euchilles

I will speak more plainly: Yes, I am mourning Paul, but most of the time, I am mourning Siri and Paul. I am mourning AND. I am mourning how the AND made me feel in the world. That AND where he and I overlapped. I felt more vivid to myself when I was with Paul. I was living in time, not hovering outside it looking in and trying to understand where these days, these months, have gone. He was always somewhere. He was in the house working downstairs. I could hear his typewriter, or his steady step on the stairs, or a door closing as he left a room, or him calling up to me in his sonorous voice. And even when he was traveling, I could find the name of the hotel where he was staying. I could reach him on the phone. He was there, and what moved between us was alive. The AND matters.”