dear rat boy

I bet if a mushroom could lap water out of your hand with a tongue that a gently drinking mushroom tongue on your hand would be the softest and gentlest thing.

jesus christ, i experienced brief but severe grief over not actually being able to experience this.

I think it would feel like a lizard tongue but I've never had a lizard drink out of my hand either, and thus the whole thing remains conceptually elusive.

This makes me indescribably overjoyed.

what is it they put in the hardware store to make it smell so good

so dont do this

how did the walkie talkie taste

what if it was called penis flytrap

would you be mad..

yes i would get so angry and smash everything and blow up the world

SAD. well there’s other worlds

she ebbin on my neezer til i scrooge

so, here's the thing. tumblr/apple can ban as many words as they want and it will never achieve their goal of "cleaning up" this site because this wretched nonsense poetry is somehow now the single dirtiest thing I have ever read in my life and honestly thank god.

sorry

Don't apologize for greatness.

Shut up

i’m lit eraly just blinking you shut up

I’m going to poison you

my beloathed. my insignificant other. my worstie. my stupid rabbit. my fucked up abhorrent little meow meow

We should let praying mantises and other bugs play on ipad

people really get on this site and say anything

Are you mad at me

this is the first time in years that tumblr has felt organic. No I will not elaborate 

no one had a “memes for if putin resigns during supernatural canon gays during the us presidential election” folder prepped ahead of time

I’m on mobile someone add Mr Mime