Well Well Well

So this guy that I’m really good friends with who I was thinking may have ulterior motives (i. e. wanting to have sexual relations with me, who’s ace).  I’ve been kind of wanting to tell him I’m ace for a while but I’m super awkward and didn’t know how without sounding presumptuous or random.  But then, the other night, we got back from hanging with friends at 2 am.  Then talked until 4 am (he knows I’m an insomniac, but he’s not, so I’m always shocked when we talk that late).

Anyway, at some point he goes (in the most polite way possible because that’s just how he is) “I don’t mean to pry, but do you, by any chance, see yourself as asexual?”

Um.  Okay.  

So I was totally caught off guard and was just like “uh, yeah, actually, I do.”  Because: how did he even know about asexuality, for one?  It’s a pretty under-the-radar, from what I’ve seen.  As far as I know he’s straight.  He’s also very religious, and not that being a straight Christian guy means you’re ignorant of LGBTQ+ by any means, but, like, it makes it less likely.  And he’s a guy.  Which makes it all the more surprising to me because the only people I know who know about asexuality are girls.

And then the whole other question of: how did he guess I was ace?

We had talked a bit about kissing and how I don’t really see the appeal of it, but for him (normally a very cautious person who doesn’t say what he thinks unless he’s really pretty sure he’s right) to actually go out on a limb and ask...  I don’t know, do I give off strong “ace vibes” or something???  Is that a thing?

Okay, so my life has been in chaos mode for the past three weeks or so due to work and school and other things.  The “other things” have recently started to dominate, and I honestly don’t know how to deal, so I wanted to see if anyone here has any advice on the matter.  There’s more to this, but to save you some time, I’m going to try to keep it short.

First, there are a couple things you need to know about me.  

1.  I am extremely asexual and sex-repulsed.  In the past I have been romantically attracted to males.

2.  I do not trust guys for various reasons , and I haven’t had a guy-friend in a very long time.

3.  Even though I used to get crushes on them when I was younger, I haven’t gotten one in a long time.  Like 3+ years.  So there’s that.

Now the situation at hand:  I cannot tell if I have a crush on a guy.

It’s one of my co-workers, and I really didn’t like him at first, but he’s totally grown on me.  And I cannot tell if he likes me.  And it’s stressing me out because I don’t want to lead him on if I’m not interested?  And I don’t want to assume things if he only wants to be my friend?  And if we’re interested in each other, how does my being ace affect that?  And he’s religious and I’m not, so one of my concerns is that the attention he’s been giving me recently isn’t because he is romantically interested in me or even that he wants to be friends, but because he wants to convert me.  Unfortunately, I already trust him an unusual amount, so if anything happens, I’m going to  be destroyed.  So yeah, I don’t know what’s going on, and it’s making my life really stressful.

Aaaaand he cries.  In fact, he’s sobbing so hard that he makes a bigger mess by shaking the barf bowl.

Shy freaking out because he made a mess.

Another crappy drawing, because I need to procrastinate somehow.  Here’s Shy.

That’s Charlie!  She’s actually Austin’s best friend and romantic interest.

-what makes them sick/nauseous:  she has panic attacks sometimes that make her nauseous but she won’t allow herself to throw up.  she does catch bugs pretty often because she has a rough home life so her house is always dirty and her parents never take care of her.  she sometimes gets migraines bad enough to make her sick.

-how easily they get sick: not easily at all.  she’s got a great immune system.

-what’s the sickest they’ve ever been:  food poisoning.  she got so dehydrated she passed out.  she didn’t tell anyone, but Austin found her and took care of her until she got better.

-do they have any allergies: no

-how often they get hurt:  way more often than she should.

WARNING: potential trigger below the cut