Trusted Advisor

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

the enemy drank water today. did you?

i drank water three days ago. im several steps ahead of the enemy. this is what it takes to win

Was any one going to tell me about my dragon nature or did I have to undergo trials

hmm... *gets in evil bed and holds my evil stuffed animal* evil night.. *turns off my fucked up evil lamp*

all scrawny white guy youtubers will have access to a reeducation kitchen undr my regime

lets betray mama

being mean & evil are great side hobbies if you're a woman #recommended

resurrected a dead language and it came back wrong

you know what they say, the enemy of my enemy is my temporary ally of convenience

tshirt that says "I HURT PEOPLE FOR FUN AND ON PURPOSE"

some days are really hard and it can be difficult to understand why. but usually its probably because my blood is haunted

im so bad at flirting with girls sometimes..

My liege, have you tried complimenting how they carry their swords? I've seen many members of the court secure themselves a lady by complimenting their swordplay.

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

UPDATE: I think I may have gone too far on this. I was making a whole production of being stupefied and enfeebled after he brought me my morning pistachio frappe. I had my manservant bring me to my chambers so I could cough weakly in my bed with the sunshine falling weakly across my pallid face because I know he really likes that but he didn't even smile and I heard him whispering "I didn't even poison that one" to his dark serpent. Now he hasn't even whispered maliciously into my ear all day and the servants say they saw him alone in his chambers bouncing his scrying orb into the wall. Should I come clean and apologise or do I try to make it seem like someone else poisoned me? It might cheer him up to have an imaginary rival to plot against

I would suggest making it seem like someone else poisoned you, my liege. We do enjoy an antagonist now and then.

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

Maybe the next guy will kind of fw being put to the sword