learning to love again

Adulting with Borderline Personality Disorder is extremely hard.

[He removes a candle from a small cake and sets it down on the table before him, alongside eight other candles.]

“Now, take a look at this.”

[He orients the first eight candles to form a pair of W’s, spelling out “WWI” altogether.  The usual Vsauce music fades out, replaced with an unsettling low tone.]

t. also becoming the joker

so I was in a pretty bad rut for a few weeks, and now I'm in a fairly better place, still not living on a full fledge but the initial fog has lifted.

rut could be from a lot of things: burnout, lack of motivation, procrastination, outside triggers, bad mental health, or the overwhelming feeling of life falling apart but too numb to act upon it. the causes of it could be numerous as well: online schooling, student stress, work stress, a certain relationship with someone not working out or being stuck at an uncomfortable environment.

so I just want to remind you that you aren't alone love. you will eventually find a way out. you just gotta give yourself time.

note: this isn't science supported or anything. it's just a bunch of thoughts I had while I was trying to get back the stability in my life. I'm not all the way successful at handling my daily routine like a pro either. if any of you have better alternative in mind, feel free to add/correct.

let yourself feel: give yourself some time to feel the sadness, cry about it, wrap yourself up in blankets, sleep if you're tired and let it all out.

remind yourself about the things that makes you feel happy and the things you love: so when your life slows down and everything seems to be distasteful, it maybe because you haven't revisited your favorite hobbies in a long time. maybe you had detached yourself from your comfort shows, books, any form of entertainment. so go back to them. remind yourself about the things which makes you, you.

change the perspective around this funk phase: now the immediate response we have when we hit a rut is the guilt of not being productive. well you see, the first ultimate aim should be to get yourself back together. what have you been shoving away for too long? maybe it's a good talk with your best friend, go talk to your support group and the people who make you feel loved. but if you're someone stuck in a place where there aren't much people to remind you that irl, read posts from the #selfcare #gentlereminders tags on tumblr or pinterest. there are so many sweet people across the internet who know how you feel and have written about the same. listen to music, vent in a diary and get yourself back.

some ideas to get some serotonin inside you: music + dance, if you haven't taken a shower in a while—change your clothes, put on some dry shampoo and deo and comb your hair with fingers. eat and hydrate. aesthetic vlogs on youtube. making moodboards on pinterest for your favorite show, band, movie, aesthetic, anything. paint, draw, doodle or color. rewatch your comfort shows, movies or series. read or reread the works from your fave genre. stretch a little. make lists of random things. watch the sunset. look at clouds and stars. write a letter to your loved one, your past self or your future self.

identify the things which went out of proportion these days: maybe you were not taking care of properly these few days. not enough hydration, food maybe? find that out and make a reminder to slowly getting back into it. not by the span of a day. give yourself a week or two if you need to it's okay!

think about what new things are to be implemented and what was not working earlier: only now you will have to focus with the problem at hand. let's say your poor organization for school led to this much frustration. it's okay. we all learn gradually. so find out how you can organize better. there's literally so many resources across each of these problems on the internet. and once you do, start really small. as said earlier, give yourself enough time to get used to it. unrealistic expectations will make sticking to habits hard.

always remember winding down and taking some time out for your soul is important as well: the thing about consistency is to always go back to our why's and values and our happy things as frequently as possible. we tend to forget about the little things which are parts of us. so take time out for your hobbies and loved ones!