fedruin is now located at @malebclge
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@fedruin
fedruin is now located at @malebclge

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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19. five most recent in contact list.
A PEEK INSIDE : jon's most recent contacts
all things considered i'm doing quite well for a living corpse
being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways
Mary Oliver, from "Porcupine" in Devotions: Selected Poems

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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www.destroyedandbetrayedyourselffornothing.com/careers
for muses that are getting to know each other
❝ what's your favorite color and why? ❞
❝ can i come with you? ❞
❝ you have a nice smile, has anyone ever told you that before? ❞
❝ how do you take your coffee? ❞
❝ sorry, what was your name again? ❞
❝ it just occurred to me i never asked you what your last name is. ❞
❝ actually we've met before. ❞
❝ i've heard a few things about you. ❞
❝ care to join me? ❞
❝ i'm not really sure why i trust you. ❞
❝ i don't usually talk this much, it just feels easy to say stuff when you're listening. ❞
❝ i know we don't know each other that well but if you wanna talk about it... ❞
❝ could you help me with something? ❞
❝ do you like it here? ❞
❝ are you new around here? ❞
❝ you can ask me anything you want. i promise i'll answer truthfully except the things i feel like lying about. ❞
❝ i don't mean to be too forward, you just seem like you could use a friend right now. ❞
❝ you can come with me. i mean if you don't have anyone waiting for you. ❞
❝ we're friends now. you can ask me for help. ❞
❝ do you like this music? i can change it. ❞
❝ what are your favorite snacks? ❞
❝ really? i wouldn't have guessed that about you. ❞
❝ do you mind if i ask about it? ❞
ACTIONS:
VISIT: for sender to go to receiver's home for the first time
VISITED: for receiver to go to sender's home for the first time
CRYING: for sender to see receiver cry for the first time
CRIED: for receiver to see sender cry for the first time
BEGIN: sender and receiver are on their first date together
TRIP: our muses go on a group trip but end up stuck together, away from the rest of their friends.
SITUATION: our muses are acquainted because one of them is their friend's roommate. muse a shows up when their friend isn't there and ends up hanging out with muse b one on one.
GO: our muses go to a zoo or theme park together and get lost.
INVITE: sender cooks for receiver for the first time
INVITED: receiver cooks for sender for the first time
TOGETHER: our muses spend the night for the first time
TRY: our muses hooked up and are hanging out the next day
COMFORT: sender is going through a break up and receiver offers to cheer them up
COMFORTED: receiver is going through a break up and sender offers to cheer them up
OFFER: sender gives receiver a ride to the airport/picks them up
OFERED: receiver gives sender a ride to the airport/picks them up
AID: sender helps receiver redecorate
AIDING: receiver helps sender redecorate
saw this girl keying someone’s car this morning. was sort of compelling to watch. acts of passion are so rare these days… sigh…
TESTIMONY! ↪ ɪʀᴀ ᴍᴄᴄᴏʏ ( aesthetic ) 1 / ?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.
TESTIMONY! ↪ ɪʀᴀ ᴍᴄᴄᴏʏ ( 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 ) 1 / ??
sometimes your favorite fanfic isn't a fanfic at all but the insane DM's between you and your equally freaky mutual
which tragic death would you suffer ?
ira : the forgotten
you die alone. maybe they find you right away , maybe it takes weeks . it doesn't matter because no one will remember a few years down the road . if people come to your funeral , it is not a memory they engrave into their mind. you leave no mark in the world, no legacy at all. your grave grows moss and collects dust , cracking under nothingness . soon , someone will think of you for the last time.
josie : the sudden
it happens so quick you won't even realize it . like being hit by a car , or having a heart attack . one moment you're here, the next you're not . you don't get to prepare . your family will spend months sifting through your belongings, not knowing what to do. your friends online will never know why you don't come back. you die thinking you're alive, face still preserved with your last emotion. you don't get to say goodbye.
lloyd : the sacrifice
you die saving the thing you love . maybe it is family , friends , perhaps even a cause . they will carry your face with them for the rest of their lives , and every milestone they pass will make them think of you . it does not matter because you won't be there to experience it with them . this is what your selflessness gets you in the end .years down the line , they will meet people who do not even know the weight of your name upon their skin .
tagged by : @deathscenes <3 tyy tagging : @shepcdr , @bullsh1tterz , @brokenmagxc
MISSING! ↪ ʟʟᴏʏᴅ ɴᴇʟꜱᴏɴ ( 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 ) 2 / ??

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
MISSING! ↪ ʟʟᴏʏᴅ ɴᴇʟꜱᴏɴ ( 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 ) 1 / ??
@fedruin ( lloyd ) : THE NIGHT SKY A BLANKET OF BLACK … ( cont'd. )
his terrors make him stir , a long repressed need that he can't help in the dead of the night , not when breezes feel cooler along the slope of his spine , when he knows exactly why . with an intuition , he shudders with fear as he rouses from his deep slumber . a jump to conclusions as empty space offers him no warmth , nothing except the remnants of what came and went . his scent , practically as good as a trail of footprints . in his disoriented daze , he nearly doesn't spot him in the corner there , but moonlight glows moving images like they're made of reflective light and , for a second , curls of smoke seem as sharp as the hooks of his irises once they meet his . only then does his head rise from the pillow and , only when he blinks again , does he remember he's looking at his best friend . no one else . nothing else .
reassurances beg to soothe the frayed edges of his calm , especially when it's spoken in the honey - like hush of lloyd's voice . in that , jon wants nothing more than to listen . uses his voice like a force , a gravitational pull that guides his head back to the pillow . but he's learned his lesson to not be so easily persuaded this time , and it's the same thing that prolongs his stubborn stare , unblinking , bleeding with an undertone of desperation , influenced by the horrible gut feeling that desires to plead to lloyd without actually pleading to him . in his eyes , it's something like , come back to bed . just lay down right back next to me . just come back to bed .
in silence , he swears he won't close them again until daybreak , but his eyes naturally begin to feel heavy only minutes later , and he knows he needs to say something if it means he can spare them peace for just one more night .
❝ i don't wanna have'ta open my eyes 'gain n'find out yer gone . ❞ it doesn't mean to , but his voice cuts through the quiet as loud as a cymbal , as heavy as a cinderblock , flooding out the noise of the crickets , any sign of life outside of this room . nothing like a yell , just nothing like a whisper either . and it doesn't stop there . he challenges him . ❝ is that what's gonna happen ? m'gonna close my eyes , open 'em up 'gain , and find out yer gone ? again ? ❞
@deathscenes ( jonboy ) :
crickets pause their night song abruptly , disturb the rhythm of moonlit resonance . solitude forged itself against the plight of lloyd's slumber , pulled him away from the lived-in softness of jon's back as it pressed against his chest , granting an ancient quiet to his best friend's breathing , the slow of his heartbeat like a warm mercy against his own , before the cold threatened this sheltered lull . a phantom chill incessant in the static of nocturne , wherein the monster's den lie abandoned inside his head . the hum of bloodlust old , but faithful still in broken hunger , chewing at the rounded edges of lloyd's sleep . legs swung over , feet met carpet , palms rubbed up and down , smoothed out the wrinkles of wanton sleep . not even a yawn . balanced his weight against the bed , so as not to wake him . reached for his jeans thrown over the chair , dug in his back-pocket for a night-cap , turned towards the silvery blur where blond hair met the shadowed slope of his neck . tattoos peaked beneath the sheet , exposed something familiar in the curve of his shoulder , the quiet rise and fall of safety . an untouched capture of what never was before , but calmed him as if it could have been .
the burn of his cigarette like a dying fire-fly , lloyd's lips pucker around the tip one last time before burying its body in the ash of the others . leaves it there as jon's head falls back against the pillow . fingers pinch the fringes of the curtain . moonlight seeps through as his focus snaps toward the eerie linger of nothingness outside . he could hear it --- the buzz of the woods . every creak , every whip of the wind through the pines a personal taunt , as if the trees murmured his crimes back to him . a language of restlessness like some nightmare brought to life by the light of jon's forgiveness . how easy it was to lose , the thought frightening enough to draw lloyd back in the sleepy low of jon's voice . pushes him up and away from the window .
❝ naw , naw , none a'that now . ❞ he says , a little too quickly in habit , damning up the river of deceit before it looms to flood . he shuffles along the short gap from chair to bed , seats himself next to his best friend , the heaviness ripe within jon's plea planting an ache inside lloyd's chest , reminiscent of a certain stubbornness jon always owned , even inside the gnawed marrow of memory ; perhaps chewed upon still .
❝ can't sleep , s'all . ❞ a ploy to convince even himself , lloyd lifts the heft of his palm to the top of jon's crown , smoothes it against his hair , down the nape of his neck . repeats , slower . tender . stops at the base , let's his thumb absently brush the skin there . pays no mind to the soft shake of his own hand as it ventures further along jon's shoulder blade . relishes in the witness of the dark and its gentle hold . blue eyes catch jon , steady , unblinking . a kind of love that refused to ignore the beauty of a simple motel room , dust and all . a roof that made everything equal : fear , love , guilt . all folded in the same slight lift of his lips as lloyd looked at him , tricked into thinking he might never see the outline of his face again after tonight , or last night , and so on . a faint shine in his eyes as he bends down , roots a kiss to the top of jon's head , his forehead falling against jon's own . flesh to flesh . jon's assumptions tamped .
❝ devil himself could try'n take me away , but ain't gonna happen , y'got it? ❞ the very sentiment a chill down his spine , without flourish , it's whispered sternly , lead with concern . he doesn't want to talk about it anymore . ❝ we're leavin' in the mornin' , so i wantchu t'get sum shut-eye . ❞ and before jon's protest can slice through the silence lloyd's voice warms . honey-pooled as his hand cradles the plushness of jon's jaw , strokes it like the curve of a leaf cupping morning dew . ❝ jus' do that fer me , wouldja darlin' ? ❞