The BDSM community often claims to be radical and transgressive, but I don’t see how it’s either of those things. What is exactly radical about a dominant, aggressive, and sexually violent man and a submissive, pliant, demure woman? I’m aware there are women doms, but the majority of doms are men, this is well-known. Plus woman doms often take on a highly sensationalised depiction of femininity so I don’t see how that’s transgressive either.
I’ve heard the argument that BDSM is radical because the sub, the woman, chooses this dynamic. But it’s really the extreme end of the traditional heterosexual patriarchal relationship dynamic. So how is this radical? What boundaries do these dynamics actually push rather than confirming traditional views of sex and sexuality?
I was active in kink spaces for a long time and have experience as a sub irl
The entire community basically yells constantly that the sub is the one usually in control
Not only is that overwhelmingly false by the very nature of a total power exchange dynamic but it’s also been used to victim blame and brush abuse in the community under the rug
The amount of fellow subs I have met who have been abused in some way in a dynamic is basically every one I’ve ever met or interacted with
It’s a hub of predators
It’s always “she should have safe worded” or “she consented to be a slave instead of a sub and slaves have no hard limits” “don’t judge their dynamic” “no kink shaming”
They dropped Safe Sane Consensual in favor of Risk Aware Consensual Kink because “safe and sane” were considered problematic and shaming
If you need a safeword you are not safe. You are dealing with someone who is unable to see your boundaries. If you play you don't need savewords because you pretend. Also if the Saveword is said the transgression already happened.
