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I need my weird alone time or I will explode

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

ooh so you like my blog? name five of my fetishes

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

as your liege i give you permission to move on from that memory that haunts you

At the sex shop asking if I can buy a regular sized dildo I can put in my unremarkable asshole but they recognize me as the hero of legend regardless

I hear that if you're a Disney Executive and you generate enough shareholder value in one quarter, the Board of Directors let you facefuck Walt Disney's cryogenically frozen head

Please help them and don't stop speaking about Gaza. this is not an war, this is genocide.

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Vetted by gazavetters #701

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Please do not ignore our cries your kindness may be our only salvation.

I have GOT to stop spending $30