⋆° eli⋆°

I wish I didn't know it so well - Shane + Magnet

i kind of have a conspiracy theory that it was originally meant to have been, actually! this part i have no proof for. i can make an argument that attempts to prove it would be better from a literary perspective th!

when i say it should have been, i mean that i think TLG would be a much stronger and tighter narrative if it was. the central plot up to that point is that ilya is suffering from an increasingly severe depression and that shane, under the enormous structural pressures he faces and the stress of being separated from the man he loves so much of the time (not that TLG has any compassion for shane's struggles), is unable to see that and support ilya the way he needs, and this is putting significant strain on their relationship

this is a very interesting story! and imo the natural climax of this story is for those existing pressures to reach a breaking point, which forces the characters to either reframe their relationship in order to support one another or for the relationship to shatter

for that breaking point to be a suicide attempt is narratively foregrounded by the fact that ilya's mother died by suicide and by the intent focus on ilya's depression as an increasingly defining experience of his character (and if he were a real person the number of risk factors for an attempt would be staggering: major life changes, social isolation, major depression, loss of a parent to suicide, knowledge of the means used in a completed suicide, hell even ottawa's colder weather is a risk factor).

a suicide attempt would both prompt and convey character development in a huge number of interesting directions: making space for ilya to grapple with the breadth of his feelings about mother's death. handing shane this enormous burden of guilt that he has to untangle. probably some fears of being manipulative on ilya's part, especially if the decision is ultimately that they come out. shane having to actually ask himself what he'll do if he can't have hockey and ilya, who he is outside of hockey, and who he wants to be

it also creates ongoing stakes for the rest of the narrative! if the climax of tlg is a suicide attempt, there continue to be life or death stakes for them to resolve this

finally, it would set up what is the ultimate resolution of any good romance novel: they would both die for each other, and more importantly they both want to live for each other, no matter what the plane crash, meanwhile, is... not part of a well-constructed narrative. i was once told by a writing instructor that no plot should ever rely on happenstance: a good plot is driven by the actions of the characters. "plane mechanical failure" is pretty much the ultimate in deus ex machina to propel the plot forward. it has no thematic relevance and does not resonate with the characters' interior journeys (although it moves them forward within the plot). the stakes evaporate as soon as the plane is on the ground. it feels so deeply forced.

also, what ilya writes to shane has a suicide-notey flavor about it, for lack of better words. i'm thinking especially of the fact that he thanks shane for the good memories they shared, and the reassuring tone--like he wants to make sure shane isn't left feeling guilty. there's also a... composed nature to it that doesn't make sense for a rapidly composed instagram message while a plane is crashing. it also reads like it's been through multiple versions (and okay yes from a doyleist perspective obviously it has but i think it's actually notably more thoughtfully written than like 90% of the book, as though it were very carefully created by a character who had time to make sure these last words were right)

i can try to pretend, i can try to forget