no internet interaction will ever again reach the high of chaos of the “does germany still exist?” officialgermangovernment: “Yes” “thanks” 

you have to stop trusting people and start eating dirt from your yard

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

really humiliating trying to write horror like they went into the creepy house and there was a creepy ghost and the creepy guy with a creepy knife and everything was very creepy are you scared yet and thats like literally not how suspense and tension actually work but like all u can do is say well maybe something else was creepy?

Actually when I say “fuck all billionaires” I particularly mean Taylor “having my wedding in the middle of the busiest city in the world on the busiest weekend in the world in the part of the city the majority of commuters need to get through because fuck working people” Swift

He is so alley cat aaaaaaah. Someone needs to give him a bath and sit him down in a comfy nest and feed him and encourage him to take naps until he stops scowling