when the flame went out

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when the flame went out

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i used to think i was dead. like the real me died when i was 4 and im just the leftover scraps of that little girl who died. like i'm a corpse that's sewn itself back together. like every my whole life has been as a direct result of violence
sometimes i still feel that. i mourn the little girl i was, and i mourn the woman she could've become if she hadn't become me. i mourn the life he stole from me
My sexual assault wasn't real, I closed my eyes and didn't see anything!! Therefore it didn't happen!! I'm literally a genius aren't I
Honestly it’s both relieving and agonizing to have felt sexually abused by someone for years, but think that nothing really happened, only to find out you were right all along
memories feel like weapons
would've, could've, should've, taylor swift/ @come1nalone/the hurting, rupi kaur/unknown/@/geloyconcepion on instagram/would've, could've, should've, taylor swift/ @come1nalone/unknown/praying, kesha/ @hel7l7/would've, could've, should've, taylor swift

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I was SAd at 8 years old and I wanna put it out there that victims of CSA aren’t on your side when you tell depressed people “you’re so privileged! There are kids getting SAd out there!”.
YOU’RE the “privileged” one. If you were actually someone who got off your ass and thought about people “less lucky” than you, you’d understand that safety was never a privilege, it was our human right.
We DESERVED safety. We DESERVED to not get raped or molested or groomed. You don’t get to celebrate being the “lucky” 3 in 4 girls or 5 in 6 boys that didn’t have their childhoods frickin ruined by a predator. Your safety isn’t a shiny toy you should feel lucky to have. Saying that kids are lucky not to get SAd is part what keeps the numbers 1 in 4 or 6 instead of 1 in 1 gazillion.
having a complicated relationship with sex/sexual things after sa is so weird because like . it'll be 1 am and ill be switching through apps and ill be thirsting over a character and then ill open tumblr and i remember everything bad shes ever done to me
I might not remember but my body does