Tait & Co.

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

i bet that mario and luigi dont get pussy

And? Do you?

we’re not talking about me right now

popcorn explodes too violently. they need to breed a new one that unfurls like the delicate wings of a newly emerged moth

I plan on watching a movie at some point in the future

crotch is literally the most comfortable place to lay your hands. especially with thighs pressing on them. but im scared people will think im a pervert of sex

i keep spending money. i should be killed

getting murdered but i can’t even afford the name brand stuff so im getting snawed in half and scrabbed to death and shit

what? oh sweetheart no, you're not weirding me out at all. you're weirding me in. keep talking, freak

walkable cities are such a terrible idea when you think about them for literally any longer than a single second. more steps = more cracks = more mothers’ backs broken. simple fucking math. if you wanted your mom’s back blown out so bad you could’ve just called me

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

how about you stop eating po’ boys with the low boys and start eating broccoli and beef with the commander in chief

broooooo ahaha that's so epic. do you mind if i grow fond of you