him it was never a maybe, but always a given that he was male. It was simply his physical form that needed adjusting.

When did he transition?

Socially, he started transitioning as soon as puberty hit, so somewhere around twelve to fourteen years old. His chest made him uncomfortable, and he didn't understand why he stopped looking like other boys his age. So, he started to hide his chest as best as he could: with oversized clothing, a horrible posture, and first attempts at binding that eventually got better and more professional. He cut his hair and trained himself to speak in a deeper voice in an attempt to erase every bit of evidence that could betray the sex with which he was born. Even in later years, when he's grown both comfortable and confident in his identity and body, he keeps the oversized clothing. However, by then, it is more out of habit than a necessity. It is not entirely uncommon for Evan to wear clothing that hugs his frame, and the brothers tend to go feral over him whenever he does.

Medically, he transitioned around the age of sixteen. It is then that he received his first shots of testosterone (or magical, gender-affirming potions, depending on the AU). Around eighteen, Evan underwent top surgery, but not bottom surgery. His private parts had always been his business, and his business alone, and the bottom growth he experienced due to an increase in testosterone was gender-affirming enough for him. His chest was more difficult to hide and unsettled him much more than what was between his legs, hence the necessity to have his chest removed.

How did people react?

Dora never really minded. Of course, the first time Evan buzzed off his hair, she was pouting and close to throwing a tantrum, because they no longer looked identical, but she soon understood what presenting a certain way meant to her brother, so she relented. Evan is one of the most important people in her life. They entered this world together, and she made him promise to leave it at the same time, too. Given that no one in their childhood except her ever took an interest in Evan, she sort of developed a innocent protectiveness, if not possessiveness, over him. Seeing her brother happy is worth much more to her than anything else ever could be.

Since Evan didn't have any friends other than Dora growing up, most people get to know him when he's already started socially transitioning. Of course, he kept it more or less a secret that he was trans, feeling a sense of shame from being assigned femalte at birth. It took him a lot of time and acceptance to be able to speak about it with anyone who wasn't his sister. I think he told Wilkes, his best friend, once while the two of them smoked a blunt together, but Wilkes is one of the most laid-back people to exist, so he never truly cared (he did make one or the other good-natured joke, though, because it is also Wilkes we're talking about here).

However, Evan is also a man with feelings and desires. Around the same time he first started medically transitioning, he met Bénja, with the two of them falling in love shortly afterwards. Their relationship encompassed almost all of Evan's medical transition. Bénja didn't understand it, but he tried his best to be supportive. He was the one who took him to the appointment for his top surgery and also the one who cared for him afterwards, making sure Evan always felt comfortable whenever they were intimate with each other. It was only when Evan started to pass all around that Bénja saw himself faced with his own internalised homophobia. He could no longer explain away that he was in love with a man, or his attraction to more than just the female sex, and that realisation left him vulnerable to more malevolent influences.

Barty is one of the easiest to explain. He's obsessed with Evan. Period. Whether he's male or female, has a dick or a cunt, doesn't matter. He wants Evan, whoever Evan decides to be. To Barty, this comes as easily as breathing does.

How does he himself feel about being trans?

At first, confused. Again, he always knew he was a boy, so the fact that his body underwent all these changes so differently from all the other boys left him disoriented and, yes, maybe a little scared, too. Most of all, however, it left him angry. Evan started to hate his body and projected that hatred onto everyone around him. He was mean-spirited, cruel, easily provoked, and violent. Worst of all, he couldn't explain why he felt that way. He didn't realise that it was his mind fighting so hard to survive in a body he couldn't recognise as his own. Since he was treated as less than a ghost in his parental home, Evan had always struggled with accepting that he is someone real, corporal. Gender dysphoria added to that internal struggle in similar yet more tormenting ways.

Only once he was allowed to transition medically did that anger subside, and he learned to dislike acting so rash and tempestuous. He outgrew his violent tendencies and grew into someone more calm and indifferent, albeit still a bit cruel and mean at times. But most importantly, he grew into someone confident. He stopped demonizing feminity and, to a certain extent, began to embrace it again. His hair grew longer, and he started to wear nail polish along with tighter clothes. It was Barty jokingly dressing in drag for a Halloween party once that made Evan not only incredibly hard, but also taught him that neither clothes nor hair has any true effect on his gender identity. And, let's be honest with ourselves, who wouldn't fall for Barty in drag?