If You Look Cuter, Monsters Wont Hit You As Hard

if i was weird al i would do a version of "we didn't start the fire" that starts off like it's just another hackneyed modernization of the song, except once it hits the present day it just keeps going. so verse 1 is like "GEORGE BUSH / WORLD TRADE / WAR ON TERROR / GREEN DAY" but by verse 6 it's like "MARTIAN INVASION / ROBO-STALIN BACK AGAIN / NEO BRAZIL FROZEN OVER / PLUS THE MOON BLEW UP." you might think "but kit, wouldn't the song wind up being extremely long" but that's the brilliant part- the tempo still increases with every verse. the song ends when weird al passes out

men and women are not opposites. men and women are not enemies. men and women are two parts of a broad coalition which fights against a mutual enemy: inkjet printers

i had a dream last night that i was scrolling tiktok and dan and phil came up and they were talking about how they actually had a third and they started introducing said third with vague info but with every fact i started realizing with dawning horror that they were describing my fucking dad

it's hard being a polyamorous action hero because whenever i have flashbacks to all my dead wives it takes like 20 minutes to get through all of it

it kind of sounds like youre just feeding local women to the deadwife montage