Fangirl39's Dashboard of randomness

More like:

zero: dont worry about it :)

It's like computer coding, calligraphy, and symbolism had a super-powered/reality bending baby. You gotta think in VERY ADHD twirls and swirls too be any good at it. Which is why the Uzumaki rocked it so hard. But I digress.

Is Complexe AF.

Bends Reality and is EASY to fuck up.

Wanna bet? The BEST way to learn/use it? Is to copy already functioning examples? But Oh! How do you KNOW they are functioning? Safe? Well OBVIOUSLY, your Skilled At Seals teacher looks at it first! THEN gives it too you!

Using random seals you find in the dirt is how you get splattered across three different countryside in peices, after all. Possibly take out a nearly Town or two while your at it. No One Is THAT Dumb... RIGHT?

Enter Stage Right o/~☆ Humanity, Everybody! *polite, if strained, golf clapping*

They ABSOLUTELY Are!

Especially Ninja!

Ninja who, after fuckin MURDERING A WHOLE ASS VILLAGE OF SEALING MASTERS, decided to pick through the rubble! Because THAT is gonna work out GREAT! After all... it's not like you just KILLED the fuckers who could tell you what IS and IS NOT functional!

Was that once the "hazardous advanced class' sealing failures" bin? Or was it the "super awesome candy and rainbows" stash!? You don't know. NO ONE DOES NOW. You fuckin KILLED THE PEOPLE WHO DID.

They had their own REGIONAL Sealing Script.

You know, the one they taught to THEIR STUDENTS. Not outsiders. The students you KILLED, you absolute fuck nuggets. But hey! The threat of the Super Scary Sealing Masters is no more! Good job. You've successfully burned down the library. It can't hurt you ever again.

But NOW? You have piles upon piles of GIBBERISH.

You can only VAGUELY tell the novice seals from the master's. And even then? Do you have any idea what most of them DO? Nope. And after a certain point in training? The shaky, uncertain hand writing becomes smooth enough, that it all blends together in "Seals".

Now... what is the SMART thing to do?

Curse your hubris and the atrocities your fear allowed you to commit, obviously. But BEYOND that, Don't Touch Them. But we're Ninja. So WE are all suicidal idiots. The less smart but still Reasonably Precautionary thing to do? Study the amateur Seals. Learn Sealing from other masters.

Crack the Regional Script and slowly, painstakingly, work through each seal as we sort out what is and isn't safe. What can be salvaged. What can be used and how.

A process that will likely take years if not decades.

But of course, that's not GOOD ENOUGH for certain grabby handed, power hungry, short sighted, fuck weasels! No, no. It much EASIER to just throw human life into the blender until profit pops out! Completely IGNORING, of course, that SOME of these?

Could very well be the "Too Dangerous To Ever Use/Will Destroy Us All/Take Them All With Us" type of Seals that Kage usually LOCK UP. The kind you CAN'T destroy once you've made them, because the fall out would be WORSE. And?

Even if you are a murderous, middle management, go nowhere in your life, BASTARD of a ninja? Sometimes you can look down at the massive, intricately detailed, killer off nation's before you. Something that was WRAPPED in locks upon locks upon chains upon seals. And KNOW in your selfish, survival at all costs little heart... You DO NOT want anyone to fuck with this.

You CAN NOT let anyone fuck with this.

NO ONE can be allowed to touch it.

Not for ANYTHING.

You may fear S Class Kage and Missing Nin and what all else they may do to you. But THIS? Your eyes can't even properly FOCUS on it. It's like a tunnel that's lined with poetry, stretching all the way to the Earth's core. It's perfectly flat. It moves, a gentle rotation. But is that just your eyes, tricking you?

So much ink, it swallows the scroll, and this is when it's COMPRESSED.

How many nations?

How many NATIONS must this monstrosity span, when free?

It must have taken a Master decades, if not their entire life, to complete. Possibly a family, several generations. But... but gods it is a work of MADNESS. No wonder it was sealed. It speak, you... you THINK... of Death...

Of it's KING.

Something BEYOND the Shinigami. BEYOND Death and the Purelands.

Who the FUCK would try to summon something beyond GODS? Did they think they could control it? Chain it like the bijuu? You're so cold inside. Because you KNOW. You fucking KNOW, the ambitions and arrogance of those above you.

They'll think they can.

They won't listen.

You... you have to take this and RUN. You stand no chance. But no chance is better then oblivion. Anything is better then standing by and watching it happen.

You obviously don't make it. You never expected too. But at least... at least you won't have to watch whatever THAT is... arrive... fuck...

At least you TRIED.

And? Because leaf Ninja, specifically certain teams, have the MOST Shit luck imaginable? They arrive, having crossed paths with several other teams, on the way back home (yay! Warm food and real beds!) Just in time to see a desperate looking ninja from one of the small villages get fuckin pincushioned. Drop what is VERY clearly an Uzushio Scroll of considerable size and SEVERE SSS+ DO Not EVER Touch Grade Type Markings, and then some joining from that same village go to grab it.

Notice them.

You know... the multiple LEAF NINJA. Who TOO THIS DAY, wear the UZU swirl on their uniforms as a mourning tribute to the DEAR AND PRECIOUS ALLIES they could not save. The Uzushio Allies. Those ones. The ones that were, in fact, from Uzushio.

LIKE THE SCROLL YOU ARE HOLDING.

By the WAY! How DID you get that Scroll? Doesn't seem like something our dear friends would just HAND over, now does it? You didn't happen to LOOT THEIR FUCKIN GRAVES did you? Cause we sure would be MAD about that!

:)

Real Mad.

Dude obviously panics. Because that? That is a VERY pissed off bunch of Ninja, many in the bingo book, one of whom is Very Clearly throwing off BIJUU CHAKRA. And just said "my family's" Ha ha... Oh Shit that's an Uzumaki.

So he decides to USE THE SEAL.

What does it do?

He doesn't know! But it's probably SOMETHING big and impressive, right?

Yes. :) Yes it Does.

*Crack*

The SKY cracks. Like a pane of glass, struck by a hammer. Spiderwebbing as far as the eye can see above them, all from one central point, directly above the seal. The cracks there are concentrated. A point of impact. And through the cracks... something GREEN shines.

Brighter then the daylight around it, yet darker in color then the blue of the sky. Lazily whisping out like escaping mist. Time seems slow as their eyes all whip up wards. Even with senses beyond the normal human base, it is... inconceivable. SOMETHING winds back. They can not see it.

But they can feel it.

Like changing pressure as a storm rolls in.

*Crack!*

Green overtakes the blue. The sky a Kaleidescape of shards, held together by stubbornness alone. Reflecting a calm day that seems IMPOSSIBLE in the face of what's occurring. There should be wind. Great pressure changes in the face of so much FORCE, but the trees are eerily still.. utterly silent..

Nothing dares bring attention to itself.

Some distant part of their minds try to gather the thought that... that it could be an illusion. They... they should check. But they can FEEL it. Like a weight draped gently but without mercy upon their shoulders. It did not slam. But... but they can not move. Can barely breathe. It is beyond killing intent.

It is simply...

DEATH.

*CRASH!*

At last, the sky gives way. A fist, the size of towers punching through. It... it is almost elegant. A ring, almost in the shinigami's visage, wraps itself in a howling and snarled menace, around a great shining finger. A glove protects almost delicate looking, claw tipped fingers. The fist pulls back. Shard of sky falling, Floating, suspended in their moment of destruction, a glittering frame for the gapping wound that has overtaken everything.

Death...

Death has Green Eyes.

A crown of ice and starlight, pulled straight from the coldest north, hair that drifts like the drowned. His skin is that of a corpse. His breath a coldness that seems to suck all warmth from the world. There is no rage, no great irritation, his face merely twisted in slight annoyance. Mild displeasure.

And yet it feels like their greatest sin.

It BURNS.

They are ants. Less then ants. He... He LOOMS so TALL. The Green BURNS into their eyes, into their veins, chokes their lungs. The silence stretches. Those great eyes, the eyes of a GOD, move from them. To the man with the Seal.

He dies instantly.

Shit.

They... they need to... to...

Naruto wanders over and picks up the scroll, completely ignore the Giant Sky God Of Death and how all his friends are frozen in primordial fear. He roughly shakes the dirt off the delicate old relic, then squint at it. Figures he's holding it upside-down. Flipping it, he squints harder. Tilts his head and hums.

"Oh!"

He holds his hand up, turning to look at the terrifying Deity From Beyond Comprehension.

"It's me! I'm the Uzumaki! But, uh, I didn't actually summon you? Our stuff got stolen. Which really sucks!" He looks down again, brings the paper nearly to his nose trying to make out some thing. "Uuuuuh, huh. Got it! Can you get smaller? I don't got and BBQ or anything ON me right now, but Choji's Family makes REALLY good food! I can out to eat? Ooh ooh! Or RAMEN! You like Ramen, right?!"

"Yep, Definitely one of Shouta's."

Rumbles The Actual Fucking King Of Death, shaking the trees and ground under your feet. As you probably stare at your fellow Leaf Nin like WTF.

"Sure, man. Give me a second."

And suddenly? He's leaning forward. Shrinking and twisting in ways that are painful to look at. The sky is... is not healing, so much as UNcracking. Rewinding itself to a pristine state. Until only a large, floating, armored God in black and white floats above you. Glowing.

One that... that is apparently FRIENDS with the Uzumaki Clan.

Because of course he is.

Naruto's introducing his Toads. And teammates. You almost feel bad for Hatake. But like? Better you then me, buddy. THEN? Death? Decides? For some inconceivable reason. "You know what? Im'ma just turn into a human WITH NO CHAKRA NETWORK. Reeeeeally freak out the locals."

And now Leaf is INCHARGE of entertaining A GOD until he decides to leave.

Or (presumably) Else.

And!! Because life loves to kick ninjas IN THE BALLS (for their stupid, STUPID life choices, YOU FUCKERS) it just HAD to be the One God? That can SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Because it's not like ninjas have Death Related Traumas or anything!

*internal ninja screaming*

Feed the guy some BBQ! Stat! Please Akimichi! Save us!

then there's Danny "Has NO Chakra Literally At All" Fenton.

Different universes of origin and all that.

The thing about the Naruto-verse is that it's not just people that have chakra. Everything does. Nature chakra is an ambient background buzz present in everything.

And then we have Danny.

Naruto is making a new best friend! He read the scroll; Danny doesn't like being summoned, but if they feed him he's not gonna cause trouble. Might even do a favor for them! Standing agreement to smite anyone using the scroll who doesn't have the swirly somewhere on them - thus guy who summoned him getting insta-gacked.

But the scroll says he's friendly for the low low price of food! Naruto doesn't even have to punch the shit out of him first! He's having a great day!

Kakashi? Sai? Sakura? Rolling with it. Life's already so damn weird, this might as well happen. Naruto declared the Shinigami's boss friend-shaped and invited him to food and the Shinigami's boss said sure and turned human-shaped. Why not. You like ramen? Let's go get the best ramen ever.

"Better you than me" guy (say Genma, he seems like a very not my circus kind of guy. maybe.)? Staying out of it. Planning to smile and nod and generally be a polite background character. Not remotely interested in risking pissing off the god of the god of death. Who knows what culture exists in the terrifying green abyss? He's not risking stepping on toes that can do that to the sky, thanks. Uzumaki hasn't been smited yet, he'll let him keep doing that.

Of course, Naruto says they'll take him to Ichiraku ramen - because it is "The Best Ramen in the Whole World."

Genma is not thrilled about bringing the End Of All Things into the village - doubts anyone who's name isn't Naruto is - but none of them are gonna say that to the End Of All Things' face.

Oh? Oh. The End Of All Things likes to go by "Danny." Great.

Yes, nice to meet you too, Danny, the End Of All Things, who even in a human disguise feels like a walking, talking wound on the very fabric of reality. A gaping emptiness where life should be. Quite akin to that horrid emptiness that Genma had once sensed when in proximity to the Shinigami.

Even then, at least the Shinigami had chakra, feeling like death personified or not. That horried emptiness had only been sensed when the Shinigami was...eating. *Shudder*

Well. Genma, for one, hopes the End Of All Things likes the ramen. And that the backup meal if he doesn't is similarly innocuous and doesn't end up being "the whole village because how dare you offer a subpar meal."

They're only four days' journey from the village, having already wrapped up their mission and been headed back when they came across The Thief.

The End Of All Things keeps up easily when they take off again, but the angles of his jumps betray the fact that he's actually just flying. Naruto keeps up a chatter the whole time, but three hours in The End Of All Things is beginning to look a bit bored with the travelling.

Genma feels a bit of sweat roll down the back of his neck.

When The End Of All Things is told that they can be to the village in four days, three if they push it, but that Naruto is a great trail cook "dattebayo!" The End Of All Things looks intrigued but offers to get them back faster, if they'd like.

Which is how they up holding hands way-too-damn-many feet in the air moving at about way-too-damn-many kilometers per hour towards the village. They also seem to be intangible, as despite the obvious speed relative to the ground, there is no wind slapping against their faces or bugs splatting into them.

They're also vaguely transparent. Peachy.

Somehow, despite the lack of interacting with the air around them, they can still breath just fine.

Naruto has no trouble adjusting, helping The End Of All Things course correct whenever he drifts to far north or south. The End Of All Things thanks him for his input, apologizing for his poor sense of direction.

When they land, not another three hours later, it is his immense desire to not upset The End Of All Things alone that keeps Genma from kissing the ground.

Izumo and Kotetsu - once again on gate duty - tense up at The End Of All Things' presence.

Naruto narutos through his explanation, leaving the pair confused, but Kakashi just pulls him and The End Of All Things along, telling Izumo and Kotetsu to just count The End Of All Things as a summon on the paperwork - Genma will explain.

Genma does Not Want To Explain, actually. He wants to go home and curl up and get Slam Fucking Drunk so he can maybe forget about the sight of the sky cracking like a particularly fragile window under the force of Tsunade-sama's fist.

Alas, Genma is a ninja, so he'll suck it up.

Also, Kakashi is kinda giving him a free excuse to not eat with The End Of All Things - something that he's very certain is liable to be a horrifying event to witness (the Uzumaki is hard enough to watch, honestly).

Genma takes the out.

Kakashi is very much Rolling With It.

He's also, on their walk to Ichiraku's, hand-signing very discreetly.

Luckily they have a handsign for Shinigami, given the whole death-consuming seal. The anbu at the gate follow his hands - seemingly tucked behind his head - dutifully.

- Shinigami. Friendly. Additional Guard Requested. High-VIP treatment. inform Hokage - Delay Report, Priority Shinigami -

Not that the Shinigami (worse, actually, but he doesn't have a word for it and doesn't feel like making one up. Just "Kami" seems vague enough to be rude and "Danny" isn't very descriptive for the uninitiated) needs a guard, of course, but he's not sure how polite it would be to go around declaring "hey this guy is Shinigami+ be respectful"

Better to just have guards to keep people polite. Let them think he's just an esteemed guest - hopefully all he will end up being.

Other Jounin-sensei don't have to deal with this nonsense, Kakashi thinks.

At any rate, his signing gets things moving pretty fast.

He might worry about not being believed - Danny looks for all the world like a civilian kid in weird clothes - but any academy student past year one should be able to sense the gnawing void in the world the boy represented. Even more than just the lack that a corpse might have, even nature chakra was absent in him.

Very, very few can sense nature chakra, but the lack? He's felt the lack twice before - with Minato and with Sarutobi. Only briefly, but it is burned into his memory all the same. That the boy feels that way should be more than enough evidence - assuming they hadn't already figured the Shinigami was in the mood to mingle with the living.

To those trained in chakra, Danny is a void.

To civilians? Uncanny valley.

Something Is Wrong Here But I Don't What.

The Boy Is Not A Boy And Perhaps Never Was.

Luckily it's a ninja village, so civilians mostly just shudder and chalk it up to "weird ninja bullshit" and move on.

Of course, he's still spooky.

As far as Teuchi and Ayame are concerned he's just another of Naruto's friends. And he wants to try their ramen!

And he's a little bit unsettling and maybe the air around him is weirdly cold. But! That just means he needs some ramen to warm him up!

(That or it's another weird ninja bullshit thing, but that's none of Teuchi's business. He knows what he's about - he sells ramen. Everything else is details.)

Danny dealt with Uzushio before but I think it'd be funny if the previous times he was summoned he never had ramen - maybe it just wasn't something developed until post-uzushio or maybe it just never came up. I just want ramen to be new to Danny. His only previous experience with ramen being the "boil it on a stove with a flavor packet and that's it" kind.

And when Naruto offered him "the BEST ramen" he was like. Well, alright. Maybe he has a cool add-in or something? Can't imagine a whole restaurant based on it though but hey, I'm not picky and he's a pretty cool guy.

And then he's given Ramen. Ramen with a capital R. With the authentic broth and fancy fillings and it is. SO good. Like WOW Naruto was not exaggerating he didn't know ramen could be THAT good. It is, quite possibly, the best thing that he has ever eaten.

He says so.

Teuchi is flattered, of course.

And I mean?

If he says that? You KNOW everybody just gets wild flashbacks to Kushina and then Naruto, like??? Huh. So THAT'S how they befriended Super Death. What are the fuckin odds? Those audacious mofos.

O7 Respect, we guess.

Like? The THEORIES? Cause, do YOU wanna be the one to ask? I don't! But... when in the Absolute FUCK would they have had either the time or opportunity to go "oh hey! Super Shinigami! Since we have literally negative survival instincts, like, as a CLAN? Wanna go get some ramen?" And start up THAT friendship?

My theory? Some Uzumaki Ninja Ghost decided "I heard that the King Of Ghosts is absurdly powerful and impossible to defeat..... but on the OTHER HAND, I didn't get to finish my art project! So SQUARE UP, FUCKO!"

And Danny was like "??? Who? Is this lost and sassy child? Ow! Stop biting me!"

Clearly, no choice but to become friends and/or be bullied by a literal zygote of a Ghost into fetching his unfinished art project. You know... Him. The GHOST KING.

Then he met the OTHER ones! They're so... so FENTON like! They tried to bribe him with food! Because they saw "big scary death god", knew they PROBABLY had to pay him some sort of Price Of High Importance to leave, and? Where did their brains IMMEDIATELY go too?

Well OBVIOUSLY the highest price one could PAY... is that Super Special Snack you were saving for a special occasion. What higher price could there BE? You gonna make them put on a feast too or something? *various red headed suspicious squints*

They were his lil blorbos. His special little guys.

But, uhh... *takes a big sip of broth* you should PROBABLY? Do something about the not-blind who look blind guys, that are having a panic attack in... *makes a full circle gesture. *that direction*

It's like computer coding, calligraphy, and symbolism had a super-powered/reality bending baby. You gotta think in VERY ADHD twirls and swirls too be any good at it. Which is why the Uzumaki rocked it so hard. But I digress.

Is Complexe AF.

Bends Reality and is EASY to fuck up.

Wanna bet? The BEST way to learn/use it? Is to copy already functioning examples? But Oh! How do you KNOW they are functioning? Safe? Well OBVIOUSLY, your Skilled At Seals teacher looks at it first! THEN gives it too you!

Using random seals you find in the dirt is how you get splattered across three different countryside in peices, after all. Possibly take out a nearly Town or two while your at it. No One Is THAT Dumb... RIGHT?

Enter Stage Right o/~☆ Humanity, Everybody! *polite, if strained, golf clapping*

They ABSOLUTELY Are!

Especially Ninja!

Ninja who, after fuckin MURDERING A WHOLE ASS VILLAGE OF SEALING MASTERS, decided to pick through the rubble! Because THAT is gonna work out GREAT! After all... it's not like you just KILLED the fuckers who could tell you what IS and IS NOT functional!

Was that once the "hazardous advanced class' sealing failures" bin? Or was it the "super awesome candy and rainbows" stash!? You don't know. NO ONE DOES NOW. You fuckin KILLED THE PEOPLE WHO DID.

They had their own REGIONAL Sealing Script.

You know, the one they taught to THEIR STUDENTS. Not outsiders. The students you KILLED, you absolute fuck nuggets. But hey! The threat of the Super Scary Sealing Masters is no more! Good job. You've successfully burned down the library. It can't hurt you ever again.

But NOW? You have piles upon piles of GIBBERISH.

You can only VAGUELY tell the novice seals from the master's. And even then? Do you have any idea what most of them DO? Nope. And after a certain point in training? The shaky, uncertain hand writing becomes smooth enough, that it all blends together in "Seals".

Now... what is the SMART thing to do?

Curse your hubris and the atrocities your fear allowed you to commit, obviously. But BEYOND that, Don't Touch Them. But we're Ninja. So WE are all suicidal idiots. The less smart but still Reasonably Precautionary thing to do? Study the amateur Seals. Learn Sealing from other masters.

Crack the Regional Script and slowly, painstakingly, work through each seal as we sort out what is and isn't safe. What can be salvaged. What can be used and how.

A process that will likely take years if not decades.

But of course, that's not GOOD ENOUGH for certain grabby handed, power hungry, short sighted, fuck weasels! No, no. It much EASIER to just throw human life into the blender until profit pops out! Completely IGNORING, of course, that SOME of these?

Could very well be the "Too Dangerous To Ever Use/Will Destroy Us All/Take Them All With Us" type of Seals that Kage usually LOCK UP. The kind you CAN'T destroy once you've made them, because the fall out would be WORSE. And?

Even if you are a murderous, middle management, go nowhere in your life, BASTARD of a ninja? Sometimes you can look down at the massive, intricately detailed, killer off nation's before you. Something that was WRAPPED in locks upon locks upon chains upon seals. And KNOW in your selfish, survival at all costs little heart... You DO NOT want anyone to fuck with this.

You CAN NOT let anyone fuck with this.

NO ONE can be allowed to touch it.

Not for ANYTHING.

You may fear S Class Kage and Missing Nin and what all else they may do to you. But THIS? Your eyes can't even properly FOCUS on it. It's like a tunnel that's lined with poetry, stretching all the way to the Earth's core. It's perfectly flat. It moves, a gentle rotation. But is that just your eyes, tricking you?

So much ink, it swallows the scroll, and this is when it's COMPRESSED.

How many nations?

How many NATIONS must this monstrosity span, when free?

It must have taken a Master decades, if not their entire life, to complete. Possibly a family, several generations. But... but gods it is a work of MADNESS. No wonder it was sealed. It speak, you... you THINK... of Death...

Of it's KING.

Something BEYOND the Shinigami. BEYOND Death and the Purelands.

Who the FUCK would try to summon something beyond GODS? Did they think they could control it? Chain it like the bijuu? You're so cold inside. Because you KNOW. You fucking KNOW, the ambitions and arrogance of those above you.

They'll think they can.

They won't listen.

You... you have to take this and RUN. You stand no chance. But no chance is better then oblivion. Anything is better then standing by and watching it happen.

You obviously don't make it. You never expected too. But at least... at least you won't have to watch whatever THAT is... arrive... fuck...

At least you TRIED.

And? Because leaf Ninja, specifically certain teams, have the MOST Shit luck imaginable? They arrive, having crossed paths with several other teams, on the way back home (yay! Warm food and real beds!) Just in time to see a desperate looking ninja from one of the small villages get fuckin pincushioned. Drop what is VERY clearly an Uzushio Scroll of considerable size and SEVERE SSS+ DO Not EVER Touch Grade Type Markings, and then some joining from that same village go to grab it.

Notice them.

You know... the multiple LEAF NINJA. Who TOO THIS DAY, wear the UZU swirl on their uniforms as a mourning tribute to the DEAR AND PRECIOUS ALLIES they could not save. The Uzushio Allies. Those ones. The ones that were, in fact, from Uzushio.

LIKE THE SCROLL YOU ARE HOLDING.

By the WAY! How DID you get that Scroll? Doesn't seem like something our dear friends would just HAND over, now does it? You didn't happen to LOOT THEIR FUCKIN GRAVES did you? Cause we sure would be MAD about that!

:)

Real Mad.

Dude obviously panics. Because that? That is a VERY pissed off bunch of Ninja, many in the bingo book, one of whom is Very Clearly throwing off BIJUU CHAKRA. And just said "my family's" Ha ha... Oh Shit that's an Uzumaki.

So he decides to USE THE SEAL.

What does it do?

He doesn't know! But it's probably SOMETHING big and impressive, right?

Yes. :) Yes it Does.

*Crack*

The SKY cracks. Like a pane of glass, struck by a hammer. Spiderwebbing as far as the eye can see above them, all from one central point, directly above the seal. The cracks there are concentrated. A point of impact. And through the cracks... something GREEN shines.

Brighter then the daylight around it, yet darker in color then the blue of the sky. Lazily whisping out like escaping mist. Time seems slow as their eyes all whip up wards. Even with senses beyond the normal human base, it is... inconceivable. SOMETHING winds back. They can not see it.

But they can feel it.

Like changing pressure as a storm rolls in.

*Crack!*

Green overtakes the blue. The sky a Kaleidescape of shards, held together by stubbornness alone. Reflecting a calm day that seems IMPOSSIBLE in the face of what's occurring. There should be wind. Great pressure changes in the face of so much FORCE, but the trees are eerily still.. utterly silent..

Nothing dares bring attention to itself.

Some distant part of their minds try to gather the thought that... that it could be an illusion. They... they should check. But they can FEEL it. Like a weight draped gently but without mercy upon their shoulders. It did not slam. But... but they can not move. Can barely breathe. It is beyond killing intent.

It is simply...

DEATH.

*CRASH!*

At last, the sky gives way. A fist, the size of towers punching through. It... it is almost elegant. A ring, almost in the shinigami's visage, wraps itself in a howling and snarled menace, around a great shining finger. A glove protects almost delicate looking, claw tipped fingers. The fist pulls back. Shard of sky falling, Floating, suspended in their moment of destruction, a glittering frame for the gapping wound that has overtaken everything.

Death...

Death has Green Eyes.

A crown of ice and starlight, pulled straight from the coldest north, hair that drifts like the drowned. His skin is that of a corpse. His breath a coldness that seems to suck all warmth from the world. There is no rage, no great irritation, his face merely twisted in slight annoyance. Mild displeasure.

And yet it feels like their greatest sin.

It BURNS.

They are ants. Less then ants. He... He LOOMS so TALL. The Green BURNS into their eyes, into their veins, chokes their lungs. The silence stretches. Those great eyes, the eyes of a GOD, move from them. To the man with the Seal.

He dies instantly.

Shit.

They... they need to... to...

Naruto wanders over and picks up the scroll, completely ignore the Giant Sky God Of Death and how all his friends are frozen in primordial fear. He roughly shakes the dirt off the delicate old relic, then squint at it. Figures he's holding it upside-down. Flipping it, he squints harder. Tilts his head and hums.

"Oh!"

He holds his hand up, turning to look at the terrifying Deity From Beyond Comprehension.

"It's me! I'm the Uzumaki! But, uh, I didn't actually summon you? Our stuff got stolen. Which really sucks!" He looks down again, brings the paper nearly to his nose trying to make out some thing. "Uuuuuh, huh. Got it! Can you get smaller? I don't got and BBQ or anything ON me right now, but Choji's Family makes REALLY good food! I can out to eat? Ooh ooh! Or RAMEN! You like Ramen, right?!"

"Yep, Definitely one of Shouta's."

Rumbles The Actual Fucking King Of Death, shaking the trees and ground under your feet. As you probably stare at your fellow Leaf Nin like WTF.

"Sure, man. Give me a second."

And suddenly? He's leaning forward. Shrinking and twisting in ways that are painful to look at. The sky is... is not healing, so much as UNcracking. Rewinding itself to a pristine state. Until only a large, floating, armored God in black and white floats above you. Glowing.

One that... that is apparently FRIENDS with the Uzumaki Clan.

Because of course he is.

Naruto's introducing his Toads. And teammates. You almost feel bad for Hatake. But like? Better you then me, buddy. THEN? Death? Decides? For some inconceivable reason. "You know what? Im'ma just turn into a human WITH NO CHAKRA NETWORK. Reeeeeally freak out the locals."

And now Leaf is INCHARGE of entertaining A GOD until he decides to leave.

Or (presumably) Else.

And!! Because life loves to kick ninjas IN THE BALLS (for their stupid, STUPID life choices, YOU FUCKERS) it just HAD to be the One God? That can SEE DEAD PEOPLE. Because it's not like ninjas have Death Related Traumas or anything!

*internal ninja screaming*

Feed the guy some BBQ! Stat! Please Akimichi! Save us!

then there's Danny "Has NO Chakra Literally At All" Fenton.

Different universes of origin and all that.

The thing about the Naruto-verse is that it's not just people that have chakra. Everything does. Nature chakra is an ambient background buzz present in everything.

And then we have Danny.

Naruto is making a new best friend! He read the scroll; Danny doesn't like being summoned, but if they feed him he's not gonna cause trouble. Might even do a favor for them! Standing agreement to smite anyone using the scroll who doesn't have the swirly somewhere on them - thus guy who summoned him getting insta-gacked.

But the scroll says he's friendly for the low low price of food! Naruto doesn't even have to punch the shit out of him first! He's having a great day!

Kakashi? Sai? Sakura? Rolling with it. Life's already so damn weird, this might as well happen. Naruto declared the Shinigami's boss friend-shaped and invited him to food and the Shinigami's boss said sure and turned human-shaped. Why not. You like ramen? Let's go get the best ramen ever.

"Better you than me" guy (say Genma, he seems like a very not my circus kind of guy. maybe.)? Staying out of it. Planning to smile and nod and generally be a polite background character. Not remotely interested in risking pissing off the god of the god of death. Who knows what culture exists in the terrifying green abyss? He's not risking stepping on toes that can do that to the sky, thanks. Uzumaki hasn't been smited yet, he'll let him keep doing that.

Of course, Naruto says they'll take him to Ichiraku ramen - because it is "The Best Ramen in the Whole World."

Genma is not thrilled about bringing the End Of All Things into the village - doubts anyone who's name isn't Naruto is - but none of them are gonna say that to the End Of All Things' face.

Oh? Oh. The End Of All Things likes to go by "Danny." Great.

Yes, nice to meet you too, Danny, the End Of All Things, who even in a human disguise feels like a walking, talking wound on the very fabric of reality. A gaping emptiness where life should be. Quite akin to that horrid emptiness that Genma had once sensed when in proximity to the Shinigami.

Even then, at least the Shinigami had chakra, feeling like death personified or not. That horried emptiness had only been sensed when the Shinigami was...eating. *Shudder*

Well. Genma, for one, hopes the End Of All Things likes the ramen. And that the backup meal if he doesn't is similarly innocuous and doesn't end up being "the whole village because how dare you offer a subpar meal."

They're only four days' journey from the village, having already wrapped up their mission and been headed back when they came across The Thief.

The End Of All Things keeps up easily when they take off again, but the angles of his jumps betray the fact that he's actually just flying. Naruto keeps up a chatter the whole time, but three hours in The End Of All Things is beginning to look a bit bored with the travelling.

Genma feels a bit of sweat roll down the back of his neck.

When The End Of All Things is told that they can be to the village in four days, three if they push it, but that Naruto is a great trail cook "dattebayo!" The End Of All Things looks intrigued but offers to get them back faster, if they'd like.

Which is how they up holding hands way-too-damn-many feet in the air moving at about way-too-damn-many kilometers per hour towards the village. They also seem to be intangible, as despite the obvious speed relative to the ground, there is no wind slapping against their faces or bugs splatting into them.

They're also vaguely transparent. Peachy.

Somehow, despite the lack of interacting with the air around them, they can still breath just fine.

Naruto has no trouble adjusting, helping The End Of All Things course correct whenever he drifts to far north or south. The End Of All Things thanks him for his input, apologizing for his poor sense of direction.

When they land, not another three hours later, it is his immense desire to not upset The End Of All Things alone that keeps Genma from kissing the ground.

Izumo and Kotetsu - once again on gate duty - tense up at The End Of All Things' presence.

Naruto narutos through his explanation, leaving the pair confused, but Kakashi just pulls him and The End Of All Things along, telling Izumo and Kotetsu to just count The End Of All Things as a summon on the paperwork - Genma will explain.

Genma does Not Want To Explain, actually. He wants to go home and curl up and get Slam Fucking Drunk so he can maybe forget about the sight of the sky cracking like a particularly fragile window under the force of Tsunade-sama's fist.

Alas, Genma is a ninja, so he'll suck it up.

Also, Kakashi is kinda giving him a free excuse to not eat with The End Of All Things - something that he's very certain is liable to be a horrifying event to witness (the Uzumaki is hard enough to watch, honestly).

Genma takes the out.

Kakashi is very much Rolling With It.

He's also, on their walk to Ichiraku's, hand-signing very discreetly.

Luckily they have a handsign for Shinigami, given the whole death-consuming seal. The anbu at the gate follow his hands - seemingly tucked behind his head - dutifully.

- Shinigami. Friendly. Additional Guard Requested. High-VIP treatment. inform Hokage - Delay Report, Priority Shinigami -

Not that the Shinigami (worse, actually, but he doesn't have a word for it and doesn't feel like making one up. Just "Kami" seems vague enough to be rude and "Danny" isn't very descriptive for the uninitiated) needs a guard, of course, but he's not sure how polite it would be to go around declaring "hey this guy is Shinigami+ be respectful"

Better to just have guards to keep people polite. Let them think he's just an esteemed guest - hopefully all he will end up being.

Other Jounin-sensei don't have to deal with this nonsense, Kakashi thinks.

At any rate, his signing gets things moving pretty fast.

He might worry about not being believed - Danny looks for all the world like a civilian kid in weird clothes - but any academy student past year one should be able to sense the gnawing void in the world the boy represented. Even more than just the lack that a corpse might have, even nature chakra was absent in him.

Very, very few can sense nature chakra, but the lack? He's felt the lack twice before - with Minato and with Sarutobi. Only briefly, but it is burned into his memory all the same. That the boy feels that way should be more than enough evidence - assuming they hadn't already figured the Shinigami was in the mood to mingle with the living.

To those trained in chakra, Danny is a void.

To civilians? Uncanny valley.

Something Is Wrong Here But I Don't What.

The Boy Is Not A Boy And Perhaps Never Was.

Luckily it's a ninja village, so civilians mostly just shudder and chalk it up to "weird ninja bullshit" and move on.

Of course, he's still spooky.

As far as Teuchi and Ayame are concerned he's just another of Naruto's friends. And he wants to try their ramen!

And he's a little bit unsettling and maybe the air around him is weirdly cold. But! That just means he needs some ramen to warm him up!

(That or it's another weird ninja bullshit thing, but that's none of Teuchi's business. He knows what he's about - he sells ramen. Everything else is details.)

Danny dealt with Uzushio before but I think it'd be funny if the previous times he was summoned he never had ramen - maybe it just wasn't something developed until post-uzushio or maybe it just never came up. I just want ramen to be new to Danny. His only previous experience with ramen being the "boil it on a stove with a flavor packet and that's it" kind.

And when Naruto offered him "the BEST ramen" he was like. Well, alright. Maybe he has a cool add-in or something? Can't imagine a whole restaurant based on it though but hey, I'm not picky and he's a pretty cool guy.

And then he's given Ramen. Ramen with a capital R. With the authentic broth and fancy fillings and it is. SO good. Like WOW Naruto was not exaggerating he didn't know ramen could be THAT good. It is, quite possibly, the best thing that he has ever eaten.

He says so.

Teuchi is flattered, of course.

And I mean?

If he says that? You KNOW everybody just gets wild flashbacks to Kushina and then Naruto, like??? Huh. So THAT'S how they befriended Super Death. What are the fuckin odds? Those audacious mofos.

O7 Respect, we guess.

Like? The THEORIES? Cause, do YOU wanna be the one to ask? I don't! But... when in the Absolute FUCK would they have had either the time or opportunity to go "oh hey! Super Shinigami! Since we have literally negative survival instincts, like, as a CLAN? Wanna go get some ramen?" And start up THAT friendship?

My theory? Some Uzumaki Ninja Ghost decided "I heard that the King Of Ghosts is absurdly powerful and impossible to defeat..... but on the OTHER HAND, I didn't get to finish my art project! So SQUARE UP, FUCKO!"

And Danny was like "??? Who? Is this lost and sassy child? Ow! Stop biting me!"

Clearly, no choice but to become friends and/or be bullied by a literal zygote of a Ghost into fetching his unfinished art project. You know... Him. The GHOST KING.

Then he met the OTHER ones! They're so... so FENTON like! They tried to bribe him with food! Because they saw "big scary death god", knew they PROBABLY had to pay him some sort of Price Of High Importance to leave, and? Where did their brains IMMEDIATELY go too?

Well OBVIOUSLY the highest price one could PAY... is that Super Special Snack you were saving for a special occasion. What higher price could there BE? You gonna make them put on a feast too or something? *various red headed suspicious squints*

They were his lil blorbos. His special little guys.

But, uhh... *takes a big sip of broth* you should PROBABLY? Do something about the not-blind who look blind guys, that are having a panic attack in... *makes a full circle gesture. *that direction*

For everyone NOT involved in the situation?

If the Uzumaki, mad lads that they were, seal master's who routinely moon the Shinigami for funsies that they are, got SUUUUUPER drunk? And were like?

"F-! *hic!* FUCK your fancy ass Summons contract Himiko! I got one TOO, you know. A..An' it's TOTALLY better then yours! It's got BLACKJACK! And hookers!" *falls on their face unconscious*

Needless to say? Not their proudest moment. Actually, their kinda deeply embarrassed. But like FUCK ARE THE BACKING DOWN! Their mouths wrote a check their ass can't currently cash... so the only REASONABLE solution? Apologize and tell the truth? Psh! NO.

Break Reality Until It's TRUE.

THEN they weren't technically lying!

They're a GENIUS~☆! :D

And yes, yes this IS normal behavior for them. It's both cultural AND genetic. There was a REASON people were terrified of those insane mother fuckers.

Because? They just? MADE UP a A Summons Contract. With Who? Dunno! We're gonna find out! But it looks right Seals wise! *signs name before anyone with sense can stop them, does the signs, draws blood aaaand?*

POOF!

Nani THE FUCK!? Says local dead Japanese 16th century fisherman who was flying by to visit the Lair of his buddy the 14th century monk. Behold! A FUCKING ZONE GHOST! He is unsummoned before he can react.

The Uzumaki have A Ghost Contract™.

.........th....they may have fucked up.

YOU THINK?

Roars basicly the ENTIRE Elders council. Who FUCKING FELT THAT. Because EVERYONE Felt that. They're SENSOR. That was a HOLE in REALITY that somehow GLOWED like a BEACON of both absolute Nothingness and Death! You TRAUMATIZED THE KIDS, YOU ASSHOLE!

Still....they ARE ninja. And Curious mother fuckers to the last.

So basically EVERYONE and their dog signs it. They somehow get WEIRDER. Bigger Chakra reserves. Obsessive tendencies. Meh, you win some, you lose some.

But? Then they fuckin DIE. (And their WHOLE ASS VILLAGE SHOWS UP IN THE ZONE. OH GOD, WHAT-!?)

And some grave robbing fuck tries to use the Contract. SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!

Ghost Uzumaki!

Your literal worst nightmare!

They DO NOT try using it again. It gets sealed DEEP. Until the Hokage gets wind of it. And, of course, Danzo. The Hokage sends Hound. And Team Kakashi on a completely unrelated but nearby "help a farmer" mission. Danzo sends assassins. Because he's fucking awful.

Kakashi gets the scroll.

Yep. Creepy rambling and shit handwriting, def Uzumaki. Time to go.

He gets attacked on the way back to camp. GDI Root. Well, its you or me. Sucks for you, I guess. They fight. They get a lucky shot. He bleeds on the scroll, doesn't notice. But SURELY... SURELY it isn't CROWDED enough with names that the Uzumaki just added a "and anyone who bleeds on THIS part at the bottom _______ plus does the handsigns" towards the end.... RIGHT??

RIGHT?! Look him in the EYES Uzumaki Clan, RIGHT??!

They would prefer not to answer that. The Vibez here are getting REALLY aggressive, you know? >.> It made sense at THE TIME...

So... he goes to summon his Dogs.

And he SURE DOES GET UM.... plus One(1!!!).

Who the FUCK is this glowing green dog? A puppy? Kakashi seeing the dimwitted looking little thing about to get STABBED tries to rescue it. It takes one look look at him (worried for it), the other dogs (growling at his enemies, fighting) and... turns around, shifting as it does, to HUNDREDS of times it's previous size.

Like an Akimichi transformation.

A sudden, hulking, green WOLF with red glowing eyes and killing intent that would Rival a demon's. The howl is unearthly. It joins the fray like a meat thresher.

Then pops back to a floating, tongue lolling, dimwitted pup the second everything is done.

G...God boy?

Far be it for KAKASHI to fear a dog, no MATTER how dangerous. So he carries it back to camp. Where it seems to instant fall in LOVE with Naruto. They become the BEST of friends.

There's frolicking.

Looking down at the pocket with the scroll he reclaimed? Yeah. Yeah that tracks. According to Pakkun, the pup has a "weird, echo-y" accent and is incredibly scatter brained. Training to be a gaurd dog? WAS Training. IS currently... what.

Okay. IS currently the gaurd dog/pet of an Emperor. Because THATS not alarming. Did the Royal family all... wait... he examines the pup again. Transparent. Was it KILLING intent he felt... or a Deathy pressure? Didn't the Uzumaki have Forbidden soul and death seals? It would stand to REASON...

Oh god damn it.

Pakkun. Pakkun please tell me that pup is ALIVE.

(He can not.) (Hilariously? Dispite being TERRIFIED of Ghosts? Naruto is TOTALLY COOL with Zone Ghosts? Don't be MEAN, Sensei! They're just PEOPLE! It's not THEIR fault They're dead! Now GHOSTS? Spooky and EVIL! Totally different.)

...

Poof.

Wolf Man that doesn't speak Elemental. But at least the puppy recognizes him?

Cause like? He can't unsummon the puppy... Naruto has him. Refuses to give him back. Is off frolicking about Konoha, terrorizing people with a death dog. That will turn into a GIANT death dog upon being threatened. So like... >.>

Oh noooooo a dog that will loyally defend Sensei's beloved son? What ever will he DO? It's not like HE can stop it. It's clearly an Uzumaki heritage thing. Sad face :(

(Don't you sass me, hound. I'm your Hokage.)

It's canonical that animals can become ghosts, so I'm imagining that Hatake keeps trying to send dogs back and just has a army of them.

I wonder 🤔🤔🤔 Hey Inuzuka can I-? HELL YEAH YOU CAN! Wow, didn't even let him finish. Alright, then.

He tries generic Dogs of The Leaf. Gets Tsume's Grandpa's Partner. A GIANT fuck off Wolfdog of a Inuzuka Hound, but BIGGER now because he's a GHOST. The whole clan cheers. Wooooo! Bamf Dog! We KNEW IT! Too stubborn to dieeeeeee! Woooooooooo! \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

It's? The single worst day of every Leaf sensors LIFE.

Well... SECOND worse. First? Second. Maybe a tie? Bout right up there with the nine tails, they'll tell you THAT! Fucking Hatake keeps popping out DEATH HOUNDS. They feel AWFUL.

Like. Wulf opened a portal while Kakashi was busy freaking out so he could go back and let Danny know what was happening. And Danny, slightly upset that his friends keep essentially getting kidnapped, just tells Wulf to take a bunch of dogs back with him.

So, like, Kakashi keeps getting surrounded by more and more dogs, or the dogs don't always look the same, and he can never actually be sure how many he has summoned at any one point in time, in part because ghost dogs have ghost powers and don't always look the same--exhibit A: Cujo. Maybe ghost dogs can just change colors/breeds as they please! Maybe they can multiply the way Naruto can with his clone jutsu! How would he know?!

Danny starts sending other random animals. Kakashi now thinks some of the ghost dogs have the power to change species as well.

The ONLY one having a great time here is Naruto.

HE has a PUPPY. He has MANY puppies. They ALL love him. Unlike normal animals, which sense Kurama and get freaked out? ZONE animals are vibin. Sure they feel a bit tingly and weird? And are funny colors?

But SO WHAT!

They actually LIKE him!

Wulf is like *looks at naruto holding cujo like this is the best day of his life* "hmmmm. My friend? I think cujo has found someone in need of a dog. I will supervise him until he returns." "Oh? We got more dogs. Take back up! They get lonely too. Maybe somebody can haunt a new friend." *legion of dogs perk up like they heard "walkies"*

But also like? HA! Get FUCKED Zetsu! Try to kidnap Kurama NOW.

No, seriously, we actually fucking DARE you.

An unkillable pack of canines that have superpowers and can FLY... that need neither rest nor sleep... and can phase through solid objects? Go invisible? Pack bonded THE FUCK out of this one weird, probably sticky, ramen loving, gremlin child?

I might translate this article later today. This one was the most complete one, even in Italian news it's not talked about that much.

yes (please describe in tags or replies!)

no

microsoft games are a bds boycott target, and because both bethesda + obsidian are owned by microsoft, this includes the games published by them.

microsoft is gonna further profit from a new virtual playground of ~post-apocalyptic bombed out towns in the desert~ while contributing to creating bombed out apocalyptic conditions in gazan towns, by collaborating with israel on so many fronts that bds calls microsoft the most complicit company in palestinian genocide.

Mona’s community aid initiative – verified by el-shab-hussein

The Sameer Project – has a british partner org, so UK folks can donate with gift aid here with no transfer fees

Revive Gaza Farmlands – has a canadian partner org, so canadians can donate via direct bank transfers with no transfer fee

(via bsky)

In case anyone hasn't heard, the cyclospora outbreak affecting tons of people in the US right now is coming from Taylor Farms produce. Best to stay away from bagged lettuce and prepared salads completely right now, but especially the ones mentioned in the screenshot:

Taylor Farms Earthbound Farms Little Salad Bar (Aldi) Marketside (Walmart) Kroger House Brand Target private label greens Costco salads and greens etc Trader Joe's chopped salad kits and fresh produce Fast food: McDonalds, Taco Bell, (Yum! Brands), Chipotle, Subway, Pizza Hut, KFC, Olive Garden, Top Golf, Red Lobster, Burger King, etc.

This is not the first time I've heard about a Taylor Farms foodborne illness outbreak. I stopped eating their salads after reading a description of the conditions in their facilities. Doesn't sound like they've improved anything.

Random group: [chaos]

Amnesiac Protagonist: not my circus, not my monkeys

Protagonist: but they do feel weirdly familiar....

Protagonist: [squints] wait. Hold on a minute.

Also consider Mikinakoos' as they're extending support beyond their traditional service areas due to the scale of this emergency!

Donations for Namaygoosisagagun First Nation:

Donations for Whitesand First Nation:

Namaygoosisagagun First Nation/Collins has burned to the ground. The entire community is nothing but ashes after being quickly consumed by wildfires. They did not have any support from emergency services, and no one offered aid. The community saved themselves by escaping into boats because no one came.

Mishkeegogamang and Cat Lake have lost power. Families are ending up in shelters with nothing. Armstrong, Lac La Croix, Whitesand, Gull Bay, Lac des Mille Lacs are currently in the fires path and all members are being evacuated.

All this loss, all this devastation, and it was entirely preventable.

After steadily underfunding wildland firefighting and purposefully excluding Indigenous wildland firefighters and Indigenous wildfire organizations from wildfire operations, firefighter training, decisionmaking, and resource exchanges, in 2025, Doug Ford slashed the forest firefighting budget.

It's hard to ignore his decision to cut funding and leave us out of adequate fire training (even though we've lived with forest fires for thousands of years—far longer than settlers have been in Canada—and made sure fires like the ones we're all seeing today were prevented through kinisitotēn) when, despite making up less than 5% of the population, we account for 42% percent of all wildfire evacuations in Canada.

And when we are successfully evacuated, we face discrimination and racism—like Kashechewan—because it's always been easier to blame us than it is to blame the true culprit: denialism, corportate greed, and colonization.

The people of Collins and every other impacted community deserve better.

Right now, the AFN is currently accepting donations to help Collins First Nation. If you're able to, please consider donating.

ONWA (Ontario Native Women's Association) is another great place to donate to. They have outreach vans going to motels and inns and offering food, water, resources, and cultural support to those impacted by the wildfires.

Other places to consider donating to are Mikinakoos Emergency Fund, Red Cross, True North Aid, Indigenous Climate Action. You can also send donations directly to Whitesand First Nation via e-transfer ([email protected]) and they request that you add your full name in the e-transfer comment section to receive a tax receipt.

*Before sending money, verify that the appeal appears on an official First Nation, Tribal Council or registered charity channel.

If you can't offer financial support, please consider donating items of need. Moontime Connections is currently accepting drop-off donations. If you live in the Thunder Bay area, Namaygoosisagagun Health Office is also taking in donations! They can also bemailed to Superior Inn Hotel & Conference Centre at 555 West Arthur Street, Thunder Bay, ON, P7E 5P8.

items needed are: food, diapers, medical masks, men’s and women’s joggers (all sizes), children’s clothing (newborn to size 14), children’s shoes, summer clothing, men’s clothing, toiletries (lotion, Vaseline, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, etc.), strollers, adult depends-all sizes, dog & cat food

I am dead fucking serious. A serious car accident or a major illness is how a lot of the "working" homeless get that way. They played payment roulette with the wrong bills that subsequently snowballed while they were too sick to work/in the 'donut hole' of spend-down before you qualify for medicaid and lost everything.