Mar 21
when the flame went out
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when the flame went out
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i used to think i was dead. like the real me died when i was 4 and im just the leftover scraps of that little girl who died. like i'm a corpse that's sewn itself back together. like every my whole life has been as a direct result of violence
sometimes i still feel that. i mourn the little girl i was, and i mourn the woman she could've become if she hadn't become me. i mourn the life he stole from me
I was SAd at 8 years old and I wanna put it out there that victims of CSA aren’t on your side when you tell depressed people “you’re so privileged! There are kids getting SAd out there!”.
YOU’RE the “privileged” one. If you were actually someone who got off your ass and thought about people “less lucky” than you, you’d understand that safety was never a privilege, it was our human right.
We DESERVED safety. We DESERVED to not get raped or molested or groomed. You don’t get to celebrate being the “lucky” 3 in 4 girls or 5 in 6 boys that didn’t have their childhoods frickin ruined by a predator. Your safety isn’t a shiny toy you should feel lucky to have. Saying that kids are lucky not to get SAd is part what keeps the numbers 1 in 4 or 6 instead of 1 in 1 gazillion.
My sexual assault wasn't real, I closed my eyes and didn't see anything!! Therefore it didn't happen!! I'm literally a genius aren't I
memories feel like weapons
would've, could've, should've, taylor swift/ @come1nalone/the hurting, rupi kaur/unknown/@/geloyconcepion on instagram/would've, could've, should've, taylor swift/ @come1nalone/unknown/praying, kesha/ @hel7l7/would've, could've, should've, taylor swift
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
having a complicated relationship with sex/sexual things after sa is so weird because like . it'll be 1 am and ill be switching through apps and ill be thirsting over a character and then ill open tumblr and i remember everything bad shes ever done to me
I hate it when fans of predatory celebs say “Have some sympathy! (Insert pred) was abused as a kid!!”
Good!!!! Have you been CSAd? Cuz i actually fucking hope the person that SAd me as a kid was abused as a child. I was traumatised for life. But I know I’m a blip in his sexual offence records, another little sentient toy to use, too small to fight back and too immature for him to see as a human being. So I hope that piece of crap has nights where he wakes up at night shaking knowing if he falls asleep he’ll feel the hands crawling on him again. He’ll NEVER have any compassion for the trauma me or any of his other victims survived but being reminded of his own is close enough.
i think an important part of my recovery is my textile hobbies. the hands-on work is enough to keep me grounded, but not so much that i cannot process emotions during. it's like my breadmaking, i put the emotions into the string and something beautiful emerges.
it's the closest i get to a meditative state. it's let me cope with whatever repressed abuse happened this time of year, in a healthier way than scrubbing my skin raw and losing my shit all the time. instead, the fear is only a thrum in my veins, and i have a strawberry bucket hat to show for it.