We've Got Eternity In Our Hands

this episode really highlights the softness— the fragility of topmew's love and their overall dynamic when they've finally stripped themselves naked from all the facades they've been wearing from the start of their relationship until this point.

subtle sensuality, obscured intimacy and fragile softness

the sheer softness. the soft touches. the hand holding. the i'm willing to do anything for you. the loving gazes. the sweet smiles. the i love yous. promises were made. walls were shattered. they're finally on the same page.

so much is going on, but we're seeing their interaction in pieces. the close-up shots, the focus on their faces, hands and gestures, everything is just so intimately done and wonderfully executed. i can't express how breathtaking these shots are. it feels so inclusive. as if it's just them and no one else. but we, as the audience, are meant to see this in fragments because (i believe) we're supposed to view this scene from mew's perspective.

in a whimsical and crazy manner (that i can't explain eloquently), we are in mew's shoes, and we're witnessing the moment he falls for top— mew finally coming to terms with his feelings for top. and everything is just so soft and delicate and fairytale-like because this is mew's idea of falling in love, of love itself— genuine, secluded, tender, just two people and no one else.

the shyness is still there, but it's also welcoming. and the part when they undress exudes warmth, happiness and playfulness. i would say, there was a very profound giddiness wafting around the air between them. additionally, there's also trust, something both of them have been teetering about for god knows how long. it's honest and raw, and they're very nervous (mew, especially), but it's okay. they have each other, and that's all that matters.

and i personally love how their making love scene is subtle and not explicit. it fits so well with mew's character; reserved, somewhat shy, and values sex as something sacred and pure. so this is very important to mew, and he wants it to be special. it's not for our eyes to see. despite them doing it near those see-through glass windows, it juxtaposes the fact a portion of mew's love for top and his virginity is only for top to see. not us. mew is willing to show bits and pieces of his love and sex life, but not all.

and it also illustrates top's respect for mew's likes and dislikes. it's different from when he did it with boston (both in public places) because it was just sex and nothing more. sex out of lust, hopelessness, anger, betrayal. but mew is not sex. mew is love and respect and happiness and forever. top truly treasures mew. his breaking point— his weakness.

lightness and darkness

again, i want to applaud forcebook for nailing the blind dinner scene. i'm just so in awe i stopped breathing when the whole scene unfolded.

the connection, the whole idea of not seeing— relying on their senses— the throwback to episode 1 when mew said, i can read people well, and top remembered, and that made mew feel special, only one— he finally believed he's the only one in top's life. so wonderfully done. hands fumbling. fingers intertwining. and that part when everyone faded, and it was just them, and there's finally more light— while we (the audience) knew it was supposed to be pitch black— but it was a moment of epiphany for mew— he knew top was the one. he loved top now. he believed it.

they're seeing through each other, and forcebook acted out this temporary 'disability' very well! from the movement of their hands, the hesitation, the fear, but also the trust they have for each other: insane.

and it's also interesting how this scene played so much with light and dark. it explains the idea of mew and top in a state of vulnerability where they couldn't see, and with one vital sensory down, of course, they'll be more careful/cautious of their surroundings. in this state, i assume, is when their feelings are the most raw. somehow, i perceive this scene as a portrayal of honesty. since they couldn't see anything, it pushed them to rely on each other, to trust one another, and this brought out the best of top or the real top (mainly), and it was the awaited moment for mew.

all this while, mew needed that confirmation. he wanted to be assured that top was the one, but it didn't come as easily since top constantly toppled the trust he built. but here, mew broke his own walls by accepting those feelings whole-heartedly. sadly, i also believe this will cloud mew's judgment in the future. love makes a person blind; that is mew in the future episodes. he'll punch ray, his best friend, for spewing shit about top, his boyfriend, the person he loves most. but we all know it's going to be ugly as their first confrontation begins afterwards. it must have something to do with top finally telling the truth. //i'm preparing myself for the emotional whiplash next week offers.

side note: kudos to p'book and p'force. their acting here is very convincing. they made us believe they were really in the dark and couldn't see anything. i'm just so proud of them. i really am :')

and i love that they're in the light when mew accepted his feelings for top as something more than just an experiment— this notion of falling in love that had been playing in his head finally came to life. and it wasn't overly done, in my opinion. there weren't pink hearts or love emoticons or anything per se— but the slow-mo, the bright light (amid the supposedly dark dining hall), and the idea of 'seeing' each other through the darkness— a gorgeous illustration of falling head over heels for someone. and it's insane how in this scene it appeared as if they could 'see' each other— they're looking at each other, and not through each other. it somehow indicates mew's ideas of who top is, are completely gone now. this is top in mew's eyes. this is the top mew loves— in the dark, in his truest form.

speaking of that...

it's so amazing how top is now in the dark (masked by the shadow) when he was always in the light. i look at this scene as top finally showing the real him. this is top— in this darkness— no longer hidden behind the confident mask— this is the top mew likes, and this is the top he wants mew to see.

light, in top's world, is attention, fame and reputation. so, to see top in the dark, bare and stripped of all those qualities that fed his ego, from the faces of top mew was never fond of, is liberating.

and it's mew on the spotlight now. he's shining, and this is how top sees mew— he's always the light in top's world.

i can't form coherent words. the light and dark as the prominent motifs in this scene, are so perfectly shown in my opinion.

side note: this light and dark metaphor is also evident in episode 2 when top shares his trauma with mew. however, top was still shone by the light more than mew. it's because top's feelings weren't as deep as now, but he was slowly opening up to mew. and vice versa. mew was in the dark because even when they talked about top's fear, mew was doubtful. yet, there were rays of light on mew's face (towards the end) as they lay on the sofa and slept the night away. again, reaching equilibrium.

conclusion

these topmew scenes in episode 5 took my breath away for good. it was an excellent portrayal of intimacy, honesty, shyness, happiness, truth and love. i haven't been that speechless and mindless since moonlight chicken and a boss and a babe. a big round of applause for forcebook (and of course, the directors) for this. i'm so proud of forcebook. i'm just, so proud.

i'm so excited to see mew and top break each other's hearts starting next week. and i think by then, we'll see more of forcebook's incredible acting (it's p'book's time to shine, i reckon), and i'm buckled up for the emotional damage they're going to put me in.