"don't threaten me with a good time"

I’m in a different time zone, hungry, and up to my ears with work. But the weather is beautiful and the air smells like the ocean.

All in all, not a bad way to start a Monday. 

That’s wonderful to hear, but I must admit, New York misses you Q. How long will you be away?

Out of all the things to happen to me on a Friday morning, being horrendously cat called while entering the theatre wasn’t on my immediate to-do list. Though I understand that I’ve done a lot of maturing over the last three or four years, it’s shameful to think that someone would instantly be attracted to you based solely on the crude things you choose to yell at them. Especially when that person is a complete stranger!

Though I wasn’t sure I’d need it so early in my career, I suppose the hunt for a bodyguard should begin sooner rather than later.

Hiring a personal bodyguard solely to avoid dealing with this city’s sedentary street scum - I’m almost impressed. I wasn’t expecting such a level of creativity from you, Berry.

Of course not, Hunt-yonce.  

I’m afraid nothing would please dear Judy and Russell more than to continue bonding with your folks over economic policies and the flower arrangements they imagine we’ll have when we ‘inevitably get hitched.’ I can probably shift some things around in the agenda for dinner. So long as said dinner also involves Sangrias. 

Sebastian: Yeah, something like that. She's someone you want to be in good graces with. I didn't realize you two were...close? Close adjacent?

Sebastian: If you've got a manuscript with that somewhere, I'm canceling this doubles match immediately.

Hunter: Our families are good friends, so we sort of grew up together. We've had to endure more cocktail parties and get-togethers than any child should- but the company certainly made it better. How do you two know each other?

I’m inclined to agree with you. Not all of them are good ones with sense like you. 

I appreciate a bit of mystery in my company. Keep them guessing and all that. Sure. Come along this Sunday. You’ll have to endure the Church service prior to the brunch, though. Think you can handle that?

What can I say, I’m not replaceable either.

Sebastian: Yeah, it's a yes. Sure.

Sebastian: Mutual...friend. You're not wrong though, there's really only a handful of people able to hold a halfway decent conversation around here.

Sebastian: Something tells me you're not always interested in talking numbers either though. People at work losing their charm?

Hunter: Yes, mutual friend. And you're right, there's not many people around here worth keeping up with, but I'm lucky to have Quinn right across from me. I take it the two of you are friends?

Sebastian: I haven't pretended to give a shit about tennis in years. Could be interesting.

Sebastian: As great as that bottle of wine sounds though, since when am I your first call for doubles of all things?

Hunter: I'll take that as a yes.

Hunter: Well, after I ran into you the other night, it stuck out to me how odd it is that we hardly know each other. We live in the same complex, we work in similar networks, we have mutual friends - and you certainly seem more interesting than most residents of this neighbourhood.

Sebastian: Is this a trick question?

Hunter: ... no?

Hunter: I'm supposed to be playing a game of doubles next week with an investor and his wife. I know he also does business with your father, so I thought it might be good to have an inside man by my side.

You planning on turning me in if I am?

I dress far too nice to be a narc. No, quite the opposite actually. I was going to suggest we partner up for this operation. As an analyst, I’m decent at strategizing, not to mention I have watched all parts of “Money Heist” - I think that makes me qualified to help you pull this off. Afterwards we’ll share the profits 50-50, do we have a deal?

The company of their fancy new Omega watches will surely help them through it.

So coy, with your ‘mights’ and your ‘maybes.’ 

Well, I don’t think you could ever replaced by a designer watch, but I imagine it wouldn’t hurt.

Dear Girl Scout Cookies of America.

You and your delicious ass snacks. Why do you continue to do this to me? Bribing me with your tasty treats each year. You know what? To hell with what you would do for a Klondike bar. Give me thin mints and savannah smiles. I want those. 

Oh hey you guys. I’m just thinking about the goodness of Girl Scout cookies, don’t mind me. 

Hulu, you saucy minx, keeping me fully entranced with your endless seasons of Golden Girls.  As if I needed another reason to stay in bed all day.

Really, Golden Girls? I expected better from you, Lopez. That has to be the most boring reason to stay in bed. I can think of some far more fun ones.

It’s a metaphor, hamhead.  The world is stuck with you.  And, much like Herpes, there’s no cure for your pompous ass.  Rude of you to assume I’m anything but clean, Clarington.      

I’m quite wounded by that insinuation of yours. Herpes is prevalent, after all, over 67% of the world’s population has HSV-1. It’s too common. It’s like a lousy half-priced hooker who’ll leave your dick looking like a cesspool of infection - you can find it in any dirty godforsaken hole. Surely, if you’re planning to compare me with an STI you could pick a more interesting one. Perhaps gonorrhea with its rich history. It’s more popularly known as “the clap” due to the fact that back in the day doctors would treat it by giving you a line of coke, placing wooden panels on both sides of your dick, and clapping the bacteria out of it. Now that’s an interesting one.

I have very little patience for entertaining those who do not interest me. Discourteous, maybe. But I’m not in the least bit sorry for handing out a cold shoulder when I’m not feeling hospitable. 

Please. You know you always have a standing invite to join us. 

And you shouldn’t be sorry about it either. I was simply defending the poor souls falling head over heels for you.