triple threat (bi, ace, and genderfluid)

New people at work when introduced to him go "oh, like Shane Hollander" and he BEAMS at that and says "Yep!"

Has a picture of Shane on his desk and the same new people think its a joke until an old timer who probably met Shane at a bring your kid to work day clued them in

Would not let Yuna touch the college fund they set up for Shane until he was out of his rookie contract. What if Shane changed his mind about hockey? What if he got injured and needed a good education? Only conceeded when his son was a multi-millionaire

Only time he has ever gone to HR was when someone stole the baby Shane picture off his desk after he got famous. That's his baby!!! Give it back!!! There were so many memos and all staff emails that it did get returned one night, but a picture of it circulated online so now David only has PR photos at work

His lawyer is an old college friend who he catches up with at least once a year and who reviews the Hollander's will and life insurance policy each year with specific instructions to look after Shane. This annual tradition continues to this day. The lawyer buddy is going to be there for that grown celebrity professional sportsman no matter what

Was so excited when Shane started The Cottage project, and helped him with everything, including liaising with the builders etc. Was delighted to have the first a joint project with his son since school (he helped with art/science/show and tell)

Is really bad with technology but the nice young people at the office help (is not fully cognizant of the fact half the office is in love with him but does correctly suspect the other half want to marry his son)

Always knew he wanted to be a dad, and was devastated when it seemed like that wasn't going to happen, but didn't want to put that on Yuna who was already struggling with it

Sent congratulation cards and presents to all his buddies when they had kids anf was genuinely happy for then but it also killed him a bit. Unfortunately the conversation around men struggling because they wanted kids was not happening in the 80s/early 90s so he kept quiet (and passed that trait on to Shane)

Thought Shane was perfect from the moment he was born, and still thinks that. Can't concieve of why Shane thought he could let them down, he's literally always been Yuna and David's perfect baby

The team elects to ask Shane and Ilya, because despite being on the team for years now they are almost Never seen apart. (see the one time Shane went away for a brand deal and suddenly Wyatt understood exactly what cliff meant when he mentioned "the rose laundry skates")

they ask the next morning in the locker room and Shane is freaking out because what if Ilya does find it boring spending all his time with him, he knows he means it affectionately when he calls him boring but surely after so long he must get tired of it, and why did he never tell him they promised they would communicate—

"bored? of Shane???"

and Ilyas just confused because how could someone ever be bored of Shane. he spent years wishing for just one more second with him and now he gets to spend the rest of his life with him, why wouldn't he be anything but the happiest man in the world.

and he says so, with a lot of innuendos that makes the team groan and shanes blushing so hard in the background, even more so after he hears a familiar Russian term of endearment that sounds suspiciously like tomato

He loves when Ilya is a menace. “Asshole” is his favorite pet name for him and “fuck off” is basically dirty talk. Ilya wants to party with Centaurs after a game? “Go have fun babe.” Ilya is relentless chirping another player? “Well he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” Ilya wants to blow Shane while he’s on a phone call? We canonically know how that goes.

But he does not fuck around with his man’s health and safety. Ilya can into any mischief he wants until there’s a chance it could actually endanger him and that’s when Strict Shane has arrived. No, ilya cannot smoke cigarettes, Shane is not losing his man to lung cancer. Yes, Shane will lather Ilya up in sunscreen every summer and make him wear a daily SPF 50 moisturizer, Shane is not losing his man to skin cancer. He’s limiting his McDonald’s intake bc his man is not going to get heart disease. He’s making him get safer cars bc if Ilya dies from driving recklessly, Shane will bring him back to life just to kill him again. He wasted almost a decade not getting to be with Ilya the way he wanted and he’ll be damned if he lets anything (including Ilya) shorten their time together.

So now there’s this perception that Shane has Ilya on a tight leash. That he won’t let Ilya ever have fun and that Shane has domesticated him and Ilya is stuck under Shane’s thumb. Meanwhile Shane is actively egging Ilya on when he’s being a little shit. Shane is even bitchier and freakier than Ilya and it is so funny to Ilya that the world is so wrong about him.

It is not so funny to Ilya when someone tries to tell Shane to be less strict with Ilya. That is unacceptable. Ilya loves when his husband is citing statistics about lung cancer to him and making him his gross (healthy) smoothies and making sure he does the appropriate stretches before a workout and making him drink a glass of water in between drinks so he doesn’t get too hungover. Ilya has not had anyone who cared enough to “nag” him every day about his health (the closest was his mother but even then he often ended being the one who had to focus on her health). Shane being strict makes him feel so loved. He’s genuinely upset if Shane tries to “loosen his leash” bc Shane’s lectures are how he knows Shane cares. It’s proof that Shane wants forever with Ilya just as much as Ilya does.

There's one name though, one that Ilya pulls out when he wants Shane's attention, when he feels fond but knows Shane is in that mood that won't let Ilya be gentle with him. Shanya.

It's the closest thing to a Russian diminutive Ilya has come up with, and when he realizes it's one of the only names he can get away with on public, boy does he take advantage of it.

The Centaurs notice. Of course they do. They notice how Shane's jaw clenches when they call him "Holly" or "Holzy". They notice, and some guess, just how many comments, how many "jokes" the Metros had to make to get Shane to react like that to what should be an affectionate nickname.

And so, when Ilya starts calling him Shanya in practice, and Shane gets this not-quite smile in his face, the rest of the team catches on quickly.

Surprisingly, its Luca who tries it first, the vowels clear and precise just like Ilya does it. Teasing, but fond with it. Shane starts a little, and they all hold their breaths, subtly waiting for the downturn of Shane's mouth, the tightening of his shoulders. And then Shane rolls his eyes upwards, that half smile that talks of fond exasperation, and everyone sighs in relief. It's fair game after that.

"Damn Shanya, what a fucking shot!"

"Shanya, how the hell did you manage that?"

"There anymore water, Shanya?"

"You okay, Shanya?"

"who else would know how to cook you these things, hm?"

dryly: "literally anyone with internet access?"

It started when he was a kid and he was trying to help everyone get better at hockey including the opposing teams players, he would say something like “your stick grip is weak” or “you’re slow on your right” (idk i don’t know hockey very well ESPECIALLY little kid hockey) but he says it totally deadpan because little Shanebug doesn’t understand tone yet.

This makes the other teams so mad! They try and fight him constantly! Little bitty baby hockey fights and then Yuna sits him down in middle school after the first fight that he actually gets hurt (black eye and bloody lip) and asks him what he is saying to make everyone fight him?

“Nothing mean I swear mom!!! I’m trying to be nice and help correct their form”

And suddenly Yuna gets it and explains to Shane that not everyone but especially not the opposing team likes to have their flaws pointed out to them even if it’s coming from a good place and how that could be seen as chirping.

So he stops for a while, then his coach for world juniors tells him to try and piss off Rozanov enough that they can draw a penalty. So Shane does what he does best and points out a flaw at each face off. Jokes on him though because Ilya is actively changing those things and getting better every face off because he is taking it for what it is, advice.

Which pisses Shane off, he thinks his chirping tactic won’t work now that he is older. So he points out at his first scrimmage at practice in Montreal that the center who has been there for years (who he is probably replacing) is favoring his left side is staying too far left to compensate (again I don’t know hockey so I am trying to translate things I know about soccer lol)

And the center loses it on him! Immediately yelling about the lack of respect and how a rookie makes it to the MLH and thinks they are hot shit.

So Shane realizes his chirping DOES work just not on rozanov and becomes a menace he studies game tape specifically to find holes in his opponents game and pre prepares chirps and it fucking works because all these men are so far up their own asses that they just get mad instead of using the advice.

towards the end of their wedding reception, sun setting, looking rumpled and tired, Ilya kissing Shane's palm while Shane is very seriously talking to Scott Hunter

the two of them with a fan, taken at the dog park, Ilya holding Anya and Shane with one arm around his husband's shoulder and the other trying to prevent Anya from licking the fan's face

Shane Hollander sitting on the Centaurs bench with blood on his face, mouth wide open, Ilya Rozanov gripping his chin and glaring at the gap where Shane's bottom canine used to be

Ilya Rozanov with his fist in the air after a goal, a smear of red in the corner of his mouth

sitting next to each other at team tape review, heads bent together, Ilya's hand on Shane's thigh, Shane's hands sketching out a play in the air

Ilya Rozanov leaning against his car in the airport arrivals line, a coffee in one hand and a forest-green smoothie in the other

Shane Hollander giving his husband the middle finger after losing the shot accuracy competition at ASG by half a second

piggyback racing across the yard with a Pike twin each clinging to their necks

Ilya Rozanov, outraged, with a face full of snow, as his husband doubles over with laughter

wearing identical blank expressions the seventeenth time a journalist asks about their "off-ice chemistry"

Shane Hollander throwing his head back and cackling in a booth at a random dive bar in a random city, Ilya Rozanov grinning into his drink

"I know I am not what you wanted for him."

Ilya says this as a statement of fact, rather than a question. He's not laboring under any delusions that Shane's parents looked at their child when he was small and wished for him to be with a Russian asshole who can't keep his mouth shut. Especially one that is a man. It bothers him, not a small amount, but he also knows that it can't be helped. 

But Yuna, who is sitting with him in front of the television as David and Shane stand in the kitchen, pointing to a cabinet that is concerning them for some reason, both of their monotone voices low as they stand with identical stances, hands on their faces and eyebrows furrowed, just gives Ilya an unreadable look.

Her eyes, which remind him of Shane's, pierce his soul for a long moment. Then, she says, "Ilya. Has Shane told you about what used to happen when he'd get overwhelmed as a child?"

He frowns, struck once again by the fact that though he feels like he knows Shane better than anyone else in the entire world, there is still so much more to learn. "No."

"When something bad happened, or things were too loud, or scary, or big changes happened...he would...well, you saw," she explains gently, obviously referring to how Shane had shut down at the table at Yuna and David's house the day before. "He'd stop talking. Hyperventilate–breathe really fast, that is–or start to cry. Shut himself in his room, or even try to bang his head against the wall." Her voice cracks a little at the last phrase, and Ilya's heart breaks a little as well, picturing a tiny Shane with tears in his eyes, trying to get ahold of emotions he couldn't even explain. "It used to take us hours to calm him down."

"That is...I am sorry. Must have been difficult. For everyone," he murmurs, because he can't find the words to explain his urge to travel back in time and scoop that small child into his arms.

"It wasn't easy," Yuna relents, giving him a tight smile. "But the point is, even as he got older, it was still hard for him. Still is hard for him, when he gets upset. He just…stops talking. Gets overwhelmed. David and I have tried everything to help. But when he gets like that, it’s....But Ilya, seeing you calm him yesterday in a matter of seconds?"

He blinks, thinking back again. Yes, he had calmed Shane, but it hadn't been some difficult puzzle. It'd just been a firm touch, a few simple words. Instinct, really. "Was not a big deal," he murmurs, flushing.

"It was. And that is the only thing we've ever wanted for Shane. Someone who understands and loves him enough to be there for him like he needs. We don't care about anything else," Yuna says, smiling softly.

liliya and jane selfies ♡ might as well post them here too

he and ilya are hanging out in the yard and some bees are buzzing around because some watermelon juice spilled on the ground earlier and shane suggests they go inside or rinse the juice off the patio and ilya teases him about being scared of little bees and shane SO nonchalantly just, "no, but i am allergic and you don't know where my epipen is"

and ilya

reblogging with my own tags because i'm also CACKLING imagining the implications of this not being specific to ilya, either. they're having a barbeque at hayden and jackie's house and hayden is good-naturedly encouraging shane to try a piece of coffee cake or something and ilya just goes, "no, bad for you"

and hayden IMMEDIATELY is on the defensive because what? you get to tell him what to eat now? where do you get o-

"no, bad for him because it has walnuts in it, pike. you want him to die? this is what you want?"

"what are you talking about?"

shane: "i'm allergic"

"??? since WHEN??"

"since always??"

"you've eaten over at my house HOW many times?? and never brought this up? the fuck, dude?"

"jackie knows"

the idea of ilya on instagram accidentally pressing like while DEEP in allergy mommy blogging territory and natalie from That Allergy Mama DMing him to be like "hi, my husband wants me to tell you he says hi and that he's a big fan and also that call against you against san francisco was bullshit." "hello, husband of natalie. also do you have any suggestions for substituting peanuts in this recipe?"

he gets filmed for a what i eat in a day/day in the life type video and is so used to thinking about substitutes at this point that he doesn't even think about it when he mentions them in passing. they keep an allergy friendly household so the stuff he mentions is compliant, but it's paired with comments like, "and then i add some wowbutter, which is soybeans and not peanuts. we also sometimes have sunflower seed butter, but the texture for this is better with the wowbutter. i have also tried this, what is it called-shane: the gross paste with beans" *shane, offscreen from the living room*: "chickpea butter?" "yes, this." "it's nasty" "yes, not good. their jar says it is, but it is not. anyway-"

A. the idea of ilya being lowkey stressed about shane surprising him and potentially being exposed to allergens is so fucking funny. ilya who ends up also keeping an allergy-friendly household PURELY because it's just less stressful that way. meanwhile the motherfucker WITH the allergies is SO fucking casual about it that it wouldn't even occur to him to ask ilya to do that.

B. when they're pushing the friendship cover, ilya gets nudge nudge jokes about trying to copy what hollander's doing, and he's not going to share information shane didn't greenlight to get out, so he just plays along. and now there's like. at least three other players lowkey accidentally following an allergy diet because they don't know it's an allergy diet. why do hollander and now rozanov not eat tree nuts? unclear, but they're also the best two players in the entire industry so it's worth a shot to copy them.

@lucky-santangelo ilya only getting five seconds of feeling smug and holier than thou before shane puts him on blast is KILLING me XD

shane groaning SO loud when ilya first breaks out the allergy cards because GOD ilya it's NOT that serious this is embarass-

oh? is this more or less embarassing than having allergic reaction in the middle of a restaurant and needing your epipen? hm? shut up and take the fucking shiny cards, hollander.

and riFUCKINGp to the restaurant that lied about not using peanut oil in their fryer as an angry, stressed ilya is stuck in a hospital lobby with wifi and a lot of energy that has nowhere to go until he's allowed to be back with his husband. you're DONE FOR.

GOD the psychic damage ilya takes the day he finds out body products can have allergens in them. his body wash company is getting a SCATHING email about fucking around with their formula when there are PEOPLE with ALLERGIES who RELY ON-

shane growing up who always got, "oh, you poor thing" from well-intentioned adults as a kid and then, "damn, i could NEVER live like that" from same-age peers when older whenever he had to explain his allergies, and it was both annoying and also felt like failing at something when he had to decline a piece of birthday cake or a slice of pizza because it wasn't safe for him.

but if he frames it as a performance diet, then suddenly! admiration! he gets some teasing obviously, but there's also an air of "good for you, man" that lands a lot easier than pity.

@riddlemaster101

i feel like shane would reliably tell medical people because this is a Rule for medical settings so yes of course he'll go into detail

David spots them at the cottage and they go over, Shane's cottage is obviously allergen free and the shopping he did is all safe for him. Yuna and David know to cook safely, the chicken parm is all good and fine but they say "the croutons aren't safe for you, but you don't like those anyway" just in passing as a matter of habit and Ilya who JUST learned about bananas and latex and bees is like "oh wow! More allergies?? I need a list. Haha" and then they have the meal and the panic attack and they become boyfriends. Before they leave Yuna makes him a copy of her list of all the known allergens and Shane's common reactions to them, it's the first time he hugs her. He looks her in the eye and says "thank you for letting me take care of him. I will be careful."

It's a relief, to know he cares to try. But at the end of the day they JUST met this man. So they cross their fingers and try not to feel the same way they did every time Shane went to somebody's house for a birthday party or a sleepover.

And then they are over at the cottage some night and they decide to order in for dinner. Ilya takes everybody's orders and goes to the kitchen to call it in for them and it's taking *forever* so Yuna goes to see if he needs any help. She finds him sitting with two copies of the list, hers and one translated into Russian for his easy reference. He has the phone on speaker and says "thank you for checking the dressing ingredients, I know is weird request, but sometimes Caesar dressing is safe, sometimes not safe, but he likes it so much is worth checking. Yes, I'll hold again."

They've ordered from this place a dozen times, their recipe for Caesar dressing is safe, YUNA knows that, SHANE knows that, that's why he ordered it. But *Ilya* doesn't. So he's checking. Because Shane wants the dressing and Ilya want him *safe* and *happy*. And isn't that all a parent wants? For their kid to be with someone who is just as invested in their happiness and safety as they are? For somebody who will wait on hold while they check the fry oil and the dressing ingredients and whatever else?

also cackling about the idea of ilya using the group chat with them to be mad about brands changing their ingredients so things that were SAFE are now NOT 😤 it started just as a "hey, those crackers aren't safe anymore" as a collective fyi thing, but it ends up being ilya just mad about safe things not being safe anymore

"June 3rd, 2022 Ottawa Centaurs OFFICIAL STATEMENT In light of the concern expressed regarding language used by captain and star center Ilya Rozanov on some of his social media posts, the Ottawa Centaurs would like to expressly state that we as a team are not 'heterophobic.' The Centaurs as an organization, and everyone employed under the franchise name, are committed to embracing and accepting everyone, regardless of their sexuality.  Hockey is for everyone."

After reading the end of the statement, Shane looked up from his phone, glaring from his husband to Harris Drover. "Rozanov. What the fuck did you do?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes.

"Nothing! Was a joke!" Ilya whined, crossing his arms and smirking a little.

"I cannot believe you made me release a statement in support of the straights. During fucking Pride Month," Harris retorted, frowning.

"I did not-"

"What did you say?" Shane asked again, feeling more and more hysterical.

Ilya sighed. "I just replied to comment on a picture of me, you, Barrett, and Haas in our Pride jerseys. Comment said, 'Reasons 1to 4 I am homophobic.' So I said, 'And you are reason I am heterophobic, Carl.'"

Shane groaned as Harris sent him an 'I-told-you-so' look. "I'm sorry for him," he muttered, shaking his head.

But Harris just chuckled. "You act like I didn't have to spend four hours last week doing damage control because you told a reporter to focus on hockey questions and not flirting with your husband."

Shane flushed a little. "She wasn't doing her job."

- Ilya gets a sunburn during the first cottage summer and neither of them realize it until Ilya is taking his shirt off that night and Shane sees the lobster-red flush across his shoulders. He sucks in a hiss through his teeth and says, "Oh, baby, ouch," and presses the big, broad pads of his fingertips so tenderly to Ilya's shoulder and Ilya has to close his eyes because he feels like he's going to crack apart.

- When he answers the phone and he's alone. "Hi baby," said so softly if it's been a long day. Or a hard one. Or if it's late. "Hey baby," more energetically, usually in the morning, in a way that reminds Ilya of how his teammates answer the phone to their girlfriends and wives. Masculine and jockish and very North American in a way that makes Ilya feel pleased for Shane, in a weird way.

- Glass on the floor in the kitchen. Ilya blindly following the sound of the shatter and not really even thinking about it until he's standing amongst the shards and Shane is gesturing frantically with the broom. "Put on some fucking shoes, baby, please! Fuck, where are your slides--no, don't move, I'll get them--"

- Said gently, as a question, on days when he perhaps stays in bed longer than can be justified by sleepiness.

- "Hey, baby," said some mornings when Ilya comes downstairs dressed for the day and Shane really likes his outfit. Usually an indication that Ilya will not be wearing those clothes for very long.

- In bed less often than you'd think. Really a vanilla sex only thing, because being called baby can sometimes bring Ilya out of it when he's really in the groove. But Shane will lose it a little sometimes, when Ilya says, "Tell me you like it," and Shane says, "Yes baby fuck fuck I like it fuck please don't stop fuck baby please let me cum" and that's. Very good. Obviously.

- Said with a very particular warning lilt and only AFTER Shane has already said, "Ilya." and then, "Rozanov." In the same tone. This is actually one of only two circumstances where the very elusive 'babe' comes into play. If Shane REALLY wants Ilya to stop whatever he's doing or saying, it's a hand around the wrist and the word, "Babe," quiet but firm. And it does shut Ilya up approximately 100% of the time.

- Other instance of 'babe': Any sort of crowd. 'Ilya' is three syllables (Because Shane...pronounces it a bit wrong.) and unique enough that Shane sometimes worries about drawing attention. 'Babe' is one syllable and can be barked above the crowd in the Captain Hollander voice loud enough that Ilya will have no choice but to hear him if he's within the surrounding 500 feet. They have Marco-Polo'd themselves back to each other with 'BABE' and 'SHANE' multiple times in multiple countries.

- One time someone accidently brings several bottles of fortified wine to the barbecue. It's quite high proof for wine and several people get tipsier than normal, including Shane. Halfway through the evening he puts his head on Ilya's shoulder and plays with his fingers and murmurs, "My baby," into the seam of his shirt and Ilya, looking down at him so fondly, says, "Yes. Yours. Drink some water for me, sweetheart."