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Batlantern/Batfamily/GLC idea of mine but I think, when they get serious enough and talk about "meeting the family", Hal chooses to introduce to Bruce to the Lanterns of Earth (and some)
Because what is there of the Jordans are a graveyard kept cold by unsaid words and breathless farewells, and the other half had always preferred to keep out of "that" business (whether it's the gay part or the cape part, Hal's not sure, nor does he want to know)
Bruce takes this in stride. Despite knowing everyone Hal considered "family" already, he treats them as he would impressing them as much as he could, when he met them in Hal's small apartment for a family dinner.
John and Jo are just glad it's not worse (/j). Jessica and Simon are respectful, and know Bruce well enough to be confident. Kyle chooses to stfu because Batman doesn't know he's banging his son and he'd like to keep it that way (Bruce already knows). Guy is, well, Guy.
But none of them really have anything bad to say after the initial shock of learning that the poster children for office beef have gotten together. After all, Bruce is rich, good with kids, responsible, and most importantly of all, he makes Hal quiet - smiling, calm, and safe. That's all that matters
However
It has come to their attention that becoming the (un)official Mrs Wayne meant that Hal was now charged with the custody of 5 (?) stepchildren, who are all as mysterious and insane as their dad
The first to make an encounter with the Batfamily after Batlantern's publicity is Guy, for all the best and worse reasons
Who does he meet first?
Cassandra Wayne
.
.
[gearing up in the Watchtower, Hal and Guy are going]
Guy being Guy: Damn you playing nanny for the big Bat now? thought you couldn't handle allat. good luck with his batshit crazy kids though!
Cass: 😠
Guy, jumping: Jesus- FUCK where did YOU come from!?
Hal: Cass. Batgirl. She's coming with us on this mission to learn about off-planet JL protocol. You got a problem with that?
Cass: 🫡
Guy: No but... damn, she's tiny. How old is she? She looks like she's just 6 apples tall,or whatever tf Kyle says these days. Is the Bats feeding her?
Cass: Seven
Guy: What?
Cass: My brothers say I'm 7 apples tall
Guy: Almost thought she couldn't speak there, what do you know.
Hal: Cass is selectively mute. Half trauma response, half preference. She's deaf on one ear so don't blast her there, will you?
Guy:
Guy, former special ed teacher, known to be more understanding with young heroes, new recruits, and anyone he determines to be a kid:
Guy: I would die for you, Cass
Cass: [reads his body language for a second]
Cass: Oh okay! 😊 Yay!! 😁 [unlatches from Hal and hooks her arm on Guy's]
Guy, tearing up: This is the greatest honor of my life 🥹
Hal: ...Bruce is gonna fucking kill us both
.
.
.
[returning to the Batcave]
Bruce: Welcome back, what's- [takes a step back after seeing Cass perched on Guy Gardner's shoulders]
Cass, holding pretty space rocks, a large alien smoothie, and a shirt that says "I came to the Far Sector and all I got was this shirt": Dad, this big orange meanie is now my favorite uncle on Hal's side
Bruce: [gives Hal a look]
Hal, trying not to laugh/cry: It was this or Kilowog, and we can't exactly bring Kilowog to Cass' dance recitals, can we?
I like to think that, in the batlantern/batfamily, Hal was only ever "Bruce's boyfriend" at first
Sure, he's funny and the old man is a little more tolerable because Hal is around to tamper down his temper on everyone's behalf, but the kids, for the most part, had only ever seen Hal as a fifo roommate who kisses their dad and has clearance just a level below their own
...until they got kidnapped in space.
They forgot who started it; but somehow with each person who got kidnapped in a rogue airship within the solar system, another two followed in an attempt to "rescue" them.
Now Dick, Jason, Damian, Tim and Cass were all comically suspended in cages, bickering about who gets to execute the rescue protocol and have to explain to Bruce why they're on an off-planet mission that he specifically blacklisted any heroes of their level to go on
Mid-bickering, the ship experiences trouble. The aliens are panicking, and they're all but ready to leverage the lives of their 5 young Earthling hostages to get out of the solar system aliev
And then there stood Hal Jordan, Greatest Green Lantern that Ever Lived, the Man Without Fear in all his furious glory
He starts speaking in tongues at the aliens, but the aura was very much giving "Give me back those kids and then FUCK OFF from MY solar system!"
The aliens are simpering apologies as they carefully free the kids under the discerning gaze of a clearly pissed off looking Green Lantern
Dick at least thought there would be a fight, but the aliens digressed.
"We apologize sincerely, Lantern Jordan. We did not know these were your children!"
"And if they weren't? Kidnapping them is fine? 😠 They're literally babies! It is not safe for them to be away from home for so long! 😤"
"Yes sir, we are so sorry now please do not make us all explode internally..."
Tim makes the mistake of coughing. COUGHING. It's just dust, he swears, but Hal goes livid and the cussing starts all over again because "THESE BABIES ARE CHRONICALLY ILL 🤬 HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN SCAN YOUR HOSTAGES YOU GALACTIC AMATEURS"
And the kids are just... babies? We're Hal's babies? When did that happen?
Cut to them being inside of the Watchtower, guiltily eating Batburgers while Hal is on a call with the Lanterns of the next sector about how "MY BOYFRIEND'S KIDS GOT KIDNAPPED BECAUSE A PIRATE ENTITY TRESPASSED YOUR SECTOR INTO MINE 😰😠"
Bruce isn't doing anything.
Matter of fact, that man is figuring out how to give Hal a baby.
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Bruce and his kids (honestly half of them are fighting each other as much as they fight him) are at odds AGAIN and of course this entire family has avoidance attachment issues, so most of them leave Gotham rather than actually talk things out.
The few that stay in Gotham avoid him outside of the bare necessities of patrol.
So he does what every member of this family does when they want not to think. He shuts off the silent comms and picks a fight he knows will hurt. Croc appears to be body guarding Penguin as he meets with two face. Perfect.
Except he hasn't been sleeping. So the goal of getting hurt to distract himself turns into survival fast. He's down for only a second, but it's enough time for a spray of bullets to batter his body armor.
Waylon is clearly wondering where his backup is, or why he isn't retreating, telegraphing the slightly slow punch in the hopes that someone will call him back maybe. He's close with Roy and Jason enough that he's hesitant to actually hurt the bat. For whatever reason he's stopped before he does permanently damage, sent out of the room.
Harvey Dent is in control, looking at his estranged friend in concern with Uncle Ozzie clearly of a similar mindset. For once, the penguin drops the facade, "Oh, little chick....Harvey, how long are you in control?"
"Long enough. I can leave in time if I feel Two-Face resurfacing."
"Good enough, let's get him out of the suit before I take him back to the lounge."
...
Ie, Bruce has a bad day and Uncle Ozzie refuses to kill what's left of his chick, even if it would make things easier.
CW: non-sexual nudity, injury
Waylon glances back, but Harvey gestures for him to continue. They need to see. He turns back around, and Waylon throws maybe the worst punch he ever has. The Bat is too dazed, and it connects with his chin, sends him crumpling to the ground.
The hybrid man stares down at the unconscious Bat, and gives them a confused look. Harvey opens his mouth, but Oswald steps forward, drawing Waylon's attention to him. "That will be all, thank you. We'll deal with him from here."
The scaly tail disappears around the corner, and Harvey slumps, following Oswald closer. Bruce's armour is not a suit he should be wearing to fight Croc, and even in the suit, he can read the exhaustion in his old friend's frame.
"He came to hurt."
Oswald nods. "You seen many Birds around lately?"
Harvey shakes his head. "You think that's why?"
"I think he's a damn fool." Harvey crouches, scooping the Bat into his arms, and Oswald strokes a hand over the cowl. "Bring him to the Lounge. I'll deal with his car and meet you."
Oswald turns away, waddling off to the corner Bruce would've hid the batmobile in, and Harvey heads to the other side of the lot, depositing him in the back of his two-tone sedan. Harvey feels his cheeks warm as he unlatches the clasps of his old friend's armour, the scandalous reasons behind his knowledge of their locations making his cheeks colour, and he moves all the kevlar plates to the boot ones he's extracted them all. Bruce is left in just his undersuit, which is inconspicuous enough, and Oz'll surely have something ready for him when they arrive.
Bruce whimpers quietly throughout the drive, twisting, thrashing in the backseat, mind tormented by unknown horrors.
Harvey pulls haphazardly into the car park behind the Lounge, and dives into the backseat. "Bruce, love, shh. Shh, it's okay."
Bruce's face pushes into the hand cupping his cheek, expression smoothing out some, and Harvey strokes his cheekbone for a beat, something long-lost and tender blooming in his chest.
"Come on, you big lump," he mutters, and pulls him out and back into his arms, breath stuttering some when Bruce's head lolls to rest against his collarbone, achingly intimate, and a relic of years before. Before Harvey irrevocably tore the two of them apart, and did things Bruce will never forgive him for. Sometimes he looks at blood on his knuckles and thinks he can hear Dick crying, sobbing for Bruce, but then the goon he's actually torturing begs for mercy, and Harvey will come back to the present, and put a bullet through their skull.
A goon is waiting by the back door, and holds the door open for Harvey, allowing him to carry Bruce into the establishment. He heads right down to the basement, then further down again, into the sub-basement, and enters Oswald's private floor.
The man himself appears, mutely opening a door before disappearing down the hallway, and Harvey adjusts Bruce in his arms and walks inside.
He strips Bruce further, until he's just in his underwear, and Oswald walks backwards into the room to open the door, and approaches where Harvey has him laid out on the bed. Each of them take a cloth from the bowl of warm water, and red slowly dyes it as they wipe away fresh, sluggishly bled stains, and dry, crusted patches alike, until they can reveal untreated wounds, the beginnings of infections, and a patchwork of mottled bruising across his entire body.
Harvey is the one to take up the suturing needle, while Oswlad eases Bruce's head into his lap, and the billionaire bat finally begins to stir, but Harvey can't be sure whether the topical anaesthesia simply isn't enough, or the gentle touch from Ozzie's rough hands over his head dragged him back to wakefulness.
"Hey, sleepin' beauty," Harvey murmurs, pausing his motions, and Bruce blinks blearily at him. "You're alright, beaut, we've gotcha."
"Safe?" Bruce double checks, and Oz grunts.
"Only a few of the boys saw Dent bring you down. They'll keep quiet."
Bruce hums, not yet relaxing. "And you two?"
Harvey sighs, and strokes his hip. "Two's worried for you too. He's noticed the signs you're slipping. I ain't gonna hurt you, beaut."
Oswald traces Bruce's hairline with a calloused thumb. "You're safe, Chick," he swears gruffly. "On ya Pa's life." Bruce melts into his lap, giving in, and Harvey returns to stitching up his wounds. Some are older, ignored, but it's clear that Waylon's claws nicked him a few times, slicing deep enough to need attention.
He's a good patient, trained himself to push through the pain years ago now, but Oswald draws his attention away from his wounds anyway. Well... his physical ones.
"Why you going out in this state, Chick? You're looking for trouble."
Bruce's chest rises, stills, then falls again, the sound tired down to his very core, exhaustion suffusing the action thoroughly.
"I just needed something to take my mind of it," Bruce whispers, bringing his hands up to press the heels of his palms into his eyes. Oswald says nothing as he tugs his hands away, gently massaging his hands with his thumbs in small, circular motions.
"Off what, love?" Harvey looks up at him, and sees tears slip past closed lids.
"I fucked up again. The kids are gone. They won't speak to me. I-I'm just sick of this losing battle to be a good father, because I'm failing miserably."
"Chick, you're a good father—"
"I just wanted something to just make me forget. I didn't want to keep having to— to look around as see they're gone, that I drove them away again. Maybe if my body hurt then I could ignore my mind."
Harvey sews up another cut and pins him with a look. "That ain't healthy, Bruce, an' you know it."
Bruce just grunts. "Didn't work anyway."
They stew in miserable silence, Oswald still just petting Bruce, while Harvey shares a look with him to confirm his assessment that his other wounds will be fine with just the bandages Harvey wraps over them.
Then Oswald is shifting back, grabbing the bowl of water and moving away, while Harvey quickly moves to wrap Bruce in one of the plush blankets folded in the corner, then pick him up again. "We'll take your mind off it," he promises, lifting the duvet for him and Bruce to slide under. Oswald sits on top of the duvet on Bruce's other side, because they both know he'll have to slip away and banish the birds coming to hunt down their injured father, and probably deliver the lecture of a lifetime to whoever comprises the rescue team.
But he's not leaving yet, and picks up a remote, aiming it at the DVD player, and the Gray Ghost title begins to roll.
Bruce makes a happy noise, and Harvey kisses his temple, releasing him slightly so he can slump into his uncle's embrace, and drops down the bed to rest his head by Bruce's hip, an arm over his lap to curve back over his waist.
They'll take care of him. Maybe just for tonight, but they'll take care of him.
what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk
about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you
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You might have done something similar like this before, but how do U think all the Robins came out to Bruce?
Dick just showed up with Wally, holding his hand and just asked Bruce could Wally sleep over. Bruce said no but said that Wally was very welcome at the house as always but he had to call Bruce Mr Wayne now.
Jason didn't have to say it. Bruce watched the bi panic on Jason's face when he set eyes on Roy after coming back into the family and when Bruce passed comment Jason didn't deny it, just told his dad to shut up.
Tim worked up the courage to tell Bruce officially... Through a WE memo. Bruce signed off on it and gave Tim a huge hug.
Damian announced his intention to court Jon Kent at family dinner. Bruce said fine but no more sleepovers.
Steph walked into the Cave beaming and announced that she kisses girls now and Bruce was like "that's nice, honey".
Cass tugged on Bruce's sleeve at a gala and told him that a nearby woman was very beautiful and Bruce just nodded, because he understood.
Duke was the only one who sat down with Bruce and admitted he thought he might be gay. Bruce hugged that boy and told him it was OK, that it was completely normal and Bruce was a little taken aback when Duke admitted he expected a different reaction. I mean Duke has seen how Bruce is around Clark, Khoa and multiple men? Is Bruce not as overtly bi as he thought? Alfred assures him he's doing just fine.
The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.
One time when Haley's circus is in Gotham, they invite Dick to do a show with them and say they will donate a portion of the box office to the charity memorialising his parents. Dick mentions this to Tim who eventually plucks up the courage to ask Dick if he can perform on the trapeze with him. Because he was obsessed with the Flying Graysons and knoes enough acrobatics to be able to pull off at least an entertaining routine. So Dick agrees and when Damian hears Dick has let Tim join his performance, he refuses to be outdone and demands a place. Of course, Dick agrees. And while Damian and Tim are strong, Dick doesn't want to risk injuring them by having them catch him after any sort of complicated move so he asks if Jason would be willing to provide a bit of muscle to the troop. Jason intitally refuses and Dick is debating whether or not it would fit the Brucie Wayne personna to show off Bruce’s trapeze experience when Stephanie overhears. And she goes and taunts Jason into agreeing to take part and Dick asks if she wants to join in too as a thanks.
And it means there's five of them, with a practised routine and matching outfits, doing final prep as the circus tent fills. And Dick is just taking a moment to breathe and shake off some last minute nerves because what if something goes wrong and he is left up on the platform watching a second family fall. And then Bruce appears and he hugs his son so tightly and tells him that he thinks Mary Grayson would definitely enjoy having a troop of robins performing in her memory.
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