Image altered,thoughts distorted

ive been sitting on a phone call with a guy from microsoft for an hour now after my computer crashed so he can help me re-upgrade to win10 and 99% of it has been pure silence but 5 mins ago he asked me if he can go pee.

shit boy now we’re talking about how countries like the US and australia are disappointed when they dont win gold medals but athletes from countries like the philippines are the pride of the nation if they even place and how it suggestive of the values of first world countries

we’re two hours in and i asked him what his record was for the longest phone call and he said five and a half.

im on hold again bc his supervisor wants something but apparently the five and a half hour phone call was because a guy was mad that he couldn’t figure out how to work windows 8 when he got a new computer so my tech guy spent nearly six hours teaching him how to use a fucking operating system.

my computer finally entered its boot-reboot stage after installation and he asked me in the most polite way humanely possible if we could perhaps end the call and he will call me back tomorrow to make sure the upgrade finished properly.

UPDATE

I don’t remember where I saw the post, but someone once made a very good point about how reproductive autonomy is not tied to one’s genetic relationship to the fetus.

“Nature did not distribute the reproductive burden equally between men and women and our legislation on reproductive issues needs to take this into account.”

It’s funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken

i’m reading a very manly 1950s account of a hunt for el dorado but i’m thirty pages in and the narrator has already described his traveling companion as “handsome” 4 times, “extremely handsome” twice, “exceedingly handsome” once, his voice as “quietly husky” and “a husky whisper,” his fingers as long and deft, his body as “tall and cat-like,” and his eyes as some variation of ice-blue at least three times.

“Ever since he had aimed that gun at my throat, I had liked him immensely. And now I liked him even better.”

“I awoke when a beam of light fell across my eyes. Jorge had come into my room carrying a lighted candle.

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

I didn’t know about zeugmas until just now! That is so awesome, everybody: 

One I’ve loved was “on their weekend trip they caught three fish and a cold”

Write about the lessons you’ve learned this year: 1. There are hard days. Sometimes you hate to get up in the morning, or cry yourself to sleep at night. But those days will pass. 2. Sometimes, you just have to accept you’re not feeling well. Cancel your plans, make some food and stay in bed. Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need. 3. However, don’t let your feelings take over. It’s okay to do nothing for a day, or two. But don’t make it a week. 4. I know I did let my feelings take over way too much. I stayed in bed, did nothing all day. Until the point that I had to get out. 5. Getting out of bed can feel good. Make your bed, eat some breakfast. Just do something. And be proud of yourself for what you’ve accomplished - even if it’s just eating breakfast. 6. Don’t be angry at yourself, that never works out. 7. Just take care. Of yourself, your mind, your body, everything. And accept the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want to. 8. Don’t shut people out. They are there to help. 9. You are the one that has to pick up the pieces after a breakdown. But you’re not alone, even if it feels like you are. 10. Sometimes I think I’ve control over my feelings, but I don’t. They come and go. I just have to accept that. Sometimes the feelings are just too much, and I have to take a step back. Start again. There’s always a second chance.

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

Fun fact: There are a lot of rivers in the UK named “avon” because the Romans arrived and asked the Celts what the rivers were called. The Celts answered “avon.”