Just a kelpie in the marsh

keep getting glimpses into an alternate timeline where plurality is more normalized and you can buy shitty tshirts and mugs about it

we are witnessing the gentrification of the term "tumblr sexyman" in real time and it is extremely disappointing. like no, live-action white boy #265 played by ryan gosling isn't a tumblr sexyman. i can't believe i have to say this but if it wouldn't get you shoved into a locker it probably isn't a sexyman

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were

"Potassium cyanide. Arsenic trioxide. Polonium 210. Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin," I say, smugly and with full confidence, before downing the glass of wine my political rival insisted on pouring for me. Seconds later, she watches with a smirk as I collapse writhing to the ground, in the knowledge that I never could hit that "R" in "pinot noir" quite right

I really do love when I get called a fujoshi because, like. Look, it's not a cool thing to call any gay trans guy, but with me in particular, it is REALLY apparent that that's just your catch-all insult for gay trans guys. Really obvious that you were just throwing some spaghetti at the wall and hoping it stuck. You didn't even look at my blog. There's not even real life guys kissing on here. Or anime guys not kissing. I was just talking to my spouse about anime boys I am capable of naming, and here is the full list: Goku, Sasuke, Naruto, etc. That's all of them. Ain't a holier-than-thou thing, either. Just not my scene. And it's also a thing where, like. Let's strip away the porn and romance parts of it. I didn't transition to be a twink. If you did, I am hootin' and hollerin' and crushing beer cans against my forehead, but I'm fat and hairy and covered in tattoos and I often find myself in a hunting supply store staring at the novelty T-shirts and thinking, "That's a solid pun and a beautiful wildlife painting. I can't pass up the opportunity to wear this to a chili cook-off or perhaps to a different hunting supply store." Just the way it worked out for me, you know? I think maybe if you asked the people who know me to rank things they'd be likely to find me doing, they would all put "gnawing on a human corpse buck naked on the side of the road" slightly above "rubbing one out to anime boys kissing". But yeah. I definitely transitioned because I want to pretend that I am Sasuke kissing Goku. That's what I'm up to for sure, you ribbonless county fair hog.

Thinking maybe this post came off a little harsh, so I do want to clarify that if you're reading this and you want to kiss Goku so bad that you're thinking about going down to your local Planned Parenthood and doing some steroids about it because you feel like that's really gonna help you get into the zone Goku-wise, you might actually be the coolest dude on the face of the earth. I think you really know what you're about, and I'm into it big-time.

Bloodied man losing a fight, voice broken with arousal: “Oh, you’re good”

if you see hardware on yhe ground like a washer or a hex nut you have to pick it up because it’s lonely and scared. if you see any metal on the ground you have to pick it up because it’s alone and scared and lonely.

i think something a lot of people don't get is that years of mocking your child, even in jest, does in fact tend to get under their skin

a decade or two of even light verbal harassment is very much accentuated when it's an authority figure you are in every meaningful way subservient to

is that a nothing in your pants or are you just normal to see me