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I wanna break down like this

How can i spend those times? Where should i go? How can i deal with this pain like nothing happened? Will my smile ever become real? Until the day i say those three words Can i ever get a sleep in my own big bed?

Lately i am not myself. What I do and what I feel are far away from me. Nothing feels right but it feels so good. Today i broke it off. I did everything that I said I wouldnt do. I played all my cards. I dont know how much I can go?. I let go all my pride and shyness. I was screaming my love to everyone. If someone told me this day would come i wouldnt believe. Usually i cant express my feelings even when i am alone yet i wrote it all over the walls in that huge crowd. Without realizing i stepped up and crash everything. How can I go further after today. Still I miss him like crazy. If I had any chance to see him now I would leavd all my shame and pride with a blink. I need to see him everyday. I need him like i need music. When i was there i was a fool, i was a child, i was over my heels, i was in love. How did I fall so deep? Wake me up or leave me there forever 😥

All that for a girl he hasn't seen in five years

Tükettim herşeyi gözyaşlarımı bile geriye bir ben kaldım yeniden. Ben ve kafamın içinde cirit atan o minik şeytanlar. İtiraf ediyorum herşeyi ben yaptım. Hepsi benim suçum. Hiç girmek istemedigim hatta bunun için kendimi senelerce korumaya aldığım o lanet yolu ben seçtim. Yıktım herşeyi düşünmeden gerisini. Ne kaldı sonunda yine ben ve sorular. Ben düşündüm ben kurdum ben inceledim ve yine ben mahvettim. Herşey benimle başlayıp benim izdirabimla bitti. Kafamdaydı herşey belki de. Belki gerçek hepsi. Ama yok daha fazla koyveremem öyle. Bu gece toparlayamazsam kapılır düşerim kimse kurtaramaz beni yoksa coktan orda miyim? Ağlayarak gelir mi dersin olsa coktan benimdi. Uykum son raddesine dek rüzgara dirense de ruhum vazgeçmiyor. Sen yaptin sen cekeceksin diyor. İntikam mi bu? Kalk gidelim diyor bir taraf ama vucudum hareketsiz. Kaynaktan süzülen bir iki damla haric yasama belirtisi kaldi mi? Ya hepsi benim eserimse...

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Hope is a posion. I was asleep and calm as everything was safe and sound. All I could see was dark but it was what I am used to. I was resting in the deep of dark nights and unconditional silence. That pretty absence set me free and i could walk around the street of mine casually. There was a castle at the end of the road and it was belonged only to me. I was proud of my ability to isolate myself from voice of my heart and mind. I was living as it goes. There were no driver in the cab and i had no idea about directions or roads. The destinition was somewhere in nowhere. Then that poison surrounded my castle. Wild roses covered my roads. Still I dont know where i was headed yet there is unbearable, unthinkable pain coming through. It started only in a minute with a silly smile, that damn smirk i shouldnt have seen. It had been there all the time but i was taught and convinced hope is a poison. Now i am under the spell and cant break its charm. Neither i want or need but still i crave for more. I can sell my soul for a second more and none ask for the paycheck of my destroyed castle. Here in the most loved place at the middle of night and silence i cant run, i have no place to hide. There I am standing and shivering with a thought, a hope.

In time i understand these intense flows inside my heart is only eating me and you have no idea whats going on even though i stand right next to you. You dont know but you are fine as fck

Chris made a birthday cake for his daughter when he couldnt find a baker to do. Thats the father goals at its best

Best of Jensen

Bundan yaklaşık 8 sene önce hiç unutmuyorum iki şeref yoksunu insan tarafindan reddedilmiştik hem de sebepsiz. Yapılan ne bir savaş vardı ne de yalvarış. İhtiyaçtan degil sadece boyle bir vicdansızlığa şaşırıyor insan neden arıyor kendince. Ve ilahi adaletin düğümleri çözülüyor tabi. Bugün aynı iki isim kapımızı çalıyor utanmadan sıkılmadan o kendilerine özgü kibirleriyle. Unutmadım asla hala hatırlıyorum yabancı bir şehirde bir valiz ile annemle bir başımıza kaldığımız günü. Yüzlerine tükürmek istiyorum ama birşey beni geri çekiyor. Ama ben ikiyüzlü olamıyorum. İçimde var olan iğrenme hissi gülümsememe engel oluyor. Nazik olamıyorum çünkü unutmadım seneler önce var olan o utancı. Karşı taraf hala sakin çünkü hissedecek değerlerden uzak. Dinlemiyor çünkü dinlerse o büyük kibri zedelenecek. Kapıyor kulağını ve o ikinci maske çıkıyor ortaya. Sanki hiç olmamış gibi sanki hiç yaşanmamış gibi ...