Surviving the Chaos

Ray-Ban Sunglasses reduced by 90%

ok

Just frolicking among the dandelions. https://www.instagram.com/p/B_i1ZOQlGE0/?igshid=cp8dsg6qk64h

11 week old #kitten looking for a home. Male, no shots, not fixed. Also not completely litter trained, but we are working on that one. Looking for a good forever home asap. There will be no rehoming fee if i can find him a good home. #cats #pets #freetoagoodhome #freekittens (at La Porte, Indiana) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzKN6XrB-qP/?igshid=3uku29pna35o

Im posting this because I am a part if a #bariatric support group and I have been seeing a lot of posts lately where people have been expressing that their significant others were not supportive of their #weightloss and that their marriages or relationships ended after they lost weight. This situation feels very close to me because when I started losing weight with #idealprotein about 4 years ago, I was dating someone who fought tooth and nail to keep me from trying to lose weight. (and wont let his current wife try to lose weight either). He ended his relationship with me only a few months after i started the weight loss program. I can't say with any certainty that weight loss triggered The Break-Up but I do know that he started seeing someone on the side the same month that I started in my diet. As I have been watching people in the support group make these posts and as I relate back to my own experiences, I just want to put some thoughts out there. If your SO is fighting to keep your from bettering yourself they do not have your best interest in mind. If you're SO threatens to leave you because you are bettering yourself, tell them goodbye right then and there. Sometimes people will date obese individuals because they don't believe anyone else would want that person. They believe an obese person is merely taking what they can get. Sometimes people will seek out these individuals because they get this idea that they don't have to put any real effort into the relationship. So when an obese individual starts working on themselves it is a very real threat. They know that the weight loss will open up the dating pool and there is no way they can maintain their apathetic approach to the relationship and expect their SO to stick around. They know they can't compete with the new people who will be attracted i their SO. So I just want to say if you are a person who is facing the end of a relationship because your significant other can't handle you bettering yourself, do not frett it and do not fear it. Let them go, as hard as that might be, and continue your journey to a better you. You deserve so much better. (at La Porte, Indiana) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByPjxH8BHHp/?igshid=z3f62yrcd2sd

Just going to say... I love the pink hair snapchat gave me, I call it my mermaid look. Now onto other things. Ive been Instagram silent for a few weeks while I worked out my feelings on some things and I feel it might be time to break the silence. I dont know if people here are following my #weightlossjourney, but I think Im going to keep it here rather than on facebook. There are a lot of well meaning people.... That's all im going to say about that. I am going to move forward with #bariatricsurgery. I have struggled with my weight for a long time. Ive tried different diets, and I do think that #idealprotein has been the most effective for losing and maintaining and I will always advocate for Ideal Protein. Surgery, for me, has always been a last resort and when I started looking into it, I felt defeated. But now I am recognising that Im not turning to bariatric surgery because I have given up, but rather because I am still fighting my demons and Im recognizing that I need help. Bariatric surgery is a tool to assist me in the journey I started years ago. It's been a difficult decision to come to terms with. No one likes the idea of being cut open. Even laproscopically. But here I am. I met my surgeon May 15 and he wanted me to lose some weight to make surgery safer for me, so he put me on a 2 protien shake and one sensible meal a day plan. Two weeks in, I met the goal he set for me and lost 18 pounds.. Im hoping that I lose another 18 in the next two weeks. It would be nice to go to the doctor and say 'look, you told me to get to this weight and i went even lower.' Yeah, I dream big. 😁 Anyway. That's what has been going on. (at La Porte, Indiana) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByKL5DvhD70/?igshid=g36gtiszw8vk

Ive been spending a lot of my free time researching #bariatricsurgery. I went to the bariatric seminar on Sunday, and then spent the rest of the day in tears. The statistics they gave me broke my heart. Only 6 percent of people who attempt weight loss through diet, exercise, and lifestyle changes are capable of maintaining long term weight loss. I think what was hardest for me is that I wanted to be that 6 percent. But with the way Ive been feeling lately, tired, worn out, and even achy sometimes...too much so to even meal prep for the #idealprotein and #keto based meals has been really hard, so I even doubt my ability to succeed sometimes. I wonder if my thyroid medication gets adjusted if that would help. Ive not even been on it a month though. Also, ive hated the idea of surgically altering my body to achieve weight loss. Ive always felt that God designed my body to work in a certain way and it scares me to think about altering Gods design. what God makes is good and I don't want to mess with that...But is my body actually working the way God designed it to? Ive gone back and forth with pros and cons, I've been evaluating my ability to succeed, Ive been researching... And im still just so unsure. Right now the only comfort is knowing that if I do opt for surgery, i will be under the guidance of one of the top bariatric surgeons in the country, Dr. Cahill. I would like to hear thoughts from people who have had Bariatric surgery. Was it worth it? Would you change anything? Do you regret it? Did you have complications? Were you scared? What made you opt for surgery? What do you wish you had known before you Dad the surgery? https://www.instagram.com/p/BwHA0gOhbqt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ktredkeu9nm0

I wonder what would happen if I walked around wearing the labels the rest of society has given me. I am, what is medically termed "morbidly obese". I have been large most of my life. Today, I saw an ad where #Gillete represented a woman whose body resembled mine. I thought it was great. But I read the comments people made about her and how this was promoting an unhealthy lifestyle (among other more crude remarks). But here's something I want people to think about when they make cruel comments. I dont want to be fat. I dont think anyone really does. And I dont think being represented in media is encouraging people to be fat. Infact, Im pretty sure most fat people, especially women, are on a diet more often than not. What I want is to be worthy of basic human decency no matter what size I am. And I want to be encouraged on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. Im still following a #keto based diet. And although I am adamant that I will not get #bariatric surgery, I am going to a bariatric seminar tomorrow afternoon to get information on the bariatric program, which my doctor said I might find to be an invaluable resource while I struggle to overcome my habits of disordered eating. I wont be letting #PCOS and #Hypothyroidism keep me from accomplishing my goals, although they both have made the journey harder. Ive heard that you have to lose 40 pounds before people will start noticing you've lost weight. Im a quarter of the way there. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv8NAH9hw5L/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=eth2v9uw3flm

The truth is, I really don't mind #keto based/inspired diets. When you get the double whammy #PCOS and #hypothyroidism this honestly seems like the only way to get your body to use it's stored fat and allow you to lose weight. I have really been struggling lately. The weight gain I experienced in the last year has been heartbreaking to me, especially after I worked so hard and had such great success losing 100 pounds with #idealprotein, which is similar to (and I think better than) keto. Amid pressure from sources around me to to get weight loss surgery, -because my works insurance covers it...because Im as big as I am...because the journey is hard and grueling... and slow- I am adamant that I need this struggle to develop the discipline necessary to overcome the habits of disordered eating that I have developed in my life. Here's to taking the first steps. *cheers* https://www.instagram.com/p/BvqzPnJhG18/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1aj5i5m6cgi0l

40+ hours,$30 for supplies-This project fulfills the longing within me to create something beautiful. #crochet https://www.instagram.com/p/BuqPc1EB550/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1h819m9z9bj7v

These cold, quiet nights are when I miss my cats the most. Esme has been gone nearly 2 years now. She went outside one day and just never came back. I comforted myself with the thought that someone nice picked her up and took her home. It was preferable to the alternative, that she was killed by a wild animal or hit by a car. Bella only disappeared a few months ago... in moving, she got out of my car and I just don't know what happened to her. I can surmise the possibility that someone nice picked her up and she's safe and happy somewhere but the reality is that the night she got out it rained hard and then froze Ive had dreams that she was standing at my sliding glass door meowing to get in, but when I wake up to see if she somehow got to the second floor balcony of an apartment she's never been in, she's never there. With this past weeks weather, Ive assumed her dead. I miss my cats. I dont feel like I've done right by them. And this is one of the reasons (of several) I wont get another kitten or a puppy right now. But I miss the companionship. I miss the comfort of purring in my ear, and snuggles, and of my cats perched over me as i sleep like they were my gaurdians. 😥 https://www.instagram.com/p/BtVZWV1hdr_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mv80vwnzmyuk

What do you do when you are scared and God seems silent or absent? Psalm 9:9-12 NIV The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. [10] Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. [11] Sing the praises of the Lord, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what he has done. [12] For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cries of the afflicted. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsYvKEmh9Kf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=awtotqjvxd1x

I have been in going through photos I've taken and have been editing then to submit to contests recently. There are so many beautiful photos and amazing photographers out there, and i know my best works pale in comparison to some of the photos I have seen. But in my heart is the desire to improve my skills and challenge my self to grow. The camera on my phone is truly amazing and in some ways is even comparable to a DSLR, but I long for a real DSLR Camera. I often "window shop" Best Buy and Amazon for quality DSPR cameras and Bundles. I browse Pinterest looking for tips and tricks. I have wanted a real quality camera for a long time. Maybe someday I will save up the money to purchase one. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsVcrooB22k/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=m9czgektoeva

I edited the image to be black and white. It speaks to me. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsK0mTrhI7T/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pi2t8o9jjxp7

While traveling home from the Grand Canyon back in September. We had entered Colorado by this point. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsKyZ5oh76j/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gs7vzu0ihk3o

So this is the condensed verson because it wont all fit in my Instagram desription, but you can read the full story on my facebook page, BabyandCrafts So I wanted to tell you guys a story. Early in the beginning of this year someone I know from a game I play online requested that I make them a blanket for their daughter. I said sure and began the long, arduous process of designing a blanket according to his request (pink camo with his daughters name in it) while also trying to make the blanket have a little something special to it. (if you look closely above and below the name, I designed hearts into the blanket by omitting double crochets and leaving a space). Well, I had finally finished the blanket and was really excited to send it to him. I had packaged it and was ready to take it to post, only to realize I had not gotten to the post office in time (4:55 pm on a Saturday and they had already locked their doors and this was before I realized I could take it to Meijer to mail it) So anyway, I just though fine, I will mail it on Monday and went to visit my parents. I had not sealed the package at that point, so I took it out, showed mom and dad and had a nice visit. Upon leaving the house a few hours later, I remember sealing up the package, taking it outside and putting it on the roof of my car while I shoved other stuff my arms were loaded with into the back seat. I do not remember doing anything with the package after that. Upon arriving home 45 minutes later, I remembered the package and panicked because i couldn't find it. I immediately called my family and asked them to look in the drive way. They didn't see it. I travelled 45 minutes back to their house scouring the sides of the roads for that package. And i looked for another 2 hours in the dark before giving up and going back home. My friend I was living with at the time, who observed and witnessed the hours I spent on that Blanket, drove me back to the area the next day, and got the next few days so we could search the sides of the roads carefully for that precious package... Out of space!!! visit www.facebook.com/babyandcraft to read the rest. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bql7x1rhS9_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1d14wlujen5cb

The Grand Canyon is almost a frightening display of the power of nature and the depth of majesty in the Earth. https://www.instagram.com/p/BpgMrqqhKBv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1smux91p81q37