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@feelingwatched

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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my autobiography
8 AM
me 1: time to get up
me 2: ugh
me 1: but you love your job
me 2: I love nothing
me 1: you love the cats
me 2: I love the cats
me 1: okay but go and make money so you can feed the cats
me 2: AES is just gonna take it
-----
10 AM
me 1: you have to do this well or you'll get fired
me 2: eh
me 1:
me 2: fuck it imo
me 1: but you went to school for this and you love doing this
me 2: ehhhhhhh
-----
2 PM
me 1: okay god just make it through the rest of the day can you just do that
me 2: I'm tired
me 1: for fuck's sake
me 2: what's on tumblr
-----
7 PM
me 2: whoo time to go home
me 1: all right dinnertime
me 2: do I have anything frozen or premade
me 2:
me 2: uggghhhhhh
-----
7:30 PM
me 1: KITTIES
me 2: BABIES
-----
9 PM
me 1: you should talk to your friends if you're lonely
me 2: eh
me 1: do you want to invite someone over
me 2: god no
me 1: do you want to go out
me 2: GOD no
me 1: well what the fuck then
-----
10PM
me 1: you could play video games
me 2: okay
me 2:
me 2: this isn't interesting
me 2: I should draw something
me 1: okay draw then
me 2: ehhhhhhhhhh
-----
11 PM - 12:45 AM
me 1: you're gonna be so tired tomorrow
me 2: but the internet
me 1: eh fuck it
This dragon just needs a break.
Iāll tell you what I want what I really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna stop depending on other peopleās approval and validation to have even close to a fulfilling life while at the same time being unable to get invested in their lives at all

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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How to Care for an Introvert
1. Respect their need for privacy and to spend time on their own.
2. Be careful never to embarrass them in public.
3. When they are in a new situation, allow them to stand back, and watch whatās going on.
4. Allow them time to process what youāre asking or saying. Donāt demand an answer right away.
5. Be patient if they hesitate to find the right words ā and never interrupt while they are speaking.
6. If you are going to change or cancel plans, give them plenty of prior notice.
7. Allow them to practice and perfect skills alone.
8. Correct or challenge them privately ā never in front of an audience.
9. Donāt force them to hang out with a crowd of people, or expect them to amass a lot of friends. A few good friends is more comfortable for them.
10. Donāt try to turn them into an extrovert. Respect them for being exactly who they are.
Small discoveries on productivity
Getting started, the simple action of having something to do/ wanting to do something and actually doing it, is one the hardest tasks I face every single day.Ā
Upon some reflection, I found a few things, I wouldnāt call them strategies exactly, just things that allow me to carry out my work, specially now that I have a full time job for the first time in years.
1. Having my own, mostly private space.Ā
Iām a slob, the biggest slob ever to walk the earth. I come in, completely invade a space and then pick up and leave everything bare. I need to be able to do this or Iām uncomfortable and completely unproductive. Also, I need to have privacy, that is, not having someone behind my back constantly watching me. Yes, I know people arenāt actually watching me, for the most part, but it FEELS like Iām being watched and then I freeze in panic and want to drop everything and hide.
Now that I have a semi-private space, with my own computer, my own desk and somewhat closed off, I can actually work at my own rythm, mostly without unnecessary stress.
2. Itās ok toĀ ājumpā in between tasks.
I am physically incapable of sustaining attention on one thing for too long. I get uncomfortable, I feel too hot, or too cold, or I want to kick and scream and maybe cry.Ā
For years, I berated myself for this. I thought I was being lazy or irresponsible, thatĀ ānormalā,Ā āproductiveā,Ā āresponsibleā people just did the thing effortlessly and without whining. I thought I HAD toĀ ātrainā myself to do this, somehow. Of course, every time I tried, I failed miserably, and then proceeded to feel like absolute shit. Also, I never got anything done.
Recently I figured out (finally) that I donāt have to train myself to do anything. This is the way my brain naturally works, I have to allow it to do itās own thing in order to get stuff done. This means A LOT of distractions, A LOT of inconsistencies. Iāll be writing or checking emails and suddenly turn around and write something down in my journal or feel the uncontrollable impulse to go get coffee. As long as I remind myself to come back to the task at hand, I just roll with it, let the impulse come and go, and then actually finish what Iām doing.
3. Working ahead of time
One of the things that stressed me out the most was not being able to start anything because it would seem like such a huge task that I didnāt even know where to start. So I just avoided it until it was unavoidable and then did it all wrong.
Lately, Iāve been trying another approach: little by little. Of course there are urgent things that have to be done now but, if I have the chance, I mull it over a little, break it down into tiny (and I mean TINY) pieces and then take those on, one at a time. If something isnāt urgent now, but it still has to get done, I just work on it the littlest bit possible, move on to something else (work related or no), and come back later. By the time I finally have to turn it in, itās been completed, checked, double checked, triple checked and my stress levels are mostly kept under control.
Is it a thing with ADHD where, you want to do a bunch of things but you just can't? Like I'll want to sit and draw or talk to my friends but I'll end up pacing around the house or going on tumblr. Even when there's nothing important to do.
This is executive dysfunction: You want to do the thing, but you canāt do it. Sometimes you canāt make a choice because youāre overwhelmed by the options; sometimes you just canāt get yourself to start.
-J
Further to Jās but about executive dysfunction, this might actually also be analysis paralysis. Itās something I struggle with a lot - āI canāt make a decision because there are too different many options to weigh up and compare, so Iāll just avoid it and procrastinate instead.ā
- Prue
Iām not actually submissive, I just like having someone else give me instructions because Iām kind of a space case and my executive function is crap, so the things I trust myself to get right the first time around without explicit directions are extremely limited.
Having adhd is less about āoh look squirrel!!ā and more about when you delete your characters action in the sims and they forget what theyāre doing and stand about aimlessly for a while

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Suicidal feelings are not the same as giving up on life. Suicidal feelings often express a powerful and overwhelming need for a different life. Suicidal feelings can mean, in a desperate and unyielding way, a demand for something new. Listen to someone who is suicidal and you often hear a need for change so important, so indispensable, that they would rather die than go on living without the change. And when the person feels powerless to make that change happen, they become suicidal. Help comes when the person identifies the change they want and starts to believe it can actually happen. Whether it is overcoming an impossible family situation, making a career or study change, standing up to an oppressor, gaining relief from chronic physical pain, igniting creative inspiration, feeling less alone, or beginning to value their self worth, at the root of suicidal feelings is often powerlessness to change your life ā not giving up on life itself.
Will Hall,Ā Living with suicidal feelingsĀ (viaĀ madness-narrative)
these are incredible words. I have never been able to articulate this.Ā
(via homoarigato)
I didnāt actually know that thereās subtypes of BPD
Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. Itās the fear of failure with no urge to be productive. Itās wanting friends but hating socialising. Itās wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. Itās caring about everything then caring about nothing. Itās feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.
Unknown (via life-with-bpd-things)
Way too manyā¦.
Disclaimer: I don't suffer from any eating disorders, but this caption captures a feeling I have very often.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
reblog if you have a slight or serious struggle with dermatillomania
Those days in which, instead of doing stuff, I just sit on my bed staring at nothing for hours, not taking my meds and scratching.