our eyes are dead

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

this is what America rightfully deserves!

this best thing about this is the meme format conditions you to expect a follow up statement and it’s absence contributes to a sense of stillness, simulating the experience of just sitting in your truck

my human vaporizing machine continues to mistify people

Soon enough the cigarette emoji 🚬 will go the same way as the real gun emoji and they will replace it with Blue Raspberry Ice Sour Fuck 9000 Disposable Vape

human and bug relations will change by the end of the century

domming is great until you hit a decision fatigue wall likeeeeee i think youre a fucking grownup and you can decide whether to cum or not on your own. be proactive for once

We need etsy to get bought by someone who will run it like the navy i need to only see small businesses in eastern europe weaving baskets by hand and anime yaoi keychains with original fanart

Literally need someone with an serial killer level obsession with content moderation to sit at a wall of monitors sniping dropshippers. I need etsy HQ to look and sound like the nerv command center in Evangelion

All gays will go to hellsite

What if in hellsite but not gay

NO!

I badly want to start saying “this is my Swarovski Shrek” to refer to any outrageously expensive yet ridiculous object I start coveting. If anyone says “what the fuck” and asks what I mean, well. It’s their lucky day to learn about Swarovski Shrek

WHAT THE HELL THERE'S SO MANY??

i hate how they market alexa as a ‘member of the family’ like that’s SO fucking blatantly insidious and terrifying also if i wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life i’d just talk to my fuckin father 

“Guys stop bullying my wiretap”

#did we all collectively forget why Big Brother was called that

big ass polycule