Realised after over a year maybe a vent account is indeed helpful so here I am

Im so fuciing scared the ocd is so bad and im scared scared scared because no one cares and no one fucking helps im so tired snd so scared idk whatto do anymore

Get so many somatic flashbacks and sensations in.. Unpleasant places last night before sleeping and i just don’t understand why? Sure the SA has been on my mind more lately because im in thehouse where it happened more than once but still, why there? Why did it not go away? Feeling like someone’s pushing inside right before sleeping is very much Not fun

Fought back forthe first time

When i think i can handle him and it wasn’t that bad but the smallest thing sends me into a panic so bad i start sobbing so loudly i cant even try to be quiet and im still shaking after like 20 mins and it’s not showing any signs of stopping. the fear

I need someone who understands me and what has happened to me because im genuinely losing my mind over this weight in my chest and nausea and feeling like crawling out of my skin is the only way it’ll stop the disgust shame filth exhaustion fear anger it is TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE i cant do it and no one seems to understand or relate i feel so alone in this

Im so angry and tired nothing feels right i cant bring myself to do the things that i have to do i wish i had the courage to kms

Tw?

Might be an emotional flashback idk. Yesterday i had a visual one that felt like a slap and all at once for those 2 seconds i could smell his perfume again and got really bad nausea over it all. I just cant do anything about it. Not this, not the fear i felt in the nightmare because i cant really ‘suppress’ it like i do while awake, so it’s this incomprehensible fear of him that feels too big for my body im reduced to nothing beside him

Feeling so horrible today. Depressed as shit my entire body s heavy and there’s this weight on my chest i cant live like this