Your real life MPDG

mozzarella and cheddar when i open my fridge and its not their time to be added to a fuckalicious grilled cheese sandwich

lovee a benson thats kinda pathetic specifically when it comes to randy [á la him immediately dropping everything and apologizing/panicking after accidentally shooting randy]

Teacher: guys this Tumblr post is 36281992 years old and only the long lost Tumblr princess can read it

i had a dream last night that the entire world used a currency (?) called angrypennies which as the name implies are obtained by experiencing anger. the stronger and more intense your anger was, the more angrypennies you'd gain. an all-consuming rage would earn you more than a slight irritation, etc. so people were always searching for ways to fuel their anger and purposefully keeping themselves angry all the time because they wanted to earn angrypennies. unclear if angrypennies could be exchanged for goods and services, or if they were just a collectible.

Ilya after an Ottawa vs Boston game “Sorry boys, I can’t go out tonight. The old ball and chain wants me home.”

What is your opinion on child neglect? Specifically in regards to your son

When it’s announced that a Bay Area middle school teacher is one of three heroes sent to save the world, San Francisco clamors to rename things to “Ryland Grace.” Grover Cleveland Middle is quick to the draw, becoming Ryland Grace Middle the very next school year. Grace also gets a street, of course, a science wing at Stanford, a state park along the coast — by the time the Beetles return, you could probably throw a rock in San Francisco and hit a Ryland Grace reference.

They made up :) also wanted to show the tags I put on the og post

hearing anything about the nolan odyssey is so funny. it's like "they cut the extremely important and infamous nobody scene" "the cyclops is a giant puppet that they put in an actual historical cave + gave circe animatronics for her pig transformation instead of cgi" "they dumped plastic skeletons in an environmentally protected location they were not supposed to be in" "they recreated ancient greek instruments in order to have an accurate score" "all of odysseus's agency is basically gone" "anne hathaway actually learned how to weave ancient looms" "the women in this movie are treated like shit" "they actually buried actors alive to get those underworld shots" "did you see what the fuck zendaya was fucking wearing holy shit you can't DO THAT, MA'AM" "what do you mean there was a legitimate epic the musical reference" "NOT A SINGLE FUCKING GREEK WAS CAST IN THIS MOVIE"

Tom: Goooood morning, my love! My absolute universe, my sun and moon, my dearest sunflower, my darling, the one and only love of my life!

ohhhh the angst… imagine ur classic starstruck au where ryland lowkey hates tom and tom thinks he’s playing hard to get.. well.. Tom is giving up. Then he finds the one wish willow and decides to buy it and try it out just for the hell of it! No way it’ll work, its a toy! Or so he thinks..