if you never eat, you'll never grow

Could things get any worse? Apparently, yes.

During the first few months of that 2009-2010 season, my personal life was even more troubled than our team was. In my case, the torment had started at training camp when my wife Sylvie announced a decision I had absolutely not seen coming:

"It's over. I want a divorce."

To say that this announcement bowled me over would be euphemistic.

Sylvie and I had three little boys, and we had started dating in high school. We had spent exactly half our lives together.

Furthermore, I had lived my entire childhood among a happy and unified family. The idea of my parents one day divorcing had never even crossed my mind. As a husband and a father, I conceived of my life according to the model I'd known. I was devastated.

Like any other couple, Sylvie and I had known periods of difficulty here and there, and I believed we were simply living through another one. In my mind, there existed only one way to correct the situation, and that was to brave the storm together. Especially after all we'd been through.

We had both just turned 16 when Sylvie became my girlfriend. We were in secondary 4 [grade 10].

[...]

In 1997, once I`d reached the professional leagues, the Arizona Coyotes assigned me to their affiliate in Springfield, Massachusetts. Those first few steps into the jungle of professional hockey and into "real life" required adaptation and important adjustments. It was the idea of living alone that worried me the most.

Until then, and I admit this without shame, I had always been extremely spoiled. I'd even say I was spoiled rotten.

As I've already said: my sister Guylaine and I grew up in a sort of bubble where our laundry, our meals, and our school lunches were always prepared for us. Growing up, my only preoccupations consisted of studying and playing sports. I basically had no responsibilities.

Then, during my junior stint in Drummondville, I was pampered almost as much by Manon and Jean Voyer.

Imagine my cultural shock when I found myself alone in an apartment in Springfield! With hindsight, I realize that I would've eventually adapted and gotten it together. But, at 20 years old, the prospect of having to live alone and to no longer be surrounded and supported by a family rattled me. Sylvie and I had been dating for several years. She was ready to make the leap and join me in the United States.

She moved to Springfield a few weeks after the start of the season, and she almost immediately fell pregnant.

It absolutely was not planned. I still had no job security and I hadn't imagined my future this way. Having a child at 20, that's scary. It's the unknown. And it's a heavy responsibility. Still, Sylvie and I had been dating for 4 years and it was serious. We decided to go forward and become parents.

That's how, on the 27th of July 1998, Caelan Brière entered the life of two young parents, a little taken by surprise by life, but enthusiastic and determined to offer him the best.

In our relationship, the birth of this first child brought up the important question of family planning.

In the past, Sylvie and I had both clearly established that we wanted to have kids born at close intervals. Since we were adapting well to our roles as parents after the birth of Caelan, we decided that we were ready to immediately have a second child.

Our second son, Carson, saw the light of day a little over a year after our eldest, on the 23rd of September 1999.

Despite the distance separating us from home, our parents came to help us as often as possible, but let's just say that there was a lot going on in the house! Unanimously, a hiatus was decreed in our life plan. Would we choose to have a third kid? We wanted to let the dust settle and give ourselves some time to think about it.

Something unexpected soon occurred! Sylvie once again became pregnant the following year, and our third son, Cameron, was born in Phoenix on April 23rd 2001.

After Cameron's birth, we found ourselves, at 23, with three babies in diapers.

Those crazy years undoubtedly prematurely aged us, but I never regretted our choices. We had to find a way to make everything work, and Sylvie was excellent at making sure we stayed in control of the situation. What's more, during this period when the kids were still very young, she had to organize and supervise several moves between Springfield and Phoenix, then to Buffalo when I was traded, on top of having to gather the family at the end of every season to spend the summer in Quebec. Oof!

[...]

When Sylvie and I split up, I was in my 13th year in the professional leagues. During that long period, I had only witnessed two of my teammates in the midst of divorce.

The 2009-2010 season was looking to be a particularly rough one for the Flyers, and not just because we were slipping in the rankings. We were four players going through separation at the same time: Scott Hartnell, Riley Cote, Aaron Asham, and me. Visibly, we were not facing this ordeal in the same way.

Some partied nearly every night and were seen in all the fashionable clubs of Philadelphia. Another took shelter in his apartment, where he had drinks with a couple of his closest friends without causing problems.

As for me, it was the opposite. I did nothing but think of the divorce. I was completely stuck. I didn't want to meet anyone or go anywhere. I holed up at home to spend as much time as possible with my sons.

Normally, the arena and the locker room should have been my safe havens and allowed me to take my mind off of things. However, during those first few months, I thought of nothing but the divorce-- which I considered a resounding failure-- and the impacts it would have on the lives of my children and me.

I had never lived through anything like this. I was someplace else. I dragged my problems around with me to practice, even to drills with my linemates.

[...]

I was kind of back to square one, Just as had been the case during my professional debut in Springfield, the prospect of having to live alone one week out of two (when the kids were with their mom) did not appeal to me. Every minute of my family life was precious to me, and this separation had just made half of them disappear. From a practical point of view, I was downright bereft. I didn't even know how to use a dishwasher or do a load of laundry.

When the separation happened, I was depressed for almost a year. Sylvie and I tried to find a way to share custody of the kids and the dogs, and to make sure our sons didn't suffer too many repercussions.

Ich frage mich, warum…

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