Tomat's cave

The request is so urgent my boss needs it by the end of the work week. Which, y'know, is 5 PM on a Friday. So I have four hours to do it.

It's a forwarded request. Somebody contacted a member of the donation team asking for help, "I need a map from the Vietnam War to use for a presentation." It's somebody she's trying to coax into giving a five figure donation to the museum.

The request was asked to the donation team member, who then emailed my boss, who then emailed and called me urgently.

This map required:

North and South Vietnam in it

All four areas that South Vietnam was divided into for military purposes ('Corps') clearly delineated

Four cities, all of them horrifically misspelled, and only identifiable because I know what battle the requester is asking about (it’s in III Corps on the border with Cambodia) (the requester danced around the battle but I’m knowledgeable enough to identify it)

Has Laos and Cambodia in it

Has the Ho Chi Minh Trail in it

So. I was mad about the 'you have literally four hours to find a map with a lot of requirements.'

I was then mad at myself about finding a copyright free map from Texas Tech University within half an hour, proving her right for asking me to do it.

Then, after I found a map that perfectly met the requirements, I was equally amazed, baffled, and horrified when I read further into the forwarded email chain.

The donation team team member they were speaking to used AI to generate a map.

The above put half of North Vietnam in South Vietnam, made the Ho Chi Minh Trail a country, made 60% of Cambodia part of South Vietnam, put the DMZ extremely high up in North Vietnam, completely disconnected the southern tip of Vietnam, misplaced all of the Corps zones, etc etc

At the very last second the donation team member had a moment of divine clarity, remembering there's three historians on payroll to ask for this kind of thing from. So she contacted my boss while saying, "I had fun with this, but I decided I should check for accuracy before I send it to the donor! I need a fact check by the end of the day, then I send it"

My boss, while not the most knowledgeable on the Vietnam War, does know her geography. She took one look, and knew it was so off she called me to tell me how urgent it is that I look at the email and respond

I think of them, and imagine the update appreciations they would do. The games they would make up, the jokes they would make. What they would say about it. How they would have Matt build a game and it would go wrong and they would yell and technical difficulties would pop up until they figured it out.

The ghast update, how you can't ride a ghost from the nether, you have to mine a happy ghast and do a whole thing; how long would it have taken them to figure that out?

The pale oak, how many jokes about white picket fences and doctor who references. Screaming when the creaking comes out. Someone inevitably putting resin everywhere.

The latest one with spears and how you can joust now, how there'd be a tournament and how it would go

I just think about them a lot man

Humans - 18

Elves - 180

Orcs - 8

Halflings - 33

Fairies - 11

Dragonborn - 300

Demons - 60

May I suggest, The Lot:

In the Infinite Ikea or Backrooms you can convince yourself there's gonna be a door round the next corner or behind that wall.