Bring the Beat In

Seriously.  The mass hysteria is scarier than the damn virus…at least for our generation.  But I’m not about to get trampled because I’m jonesing for some Ben&Jerry.  Luckily my mom is super into care packages, so I’m set for a while.

Basically the same as usual for me.  The bar is still open and last night was a rager because of St. Patrick’s Day.

Honestly, if I read the phrase “social distancing” one more time I’m going to lose my mind. It’s important, yes, but I’m just ready for everything to go back to normal. 

A brilliant strategy, Bobby Fisher.  Seeing as how Clorox and Lysol have joined toilet paper in disappearing, stockpiling anti-anxiety libations that double as disinfectants was pretty genius.  Well played. 

Also got to avoid the grocery store mayhem. I took one step inside of Wegman’s and immediately said “nope” and walked right out on out. No one has time for all that panic induced nonsense. 

I hope your vino storage is ample enough to last through this insanity.

While everyone else was stocking up on toilet paper, because people are barbarians apparently, I was at the liquor store. Smart choices, I’m making them. 

That’s wonderful to hear, but I must admit, New York misses you Q. How long will you be away?

Got back Sunday evening amidst all this corona panic. I was starting to worry that my flight would be canceled and I’d be quarantined there for an indefinite amount of time. 

↳ INSTAGRAM: @fabbeats uploaded a photo

Social Isolation: Day 1. Wine not pictured.  

You’re like a snarling poodle.  You only get street cred when you follow through with your threats.

I’m not even going to dignify that poodle comment with a response. We both know it’s a lie. 

Empty threats.  I have never received these so called Fabray pinches.  I’m starting to think you’re all talk.

Surprised, yes. Or, well, shocked that you have such power within you. I know I’ve slapped people once or twice in highly dramatic moments, but I’ve never genuinely put my hands on someone with an intent to harm them. In the situation you posed, however, it’s most certainly warranted. It’s upsetting that words alone don’t stop these incidents.

Quinn, it’s very important that you honestly tell me what you have or have not done. Or, on the other hand, what you may or may not have planned for the future. I cannot prepare for this show opening if I know that I might fall prey to an accident on opening night.

I feel like you’re totally playing me right now. 

I didn’t really mind it. I definitely skipped out on the baggy cargo pants, though. I always went with jeans. Classic and chicks dig my butt. Which is why I skipped out on dessert. Can’t keep these abs if I’m playing around with the food pyramid. That’s one thing from school that I can actually use now.

I feel like you probably don’t mind it so much. 

And the sky is blue and grass is generally green.  Any other blatantly true statements you care to make, Captain Obvious?

Just bring me home the shirt, the shot glass and the bottle opener and all will be right in the world.

You’re awfully demanding. 

You divorced me and I’m cashing in on that alimony, babe.

I refuse to accept this treatment. I’ve done nothing wrong. 

Put me in a Sophie’s Choice situation, why don’t you?  An impossible decision, you must choose for me.  Also our friendship heavily relies on whether or not you get me an “I <3 LA” shirt.  

You know there was once a time when just my presence was enough for you. The gift that keeps on giving. What happened to us?

Like, on paper? ‘Cause I’m not sure if I do.

Everyone used to tell me that I looked like a surfer dude from California because of my hair. Not really sure if that was a compliment or not. It’s felt pretty good on the east coast lately. It’s storming though, which isn’t really a bad thing if we’re being honest. I’m trying to cut back on the sweets. Can’t let this bod get outta star form.

Well then I don’t know what to tell ya, Samanella.

That one time you kind of said you missed me because I was gone for too long.

That sounds cool, though? I wanna go to LA for work. Pretty sure if everything goes well with this short film, I might get the chance. I think I’d wanna go to the beach or hike up to the Hollywood sign. I had some time on my hands, so I made a loaded baked potato and some baked chicken. Probably not the greatest meal ever, but it was awesome.

Hm. Well that certainly doesn’t sound like me. Do you have receipts?

Rub it in a little more, Fabray.  I think you maybe missed a spot.

Don’t worry - I’ll be sure to bring you back a cheesy novelty gift. What’s more your style - a shot glass with LA emblazoned on it or a magnet that also doubles as a bottle opener?