Jarvis

the GPS is telling us to turn right to go to the airport but what if we turned it off? what if we kept driving and your hand was always on my leg and we never got the sand out of our hair? I know that I should be mature and kiss you without my hands on your face and walk to the terminal with a straight back but I can’t stop thinking about your ocean glass eyes. I love you and sometimes I’m sloppy about it but I think that’s okay because no one ever wrote about a love that didn’t get a little messy sometimes. let’s not turn right. left feels better. left leaves me with you.

And even if we never talk again I want you to know that I will never love anyone like I loved you and I am forever altered by who you are and what you meant to me.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible. Because one day, I might get hit by a bus. Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate. And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care. We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. We never know when the bus is coming.

I’m not good at taking care of myself but I’d make you baths filled with flowers and I know I’d treat you well. I don’t know how to deal with my own emotions but I’d hold you crying in my arms, and I’d laugh with you till the sun rose. I’m not good with mess, and I hate uncertainty, but I’d clean up your dishes and sweep up your doubts about everything. Maybe I’m not the best person — I’m unsure of myself and I often think living is so cruel that I’m not sure if I want to keep doing it. But if you were to grab my hand, I wouldn’t let it go. We could do this together.

Remember the little things she tells you. Save every picture she sends you; when you’re up late at night thinking about her, you’ll be able to see her too. Take screenshots when you facetime; thats the real, unposed side of her that you can’t get enough of. Learn about her past and show her that you care and understand. Show her off to friends and strangers; talk about how her smile is your favorite and all her little quirks that she doesn’t even realize she has. Text her when shes sleeping but you’re up at 3 am and can’t think about anything but her; tell her how you feel and how happy she makes you. Support her through everything whether you understand it or not; make an effort to understand if you don’t. Value every minute you spend with her. Tease her and be silly with her; show her a side of you that other people haven’t seen.

For all the times that I tried reaching out to you, you made me feel like you are still breathing the same love that is, oppositely, suffocating me. Tell me, what are we to each other? Or, perhaps, what am I to you? For the heavens already know how much you mean to me.

1. She loves to dance and sway around. I don’t know why but it makes her more adorable. Make sure you can jive with her pesky and hilarious moves or else, she’ll intentionally stomp your feet to start again. 2. Do not let her eat street foods because she’s allergic on it. If she wants it so badly, make sure you let her eat the colored quailed egg only because it’s her favorite. If she insists for more, nod your head and say no. 3. She likes to write. Encourage her every time. 4. She wants a lullaby, every night. Make sure you have a soothing and great voice if you don’t want her to be mad at you. Sing her favorite songs until she fall asleep. 5. On Sundays, go to church with her. Praise God and study His words by her side. It’s one of her dreams, to be with her special someone inside the church. 6. Do not leave her alone when there’s a storm. She’s afraid of roaring thunder. Make sure you’ll be with her until the sun goes up. Hold and embrace her to lessen her fear. 7. Always wake her up with long and sweet messages. She loves it. It will create a smile on her face that will last within the day. Make sure it’s new, every day. 8. When she’s mad at you, pacify her. Irritate her with your wacky faces, pick-up lines and jokes. Apologize and never ever sleep when she’s still mad. It will cause a lot of trouble. 9. Be proud of her. Hold her hands while walking in a public place or don’t even be shy of embracing her because she likes it a lot. 10. Stay with her whenever she can’t sleep. Talk random things in life until she became exhausted. 11. Do not let her hold a camera. Because it will start an endless picture takings. Make sure you’ll pose with her because it makes her happy and love you more. 12. On her birthday, be with her. Spend the whole day by her side. Make her birthday the most memorable day of her life. 13. She love surprises. She’ll be happy if you gave her something made out of you, make efforts for her. Compile your everyday journey with her and gave it to her when your anniversary comes. She’ll be happy with that, I assure you. 14. If she says she wants to eat, buy her favorite food. Make ways for her to have it. 15. Do not forget to remind her schedule. Remind her to eat on time, sleep early and take her medicines. She always forget to eat and sleep regularly because of her hectic schedule. So make sure she’ll never skip her food and medicines or else she’ll get sick. 16. Cherish every moment with her. 17. Never mention about ghosts at night because she’s afraid of them. She won’t sleep and she’ll cry over night. So make sure, no ghost stories at night. 18. Do not attempt to change her lifestyle or things that she get used to such as not wearing pants, not trimming her long mermaid hair and many more.. Or else, it will start a bloody war, I assure you. 19. Never get tired of telling her how much you love her and how grateful you are because you have her in your life. 20. If she did something for you, appreciate it. If she says she loves you that much, be grateful because she means it. 21. Never get tired of understanding her. No matter what happens. Accept her flaws, childish acts and baby talks. 22. Love her with all your might. Protect her at all costs. Respect her. Never ever leave her, be with her through the good and bad times, love her a hundred times more than you loved her yesterday. And lastly, love her more than anything and anyone in the universe.

I felt nothing for so long and for you to come along and change all that was either a blessing or a nightmare because I went from feeling nothing to everything and everything intensly and that puts me in a vulnerable state of mind

And if people ever ask you what happened between us, don’t you dare say I left you, because I was the one that was there for you through everything. You did this. Not me.

I told you to sleep, that I’d be fine being awake for awhile. So you slept. I told you I didn’t need to talk, that my day wasn’t that bad. So you didn’t talk to me. I told you I wasn’t worth staying with, that I didn’t deserve you. So you left me.