welcome to my world :/

I love yall. Whoever you are. I'll always love you person reading this.

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀

happy birthday devils sacrament. i wish you were never born

river ‘been-hit-in-the-head-one-too-many-times’ cartwright

i just don’t feel like we as a society ever fully processed deedee megadoodoo

a cop pulls somebody over for a traffic stop when she gets flattened by a poop truck cause the driver of the poop truck was jerkin his shit nasty style and they report the cop’s name was deedee megadoodoo are you fucking with me right now????

eggs are most delicious when least touched by fire (so poached, sunny side up, etc declining in quality to over easy, hard boiled). this is because fire cleanses the egg of sin (primary source of flavor). this is also why the objectively most delicious egg is soft boiled (hardened purified exterior traps the delicious sin inside the soft gooey interior), and why scrambled eggs are morally ambiguous