Originally arrested for Insurance Fraud, he met the love of his life Phillip Morris in prison

He got out before Phillip, so he proceeded to GET PHILLIP OUT OF PRISON

He wanted to give Phillip a glamourous life, so he got a big-name job, and then started embezzling funds

he was arrested and then broke out TWICE MORE and kept busting out

then he was arrested again, and the above happened

while he was on the run from this, he was determined to get Phillip (who was in trouble for harboring him) out of prison so he pretended to be a lawyer and hit up Phillip’s jail 24/7. He tried to get Phillip moved to a prison closer to where he was hiding so he couLD VISIT HIM

AND THEN he made a fake identity and tried to get a 75k loan, and was arrested AGAIN, but he FAKED A HEART ATTACK AND LEFT BEFORE HE WAS EVEN PLACED IN PRISON AGAIN

To play this game, go to MapCrunch, select “hide location”, make sure you have all countries unselected, and click go. What this will do is drop you in a random part of the world. It’s as if you woke up on the side of a road in an unfamiliar country. The goal of the game is to find your way to an airport so you can return home. 

Bonus Hard Mode: No using outside sources, and that includes using google maps to figure out your location from signs or landmarks

LAST TIME I PLAYED IT DUMPED ME IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NORWAY

Thanks to cheap natural gas and renewable energy, coal is dying. That’s just a fact of modern life. While some coal will still exist, it won’t be enough to save the Rust Belt and Appalachia (areas that weren’t exactly swimming in money before coal disappeared). 

So the next step is figuring out what thriving modern industry can replace those jobs for a long period of time. It would have to be a livelihood that’s a) easy to train coal miners to do and b) growing enough to sustain a huge workforce.

The transition is already happening in places like Australia, where a coal mining town transformed itself into one of the country’s largest solar farming communities. It’s also in the U.S., where areas in Colorado rose from the coal ashes with a $800,000 boost in marijuana tax revenue. There have even been studies looking into the transition, which found that most coal mining workers not only could be cheaply retrained to work solar and wind farm gigs, but would also make more doing it. 

This isn’t a hard decision, people. So what’s the goddamn holdup?

Well … despite creating 150,000 full- and part-time jobs, certain politicians can’t seem to leave the 1980s when it comes to marijuana. While obviously not the wonder drug stoners want you to think, it’s insane we have an attorney general who’s apparently possessed by the ghost of Nancy Reagan. As for renewable energy, well, that’s oddly off the current administration’s to-do list, despite overwhelming bipartisan support for it.