ellie

Phil wrapped his hands around the warming ceramic coffee mug, letting the heat spread to his otherwise cold fingertips. Bringing the mug to his lips, Phil took a slow breath, allowing his exhale to push back both the scent and warmth of his morning elixir. Standing by the kitchen window, Phil could see the faintest snowflakes beginning to fall outside of his flat. If, between sips, Phil’s mug wandered too far from his body, he could feel the frost permeate from the window.

Every morning, regardless if it were snowing or not, Phil concluded that he really didn’t like coffee all that much. He just liked everything that came with it. The warmth. The serenity. The coffee’s ability to add to his otherwise lonely morning. Phil didn’t drink coffee for the taste. He drank for the companionship.

So when the doorbell first rang, Phil ignored it. Passing the ring off as merely an escaped sound belonging to the fantasy life he had dreamed of. But when it rang a second time, the vibrations from the only noise in the entire house caused ripples in Phil’s coffee. The doorbell rang a third time in quick succession and that’s when Phil realized whoever this person was, did not have time to indulge in Phil’s disbelief.

Phil straightened his sweatpants and old T-shirt, hoping that appearance would not be an important factor in this encounter. He decided to bring his coffee along, not ready to face the day cold and under caffeinated.

Since he wasn’t expecting anyone, not that he normally was, Phil thought it would be wise to make use of his flat’s peak hole. Through the hole, however, Phil could only make out what looked like a wild animal. Remembering the snow from earlier, Phil concluded that this was most likely a winter hat of sorts, a very bold choice of hat, it should be mentioned. For reasons that Phil couldn’t really explain he decided that anyone wearing a full fur trapper hat was incapable of being a mass murderer. So, Phil opened the door. But only a tad, he was still an intelligent 30 year old.  

“Oh.” Phil stepped back. Then, he opened the door entirely.

“Uhm… hi…”

Slowly, a smile pulled its way across Phil’s lips. Phil pushed his shoulders back and stood up straighter, milking every inch of his height. “Daniel, was it?” It was. Phil knew this.

“Yes…” The boy nodded. His quick nodding tipped his oversized hat over his eyebrows. The hat almost fell over his eyes completely. Not like it would make a difference, the boy’s long brown fringe had already taken responsibility for that.  

Phil waited, standing like a stranger in his own doorway. Daniel didn’t say much more. He just stared nervously at the carpet. Phil should have broken the silence but there was something far more mesmerizing in the way the snowflakes atop Dan’s lashes were quietly melting away.

Despite the signs of meltage, Dan carried residual shivers from the outdoors.

“Let’s get you a tea.” Before Phil could even gester the boy inside, Dan had already squeezed past him.

“I know I probably shouldn’t be here.” Dan said, unthreading his scarf from around his neck. A harsh, vibrant hickey revealed itself from underneath the winter layer. Dan confidently walked into the apartment but stopped abruptly when he hit the end of the hall.

“Kitchen is this way, kid.” Phil said, taking a sip of his coffee. Suddenly appreciating his forethought to bring the beverage along with. He now had a snack to enjoy while watching whatever show was unfolding in front of him.

Dan followed Phil into the kitchen, this time slower. “I’m realizing that maybe this was a dumb idea.” Dan stood in Phil’s kitchen still dressed in his winter coat. Phil watched as the oversized jacket swallowed all of Dan’s nervous movements. He brought his pudgy arm up to his head, where he scratched the back of his neck. “I- I don’t know why I came back.”

“You don’t?” Phil smiled. He couldn’t help it. And believe him, he was trying. The snow was still flurrying outside the kitchen window, but now, it was no longer the only thing Phil had to notice. “Have a seat, Dan.” Phil pulled out a chair from his little wooden kitchen table and let Dan take the single seat. Phil’s kitchen only had one chair. He never really needed more than that before. “So you don’t know what brought you here?” Phil grabbed a glass from the cabinet. He was already out of mugs. “Or you do know, and you just don’t want to be the one to say…”

Phil placed the cup in front of Dan, who looked up at him with large, anxious eyes. Phil used the quick moment to catch the lovely pink colour of the boy’s lips. It was now, up close, that Phil noticed the faint freckles spread across his nose, faint and flurried just like the snow outside. Then the boy turned his face, dropping his gaze to look down his cup, as if it were a deep, infinite well and he were casting wishes.

“Last night was really good - and nice. And, uhm, I don’t know, I just thought…” Dan trailed off, hiding in the fluffy wall of his coat. “You know…” Dan chewed on his bottom lip, turning the once pink skin to a deeper red.

“Well, last night, you told me you were 24 years old, Dan.” Phil kneeled beside the younger, feeling like he was coaching his kid brother’s soccer game. “And I can see now, that can’t be true.”

Dan swallowed. “Well, you believed me.” Dan’s eyes were pleading with Phil. Oddly, Phil felt the same feeling of warmth, just like that of his coffee, push back right in this moment. Phil stared at Dan and Dan stared back warmer. It was nice. It was serene. It was company.

“Well I was drunk.” Phil stood up from kneeling beside Dan. “I wasn’t in a state of mind to reflect on whether or not you were telling the truth.” Phil moved to place a pot of water on the stove. When he turned, Dan’s eyes were locked on the kitchen table. His bottom lip just starting to quiver. Phil felt a pang of guilt when he noticed the subtle wobble of Dan’s throat. “So if you’re not 24 then you’re...?”

“19, just...”

Phil leaned up against his counter, keeping an eye on the stove and on Dan. Never really needing to watch two things at once until now. “Ahh, that’s why you were at a nice club last night. You were celebrating.” Phil let his head rest against the overhead cabinet as he puzzled the pieces together.

He recalled the boy from the night before. He was far less nervous than the one sitting in front of him now. Last night, he was loud, buzzing around the bar with adolescent energy too frenetic for four walls to contain. Half dressed too. Phil smirked remembering how the boy’s friends had put in a valiant effort trying to keep his polo on.  

Dan nodded, “it was my birthday…”

“Well your night sure ended nicely, I imagine,” Phil said. Immediately, a fevrant blush spread manically across Dan’s cheeks. “And that’s why you came back. Hoping that it might happen again.” Phil grabbed the pot of boiling water from the stove liking the way Dan’s eyes followed his every move. Phil was very much aware of how Dan writhed the closer Phil got. So when he went to pour the water into Dan’s cup, Phil came close enough for Dan to hear his whisper. “Is that true?” Phil kneeled back beside Dan, feeling every urge to absolutely wreck him.

“Yes… sir....”

Phil smiled amused. “You don’t know remember my name.” Phil leaned his forehead against Dan’s. Their lips only one word apart.

“I don’t,” Dan whispered. Phil could feel Dan’s breath, warm like coffee. It smelt sweet. Like the boy had settled with candy for breakfast.

Phil pulled the winter coat off of Dan’s shoulders letting it drape across the back of the kitchen chair. “Well, we weren’t really going with our formal names last night so I’ll let it slide…”

“Sir, I need-” The moan seemed to interrupt Dan, as if he hadn’t planned on speaking. As if something in Dan’s body were about to demand something he wasn’t even consciously aware of.

“Phil.” Phil, reminded while he kissed the shell of Dan’s ear.

“Phil, I need-” Dan paused to clear his throat.

“You need what, Daniel?” Phil stood up from beside the table, bringing Dan up with him. Dan rose to his feet, tangled in Phil like he was under Phil’s spell. And he was.

Rather than answer, small noises bubbled their way from Dan’s throat. “Mm, hmm, ah,” Dan mumbled.

Phil brought his thumb to the boys lips. His finger traced over the curves of his mouth that he had dreamt about the night before. To his surprise, Dan’s lips slowly parted, as if he were exploring the impulse for the first time. Phil slid the tip of his thumb into Dan’s mouth, resting his hand on the teen’s chin. Dan, barely, just lightly, started to suck.

“It’s different this time, Dan. It’s not dark out, we’ve both got clear minds, and you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Phil’s thumb had warmed up nicely in the boy’s mouth, hotter than his mug ever warmed.

Dan’s head sharply swung back. It was instinctive. Phil’s hand had trailed down the front of the younger’s pants, playing with him through his jeans. Phil could feel the outline of Dan’s dick. He could feel how quickly responsive Dan was. He just wanted to play with him all morning. “Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“Yes,” Dan gasped. It was so full of air and breath that it hardly sounded like a word. Dan’s mouth opened wider letting another moan escape. Then he shuddered, hard. Dan’s hand flung to the table to support his shaking body but knocked over the hot tea in the process. “H’ah,” Dan pulled his burnt hand to his chest.

“You’re alright,” Phil grabbed Dan’s hand in his, then kissed his palm. Phil patted it dry on his shirt, near his rapidly beating heart. Though the sentiment was nice, Phil felt lust overtake every part of his functioning brain. So he forced Dan’s still hot hand down his jeans and around his own dick. Dan’s knees buckled.

“I’m scared,” Dan confessed in a shriek, falling into Phil’s chest. Followed by rushed whispers Dan added, “I never, I’ve never felt like this.” Dan rutted against his hot hand, which Phil kept forcefully in place. Phil felt his mind drift watching the boy pleasure himself on his own hand like this. “Like I need it so badly.” Dan’s head lobbed forward, overwhelmed… ashamed.

“Needed what?”

Dan looked up, eyes glassy, dilated and blown out. “You.”

Phil reached for Dan’s shoulders and thrusted him toward his lips. He kissed him hard. Dan, needless to say, responded. Phil threaded his hand down Dan’s pants feeling a fully erect cock that had hardly been touched yet. Dan buckled his hips into Phil’s hand. “Fuck, fuck.” Dan gasped. “Fuck,” this time louder. Phil hands were all over his naked privates... again.

“I forgot, how easily you get worked up,” Phil laughed. But it was truly a sight. Phil, singlehandedly, quite literally, was giving Dan apparently the best orgasm of his life. In his kitchen. “Let’s take this to the bedroom, I should remind you I do eat here.”

Dan nodded uncontrollably. So Phil lead Dan down the hall while Dan followed close behind with his own hands down his unbuttoned jeans, trying to control what Phil had started. When Phil opened the door to his bedroom he heard the faintest, “oh.” He turned to find Dan looking at his spread out fingers.

“shit…” Dan’s hands dripped in his own cum, after a sum total of maybe 1 whole minute.

Phil could see the embarrassment flash across Dan’s cheeks. It was a visible pink color, after all. Then he saw Dan’s lip quiver again, throat start to wobble and before the first tear could even slip, Phil grabbed Dan by the hand. “Come, let’s sit down.” Phil gently brought Dan to the edge of his bed where he sat him. “How was the rest of your birthday?” Phil turned the lamplight on.

“Maybe this is a bad time to talk.” Dan shoulders were curled forward, body closing in on itself.

Phil worked to undo this and parted Dan’s legs. He pulled Dan’s jeans down to his thighs, leaving his underwear in place. Left behind was Dan’s very wet, obviously ejaculated underwear. “I don’t suppose you’re ready to do much else for the next few minutes.”

Dan brought his hands over the wet patch, squeezing his legs together. “It went nice.”

Phil didn’t hear the answer. His mind had already drifted. He just couldn’t help but imagine how many times Dan awoke like that. Lost in his sleep, cumming through his pajama pants not even knowing that he had. Little hips buckling against his sheets, abs flexing trying to rut against anything and everything at once. Phil felt his pants start to tighten. He felt his body grow increasingly hot as if he were the one in full winter dress. Then a question dawned on Phil and he absolutely needed the answer.

“Tell me… Did you dream of me last night.” Phil kissed Dan’s lips. Breaking apart just to hear a small whisper of,

“Yes.”

“And?” Phil crawled over his body, leaning the boy back. Phil kissed his neck and a loud, whine filled the room. Ah yes, how could Phil forget this discovery from the night before. He licked the spot, lining up a fresh hickey next to the preexisting one.

“I came,” Dan shrieked. “A lot. In my bed and -” Dan gasped, tipping his neck for Phil to continue. “And on myself.” Dan started to buckled his hips again.

“Show me.”

Dan squished his hand between their bodies. He scrunched his shirt up to his tummy and let his index finger stop below his navel. “Here.”

Phil slid down the younger’s body, letting his tongue lick Dan’s lower abdomen. He slid off Dan’s pants entirely, then folded Dan’s legs against his chest. Phil let out a groan of his own.

Dan was, well, groomed to say the least. Hairless, entirely. But also red…? Phil let his finger prod Dan’s bum. “I can see you were up early today, I imagine your fingers served you well.” Phil pressed on the irritated traces of Dan’s inexperienced petting.

“Ah, ah,” Dan squirmed against the mattress. “I tried,” Dan whimpered.

“You tried?” Phil pried. Phil leaned down and dragged his tongue between the boy’s legs.

“I couldn’t get the spot,” Dan shouted. His torso twisted, inching toward Phil’s mouth. “I couldn’t get it.”

“So you came to me.” Phil smiled.

“Sir, please.”

Phil wasted no time. He’d like to slow things down and savour the moment. The same way he liked to enjoy his Sunday morning coffee. But understanding that Dan had already cum within 60 seconds meant that Dan wasn’t exactly apt for endurance sex. So, Phil let his two fingers begin to stretch the younger.

Similar to how Phil remembered how pliant the boy became with a few kisses to the neck, a second memory quickly resurfaced as soon as Phil went for finger three.

“HURTS,” Dan cried, his back craining off the mattress. “That hurts. It hurts.” Dan’s hands reached for Phil’s wrists in attempt to obstruct his movements. “Too much,” Dan panted.

Phil remembered hearing these exact words last night. It proved to be consistent that Dan had trouble with the third. But Phil also remembered going much farther than just three fingers the previous night. The problem was, how did they get there? Phil eased up, letting his fingers work slower instead of roughly. “Dan, remember if we just stretch a little more then-”

“No, no, no,” Dan was whining like a child. Possibly because, he was closer to that than adult.

“Maybe, do you want to come on your knees and try-”

“Two. Back, two. Go back to two fingers.” Dan was gripping onto his own t-shirt, stretching the cotton beyond repair. “Pleaasse,” Dan whined. “It hurts bad,” Dan sputtered.

Bad. That’s when Phil remembered last night’s solution. He leaned close to Dan, wrapping Dan’s legs around his back. Phil cradled Dan’s neck, rested Dan’s head in the crook of his shoulder. “Good. You’re being so good for me, princess.” Phil dropped his fingers back down to two.

“Uh, good. I’m good,” Dan said, voice hoarse. Phil kissed Dan’s shoulder, all he needed was a little bit of praise.

“We almost got it, baby. It’s going to hurt only a little more,” Phil went for the third finger and rather than protest, Dan keened in Phil’s hold. Dan’s arms tightened around Phil’s neck. “Being so good. Does it feel good?”

Dan nodded, then bit a chunk of Phil’s shoulder, biting down hard. Dan let out hums of what Phil hoped was pleasure.

Phil was a little at a loss for hands at the moments. He had one supporting Dan’s neck, the other stretching him out, all while Dan’s hands were at a strangulating grip around Phil’s neck. Somehow, Phil needed to get his sweatpants off, and fast. Stepping on the ankle of his sweats, Phil shimmied them off his hips. Thankfully he was boxerless underneath them.

“Are we ready?”

“I want you,” Dan’s hot breath spilled into Phil’s ear.

Phil took that as a yes and pushed the tip of his dick into Dan. As Phil worked himself in, Dan babbled more muddled moans. Dan, mumbled hums of, “more, ready. More, ready.” So Phil slid himself deeper with each thrust until Dan’s whines became clearer.

He wasn’t saying, more ready, he was saying,

“Slower, Daddy.” Dan’s nails dug into Phil’s back. “Slower, Daddy.”

“Fuck”. Phil nearly lost it all right then. Hence, why it became increasingly difficult to slow down when all Phil wanted to do was feed the lust overtaking him. It physically pained Phil to slow down, it almost felt like he was edging himself. But, nonetheless, he adjusted his pace. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the younger. So Phil pulled out slow and then carefully pushed his hips against Dan’s even slower.

“There,” Dan’s voice cracked. “There,” Dan cried out. And suddenly the loud boy from the bar had made his return. “Daddy, there- feels so good. Uh’ah’huh.”

Phil could feel his shoulder start to dampen. He knew without a doubt, that Dan was crying. The boy had been on the brink of tears the entire morning. And now, pushed to his limits, they started to spill. Phil couldn’t see Dan’s face, he was so far buried in his arms, but he could hear the cries in Dan’s voice. The sniffling. The sobbing. Dan was close. As if to prove Phil’s thoughts, Dan stuttered,

“Gonna, gonna- I’m so close.” Dan was clenching and making all the right jolty movements to help Phil get there too.

“Dan, fuck, you feel so good. You’re so good,” Phil picked up his rhythm and steered rougher. Driving into Dan in a way that even pushed Phil limits.

“Phil, hurts. Hurts. Cloosee.”

Shockingly, despite Dan’s shouts, Phil came first. Spilling warm, hot and wet into Dan.

“Uhh- oh, oh, oh,” Dan went rigid. Tense, all at once. Then he fell pliant in Phil’s arms. Completely a dead weight. “M’dizzy.” Phil let Dan go, resting him back against the bed. When he pulled back, he found Dan coated in his own release, an absolute mess. So far gone. And to be fair, Phil felt spacey too.

Dan wiped a hand over his fringe that had somehow gone curlier. The sweat glistening off of his skin made him look both beautiful and delicious. Phil chased the urge and let himself kiss Dan’s chest. Breathlessly, Dan said, “Do I go home now?”

Phil laughed, rolling beside the younger. “How about we rest, and then finish that tea.”

Dan wiped the backside of his hand under his nose. “I’d like that,” he sniffled. Then Dan rolled over into his arms.

Dan, with a white-knuckling tight grip, clung to the straps of his backpack. His fists so fixed on the straps as if the knapsack behind him contained a parachute that he was about to employ on his spiraling 300 feet descent. It went without saying, however, that Dan was far from skydiving today.

He was well aware that his hyperbolic imagination may have been running a tad rampant. But the anxiety bubbling in the backburner of his brain was no exageration. Dan’s ears filled with the hum of airplanes flying above, spontaneous dings and rings of terminal speakers and worst of all, the absence of a specific voice Dan had recently become separated from.

Dan’s frantic fingers typed out a flurry of texts to Phil, of course riddled with typos courtesy of his anxious thumbs, but they all bounced back teasing Dan with threats of poor connection. Dan should have known better. When Phil had set off on his mission to acquire a sesame seed bagel for breakfast, Dan should have followed. He never should have trusted Phil to venture out into the great unknown all by himself. What if Phil was half way to Nebraska by now?

Dan’s stomach dropped.

“What if Phil was half way to Nebraska by now!”

Dan thoughts were losing all essence of logical deduction but at least that was a quickly rupturing dam existing solely in his head. Out loud, however, quick and paranoid breaths were matching pitch with the airplanes above.  

“Excuse me, is everything alright over here?”

Dan turned around to follow the arm that had clapped the back of his shoulder. He already knew this voice was not the one he was searching for. As far as Dan was concerned right now, if it wasn’t Phil, he didn’t want any part of this interaction. But when Dan’s eyes followed the uniform clad arm all the way up to the various buckles and badges on the man’s chest, Dan realized that this man belonged to airport security. Which only bubbled dread deeper in his stomach; Phil usually did all the talking at customs.

It wasn’t until security approached Dan that he realized how strange he probably looked to… well everybody else in the vicinity. Stood far from the terminal benches, far from any sort of kiosk trying to sell gimmicky vacation necessities, all in all, Dan was stood in a spot that would suggest he didn’t know where to be. Which was almost spot on, Dan would agree.

Dan’s fingers tightened on his backpack only to immediately loosen up when he realized why this security guard had approached him. He had a backpack, he was alone, he was in the middle of a terminal ready to board a plane; it was obvious! Drug deal.

This security guard fully believed that Dan was about to commit a felony.

“Everything alright?” The man asked once more, eyebrows furrowed as he watched Dan’s eyes dance around the space. His voice was rather soft spoken for someone approaching an alleged criminal. Good cop. He was definitely playing good cop.

Dan didn’t verbally answer, he couldn’t, talking usually led to more trouble. So insead, Dan just nodded that he was indeed, A-OK. The nod, proving to be a poor choice long term, only concerned the face of the man some more. Suddenly the security guard's hand on Dan’s shoulder turned into more of a hold in reassurance.

“Have you lost your guardian?” The man unclipped a walkie talkie from his hip, holding it in his hand in anticipation.

“My...guardian?” Dan was taken aback. The words of airport security hadn’t fully registered but the shock mostly stemmed from the relief that this wasn’t a drug bust.

“Who is it your travelling with?” The man inspected Dan’s backpack for… a luggage tag, Dan presumed. As if Dan were a lost puppy who’s collar would lead him back to his owner. Dan took a moment to explore dog tage as an actual solution if this were to ever happen again. “Do you need me to page the terminal for you?” The man prematurely brought the walkie to his mouth ready to talk.

“Oh no, no,” Dan shook his head, waving his hands so spastic that he could have both landed and crashed the same plane. “I’m fine, I’m just travelling with my-”

“Dan, there you are. Thought I lost you,” This voice, Dan recognized. This voice had finally let Dan breathe the first calm breath he had in the last several minutes. Finally, the universe could start spinning again because Phil returned to Dan’s side all in one piece and most importantly, bagel in hand.

The security guard let out an obnoxious combination of a cheer and a sigh of relief. As far as this man was concerned, he had succeeded in his job today. “Glad you found him,” the man patted Phil’s shoulder. He then tucked his walkie talkie back under his belt, obviously disappointed in the lack of usage. Oddly, the airport security guard's voice had dramatically changed when speaking to Phil. It was now deep, louder... a lot more grown up. Suddenly it clicked a little too late for Dan. “Look at that, you had your father all worried,” the man said.

Dan’s head snapped to look at Phil almost as fast as Phil’s hand snaked its way around Dan’s shoulder, hugging him close to his chest. “Oh he did! He had Daddy very very worried,” Phil said, with absolute confidence that this was not the biggest lie he ever played out. Hell, if he was auditioning he would have got the role.

And oh, how very quickly Dan went from anxious and afraid to explosively and fiercely enraged. Not to mention, embarrassed and maybe a few other things.

“Where are ya off to? Can I point you in the right direction?”

In their short interaction, it had become apparent to Dan, that this guard really fucking loved his job. And you bet, Phil was the type to indulge in him.

Dan hardly heard the rest of the conversation. His ears far too red and inflamed to not tune out every last word exchanged between these two so called ‘Dads’ talking about their reckless teenage children. Just when Dan thought they were going to miss their flight entirely, the guard finally said,

“I’ll leave you two on your way, then. Have a safe flight.”

Once the man had turned his back, Dan shoved Phil with enough force that any onlooker would consider it parental abuse. “That wasn’t funny!” Dan crossed his arms. Ironically, he looked younger than before. A tantrum was not a good look on him.

Phil smiled the stupid, snarky fucking smile that left his tongue poking out the side of his teeth. “Daddy thought so.”

“Shut up,” Dan gave Phil another solid shove, careful not to knock the bagel from Phil’s hand. Sure he was mad at him, but he didn’t want to be separated again for another dumb bagel quest. Dan angrily paced toward terminal seating.

Phil chased after Dan who had already taken a seat in the chairs, who despite their current disagreement, made sure to leave an open seat for Phil. “Dan, I was only joking.” Phil laughed, taking a seat.

Dan fought every instinct to look at Phil. But when he felt his boyfriend’s hands trying to squeeze his bagel into their shared knapsack, Dan leaned forward helping Phil out. He was still mad, but he’ll be damned to eat a squished bagel halfway through their flight. “You’re the worst,” Dan huffed, making sure Phil knew that he was still upset with his shenanigans.

Phil dropped his hand on Dan’s thigh. Dan rolled his eyes because Phil knew this was his second weakest spot. Phil’s hand made subtle movements, trying to calm Dan’s post nervous and angry jitters.

“Oh, c’mon, Dan. I don’t see what all the fuss is… oh,” Phil’s hand came to a halt high on Dan’s thigh. “Oh, now I see.”

Dan didn’t even have to look at Phil to know he was doing ‘the smile’ again.

“We’re not talking about it,” Dan said firmly. Despite the discomfort, Dan crossed his legs to both cut off Phil’s interaction and to hopefully readjust the issue happening underneath his jeans. This situation was so awkward that Dan would fully admit he’d rather be skydiving right now, parachute-less he would add.

“Why not?” Phil lowered his voice. It was at this point, Dan knew things were not looking good for him. This was Phil’s voice that he only used when they were alone. In a bedroom. Usually after lots of kisses or right before they started. “I think you owe your father an explanation.”

Dan knew, that had they been alone, he would have felt those words dragged across his skin. Phil would have whispered them all the way up his stomach, trailing them into the crook of his neck.

“Stop saying that. Just stop,” Dan whispered back. Dan pulled his backpack off his back, fighting against his long, might he add adult arms, and pushed it down, firmly on the front of his lap. “There are people around,” Dan reminded.

“And the problem is…?” Phil’s voice had an invitation embedded in the tone. A sort of, so what? A subtle, I’m in if you’re in.

Dan pushed back in the steel seat, distancing himself from any temptation. “Because of you, everyone here now thinks your my parent and or guardian. And if that’s the case, you probably shouldn’t be seen whispering in my ear.” Dan dragged a hand through his hair not shocked to find the roots damp in subtle sweat.

“Geez, I forgot how short tempered you are when you’re hard,” Phil teased. Then he too, stretched back in his chair, this time turning to face the traveller to his left. It was an elderly women hugging two knitting needles who definitely attended church too often to deserve this kind of devilish misdemeanor.

“Kids are so tough in their teenage years.” Phil sighed, really hamming up the tired parent he was pretending to be. The woman nodded in agreement. Phil shrugged, at a loss. “Won’t even listen to his Daddy anymore.” The women patted Phil’s hand as if to say she had gone through all the same.

“Fuck off,” Dan spat, giving a discreet kick to Phil’s ankle. He could hide his attack, but there was no hiding the way his lower abdomen was flexing and unflexing under his shirt.

Phil leaned back to the shell of Dan’s ear. “This is really doing it for you, huh?” Phil went from playful teasing to genuine intrigue.

Dan craned his neck away. Phil’s breath on his neck was a little too close for public comfort. “Look, we’ve had a long week touring with limited alone time. It’s not exactly this situation so much as I’m feeling rather...unattended,” Dan hissed.

“Unattended, huh.” Phil quieted down and Dan almost thought this whole situation had come to an end. He should have known better.

Phil slipped a hand into Dan’s front pocket, sliding out his phone halfway. He was just checking the time but made sure to brush up against the hard spot in Dan’s pants. “Do you need to use the restroom, Daniel?” Phil said in his newfound dad voice.

Dan had also seen the time on his phone. Phil couldn’t have been serious. “Our flight leaves in fifteen minutes.”

Phil looked at Dan. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Dan’s legs were too jittery to register Phil’s banter. He was growing too sweaty. If his knuckles were white with nerves before they were beyond bloodless now, as they gripped the armrests of the seat. But maybe that was due the fact that blood was currently flowing elsewhere. Painfully elsewhere, Dan would add.

“Fine,” Dan huffed. But it bordered a moan. And that’s when Dan knew this needed to be taken care of before they stepped on the plane. But of course, Phil was in no rush.

Phil shared a look of disbelief with the woman next to him who was now fully invested in this, as far as she was concerned, real father/son relationship. “Just fine? Where are your manners?” Phil scoffed.

Phil was probably hoping that Dan would play along with his facade, or at least quip back with a vulgar curse word that would humour Phil. Instead, Dan’s head tipped forward as he let out a small, quiet whimper of,

“Please, Phil.”

With that, Phil gripped Dan’s arm and led them to the nearest restroom. Or at least that’s where Dan had thought they were going. But as they blitzed around the airport terminals, they passed by two obvious restroom wings.

It wasn’t until Phil ushered Dan into the small bagel shop that Dan realized why Phil had turned down the other locations. Attached to this breakfast place, was a small private bathroom for customers, the type of bathroom that didn’t offer several stalls to strangers. When Phil pushed Dan into the small room and locked the door behind them, Dan couldn’t thank his lucky stars more for Phil’s earlier bagel pursuit.

Quickly, Dan’s back pushed up against the sink as he tore his pants down to his thighs. “Help,” Dan’s voice cracked.  

Phil wrapped a hand around his boyfriend’s length, peppering kisses along Dan’s neck. “I never meant for you to feel so unattended,” Phil whispered. His wet lips travelled along Dan’s jaw with every word.

“Phi-uhh,” Dan cried. Dan’s hands wrapped around Phil’s neck pressing them closer together. He had lost Phil for nearly five whole minutes and now he had to make up for that time being apart.

Phil’s mouth began to move from Dan’s jaw to Dan’s chest, then his stomach, then Phil came to a slow just above his pelvis. “You’re so worked up,” Phil mused, lips teasing at the tip of Dan’s dick.

“Please Phil, please, please.” This was Dan’s 300 feet descent. He had never felt more dizzy and weightless in his entire life.

Phil marveled for only a second more before taking Dan into his mouth.

Dan nearly cried. “Gonna, gonna- ” Dan’s chest heaved. His hands were slipping from the sink but without something to hold on to he would have been limp in Phil’s arms. “Gonna, gonna,” Dan reached for Phil’s shoulders searching for support. Dan was much less ‘gonna gonna’ and more so, ‘already did’. Before he knew it, he was spilling warm and wet in Phil’s mouth. The back of Dan head hit the bathroom mirror as his eyes fluttered through his orgasm.

Once Dan’s hips came to a still, Phil rose back up helping Dan do back up his pants.

“Thank you,” Dan exhaled, his voice hardly audible. His head fell against Phil’s chest, close enough to faintly hear his heartbeat. Dan’s arms came around Phil’s chest, hugging him close just for a moment. They both knew they wouldn’t be able to hold each other like this for the next coming hours in the public eye. And if Dan had it his way, he would spend the rest of their thirteen minutes in here like this. Maybe even miss their flight, if Phil would be willing.

“Ready?” Phil hand that had been rubbing down Dan’s spine came to a stop. He kissed behind Dan’s ear. “If you feel, unattended, again, then you just let me know, bear.” Before Dan was ready to let go, Phil turned and reached for the restroom door knob.

“Now stay close to me this time, Daddy would hate for you to get lost again.”

Suddenly, there was another twist in Dan’s stomach.

The breath that slipped its way from Dan’s lips was warm and slowly drawn. But above everything else, it was shaky. Dan nestled the back of his head into his pillow again, relaxing his back in the process.  Dan let out another shallow breath but it was only mildly steadier.

“Fuck,” Dan whispered, trying to ease his conscience.

Dan’s hand was curled up on his lower, very low, stomach. His resting fingers itching to explore further below. But the thing that kept Dan’s hands free from adventure was the simple fact that there wasn’t very much to explore… well at least not yet.

Dan’s eyes went cross as he stared at the low quality video playing across his phone screen. His phone was balanced on his chest too close to his eyes, the screen was too bright for the dark bedroom and the sound was so low as to not wake anyone that Dan could hardly make out any sounds. That’s why he wasn’t… into it, right?

Or maybe he just had to wait for the video to pick up? Or was this already supposed to be the good part? And what even was the good part? Dan felt less and less movement underneath his pants the more his mind drifted.

His inability to “perform” as a young adolescent was so embarrassing to accept that it was almost enough humiliation for Dan to call it quits right then and there. Like every other night, Dan would throw up his white flag in surrender while his other hand held his not even semi erect self.

Dan took another breath. He hesitantly pushed his hand down underneath his pajama bottoms, under the waistband of his boxers and wrapped it around himself. “H’uh,” Dan made a sharp noise when his hands, cold from being tense, touched his bare skin. Dan swallowed hard.

Brining his attention back to the video of the pretty girl, Dan watched and waited. He moved his hand a little but there was no rhythm to his movement, there was no ease, no confidence and needless to say, no response.

Dan rolled over onto his stomach in defeat. This was painstakingly embarrassing, borderline pathetic, it was absolutely -

“Oh,” Dan choked.

Now laying on his stomach, the firmness of the mattress pressed against his pelvis started to do all sorts of weird things for Dan. Could this have been the problem the whole time? Wanking on the wrong side of the bed? Dan’s head curled, his cheeks instantly growing flush. “Mmm,” Dan purred. His first real moan. Then realizing just how late at night is was, he gave a small cough to cover his tracks in case anyone had heard. Dan pressed his hand against his barely there bulge figuring they were too cold to touch under his pants. Again with no rhyme or reason at all, Dan’s out of practice hands were racing against a quickly fleeting boner. He had briskly flirted with his hormones but now nerve was getting the best of him. Dan let out a struggled noise.

“For fuck’s sake, use your left hand,” a voice groaned.

“Huh?” Dan’s hands seized immediately. His body stilled. No. No. This wasn’t happening. The voice was coming from the other half of the room. The very side of the room that housed his older step brother. “Phil?” Dan asked. For once in his life, Dan was praying there would be no response.

“You’re left handed, so wank with your left hand. It’s not rocket science, you idiot. Now hurry up and cum, some of us are trying to sleep.” Phil whisper shouted. Quickly followed by a pillow being tossed Dan’s direction.

“I wasn’t - That’s not what I was doing.” Dan sputtered, panic not only evident in his voice but also his jittering body. He lurched forward in bed, feeling the sudden urge to vomit. “I wasn’t!” Dan clarified.

“Use your bloody headphones next time, I could hear her from here.”

From across the room there was the subtle sound of sheets being jostled around and then Phil, Dan presumed, had fallen back asleep. Dan settled back down into his bed feeling like he was laying himself down into his coffin because surely, there would be absolutely no way to live after this terribly awkward encounter.

For the remainder of the night, not only did Dan not “hurry up and come” but he also did not sleep. At all.

…

Phil readjusted the leather strap of his laptop bag for the upteenth time. Weaving around these school halls kept causing the strap to slip from his shoulder. After a long night of little sleep, Phil didn’t exactly appreciate that he had to spend his mornings dodging groups of kids-who-would-peak-in high-school. Put simply, Phil had hated being here as a student years ago. And now, he hated being here as an assistant teacher just as much, if not more.

“Excuse me, ladies,” Phil asked a group of highschool seniors. The girls remained unbothered, unmoved and most importantly unphased by Phil’s presence. Or at least that was the allure they were hoping to present. In actuality, they were all staring doe-eyed and drooly mouthed at Phil dressed in his business casual. “Alright,” Phil sighed. Arms up in surrender, Phil shimmied past knowing all too well the girls had hoped he would do exactly that.

In order for Phil to graduate and receive his Uni degree, he had to complete one placement within the field, but this gig, almost made Phil rethink the value of a stupid piece of paper entirely.

…

When Phil arrived to his borrowed classroom, there on the desk was a stack of freshly written essays. No note attached but Phil presumed these would be his to grade. Along with the other stack he already carried in his book bag.

Phil melted into his desk chair, taking the stack of papers in hand. No doubt, this whole weekend would be spent relocating misplaced commas. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Phil started to read the first pages of what was most definitely pulled directly from the internet.

Though, he could only make it a few words in before his mind started to drift in the quiet room. He couldn’t help it. The absolute quiet here reminded him of the lack there of the night before. How it had been almost quiet last night in their bedroom, how it probably seemed quiet anywhere else in the home, but it wasn’t quite.

Phil tried, he really tried, to stop his mind from remembering Dan’s struggled moans. But the overheard little frustrated huffs, semi-aroused huffs, were so difficult to forget. Phil wiped a hand across his forehead. He refocused his eyes back to the twelve point font. Phil returned to reading the paper fairly aware that this was obviously written by a parent or at least someone else for that matter, he could tell by the irregular vocabu-

But how could Dan possibly not be able to get hard? Phil’s mind made another instant veer. This time he stayed there.

It just made no sense. That boy was, what? 17? 18 years old? It really shouldn’t have been all that difficult to toss one out, in fact, it should have been second nature. Whatever. Phil was entirely indifferent. He was far too busy in his adult life to occupy his brain with mock trials on whether or not Dan knew how to masterbate. … Yet… those struggled little gasps kept bubbling their way to the forefront of Phil’s mind. It was almost as if he could hear them right this moment. It was entirely as if he could hear them right this moment.

Suddenly, there was a loud thud on his classroom door.

Phil’s attention snapped to the frosted glass window where he could see shadows and silhouettes of students banging behind the door. Phil dropped his essays, and his thoughts, and made his way to the scene.

“Hey, cut it out, what’s going on here?” When Phil swung the door open to the classroom, a student, who was obviously pinned up against the door, fell into his arms.

“We’re just messing around!” A boy, almost as tall as Phil jeered, from the otherside.  

“Sounds more like a fight to me. You alright?” Phil looked down to the student he had caught by the hood of their hoodie to see none other than Dan, wiping some blood from his lip.

“C’mon, Mr. Lester! He asked for it! Who brings a hair straightener in their gym bag!” One of the boys laughed. Equally as tall as the last, if not more obnoxious, however possible.

“Who brings a gym bag if their just going to sit in the corner the whole class!” Another tagged in.

There was a small choir of about five or six voices meaning that this fight, had been heavily uneven. “It’s over. Get back to class.” Phil instructed. The boys left without much more demand, because they had already gotten what they wanted from Dan; some bruising and some tears.

Phil rubbed the back of his neck, muscle tense from a hunched over marking session. “Look, uhh, did you want me to call your Dad?” Phil looked around the room. His hands awkwardly recoiling from Dan’s shoulders. Possibly the first time he touched, nonetheless talked, with Dan since he moved in just a few months ago.

“No.” Dan hugged his elbow close to his stomach, rubbing his arm. “He’ll beat me up for not beating them up first,” Dan shrugged. “I was fine, you know,” Dan hissed.

“You say that through a bleeding lip.”

“I don’t need your help,” Dan spat.

“You don’t take my help, that’s the problem.” Phil corrected.

“Well sometimes it’s a bit unsolicited, don’t you think?” Dan wasn’t referring to this fight. Phil caught that pretty quick. “Just mind your own business,” Dan said under his breath. Discreetly wiping his last tear, as if Phil didn't notice it glistening on his cheek, Dan quickly pulled himself together and left for class.

Little did Phil know, it would become increasingly difficult to, ‘mind his own business’.

….

School had let out not even a half hour ago but Dan had already made it home in record timing. It was important that he ran because he would only be gifted a short time where he could have the house to himself.

This time, it hadn’t hit Dan while he was forcing himself to watch some laggy video. No. It completely washed over him in the school corridors. When all those boys were tossing him around.

Dan was on his bed, on his hands and knees, halfway undressed. Shirt pulled up to his armpits, pants pulled down to his knees, sweating like never before. He instinctively rolled back so most of his weight was on his calves. Dan’s hands twisted over his dick. “Oh, oh,” Dan gasped. Pinching his eyes shut Dan clung onto the events of early that day. How roughly he was pushed up against the door and how, oh God he was certain, that the tallest boy was rubbing up against him on purpose. “Oh, Oh,” Dan’s stomach clenched remembering the way the boy had locked a firm thigh right between Dan’s legs before he threw his first fist. “Ah, a’uuhh,” Dan’s head fell back as the whine dragged it’s way past his mouth.

This was so good. Fuck, it was so good. This was the good part, Dan was sure of it.

He practically choked on his own sobs. Dan’s hands, as if by magic, developed a rhythm overnight that had Dan’s vision blurring. “Mmm, mmm,” Dan mewled, practically purred.

Dan, by miracle of God, had finally found out what got his hormones pumping all in check, completely by accident. Oddly, getting bullied may have had a silver lining after all.

Dan jerked himself a little faster, “Ah,” his voice cried.

But, what Dan had sitting beside him on his bed, he hadn’t exactly found by accident. This, he purposely went looking for. 

After the incident in the hallway, where he was pinned against both the doorframe and another boy, Dan couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of… well another firm cock pressed against his. And although Dan could do with just the memories, he knew it would be even better to have the real thing, or well, the fake real thing.

Dan would openly admit that he was ashamed of where he had found it but that didn’t stop himself from reaching for the dildo and pushing it up against his dick.

Dan’s back collapsed against the bed, railing up the mattress, losing himself to his new sexual fantasies. Suddenly, Dan had a very strange impulse. But as he was quickly learning, the less he thought the better everything was feeling. So without any thought, Dan gave his hormones full reign and let them bring the rubber up to his lips; filling his mouth.

…

Phil was almost 100% certain that he was never the type to blush but when he opened the door to his bedroom he felt a red flush ignite over his entire body.

“Dan, what the fuck!” Phil yelped.

Phil was unable to think. Or blink, or look away for that matter. His brain tried to comprehend the situation as simple as it could compute in its short circuiting state. Phil walked in on Dan, dick out and choking on something rubber.

“Get out!” Dan shouted. Probably not following through on his best urge, Dan violently threw the sex toy at his step-brother. It hit the wall with a loud thud.

“Is that a - Did you just throw a -” Phil’s eyes were massive.

Suddenly Dan’s voice shifted from angry to desperate. “Don’t tell your mom!” Dan begged.

“Why would I-” Phil looked back to the object that had landed on the carpeted floor. It was pink. And definitely belonged to someone who was most certainly not Dan. “Oh Dan, Dan no, no,” Phil shook his head in disbelief and horror. Finally, Phil’s brain switched back on, and he was finally able to get his numb legs into the bathroom down the hall.

Phil slammed the door behind him and gripped the countertop for support. Through the mirror, he stared himself dead in his dilated eyes. It was not hard to notice the tent in his pants. It would be hard not to notice it.

“Don’t do this. Don’t do this. Don’t be sick. That’s bloody sick, what your thinking.” Phil’s stomach pulsed. His breath was fast. His eyes, although open and staring at his shameful self, could only see Dan on his bed wallowing in pleasure. Phil’s hands said “fuck it” before he could and they snaked their way down Phil’s pants.

Phil couldn’t help it. How could you blame him? Why had Dan been sucking on a dildo for Christ’s sake? Fucking hell, God was testing him. No punishing him. He didn’t deserve this kind of confliction. But God, Dan’s lithe little stomach, flexing like that on his bed. Phill jerked himself hard and fast knowing this could all be over in 10 seconds if nothing got in the way of-

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Phil…”

Phil’s hands in his pants slowed, it was now that he could really feel the throb of his cock. “What.” Phil said through a dry throat. He creaked open the door just a smidge, creating a small window of a gap.

Dan looked up from between the open crack. His skin was so deeply flushed, he looked absolutely wrecked. “Can I -” Dan paused. “Watch?”

Phil closed the door. No, slammed the door on Dan. He spent exactly a fraction of a second with his forehead pressed against the wood in contemplation before reopening it and dragging Dan in by the front of his shirt.

Before Dan could so much as squeak, Phil threw him up onto the bathroom sink. Dan’s bum fell into the dip of the sink bowl. Then he tugged Dan’s pants to his knees. Dan hadn’t signed up for this part but his mewling was enough of a response to say he was more than on board.

“You don’t say a fucking word, understand?” Phil pushed their hips together, pining for the friction.

Dan nodded. Not much else he could do with Phil’s entire hand forcefully plastered over his mouth.

“Not a fucking word,” Phil reaffirmed. Before he knew it, Phil had both their dicks in his spare hand.

Dan whined from behind Phil’s grip. He whined with not only his voice but his entire body. His back practically crawled up the mirror with how much he squirmed. To steady himself, his hands were left reaching for and gripping Phil’s T-shirt, stretching out the cotton beyond repair. Dan could feel his cheeks bruising under Phil’s pinching hold. He didn’t care.

Phil lifted one of Dan’s legs and wrapped it around his waist. With their hips aligned like this, Phil slammed his hips into Dan’s. He obviously wasn’t penetrating Dan, but the sensation was enough to trick his brain into thinking he was fucking him. Dan’s legs parted further and further apart, willingly opening up for Phil.

Phil could feel Dan’s open mouth under his hand. He moved his fingers just for a split second to hear a glimpse of Dan’s moans. But it wasn’t a moan. It was more of a wail. Too loud for comfort, Phil covered his mouth again. Muffling his cries of pleasure. Phil’s hand muzzle gradually transformed into having two fingers shoved down Dan’s throat.

“It was the boys at school,” Phil groaned. “That did it for you, huh?” Phil’s thumb dug into the outside of Dan’s under chin, pushing his index finger past Dan’s tongue on the inside of his mouth, causing him to gag. “Lots of boys touching you all over, you liked that yeah?”

Dan hands, with a struggle, moved from Phil’s shirt to Phil’s wrist to have at least a fraction of control over how much Phil was shoving his hand in his mouth. Dan’s stomach was pulsing. Something hot, something almost painful was bubbling in his lower stomach.

Phil noticed the way Dan’s eyes were glazing over. The way Dan had started to look almost frightened. No fucking way, Phil thought. He eased up both hands, putting reason behind Dan’s expression. “You’ve never cum before?”

Dan shook his head vehemently. Before Phil could respond, Dan bit down on his fingers cumming hard and heavy between the two of them. The sight was enough to tip Phil over the edge too.

Phil pulled back, stripping his hands from Dan’s body, dragging cum in one hand and saliva in the other. He stood for a moment trying to catch his racing breath. “You alright?” Phil asked, shimming his jeans back up.

“Huh?” Dan sat in the dip of the sink utterly dazed. Several dimensions away. His naked legs were trembling, quivering really. “M’good, yeah.” Dan lifted his hips and pulled his own pants up, wincing as he passed his crotch.  

Phil paced the small room, reality setting in. “Okay, look. About what we just did...”

“Won’t tell.” Dan nodded, his head bobbled around as if it weren’t entirely in his control.

“This can’t happen again…” Phil said, though there wasn’t much conviction in his voice.

“No more. Yes, yeah.” Dan nodded.

But they both knew better this time… it would very much happen again.

…

That night, or more like the next day at 2 in the morning, Dan crawled out of his bed and tip toed his way into Phil’s. Phil was already awake. “It’s not my left hand,” Dan whispered.

Phil remained on his back, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t going to condone whatever was about to happen. He already made one mistake. “What are you on about? Get out, you can’t be here.” He whisper shouted.

“My left hand. It’s not that I need to use my left hand its that I need to use yours.” Dan said, sharing his breakthrough with soft spoken, delirious excitement.

“Dan,” Phil swallowed.

From beside him, Dan shimmied himself into the bed a bit more and then took Phil’s hand, without any permission, and threaded it down his pajama bottoms. Phil’s hand was left open palmed, limp with shock, resting on Dan’s semi.

“Dan, what we did in the bathroom, it was a mistake. This is very bad.” Quickly, Phil’s eyes were getting lost to a flurry of blinks and not because he was tired.

“Your hands are sooo big,” Dan moaned.

Phil’s hands really weren’t that big. In actuality, it was just that Dan dick was… rather small, not very well proportioned for his height. But Phil wasn’t going to tell Dan that.

Dan’s chest lifted, rising from the mattress as his breathing heavily. His hips buckling to better rub himself into Phil’s hand. He buckled again and then again and then again. He was using Phil, using him like a toy. And maybe Phil had used Dan earlier in the bathroom. Fucked out some good ol’ pent up sexual frustration and work stress. But here, tonight, Dan was using Phil so differently.  

He was using him gently. Innocently. Desperately. “Good, good,” Dan shakily panted. “Mmm’uh’ah - ah,” Dan squeezed his legs together, jamming Phil’s hand between his thighs.

Phil couldn’t help but soak this all in. It was the sexiest simultaneously innocent thing he had seen. Dan was a late bloomer and here he was, figuring everything out right in front of him. Dan rolled onto his side and humped Phil’s hand. “I like this. I like feeling like this,” Dan decided to share out loud.

“Jesus,” Phil huffed. His knuckle of his hand that wasn’t currently down his step-brother’s pants moved to rest on his eye. If he couldn’t see it, this wasn’t really happening. “Dan…”

“Yeah?” His voice was sultry yet babyish and he wasn’t even trying. 

“Oh dear God...,” Phil sighed.

That’s when he got his first real up close look at Dan. Dan’s angular nose so perfectly turned up, the tip of his nose cutely emitting irregular huffs. His mouth, pink lips so softly parted. It was a sight to drink in. All the little freckles and beauty spots on Dan’s face shifting with his pleasured expression. And when Phil felt his hand grow warm and wet he swore he would never be the same again. Things would never be the same again.

Dan curled into Phil’s side, melting into his arms.

Phil had to force the following words to leave his mouth. “You can’t sleep here, Dan.”

Dan nestled closer. “No. I just can’t wake up here,” Dan said, cuddling into Phil’s side. “I’ll move back in the morning.”

Dan’s back craned against the mattress, basking in the pleasurable tingle that traveled up through his every last vertebra. His mouth parted ever-so slowly, jaw unhinging just enough to let a single breathless whimper escape.

“Phiill’uhn,” oozed out from Dan’s throat. “Uhhn’ah,” Dan continued to whine.

But Dan moans were kept stifled by his knees that were folded neatly against his chest via Phil’s strong hold. Every thrust Phil mustered, perfectly pushed him further into Dan, wickedly, sinfully –deep- into Dan.

“Yes, yes, please, Sir,” Dan moaned. Phil responded wordlessly, opting to drag his tongue across the dips of Dan’s chest. Licking over his most sensitive spots, placing kisses and bites along his neck; purposefully plastering his scent on Dan’s skin to linger for days after.

“Please, please, more,” Dan shamelessly begged. “Harder.”

Dan’s hands found their way down to his own aching cock, much against Phil’s instruction, and Dan could only shudder over how addictively wet Phil made him. How Dan ached and twisted only for Phil. “Yes,” Dan hiccupped, relishing in the twinges panging through his cock.

Phil leaned in close to Dan, he leaned in firm enough so that all his weight rested against Dan. Dan’s thighs burned at the stretch of being folded so tight, but more than that, his hole swelled with Phil’s pause. Phil’s movement was calculated, it was all set up so that he could drag his hot breath against the shell of Dan’s ear and whisper, whisper in his warm, thick and slow voice, “That’s my good boy. Cum for daddy.”

And Dan did.

Sort of…

Dan awoke sharply, needless to say, breathless. He shot upright in his bed to a roomful of his housemates he was supposed to call “step-brothers” and more offensively, a desperate, pleading discomfort in his pajama pants. A whine of ache and embarrassment heated his chest.

Dan didn’t even want to look under the covers. Though, it’s not like he really had to, he already knew. He had caught himself red handed. His awkward shimmy under the sheets only confirmed his suspicions as he felt the familiar uncomfortable stickiness tack his inner thighs.

“No, no, no,” Dan chanted under his breath. It had become his new mantra, his last-minute prayer to God to please not have let this happen for the sixth night in a row. His prayers went unanswered. Dan awoke to his hands down the front of his pants, wrapped around his dick, wet in his pathetic sex-starved hormones... as per the new usual. Dan huffed, tossing his head back. It banged against his iron headboard. “Christ,” Dan groaned. Between the clang of his bed and his curse words, Dan quickly surveyed the room.

The two boys he shared to room with were still fast asleep. Which meant that his moans hadn’t escaped further than his dreams. Dan sighed in relief. A short-lived relief as soon as Dan realized that he still had a few more hours of sleep to catch…which meant a few more times to wake up.

Dan shut his eyes and knotted his fingers together into very distressed prayer hands.  “Please,” Dan whispered. Dan collapsed back onto his mattress and rolled onto his side. He wiggled himself free from his T-shirt and then let his hands do the short walk of shame down to his crotch, where he had to pat dry the humiliating, not to mention reoccurring, issue in his pants with his pajama top. Not only was Dan sleep deprived, he also had been doing a lotof laundry.

“Let me sleep,” Dan thought.

However, deep down, in Dan’s exhausted and sex hungry brain, all he really wished for, was that his dream would pick up exactly where it left off.

…

The next morning at breakfast, Dan was sat around the kitchen table unaware of the fact that it was both morning and he was at the kitchen table. Dan’s delirious body had become quite good at getting around without Dan’s conscious understanding. So long as Dan wasn’t sleeping, he wasn’t really awake either. Proof in point when Christopher, Dan’s 13-year-old “step-brother”, yelled from across the table, “Dad! Dan’s hogging all the syrup!”

Dan hadn’t even heard the screaming due to the fact that his ears hadn’t been able to register sound probably since his third night of no sleep last week. Everything at this point was merely just incoherent humming. However, Phil hear Christopher loud, very loud, and clear. Which led him to place a hand on the back of Dan’s shoulder while he finished handing out pancakes to the small army of foster children he had assembled.  

As Phil reached across the table to hand the last pancake down to Pj, he directed his attention to Dan. That’s when he noticed just how much Dan was “hogging” the syrup.

“Woah, okay there, kiddo,” Phil grabbed the syrup bottle that Dan was currently pouring onto his plate. And had been pouring for the last several seconds so that the syrup spilled off the edge of the plate and onto the table, as if he forgot it was in his hand the entire time. “That’s quite enough sugar for one person, don’t you think?” Phil said, passing the now nearly empty syrup down to the other children. But when Dan looked up from his mess, he wore a vacant expression.

Phil’s face immediately softened. “You’ve not been sleeping well.” It wasn’t a question. It was stated as a fact. Phil knew. How could he not? It was plastered across the black under eye bags on Dan’s face.

Dan turned to look up at Phil. There was so much pleading in his own eyes. As if to say, I really need you.

Phil smiled, he looked pained. “We’ll talk after you come home from classes today, yeah?” Phil nodded. His hand on Dan’s shoulder softly squeezed. Their brief shared moment ended quickly when Phil returned back to being the model Dad. “Okay Lesters, we’ve got 15 minutes before you all need to be out of here so let’s get moving.” Phil cheered like some kind of football coach. But only one thing stood out to Dan.

Lesters? Dan thought. He wasn’t a Lester. He was a Howell. A very tired, sleepy, exhausted Howell. The more Dan thought about how sleepy he was, the more he felt like he could just fall asleep right then and there. How alluring his plate of syrup looked, the caramel molasses not only dizzying to watch expand across the table but just how soft it would be – just like a pillow and -  

It wasn’t soft, it was sticky, like syrup would be. Dan knew this because his cheek was currently plastered in it as he fainted across the tabletop. He heard distant screams around him, but all he saw was warm brown – then black – then nothing at all.

…

When Dan opened his eyes again, he was staring into another pair of eyes so close that Dan thought he had just died and was now having an out of body experience as he ascended into heaven. Except, the eyes he saw were blue and as far as Dan remembered, he didn’t think he had blue eyes in his past life. So, not dead, Dan deduced.

“Daniel?” It was Phil’s voice. Dan would reason it was also then Phil’s hand pressing a warm cloth to the side of his face. The glue-like syrup was slowly being stripped from his skin but not quick enough to catch the falling drop that had travelled down Dan’s jawline.

Dan’s eyes blinked a few more times, the whole picture coming into focus. He was sat atop the countertop beside the sink. Phil in front of him, holding his body up. The army of foster siblings surrounding him with a look of worry in their faces. Worry? How weird, Dan thought.

“Hey, you okay!? I’ve never seen someone go down so fast!” Pj ran up to Dan, cupping the sides of Dan’s head with his hands. Dan immediately had a head rush. Dan must have winced aloud because something prompted Pj to say, “Shit sorry, mate.”

“I want to lie down,” Dan shimmied himself from the countertop but only stumbled into Phil’s arms, dizzy as if he just ran in circles. “Fuck,” Dan groaned.

“Here, let me help you,” Pj ushered forward.

“No, I’m fine,” Dan mumbled. But much to his disdain, the hand he went to place on the countertop hit plain air, his depth perception so far off it nearly sent him crashing to the ground.

“You need help.” Pj reaffirmed. Dan held Pj’s gaze for quite some time. He never liked Pj much. But he liked the idea of getting to his bed. Dan nodded. As soon as Pj was given Dan’s permission, he swung an arm around Dan’s back and leaned him onto his side, steading him down from the counter. “I got you,” Pj informed. Dan never noticed but Pj’s voice was nice. It felt vibrant. Pj exuded lifelines, and in this exact moment, Dan found that most comforting for his numbing body.

Unlike Pj, Phil, very out of character, was frenetic. Panicking. Pacing the small kitchen faster than Winnie on a sugar high. “Pj, take Dan upstairs please!” Phil shoveled a bunch of paperwork from the kitchen table into a My Little Pony backpack. “I’m going to quickly drop Emily, Christopher and Winnie off at school. I’ll be right back! If anything happens again call an ambulance,” Phil said, much too fast for anyone to remember. Then, he left the room running.

“Man, I haven’t seen him like this since I broke my arm in the second grade,” Pj said.

Dan laughed. But then Dan got light headed. So he lobbed his head to the side, onto Pj’s hand that rested on his shoulder and let his cheek feel the warmth. It was out of Dan’s character. But it seemed no one was following rules right this moment. Except for Pj who uncomfortably let out a small sound of,

“Oh,” his fingers tensed under Dan’s cheek. “Let’s go upstairs,” Pj stuttered.

Making it up the stairs should have been a challenge. But Pj, much stronger than he lead on, was able to hold most of Dan’s weight and get them to the second floor. Before they could even turn the corridor to get to their bedroom, Dan fell to his knees and laid flat against the carpeted hallway.

“I’m sleeping right here,” Dan stated.

“What?” Pj said. He made an panicked glance to the house phone on the wall. “You can’t be serious, Dan.” Pj kneeled down beside him, inspecting Dan’s face for clues that Pj, a non-doctor, wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Shh. Shh,” Dan deliriously waved a finger. “Just give me a minute.” Dan stared at the ceiling trying to let his vision really focus. With all the hustle and bustle, he felt like since he awoke from fainting, he had been seeing blurry. Now still, the room finally seemed to shift into focus.

“Should I call an ambulance?” Pj asked, mostly to himself. His sense of composure was fleeting fast.

“No. I’m tired, not dead.” Dan huffed.

Pj laughed. Though, he sounded a bit hysterical. “Jesus, this has been the most eventful morning since my mom had a heartatt-“ Pj cleared his throat. Even in Dan’s state he heard something in Pj’s voice. Something familiar.

“I think maybe you should lie down too,” Dan said. He shimmied, offering a spot for another lanky body beside him. Pj took his offer. It wasn’t until Pj was beside Dan, that Dan could hear just how irregular Pj’s breathing was…

…

Several minutes later, Dan heard the distant sound of footsteps running up the stairs. Being half awake and half-asleep, Dan wasn’t entirely sure if maybe he was just mistaking his own heartbeat for other things. But when he heard Phil’s voice he realized it had been the first option and his brain hadn’t been too short of oxygen after all.

“What happened!?” Phil gasped. Surely, running up the stairs to find Dan asleep on the ground and Pj sitting cross legged beside him was a bit jarring for Phil.

Pj shrugged. “He’s sleeping?”

Dan wasn’t really. But he was too tired to explain himself. So, he just opted to play dead.

“Oh dear,” Phil ran his fingers through his hair. “Pj, why don’t you go to class, you’ve already missed your English, I would hate for you to miss another lecture today.”

“Or… I could stay… you know if you want help…” Pj swallowed, getting up from the ground.

“It’s alright. I’m sure Dan will be fine”, Phil straightened his shirt that had untucked itself from buzzing around town. “I think he just needs to catch up on some rest.”

Dan nodded in his mind. Phil had been right, rest was the only prescription he needed right now.

“I wasn’t talking about Dan, Dad…” Pj trailed off. Pj wiped his palms onto the front of his jeans.

Phil stiffened. “I’m fine, Pj. Go to class.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that this morning you had that same look you had the day Mom died. And you panicked the same way so I’m just saying if you-“

“Pj. Go. To. Class.”

At this point, Dan wished he really had been sleeping for real because now, he felt like he was intruding on a personal family affair. Dan heard the sound of who he assumed was Phil patting his son’s arm and then a frustrated sigh from Pj. Followed by the sound of angered footsteps heading down the stairs and moments later a slam of the front door. The previously imagined illusion that Phil had manufactured the perfect little family was starting to dissipate in Dan’s mind. If they really were dysfunctional, maybe there was room for Dan after all.

Dan peeled his eyes open just in time to catch Phil kneeling down to his level. Phil proceeded to wrap his arms under Dan.

“No, it’s okay, I can walk,” Dan said.

“But do you really want to?” Phil said, already knowing Dan’s answer.

When Phil picked Dan up in his arms, Dan instantly knew the strength had been hereditary. Smoothly, Phil scooped up Dan, despite his height, and carried him the same way he would carry Winnie inside when she fell asleep in the car. Dan draped his hands around Phil’s neck feeling a new feeling wash over him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he felt like he wouldn’t mind staying here a bit longer.

“Sorry, for making a scene,” Dan whispered. “I didn’t mean to start chaos.” For the first time, Dan felt the embarrassment of his little fainting incident wash over him.

“You didn’t. Believe me you don’t house 5 kids and not become comfortable with chaos.”

5… Phil had counted Dan. “I don’t feel so good,” Dan said.

“That’s why we’re here.”

It hadn’t even crossed Dan’s mind that Phil would bring him into his own room, or castle, as Dan liked to think, but alas, here they were. And when Phil gently placed Dan down on the king-sized mattress, it was just as soft as he imagined. Granted, he had been placed here once before, but that was when he was spanked through his jeans for upsetting Phil. But Dan pushed that thought aside, saving it for more appropriate, shall Dan say inappropriate, times.

Dan melted into the cushions. Phil brushed Dan’s hair from his forehead. “What’s been going on?” Phil asked. He opened his nightstand and transferred a water bottle from the drawer to the tabletop. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

Dan stared past Phil, up toward the ceiling unable to make eye contact. Unable to answer.

“Daniel.” Phil’s voice pried.

“Just haven’t” Dan swallowed. There was no way to confess to having multiple wet dreams a night without facing humiliation.

“Is it school? You’re so close to being done this semester. It’s almost over, I promise.” Phil smiled. Dan tried to sit up but Phil eased him back down, urging Dan to rest.

“It’s not school,” Dan said. He didn’t know why. That would have been a perfectly suitable lie to accept and ride along with. Except he didn’t.

“Is it the boys at school?” Phil gulped. “Is it your professor again.”

“No,” Dan groaned. His biggest regret was the one accidentally visible hickey his phycology professor left Dan via their hookup in the back of his car. Now, it was one of Phil’s favourite things to interrogate about whenever Dan came home late. And in instances like this one, apparently.

“Dan, I already told you before. There is no shame in seeking professional help. If we want to see a Doctor, we can do that. You know, if this insomnia continues then I’m sure they can prescribe something to-“

“No,” Dan spat out. He sprung upright so fast that it was dizzying. “No,” Dan breathed. “It’s you. I –” Dan hated every second of this but he needed to get it off his chest. The only way that Dan had any chance of getting what he craved, was putting it all on the table first.

“I can’t sleep without thinking about you and how you… you know…” Dan hesitated. He gulped before continuing. “You promised that if I did well in school and behaved then you would, helpme out.” Dan hands nervously picked at the skin around his nails. His next words came out entirely in one breath. “But, but, that’s not enough... The once in a blue moon A+ essay like every six weeks and, and, I can’t sleep because I keep thinking how much I want more and I can’t think really because I’m not sleeping and-.” Dan was sweating.

“Okay, okay, slow down. What is the problem again?” Phil took a seat at the edge of the mattress placing himself by Dan’s legs unaware of how much worse he was making this. He let his hand rest on the top of Dan’s calf.

Dan realized the hard truth, there was only one way to do this. And humiliation was going to be the expense. Dan bit his bottom lip. “Every night, I wake up hard and sometimes I even cum in my fucking boxers. And that’s perfectly normal. Except when it happens several times a night. I just can’t stop thinking - dreaming - about what you do to me, or or, what you could do to me… and see the thing is I know that I really need you to touch me again… please.” Dan’s eyes felt teary.

“Dan…” Phil looked as if he were to continue but something shifted his train of thought. “You’re still thinking…” Phil’s gaze concentrated on the way Dan’s eyes were glazed over.

“I just, I can’t help but remember the first time that I was here…” Dan had already humiliated himself, at this point, he had nothing left to lose. And like a leaky faucet, he couldn’t help himself from spilling out all his pent-up emotions. “I was here in this room… And you spanked me. And how I went to take a shower after and I swear, my own hands have never felt that good. I feel like I’m losing my mind. All I think about is sex and sleep because they’re the two things I haven’t seemed to have in weeks,” Dan professed. His hands were balled into tiny fists digging into his eyes. He looked like Winnie when she was over tired. Before he knew it, his confession had begun to turn into a mini tantrum. Dan pulled his legs into his chest in efforts to hide the boner that had formed in his pants while also giving it some friction and attention. “I just need you so bad,” Dan whined.

Phil creaked off the bed and stood beside Dan. “Dan, if you were having trouble with all of this, why didn’t you just tell me?” Phil then turned Dan so that he was facing him. Dan felt his stomach drop, he slowly peeled up from behind his knees. Phil was stood at the edge of the mattress, unhinging Dan’s legs so that they hung off the bed and around his torso. This was it. Dan felt his body paradoxically tense at the anticipation and relax in the relief.

“Please,” Dan whimpered. Dan looked up at Phil. His pupils blown out. “Please,” Dan pled.

“Let’s get some sleep first. Once you can walk around this house like yourself and not a zombie, I promise I’ll sort you out,” Phil let his thumb trace the deep-set bags under Dan’s eyes. “And I would take this offer considering you’re not going to get much quiet time when the rest of the kids come back.”

Dan would sigh but Phil had been right. Phil was insinuating that this luxury room offer would expire when the other kids returned home. So, Dan had better take advantage of it. Hence his choice to lay back in the bed complying with Phil’s offer.

“But, you promise to-” Dan cleared his throat, “help me out later?” Dan couldn’t fight the small eager wiggle that passed through his body, causing his hips to buckle in the slightest.

Phil smiled, his bottom lip rolling under his teeth. Probably very aware of the fact that Dan was, for lack of a better word, horny. “Yes, Dan. Now get some rest.”

It wasn’t soon after Phil tucked Dan into his bed, that Dan passed out. No doubt, the best sleep he had in a long time.

…

“Mmmmm,” Dan purred. His eyes flickered open to the champagne duvet wrapped around his body. “Mmmm.” Dan shortly basked in his waking bliss before he realized what was happening.

“Fuck,” Dan spat.

Dan flung the sheets from his body to find – that he wasn’t hard? Dan heard the noise again and realized it hadn’t been him making it. His head spun around Phil’s room. It was just him. Dan looked at the nightstand. Water bottle in tack, untouched. Clock reading 4:00 pm. 4:00 pm? Phil would have been out of the house herding all the kids back from school. He should have been home alone…

“Mmmm.”

Dan knew the sound all too well. It was a moan. But from who?

“What the fuck,” Dan whispered. He shoved a hand down the front of his jeans just to be sure it wasn’t him and – well he was sure. Dan crept out of the bed and like a spy, tried to carefully leave Phil’s room. When he got to the hallway, his ears picked up on the second noise.

Running water. The shower.

“Fuck.” Dan breathed. His feet carried him to his room before his brain could stop them and when he got there, he found Pj’s unmistakable school book bag, adorned in all his eclectic collected pins, sitting on top of his bed. If Pj was home, that meant that in the shower was –

“Uhnn’ahh,” a moan echoed throughout the halls.

Dan stumbled backward onto his bed in the back corner of the room. It squeaked and Dan immediately covered his mouth as if he were the one to emit the noise. Dan’s brain was running a mile a minute trying to compute the simple facts. Pj was home from Uni. He was showering. He was also probably, most likely, highly likely, really actually, masturbating. “Fuck.” It was becoming the only word Dan could produce.

So Pj had found some time to take care of himself. Good for Pj, Dan thought. But bad for Dan. See, as much as he would have liked for it not to be happening, he was dealing with a slight problem, particularly the one underneath his pants.

It was wrong. So so wrong. So immoral to hang around and listen. But for once, in Dan’s life, the moans he was hearing were real. They weren’t happening in his dreams; these moans were happening just on the other side of the door down the hall. How could he not be hypnotized?

Not to mention the distinctive sound of the moans. Pj wasn’t saying much, not often moaning any distinguishable words. But it was just the shear sounds that had Dan entranced. He wasn’t whiny. He wasn’t breathy. His moans were low, groan-like, throaty. He sounded so masculine. And then Dan thought about this morning when Pj carried him up the stairs like he had weight trained his whole life.  And that was just about enough to get Dan going. Dan’s thighs pinched together.

Another low moan sounded from the bathroom. Dan’s jeans tightened. He swallowed hard, unable to contain all the drool pooling in his mouth. Dan would swear, he would SWEAR, that he never pictured Pj like that, EVER. But right now, thinking about him in the shower while hearing him really there, was causing Dan to make all the poor choices.

Dan needed to be shagged to badly. He needed dick so bad that it was physically keeping him up at night. Hell, he would take a spanking for crying out loud that’s how much he longed for human contact. Dan knew, that at this point of sex deprival, he would need so much more than his own hand. But that didn’t stop him from shoveling his hands down the front of his pants and rocking his hips upward. He had made his choice. No one would need to know. Hell, if Pj could find time to masturbate so could Dan.

Dan wished that his hands started tugging with a slow start, so that later he would have proof of the presence of a guilty conscious. But that wasn’t the case. Dan was buckling into his own hand like he was trying to cum before the minute turned. Dan would have liked to say that he was forcing back his moans as to not get caught by Pj, but really, he just needed to stay quiet enough to hear the groans coming from the bathroom.

Pj sounded boyish. Exactly how you would imagine a 20-year-old boy to sound. It was doing wonders for Dan who didn’t realize just how much his dick enjoyed hearing someone his own age get off. Shocker.

Dan’s back hit the wall at an awkward angle but comfort wasn’t exactly his first instinct here. He just needed to feel good. It’s not like he had blue balls. But jizzing in your sleep isn’t exactly satisfying either. He was so desperate to feel good that he was only mildly ashamed when he spat in his hand to ease the sliding up and down his dick. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dan reached for his pajama top from the night before.

“Mmm, mmgg, hmmm,” came from the bathroom.

The thought that maybe Dan was going to cum at the same time as Pj pushed Dan over the edge, dampening a small portion of his T-shirt. Dan steadied realizing just what had happened. He felt worse than when he fainted this morning. Dan tossed the T-shirt under his bed just in time to hear the water shut off. “Shit.”

Dan, at lightning speed, grabbed his laptop bag off his desk and bolted out of the room. He damn near sledded down the stairs, down the hall and to the front door. Dan opened the door and made an obvious, maybe too obvious closing sound. He then walked back upstairs nonchalantly, as best as one who just masturbated to their step brother could.

Right as Dan rounded the corner to his bedroom he peaked inside to find Pj was near his dresser, dressed in only a towel. Dan took a deep breath and hoped that all those high school drama classes would pay off.

“Oh, hey there Pj. I didn’t know you would be home. I just got home from school.” They didn’t. Dan cringed. He held up his laptop-less laptop bag as some kind of proof.

“Oh hey, I thought I heard you come in,” Pj seemed unfazed. In fact, he looked dazed. Dan could only imagine why.

Dan made his way to his bed as if he hadn’t just been sitting in it. In fact, Dan’s fresh imprint was still carved in the sheets.

When Pj dropped his towel, and stood in only his boxers, for the first time Dan felt strange about it. Dan could only imagine why. “I figured you must have went to school. I got home and didn’t see you in your bed. You must be feeling better then,” Pj said.

“Mmhmm,” Dan said from the other side of the room knowing that if he opened his lips it would either be the worst lie ever told or a plea for forgiveness.  

“Hey… could I ask you about something…”

Dan looked up from pretending to be on his phone. Pj had been tossing on some sweatpants… thankfully. “Uh, yeah, sure.” Dan said. But when Pj came to sit next to him, Dan quickly regretted his words.

Pj handed Dan an Xbox controller and without much consent began a game of Halo that Dan was now expected to be a part of. Whatever, now at least Dan could curve his attention to something other than Pj, keeping himself mildly distracted. Unless…Pj was trying to do the exact same thing.

“Look you’re gay, right?” Pj said. Full stop. As if this were a topic up for discussion.

Dan nearly dropped the remote. The controller vibration of his character being shot was the only sensation keeping him tethered to reality, otherwise he would have spiritually left his own body. “Uh… yes,” the affirmation did not roll off of Dan’s lips all too easily. “I’m gay.” That’s when Dan realized that was the first time he outright had said those two words in the same sentence.

“So, like, I’ve been thinking and…” Pj trailed off, noises of on-screen gunshots took his place and filled the room. “Well I’m just trying to sort things out, and maybe you could help?” The game paused. Pj’s choice.

Dan turned. It was official, his soul had left his body. He was merely astral projecting. A figment of Pj’s imagination. Pj continued to speak.

“It’s just that word flies fast on campus. I figured we’d keep this between us.” It seemed to be an appropriate time for Dan’s brain to remind him that Pj was still shirtless. “Uhm, I know this is so weird. I know I’m probably ruining whatever sense of progress we made between us but I’ll blow you first just so you know I’m not lying here,” Pj visibly swallowed.

“Dear God,” Dan sighed. He had noticed before when Pj was in the shower but he was just putting all the pieces together now. There was something that kept him listening to the shower and there was something that kept him listening now. It was the inevitable spark of electricity between two twenty something kids. That electric pull of teenage desire. And Dan hadn’t ever had it before. Sleeping around with his professors, and someone else he really, really, did not want to be thinking about considering the kinship ties right now. But, undeniably, the sense of adolescent chemical imbalance filled the room.

“Is that a yes?” Pj sounded so scared. So nervous. So deeply unsure about himself. And Dan had been there. Hell, he was still there.

“I’m not sure” Dan said. His brain wasn’t speaking right now, it was several weeks of abstinence doing the talking.

“You could just tell me to stop if you change your mind?” Then Pj did the unthinkable. He abandoned his Xbox controller on Dan’s bed and started sinking to his knees. Right. In front. Of. Dan.

Dan was frozen. This was every porn Dan had ever watched. Jesus Christ, right down to the Xbox in the background. Incidentally, this was also everything Dan ever wanted. Real live human contact, just a touch a way. “Peej…”

The horrid cacophony of the garage door opening reverberated from underneath them. Engine noise filled the otherwise quiet house.

“Shit,” Pj spat.

“Crap,” Dan joined.

Pj sprung to his knees just as Dan did the same, which nicely connected the corner of Dan’s Xbox controller right into the socket of Pj’s eye. “Ouch,” Pj stumbled backward.

“Sorry,” Dan chased after, grabbing Pj to steady him. When he realized his hands rested on Pj’s naked skin, Dan’s eyes locked on Pj’s the same time that his locked on Dan’s. Dan let out a yelp of embarrassment, pushing Pj from his hands. Pj hit the bedroom wall with his back. “Fuck!” Pj now had one hand gripping his eye and the other gripping his back.  

“Sorry,” Dan repeated. But he was cut short when the brigade of missing step siblings spilled their way into the house. There was laughter and screaming coming from below, but upstairs there was only the thick looming presence of tension. And clumsiness. Dan backed away from Pj but tripped over Pj’s discarded towel that he left at the foot of the bed. Just as Dan fell down, his hand instinctively reached out to hook onto something, anything that would catch his fall. That anything had been Pj.

Dan tumbled to the floor dragging Pj along with him until Pj sandwiched Dan and the carpet. His naked chest pressed against Dan’s. They had obviously conjured enough noise to notify Phil that something was wrong on the second floor.

“BOYS?” Sounded from downstairs. “Everything alright up there?” Phil yelled.

Pj’s eyes were wide, terrified. Inches away from Dan, Dan could see just how petrified he was. It hurt to revisit that look he once used to have. “Don’t tell my Dad,” Pj’s voice cracked.

“I won’t” Dan nodded. Then he rolled out from under Pj just as their bedroom door swung back open.

Christopher ran into the room at too high an energy for the two boys whose hearts were already leapt out of their chests. He plopped onto his bed where he picked up an Xbox controller. “Wow,” Christopher said looking at the television screen.  “Whoever lost this bad really sucks dick.”

Pj and Dan looked at each other with the exact same fucking expression.

…

The remaining week went by quieter than usual. And the usual was already pretty quiet for Dan, so that was saying a lot. Typically, Pj would converse with Dan maybe once a day if their paths crossed. But now, after the incident, he preferred to live in separate corners of the house. In fact, if their time tables ever overlapped leaving both boys home alone at the same time, one of them would take the initiative to grab a coffee until someone else arrived home. No matter how long it left one of them hanging around the coffee shop.

Not to mention that Phil had yet to fulfil his promise to Dan, never able to find a spare moment where he had Dan to himself. Between the awkward tension with Pj and the sexual strain with Phil, the environment was bloody hostile.

Things started to truly go south Sunday night. Sunday nights were movie nights, which meant that after hours of dispute, the three youngest kids had managed to miraculously settle on a film that they all liked to watch. Leaving Christopher, Emily and Winnie curled up on the family room sofa. It should be noted that Pj was also there, mostly because Dan wasn’t.

In the kitchen, Phil was microwaving popcorn. Dan was there to help. But when Pj appeared in the doorway, the two did an awkward eye dance trying to decide who was going to leave. As if the Earth would divide in half if they were ever in the same room longer than a few seconds. To both boys dismay, after about week, their avoidance became inevitably notable to Phil.

“You two alright?” Phil asked nonchalantly. He clicked some buttons on the microwave panel.

“Huh. Who. Me and Dan,” Pj said, he made an over the top gesture to the two of them.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine,” Dan said on top of Pj’s voice totally not suspiciously. He even added a little extra flair, punching Pj’s arm in a totally bro manor.

Phil raised his eyebrows. The boys were completely oblivious to the deer in headlights look both of them were wearing. Phil on the other hand, was not. “Are you sure…” Phil glanced at the microwave timer. He had exactly 3 minutes and 23 seconds to get to the bottom of this.  

“Yup,” Pj uneasily smiled and then turned to leave the room.

“Wait just a second,” Phil said. His voice was stern. Dan had heard it like that before. Pj never had. He wasn’t a fuck-up like Dan. And it was clear that Phil’s new tone had made Pj tense. Pj turned back around immediately to his father’s instruction. “There wasn’t another fight, I would hope…” Phil’s eyes raked over their bodies in search of obvious bruising.

“No,” Dan said. He wasn’t lying. There hadn’t been a fight. Just some tumbling around, and an accidental suplex.

Phil shifted his gaze to Pj who he knew was a much worse liar than Dan. “Pj? What happened. We’re not leaving this room until you two tell me why you can’t so much as breathe the same air without looking like you’re going to explode.”

“Uh, well, uhm,” Pj was sweating. Poor kid knowing just how much was at stake and how much he wanted to keep hidden was near trembling now. “It was nothing, really, Dad,” Pj said. And maybe that would have been enough. Pj, Phil’s golden boy incapable of telling a lie surely was telling the truth! Maybe it would have been enough to let them off Phil’s hook. But then, Pj made one horrible mistake.

Pj took the back of his hand and proceeded to wipe the bead of sweat dripping from his temple. Pj could hide all his sexual confusion all he wanted, but nothing could hide the purplish bruise slowly appearing on Pj’s eye socket, the further he wiped his eye.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan breathed. The Xbox remote. Dan had given Pj a black eye the day of the incident.

Pj looked at all the two confused faces in front of him and then down at his fist where Emily’s cheap dollar store concealer had rubbed off. Pj’s face went ghostly white, unfortunately highlighting the bruise on his face. “It wasn’t a fight, I swear!” Pj spat out.

Phil sighed. The television from the other room had grown so loud that Dan could hardly think. Apparently, Phil felt the same. Phil opened a kitchen drawer and fished out some spare change. Pj looked to Dan who was already looking at Pj the same way; confused and a little bit scared.

Phil handed Pj the coins. “Pj, take the kids to the convenience store down the street. Keep them quiet for a bit. I want to speak to Dan alone. Then you later,” Phil’s voice was firm. He was upset. Mad even. Pj had never heard it like that before, or at least not directed toward him.

He grasped the spare change from Phil’s palm. “Dad, there was no fight it-“

“Pj, I don’t want to hear it. Just do as I ask please.”

Pj swallowed. He turned to leave the kitchen but not before sending a secret glance Dan’s way. Dan knew all too well what Pj was asking of him. Dan would keep his word. Dan wouldn’t say a thing aboutthe incident. Dan was pulled from his mental strategizing when Phil spoke up.

“I’m going to try my best to not get mad prematurely. But my patience is running thin, Daniel. Can you please tell me why my son has a black eye?” Phil’s voice was scarily calm. “Another one, I should add.” Phil was referring to the fist black eye Dan gave Pj a few weeks ago. Another accident Dan would like to point out.

“Uhm,” Dan winced. He felt his composure shrink, shrivel almost. “No.” Dan looked at the clock on the wall. If it weren’t for the second hand moving, Dan would have been convinced this was the longest moment of his life.

“Well I would imagine it was you who hit him.” Phil folded his arms over one another.

“Sort of,” Dan squeaked. Dan could hear the sound of his younger foster siblings running around the house gathering their shoes in excitement. They were getting convenience store candy and slushies. Dan was getting something far less sweet he would imagine.

“And you hit him because?” Phil was on his last straw.

Suddenly, the front door closed. The sound of excited children laughter had gone too. The arrival of silence was all it took for Phil to grab Dan by the wrist and arm him out of the kitchen.

“It was an accident. I swear. I swear, Phil. I swear,” Dan spat out. “I didn’t really hit him,” Dan pleaded. Dan was dodging door frames left and right as Phil swung Dan around the halls. “It was the xbox remote!” Dan confessed. Just enough information without giving to much away.

“So, you threw something at him?” Phil dragged Dan up the stairs. Dan’s shins hit a few of the steps but the pain went unfelt because he was using every last ounce of mental capacity to figure out how he could not lie and lie at the same time.  

“No. I didn’t. I can’t tell you what happened. Just believe me, it’s fine. We’re fine.” Dan sputtered. Phil steered Dan into his room where he turned around and locked the door. The click of the lock sounding more like a ticking time bomb to Dan. Phil proceeded to lug Dan through the room toward the bed that he once so peacefully slept in. That would not be the case tonight. Far, far from it.

Dan wiggled in Phil’s grip. Trying to turn around and face Phil so that they could have a perfectly normal conversation. That didn’t happen. Phil pushed Dan to sit on the edge of the bed. “Phil. You don’t understand. I-“

“Take your pants off.”

“Pj and I didn’t fight. That’s all you need to – what?” Dan’s voice turned inaudible. His body flushed. Goosebumps spread down his skin, covering every square inch.

“Take off your pants, Daniel.” Phil stood over Dan.

“I d-don’t understand.” Dan felt his legs go numb.

“You told me that you really needed me to touch you. And I can do that for you. So long as you tell me what happened first.” Phil spread Dan’s legs apart and Dan swore he could have blacked out from all the choices swarming his head. Being touched would be nice. But keeping his word to Pj was far more important.

“Phil – I can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Or you can’t get your pants off all by yourself?” Phil let his lean fingers begin to unfasten Dan’s belt.

“Oh.” Dan’s head flooded with images of his dreams. Sounds included. All the rough, dirty images he dreamt up in these past nights pushed to the front of his head. He could hear the cries of daddy in his head and nearly felt his cheeks flush pink immediately. Phil noticed. He placed a hand on Dan’s hot cheek.

Phil shook his head in amusement. “All I’m asking for Dan is the truth. Regardless what happened with you and Pj, I’ll suspend my frustration and take care of you first, as promised.”

“Mm,” Dan choked on his moan. Phil was so close to him. Breathing hot air right onto his neck. “I can’t tell you.” Dan dropped his head, cutting off the closeness between them.

“Well… we’ll see.”

Dan inhaled sharply. Phil had torn down Dan’s pants, keeping them locked around his mid-thigh. Being shackled by his own pants was both uncomfortable and restraining but Dan felt his dick twitch in his lap. Dan’s hands shot down to cover himself. A hiccup of a moan bubbled its way up to his mouth from the contact.

“Oh sweetheart, why are we so shy now? Hmm, I’ve seen you before. Made you feel so good before.” Phil’s hands crept up next to Dan’s, coaxing him to move his fingers. Dan did, letting Phil wrap his hands around Dan’s dick.

“Ohhhh,” Dan whined. Phil’s hand started to stroke Dan. “Ohhh,” Dan bit his bottom lip. His hands grabbed a fistful of the bedsheets beside him. Much like the day he fainted, all Dan wanted to do right now was lie down.

“What is it you want me to do next? Hmm?” Phil leaned down whispering in Dan’s ear. Dan dropped his head against Phil’s chest. “What do you dream about that it is keeping you up at night, love?” Phil rubbed Dan’s back. He was pulling out all the stops. “I know what you like. Should we give you a spank and then you’ll tell me what’s been going on?”

Dan frantically shook his head. “Yeah’yes’yes,” he mumbled. “Yes, please.” Simply, he was answering Phil’s question, but it had been more than that, he was begging.

Phil guided Dan so that his feet were on the ground. He then turned him around and bent him over the mattress, now pressed against his tummy. Dan’s head dropped to the bed, heavy with disbelief that this was actually happening again. “Sir, please,” Dan felt himself unravel. His body was melting, his mind was drifting to a place where he couldn’t think but only feel the sensations happening to him.

The first swat, Phil was gentle. It stung but not more than a few milliseconds. But, instinctively Dan still winced and lurched away from Phil. That’s when he felt a feeling he hadn’t really explored all that much in his life. His exposed dick rutted against the edge of the mattress, right on the lip where the top met the side. Before Phil could even spank a second time, Dan had started grinding against the edge of the mattress, feeling the painfully pleasurable friction on his exposed dick. “Mmm,” Dan squeaked. “Hmm,” his throat whined. His breathing had quickly gone irregular as he shamelessly smashing his dick into the side of mattress.

“Oh dear, you’re so desperate, making yourself feel good all on your own?” Phil sounded amused. Of course, Dan couldn’t really see as he was standing behind him. But he could hear the smile across his face. Then joltingly, Phil grabbed Dan by the belt loops around his thighs and pried him from the mattress he had been humping, creating a few inches between Dan’s aching cock and the friction he longed for.

Dan’s chest was shaking. He and his dick hung in the air. “Please, sir. I’m so close,” Dan’s hazy eyes looked at the bed infront of him wanting nothing more than for Phil to let go off him and let him finish.

“Close? Good. That’s exactly how I want you.” Phil spun Dan around, standing him upright so they were face to face. Of course Dan whined in protest the entire time.

“Sit.” Phil ordered.

Dan sat back on the side of the bed. This time, dick hard against his tummy.

“Sit. Here.” Phil clarified, pointing to a spot right up against the headboard, where the pillow would go if Phil hadn’t tossed it out of the way. “Sit, Dan.” The way he spoke was as if Dan were no more than a dog. A lost puppy. His pet.

Dan inched upward, his back against the wooden bedframe. His legs stretched out in front of him on the mattress. Phil slid the remainder of his pants off no longer keeping Dan’s legs tied together. Then he folded Dan’s knees up against his chest putting himself out on full display. He guided Dan’s hands under his kneecaps as to keep his thighs as tight to his stomach they would stay. Dan may have been mentally checked out but it wasn’t enough to stop the flush of embarrassment wash over his body. He was naked. And sitting with his legs so far spread, Phil could see everything.

“Alright,” Phil sat down in front of Dan. He stroked Dan’s dick a few times. Dan’s hands under his kneecaps coated in sweat. Then- Phil stopped

“What happened first. Did Pj say something rude to you?” Phil asked.

It suddenly all made sense. Dan was going to be edged until he told the truth.

“Phil, Phil, Phil, please,” Dan panicked. His vison was blurring. When Phil’s hand stopped tugging on Dan’s dick it was the worst pain Dan had ever felt. If Phil had stroked maybe just two more times Dan would have cum. And knowing that, was the worst part.

“Did you say something rude to him?” Phil pried. His hand rested on Dan’s thigh ready to touch if Dan answered.

Dan shook his head, “I can’t tell you,” his voice strained. Needless to say, Phil didn’t touch him. “Sir, sir, sir,” Dan babbled. He had never stripped himself of an orgasm before and he was quickly learning that he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all. “It hurts.”

“I know.”

Dan seethed, wiggling around. In his dreams, being folded like this always seemed so hot. But now, he was realizing that the strain hurt too badly on his muscles. Being edged was only fun in theory.

“He didn’t say anything mean. I didn’t say anything mean,” Dan confessed. “Uhhh.” Phil’s hand had returned to his cock.

“Good. Good. Then how did this fight start?” Phil’s hand, too soon for Dan’s liking, stopped stroking.

“Fuck,” Dan yelped. He swore, if Phil had stroked just half an inch more he would have cum. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, mmm’dy, mm’add’dy, mmm d-d-’dy,” Dan moaned.

“It’s okay, Dan. You can say it. I know you want to. I’ll even play along if that’s what you want,” Phil purred. Then Phil did the unimaginable. He started to lean down and bring his mouth closer to Dan’s cock.

“No, no, no. Please, please don’t - don’t do it if you’re not going to stay.” Dan was about to faint. His head shaking “no” so much that he was sure it was concussion inducing.

Slowly, Phil leant forward and let his tongue carefully drag all along the length of Dan’s cock.

“Dadddddyyy,” Dan shouted. His hands snapped from behind his knees and not down to his aching, throbbing dick like they should have but to his eyes that were pouring out tears. “Uhhn, please, please more, so close so close.”

“Daddy will take care of you. But only if you’re a good boy and tell the truth,” Phil was all in now. Hell, he was calling himself Daddy. This war had just crowned its winner.

“Please let me cum, Phil. Please,” Dan’s mouth had gone dry. His chest was shaking.

“That’s really all up to you, Dan. Tell Daddy and then you can cum for him,” Phil sank down and wrapped his mouth around the tip of Dan’s cock.

“I uhm- we were in our room,” Dan’s chest heaved. “And – and- “ his thoughts were hardly playing in chronological order. “He asked me something.” Phil kissed the inside of Dan’s thigh. “And I told him that I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not because it felt very very wrong. So then he got down and the controller hit him in the eye and- that’s all I can say.”

Just like that, Phil’s mouth was gone.

“No no no no.” Dan’s eyes were so blown out. Red rimmed. His cheeks pink. His lips bitten and chewed from distress. His nose had even started to run. “I need to cum. Badly. I have to.” Dan sobbed.

“What did Pj ask you?” Phil asked. This was it. The tip of the iceberg. The only thing that stood between the end of torture and the acceptance of bliss was one small bit of information.

Dan wildly shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Daann. I know you want to be a good boy for me,” Phil’s hands tweaked Dan’s nipple.

Dan had started to cry. Sob, really. Like a stupid baby. “I do. I do,” Dan cried. He just couldn’t take it any longer.

“He wanted to blow each other. He asked if we could suck each other’s dicks,” Dan’s hips buckled into thin air. Phil looked like he had been hit by a truck but that didn’t stop Dan from throwing himself in Phil’s arms and sobbing. “He told me not to tell you.”

Dan’s hands desperately raced to his dick, which he briefly thought about not touching he was that sore. But of course, Dan touched. He buried his head in Phil’s neck, smelling the familiar scent from a week before. Phil felt Dan trembling. He replaced Dan’s hands with his own and watched the younger bounce in his lap as he stroked his cock.

“Don’t stop this time. You promised. You promised,” Dan’s head lobbed back. His nails dug into Phil’s shoulders. “Daddddy,” Dan wailed. Dan chased his orgasm, dragging his cock along Phil’s pants. “Ah,” Dan winced. Dan lurched forward. It was about to happen. After being edged for so long it almost felt like this was Dan’s first-time orgasming. He was almost afraid of it. “Daddy” Dan whimpered into Phil’s ear. “Close.”

And after nearly two months of no sexual contact, here Dan was absolutely fucking losing his mind. Dan came hard. Spilling into Phil’s hands. After a few jolts and strings of white, Dan’s shuddering slowed.

“Dan?” Phil voice was heavy with concern. The last moments leading up to his orgasm Dan had really broken down, he had become quite spacey. Phil gently tried to reel him back.

“Don’t let go. Not yet. Don’t go,” Dan felt himself soften and fuck his cock still hurt. He winced in pain.  

“Shh. Shh. Just catch your breath.” Phil rubbed Dan’s back. “I’m sorry that we had to do that. You understand that if you like spankings then I had to find some other consequence to keep you in line.” Phil kissed Dan’s hair.

“That fucking sucked.” Dan groaned.

“Well now you know you must behave.”

Dan peeled back from Phil’s lap to expose his mess. He blushed feverously. He had cum on Phil, on himself, on his T shirt, on the bed – “m’sorry.” Dan reached for his pants thrown to the other side of the bed. He pushed them on despite the sticky mess on his body he had yet to clean up. “I’ll just throw them in the wash later.”

“Been doing that a lot lately, huh.” Phil smiled.

Dan’s eyes widened. He stood up from Phil’s bed and kept a hand on his crotch because it still goddamn hurt. “I’m going to go shower.” Just in time the door to the house opened and 3 sugar high children zoomed into the house. Dan quickly turned to Phil. “Oh! Uhm Phil…”

“Yes, love.” Phil stood from the mattress too, straightening himself out. That’s when Dan realized Phil had a very obvious boner the entire time. Dan’s mouth watered. He hadn’t seen Phil’s cock yet and just seeing the outline of it in Phil’s pants was enough – enough to make Dan’s already paining cock sting some more. Dan refocused his train of thought. “Just don’t make it weird for Peej when you talk to him. It can be a bit of a weird conversation to have… so go easy.”

“Are you trying to give me parenting advice?” Phil raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lip growing into a smile.

“I just don’t want him to be upset or anything. He’s having a hard time, I think. So maybe don’t say you know anything just yet.”

Phil’s smile deepened. “You know, as much as you hate to admit it, you do care an awful lot about people.”

Dan dropped his gaze to the ground. Maybe Phil had been right. He cleared his throat. “I’m going to go shower now.”

…  

Sunday night movie night evolved into Sunday 2-in-the-morning movie night. After his shower, Dan returned downstairs to find that Phil and Pj were having their talk outside on the front porch. The rest of the kids were cuddled up on the sofa desperately trying to stay awake long enough to finish their film. No chance against their post sugar high crash, they were dropping out one by one. Dan joined them in the living room, likewise, on his last waking moments too.

Half an hour later, Pj and Phil returned inside looking as though whatever was said outside had brought them that much closer. Finding spots on the sofa and the rug the family of six gathered to catch the last few moments of the animated film.

By the end credits everybody had passed out. Pj was the first to muster awake, probably because he was sprawled out across the wooden floor.

“I should probably get to my bed,” Pj said, prying his sleepy body from the floor.

Hearing Pj’s voice, Phil awoke next. He took off his glasses and wiped the lenses across his sweater sleeve. “Carry your sister upstairs, would you? I’ll take care of the other two little ones.”

“Course,” Pj, despite exhaustion, tossed Winnie, a 40-pound dead weight, over his shoulder no problem. With the weight and warmth of Winnie now missing across his lap, Dan too blinked awake.

“Hmm. Bed? Yeah, I want one too,” Dan lethargically stood up thankful that Pj was dressed in neon orange pajamas and not black like Dan. The fluorescent colour gave Dan a clear object to follow up the otherwise dark stairway.  

Pj dropped Winnie off in her princess themed paradise and because Pj stopped, Dan stopped to. Only moving further down the hall when Pj, his human flashlight continued. But Pj came to a halt once again just outside the door to their room.  

“Hey… thanks for not telling my Dad about everything,” Pj whispered.

Not? Looks like Phil had done some lying of his own. Dan shrugged as if to say no problem. His shrug prompted something to crunch in his pocket and that’s when Dan remembered. He pulled a slip of paper from his pocket. It was his old course expulsion slip. But that wasn’t important. He flipped the slip over to the other side where he had scribbled on some writing during Pj’s patio talk. “Here’s my mate Chris’ number. He’s a great guy and I think you’d get on.” Dan placed the paper in Pj’s hand.

Pj’s hand closed around the slip. He nodded. Then he looked at Dan. This time more concern in his face then gratitude. “So, we’re cool…?”

“Yeah. We’re cool,” Dan nodded.

“If my Dad yelled at you while I was out of the house, I’m really sorry. He wasn’t really angry talking to me so I figure he took most of it out on you…” Pj looked down guilty.

“No, no. Don’t worry, he didn’t yell,” Dan affirmed. With every blink, Dan’s eyelids were closer and closer to permanently staying shut.

Pj’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “He didn’t? I was gone for a while... What did you talk about then?”

Dan froze.

“We talked about getting you boys some flats close by. I think it’s time you had some personal space, a little more independence.” It was Phil’s voice, he was coming out of Emily’s room and now held a tired Christopher in his other arm.

“Seriously!” Pj yelped far too loud for a roomful of tired individuals. He quickly covered his mouth.

“A flat,” Dan’s jaw hung open. “Each.” Dan looked at Phil, eyes suddenly wide open.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Phil smiled. “Sleep tight.”

“What do you mean?” Phil asked. Even though he held Dan in his lap, it felt as though Dan was miles away.

“I’m not really sure…”

Dan brought his gaze over to Phil but now Phil’s eyes had shifted from Dan to the pacifier rolling between his fingers. “It’s just comforting…” Dan cleared his throat. He coughed again, hoping to find that he didn’t regret his words too much. He did. “S’Embarrassing,” Dan mumbled rubbing his eyes, of which he brought back to staring at the ceiling rather than his boyfriend. Dan let out a wobbly exhale. After which, he proceeded to speak more clearly… a little more grown up.

“I just like sleeping with it. It’s more comfortable than you, know,” Dan held up his thumb, which for once in his life, wasn’t pruned and purple.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Phil said, brushing his hands through Dan’s hair. “That’s why the orthodontist gave it to you, right? To replace the comfort from sucking your thumb”. Phil smiled.

“Yeah…” Dan trailed off. Dan’s eyes were slowly going hazy from watching the nothingness that was the roof. So he decided to crawl his way upward to sit himself in Phil’s lap instead of just having his head rest on it. Dan curled himself around, letting his head settle in the crook of Phil’s neck. “Nothings wrong with that,” Dan repeated, if not entirely just for himself to hear.

“Right. Nothing is wrong,” Phil cemented. “Soo, you don’t have to hide it from me.” Holding Dan like this, Phil could feel the sweat of being ill plastered across Dan’s skin. But before Phil could offer another attempt at taking medicine, Dan’s words came out in a rush, beating him to it.

“I just - it’s so lame. 26, with a pacifier? That’s so lame. I just feel stupid,” Dan nagged. And because Dan was pressed so tightly against Phil’s chest, Phil could feel Dan’s heart begin to race. “It’s so dumb! And why do I have to suck my thumb in the first place, why couldn’t my parents just break that habit when-”

“Dan, Dan, love - calm down,” Phil rubbed his hand down Dan’s back, but then he realized something odd. His hand was merely placed on Dan’s back, it was Dan who was doing all the work, moving up and down all on his own… in fact, he was practically bouncing in his lap...Before Phil could process it, the pacifier once clenched in Dan’s fist, fell to the ground as Dan’s hand’s flew to the waistband of his own jeans.

“Don’t tell me to calm down. It’s stupid, and I’m mad and sick and annoyed. And I want sex now,” Dan huffed, pushing his jeans from his hips.

Phil recoiled into the sofa. He had seen Dan like this a handful of times but instances were still rare. The last time being a few months back when Dan had accidently deleted some footage he needed and immediately came to Phil for a really sloppy, shall Phil say, rough sex. “Woah, woah, okay, Dan slow down,” Phil’s hands came off of Dan’s back and flexed out to the side, almost up for surrender. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to still talk?” Phil’s throat was tense, he forcibly had to push the words out.

Instead of directly answer Phil, it seemed Dan’s answer came in the form of some sort of self pep talk. “Fuck, I’ll be 26 with a pacifier like some kind of bloody child but I’ll fuck like a grown man if I want to,” Dan grumbled.

“Dan?” Phil’s neck railed up the headrest of the couch as Dan unbuttoned Phil’s trousers in record timing. “Let’s just take one second to-”

“Please. Phil,” Dan rutted against Phil’s lap and almost instantly Phil forgot what they had been discussing. How could he not, Dan’s dick was out, hard and red as he hysterically scraped against Phil’s trousers.

Needless to say, Phil gave Dan exactly what he wanted needed.

…

Phil paced around the living room. He wiped the post-sex sweat from his forehead. It took himself a few minutes to catch his breath and then another few to process what exactly had just happened in the last hour. From sick, to fight to sex and now… Phil brought his attention back to the sofa… sleep.

Under a blanket, Dan was curled up into a ball, fast asleep. Soother in mouth.

No doubt, something was very off about Dan.

But not in a way where a switch had gone off and Dan changed in an instant. No. Phil was seeing the transformation happening in real time, over time. Over the past few weeks, Dan had become irritable. His mood had begun to swing situationally. Sometimes from small whispers to full on shouting and then back to silence for days. And then there was the sex… tonight’s sex in particular.

Hardly lubed, Phil, no doubt, had hurt Dan. But Dan didn’t care. He was so vacant during. Phil felt his eyes begin to water as he watched Dan sleep. Their sex was always intimate, beautiful, warm! loving! no matter what they chose to do. But just moments ago... Dan was so vacant, merely using Phil for immediate pleasure, as if he was trying to escape the moment. Or repress something…

Or maybe Phil was just overthinking things. Maybe Dan was just off because he was sick. Phil looked at the pacifier bobbing between Dan’s sleepy lips. Or maybe it wasn't...

…

A few days later, and many antibiotics later, Dan was acting a little more himself. Which was in perfect time as the duo were on their way to New York for a few nights to handle some meetings regarding their upcoming tour. And of course, Phil becoming attune to Dan’s new ways, sensed that with this stress, a notorious Dan fit was fast approaching. He was right.

“Phil, how could you forget it!” Dan looked around the airplane frantically. As if if he worried just enough it would magically drop from the overhead bin.

“It’s yours! It shouldn’t have been my responsibility,” Phil argued. Luckily, in their row of three seats, the third aisle seat remained empty. Perfect so that no stranger had to tolerate a ‘window-seat Dan’ having an absolute tantrum. Alas, a stranger was safe but Phil still sat in the middle seat trying to ease his boyfriend and his headache.

“You’re in charge of the carry on bag!” Dan reminded. Phil hushed him. People had started to settle in their seats and now the plane had quieted down to nervous seatbelt clipping and reluctant electronic power-downing. “Dan! I forgot the pacifier,” Phil whisper-yelled. “What would you like me to do now? I forgot it, I’m sorry.”

“Like forgot at home?” Dan looked at Phil mortified. Like Dan just had his airplane Final Destination moment.

“No. Like forgot to move it from the luggage to the carry on bag,” Phil rolled his eyes. How could Dan think he was completely useless. “Can’t you just use your thumb for the next few hours until we land?” Phil suggested.

Dan looked at Phil like he was actually going to bite his head off, like Phil was in fact, completely useless. “I already told you! You put that gross nail polish on to stop me from sucking my thumb and it tastes horrible. And you know I hate flying planes and now I’m nervous and up-”

“Dan. Just lay down.” Phil placed a hand on the back of Dan’s neck, gently easing him from his heightened state. Phil popped down Dan’s tray table and guided Dan’s head so that he could rest against it. “Take a nap. Next thing you know, we’ll be there,” Phil smiled.

Dan groaned. His hand nervously tapped against his thigh. “Do I have to remind you that we’re six feet tall. And this flight is several hours long. This is so uncomfortable and-”

Phil dropped his left hand onto Dan’s tray table. “Here, knock yourself out.” Dan’s eyes flicked up to Phil, eyebrows furrowed. “Just, no biting, okay,” Phil half-heartedly laughed. But Phil’s subtle hesitancy bled through.

Dan lay in astonishment, letting a few more seconds pass where his eyes nearly went cross staring down the barrel of Phil’s thumb. “You’re not going to mind?”

“Listen, it’s not like my fingers haven’t been in your mouth before. And a lot of other places for that matter,” Phil shrugged. “I already told you. Nothing weird, nothing to hide, okay?”

A few more seconds passed before Dan really followed Phil up on his offer. Without saying anything more, to spare any more awkwardness, Dan slowly parted his lips and wrapped them around Phil’s thumb. He looked to Phil to gage his reaction but Phil had already picked up his book and begun to read.

It was weird. But not weird enough that Dan would rather stew in his own anxiety thumbless. So, Dan’s two hands wrapped around Phil’s one hand, like a small child holding a bottle. As his tongue rested under Phil’s thumb, Dan felt the familiar warmth heat up around his mouth. His warm breath hit his hands and bounced back across his face. It was so warm, and comforting and rhythmic and soon… Dan was fast asleep.

…

It was several hours into the flight when Phil’s movie of choice had finally finished up in front of him. Phil single-handedly tugged his earbud out and turned to Dan who was sharing the other earbud, and still, his other hand.

“I love the Avengers but I hate watching it. Just a constant reminder that I’ll never be as cool as Thor,” Phil ramarked, looking toward Dan.

But Dan wasn’t even fixated on the screen at all. He was staring blankly ahead at the nothingness in the airplane seat pocket.

“You alright, Dan?”

Dan just nodded.

“You sure. You’re not feeling sick again are you? Maybe I can get some ginger ale to settle your stomach?” Phil leaned into the aisle to page the stewardess but Dan shook his head no before Phil could actually beckon anyone over.

“Is it-” Phil took a second. His stomach always dropped before he addressed this specific issue. “You’re not having bad thoughts or anything, are we?”

Dan shrugged. Phil’s thumb pulled from between Dan’s lips as Phil’s fist curled in nervous response. Dan sat up, dragging a string of spit from Phil’s thumb.

“I’m gonna go bathroom. I’ll be back,” Dan mumbled, wiping his sweater sleeve across his mouth.

Dan stood up and squished himself past Phil. “Wait, Dan,” Phil grabbed Dan’s wrist. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Promise.” Dan continued to walk but when he reached the asil he looked back at Phil with confusion. As if he really couldn't comprehend it himself. As if he were lost. “I just feel… spacey.” And with that one ambiguous remark, Dan disappeared to the restroom.

Dan returned back to his seat and instead of laying on Phil he stared out the window. Phil rested his hand in Dan’s lap but Dan left it there, rejecting his implicit offer.

“I’m okay. I don’t want to right now.”

“Okay…”

So as Dan stared out the airplane window watching the clouds soar by, Phil stared at Dan’s profile trying to understand why it felt like he was dealing with two different Dans in a constant fight to be at the forefront.

…

Fortunately, Dan became less ‘spaced out’ as the day progressed. Throughout their meetings and all the talk of their upcoming tour it seemed to be enough to pull Dan out of his funk. And now, after hours of stage talk, the couple were high on excitement and astonishment of New York City.

Rightfully so, as the couple were currently sat at a private booth on a rooftop of an Italian restaurant with a view of all the skyscrapers and stars the city had to offer. With their square table, the two sat at the two closest sides, perpendicularly. Perfect to hold hands and feed each other if they were feeling exceptionally romantic. The night was only made better by the two empty bottles of red wine standing proud at the edge of their table. It went without saying, their managers had both set up and paid for this celebratory meal.

“And then! They said the thing about possible fireworks! Can you believe that? They’re trusting us with confetti cannons at our show!” Dan shook his head in disbelief. “It’s going to be epic… that is if we don’t incinerate ourselves first.” Dan finally swallowed his mouthful of $100 cake he had pushed to the side of his mouth as he rambled.

“Why do I feel like you’re more concerned about my well being regarding pyrotech?” Phil teased.

“Because your the clumsy one!” Dan laughed. Dan spooned another forkful of cake. “Really, if they spent this much on our dinner I can’t wait to see what our hotel room is going to look like! Probably massive!” Dan said, fantasy filling his eyes.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to get back either,” Phil leaned in, kissing Dan. “Like really can’t wait,” Phil said lowly.

“Then we should hurry up here,” Dan said, catching Phil’s drift. Instantly, Dan dropped his forkful of cake he was once so passionate about.

“No no, why spoil such a nice dinner,” Phil reasoned. “Take your time, plus I don’t think either of us could walk a straight line right now,” Phil laughed.

“Good, because I was really enjoying this tiramisu,” Dan sighed in relief. “Not more than sex though,” Dan said, mostly to himself.

Phil giggled. “Then why wait?” Phil using the seating arrangement to his advantage, dropped his hand on Dan’s inner thigh. The wine had made him bold.

“Phil, christ,” Dan coughed. Dan’s eyes zoned in, staring intensely at Phil’s thumb on his thigh.

“We’re up here all alone. Dannyyy, it’s either here or the limo, so take your pick?” Phil’s tongue slipped out the corner of his mouth, drunkenly teasing, begging Dan. His hands were drunk too, fumbling over Dan’s thigh until miraculously, they found their way down Dan’s tight pants.  

“Oh’Jesus, Phil,” Dan looked around making sure their waiter wasn’t on his way with their eighth course of the night.

“C’mon let me take care of you,” Phil whispered in Dan’s ear. “Just co-operate like a good-boy, pleasssee,” Phil coaxed.

“Good boy?” Dan swallowed. Dan expression contorted from arousal to reluctance back to arousal. He was trying to fight past something regardless if drunk Phil could notice or not.

“Yeah, c’mon, Bear, you used to let me do this all the time! Hmm? Just be good for me,” Phil’s smooth voice continued to rock Dan’s wine raked brain into a dizzy spiral.

“Good?” Dan said deeply, catching the moan before it slipped from his lips.

“You’re so red, I’m hardly doin’anythin,” Phil said mostly incoherent, giggling proudly at his handiwork. “You’re irresistible, little one.”

Dan shivered. A full body shiver at the pet name that had never once before spilled from Phil’s sober lips. “I - I - let’s stop,” Dan swallowed, untangling Phil’s hand from his pants.

“Why,” Phil pouted letting his hand crawl back up Dan’s thigh. “Baabby.”

“Hey, hey, cut it out,” Dan winced, feeling his dick twitch. “Phil, I said stop,” Dan pushed his chair back, cutting himself out of the tangle. “You’re right, let’s just go home,” Dan rubbed his elbow trying to somewhat steady the multitude of feelings running all over his body.

…

Phil rolled onto his side, blaming the foreign hotel mattress for his lack of sleep. But deep down, he knew why his heart was heavy. Hours went by and somewhere between “God knows what time it is” and “why can’t I just fall asleep”, Phil heard rustling from beside him.

“Love! Dan? I’m sorry about dinner. I didn’t mean to ruin it, I just, fuck, I’m so sorry.” Phil turned over to Dan’s side of the bed only to find that Dan wasn’t awake. But he sure was making noise. With his nighttime pacifier in his mouth, Dan’s sleepy groans only made it past the plastic obstruction as mere muffles.

“Mfm,” Dan winced from behind the plastic. “MMmm,” Dan hummed.

It wasn’t unlike Dan to mumble in his sleep but this wasn’t mumbling. Once Phil’s eyes adjusted in the dark he found himself sitting upright in awe.

Dan’s elbows were bent as his hands were curled down the front of his boxers.

Phil swallowed, hard. He hadn't caught Dan like this in, well a long time. Since Dan was a teenager to be exact. A teenager who couldn’t fall asleep without finding the friction of something as lame as his pajama bottoms unbearable. But here Dan was, wincing at his own pleasure.

“Mmf’mm,” Dan purred. At this point his hips had started to buckle slightly, pushing his hips into his hands. The pacifier bobbled in Dan’s mouth, beckoning Phil closer…

Phil felt a pang of guilt for what he was about to do. Take Dan’s pacifier away? It was deplorable. But how could you blame him? Sleepy Dan moans? He was starved of them. Phil reached his hand out and plucked the pacifier from Dan’s lips. The second he did, Dan took a sharp inhale.

The sheets on Dan’s side of the bed had been kicked to the end of the mattress long ago, probably from all of Dan’s jostling and jittering. Phil felt himself growing hot when he spied the outline of Dan’s cock in his boxers. Phil wanted so badly, so desperately to touch but after the restaurant fiasco he thought twice about it, especially since Dan was asleep.

“Mmy, mm’uh,” Dan huffed, breath forcefully pushing past his now free lips. Phil wanted to touch.

God he wanted to touch.

Dan’s legs curled up, his stomach flexing. Phil watched at Dan’s dick twitched in his sleepy grip.

“Ddy- a’ ddy, mmm’ddy, uh uh,” Dan moaned.

Phil could just barely hear it. Could just barely make out the single word. Fuck, he couldn’t do it anymore, Phil thought in a sweat.

“Dan.... Dan, Dan,” Phil lightly shook Dan’s sides. Planting his hands on both sides of Dan’s shoulders, Phil made his way to hover over Dan’s body. “Dan?” Dan blinked awake and almost instantly, his hands stopped touching himself. “Hmm?” Dan looked at Phil who was above him with confusion. Then it hit him. “Oh, oh,” Dan gasped. Phil hungrily watched the pang of arousal wash over Dan’s face. “Oh, m’hard uhhh,” Dan shuffled his sleepy body to a semi-awake dazed state.

“I’m sorry about dinner Dan, you know that I love you,” Phil said in a rush. His hands twitched, just waiting to touch.

“M’sorry too- Okay, I really need you now, badly,” Dan sputtered. Dan’s hips buckled hitting Phil’s. “I need you,” Dan whined.

With Dan’s word, Phil didn’t waste a moment to let his hands tear his boyfriend’s boxers down. Phil moved Dan’s hands out of the way only to find that they were faintly wet with Dan’s pre-cum and Phil nearly lost it then and there. “Naughty touching yourself in your sleep, hmm?” Phil cooed, wrapping his hand around Dan’s dick, letting his other fingers prod at Dan’s hole. “What were you dreamin’bout?” Phil dropped his mouth, kissing a line from Dan’s navel downward.

“Daddy, thereee’uh,” Dan squealed, filling up the room with his cry. “daddy, daddy, you,” Dan hazily purred. “Uh’unn,” he moaned.

Phil felt his entire body flush red hot. Jesus, he had only hear Dan shout this twice in his life. This time, this time, Phil relished in it - then, he enticed it. “Daddy? Is it?” Phil smirked, dragging his lips along the shaft of Dan’s penis.

“Oh’yes, yes please.” Dan’s hands shot down, holding Phil’s head in place. In fact, Dan’s hands were almost pushing Phil further down. As if he were asking Phil for something else, something more...

God help him, Phil would do anything to hear Dan scream those words again. They were both sleepy and delirious and so fucking aroused. So he really couldn’t help it when his hands split Dan’s thighs apart and let his tongue lap over Dan’s hole.

“Daddy, da-addy,” Dan hiccupped, uncontrollably inching away from Phil, completely unable to take all the pleasure coursing through him.

“You like that. Hmm, being so good for me. Daddy’s boy, yeah?” Phil felt Dan’s whole body twitch. Phil was a fast learner. With Dan’s body buckling beneath him with every word, Phil quickly realized just how strong his words could be. Phil crept his way up Dan’s body, stripping himself of his boxers as he travelled. Then he spoke slow and drawn out.  “So good being, Daddy’s...little... boy,” Phil finished with a kiss to Dan’s sensitive nipple.

“M’cum, gonna cum -” Dan’s mouth opened in a moan. Phil took the opportunity to slide his index finger in Dan’s mouth. Dan grabbed the sides of Phil’s hand and held him in place, sucking deep on Phil’s finger. Phil worked his hands over both of their dicks knowing that when they came, it would be both soon and together.

Dan continued to let spit dribble around Phil’s finger while Phil rocked his hips into Dan. With one final swipe, Dan clenched, cum spurting between the two of them. He moaned around Phil’s finger, no doubt, shouting Daddy. Phil true to his promise, only added to the mess of sticky white.

“Jesus,” Phil rolled off of Dan and landed beside him, chest heaving at whatever the hell just happened. Phil tugged off his shirt over his head and sloppily dragged it across his chest, then Dan’s, then tossed it to the ground.

“M’sleepy now,” Dan mumbled, curling into Phil’s chest, clinging as close as he could possibly get. Dan then pulled his thumb into his mouth and Phil decided he’d let Dan get away with it for one night only.

“Then let’s get some sleep,” Phil said, pulling Dan even closer. Even though Dan was so near, Phil had just managed to hear the smallest, faintest, breathiest,

“ok, daddy.”

Before they both fell asleep.

…

“So...do we want to talk about last night...” Phil asked the hotel ceiling fan, the morning after.

“No.” The answer came from beside him. It was a solid “no”, meaning no room for budging.

Sun poured into the hotel room as Phil sat up on the edge of the mattress. “Well can I ask just one question?”

“No.”

There was a long silence where both boys seemed to be racking their brains about the events of the previous night. Dan broke it first. “Look, I’m not mad at you for the dinner thing. I was just feeling sick. Probably the wine, so that’s that.” Dan sat up from the left side of the bed and checked his phone resting on the nightstand. Phil knew him all to well to know that Dan was probably just staring at the lock screen.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Phil said, bringing the issue back up before Dan could officially sweep it under the rug.

“Don’t see what else it could be,” Dan shrugged.

Phil crawled to Dan’s end of the bed, tugging the phone from his hands. “Dan, I don’t understand what the big deal is. We had sex, which we do all the time. Except this time you called me daddy and it was obviously quite enjoyable for the both of us.” Phil grabbed Dan’s shoulder, turning him to face him.

“Stop, don’t say that, Christ,” Dan cringed, standing up he broke Phil’s arm from his own. “Don’t pull any of that daddy shit,” Dan said with a wave of a finger. “It’s weird.” Though his expression would say otherwise.

“It shouldn’t be weird! Hell, you joke about it all the time. People have sex things, Dan.” Phil stood, chasing a fleeing Dan.

“Well maybe it’s not a sex thing.” Dan said, spinning on the balls of his heels. “I - just- maybe it’s not,” Dan said, staring at the ground.

Phil’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” “I don’t really know,” Dan said distressed. “And I feel like a creep just saying this but sometimes, I just want… like what if it could be like that all the time. Like when we sit on the sofa at home and my head’s in your lap and I have my,” Dan swallowed, “pacifier - I just feel like I’m melting and it’s so nice and slow and warm and-” Dan balled his hands into fists. “And then I get spaced out! Like proper checked the fuck out and I can’t explain it but it’s nice. Like I don’t feel sad or anything,” Dan shook his head as if realizing these things for the first time.

“So it’s not a sex thing?” Phil asked, eyebrows still furrowed.

“Some days it feels like it is and some days it doesn't,” Dan said. He grabbed a nearby hoodie and jeans and tossed them on roughly. Clearly getting riled up in pent up frustration. Dan scooped up his pacifier from the nightstand and put it into the pocket of his backpack.  Whatever forget ab-”

“Okay…” Phil caught Dan’s hand that was reaching for his backpack, he laced their fingers together. “We can work with that…” Phil nodded. “Somedays it is and somedays it isn’t,” Phil paraphrased Dan’s words. “You just tell me which it is and I’ll do my best.” Phil said.

Dan’s eyes caught Phil’s. Dan swallowed. “Yeah…?”

“Yeah.” Phil promised. “So, where do we start?” Phil watched as Dan broke their current connection, dropping his eyes to the ground.

“Forget it, this is weird,” Dan sighed. He turned and walked toward his luggage, tossing on a pair of his sneakers.

But Phil was determined. Dan had been a mess of pent up everything and he was going to help whatever that may be. “Come on, what do you need Dan?” Phil walked over and gently dragged Dan back to the bed sitting him on the edge of the mattress. Suddenly, he remembered something from the night before. “Let me help little one,” Phil said softly

Dan’s shoulders instantly relaxed. His wide eyes flicking up at Phil.

“Uhm…can you please tie my shoes?”

Was it silly? No, Dan would argue that it wasn’t. He had seen it before. That’s what lead him here, after all. See, when Dan had stumbled across the short, laggy video clip of a young man touching himself on camera, Dan hardly even had the chance to get turned on because he was distracted… entranced by something else in the video that he wanted even more. Sure the boy in the clip was nice to look at, but the plaid skirt he was wearing (only the skirt, Dan would add) had Dan’s heart racing. That’s when Dan decided… he wanted one.

So was it silly that Dan, a 26 year old male, was wearing a skirt? No, of course not. Everyone’s free to experiment; it’s 2018, Dan would preach! Was it embarrassing that Dan had done a quick amazon prime behind his boyfriend’s back? Yes. Would it be utterly mortifying if his boyfriend walked in on Dan wanking in it? Absolutely.

But alas, here Dan was, skirt snug around his waist. He was sat atop his bed, on his knees, watching the way the skirt pooled out around him. Dan was wearing a simple white tee, but even with his top half covered, Dan felt exhilaratingly exposed in nothing but the navy plaid skirt below. His legs were left on full display. The higher Dan rose on his knees, the more skin the skirt would showcase. Dan relished in it, slowly... experimentally… he rocked back on his calves watching the skirt travel up his leg until just the tip of his dick was exposed as he arched his back. It was this very sight that sparked the first pang of arousal in Dan’s weary stomach.

“Oh,” Dan let out a small breath. His dilating eyes shifted to every crease of the skirt’s moving pleats.

Dan tentatively let his shaky hand skim down his happy trail. His fingers were cold from being clenched so tightly. He shivered as his fingertips skidded over his belly button. He outright trembled when his whole hand disappeared under the waistband of the skirt.

“Mhm,” Dan coughed, clearing his throat.

It goes without saying that Phil was not currently home. He had went out a little over an hour ago to grab some grocery for dinner. The minute that his boyfriend left the house, Dan’s desperate body ran to the package he had hidden under his bed for the past week. But even after ripping apart the box and putting on the garment in secret, Dan still felt the slight worry that Phil might walk in on him bubbling in the back of his mind.

“Aaaa’christ,” Dan sputtered, feeling his stomach clench at his handiwork.

Dan continued to work his hand over himself but made sure to do so slowly. This was his first and only skirt. If Dan accidently came in it, he was trashing it. There was no way Dan would face the possibility of Phil finding it in the wash. So Dan, unfortunately, was left painfully edging himself just for the shear protection of the dress. He took a gulp, tilting his head back so that the bead of sweat dripped into his fringe and not down the bridge of his nose.

Dan would hate to admit it, but the way that the skirt fluffed and splayed alongside Dan’s eager bouncing on his knees, had Dan growing hard in his hands. It was just so damn pretty. As Dan rocked himself up and down, his eyes caught sight of the amazon package that was still sat at the edge of his bed. And that’s when Dan remembered he had purchased the skirt in company with something else he had also wanted to really try…

In any other instance, Dan would regret purchasing this toy, far too embarrassed to try it out. But now, in this moment of deep and growing arousal, Dan’s hand was reaching for the box before his mind could even process it. As Dan leaned forward, so did the skirt and Dan was immediately met with a cold air on his exposed bum. Dan grabbed his penis in his hand just in time to catch it jolt.

When Dan’s hand emerged from the box, Dan dropped to his bum in shock. It was bigger than he imagined...

Dan’s bum was on the mattress so that his legs were left bent out beside him, coincidently,  a perfect position to try out the toy he had just unboxed. Well… it wasn't exactly a toy. It was none other than an infamous magic wand massager that just so happened to be good on other places according to the internet. The problem was, it was thicker and larger than Dan had anticipated. Just thinking about the vibrating head of the wand had Dan both salivating and nervously twitching.

Peeling back the skirt, Dan tucked the tip of the wand underneath his balls right before his hole. Just the thick object alone had Dan’s hips pathetically grinding against the plastic wand. But when Dan pressed the ‘on’ button… oh when Dan pressed the fucking button...

“Uhhhnnn,” Dan squeaked. Immediately, his hands shot up to wrap over his mouth, leaving the wand vibrating against his taint. He had never made a noise like that before. A whiny cry, a high pitched, girl-ish whine. The toy pulsed underneath him and the noises seemed to keep on coming. “Ahhuhh,” Dan cried, his head lobbing back.

He could cry. Cry like real tears. He had never felt pleasure like this in his lifetime. Sure Phil was really talented at sex, Dan would give him that. But this sort of pulsing, reverberating sensation had Dan’s thighs shaking like never before. Dan pushed himself to his knees. With one hand he hiked the skirt up while the other pushed the head of the vibrating wand against the shaft of his penis. “Mmmm,” Dan whimpered. Dan awkwardly held onto the skirt and wand as he let his hips bounce over the toy. Luckily for Dan, his effeminate moans were just quiet enough so that Dan could hear the doorknob of the bedroom being turned.

Dan quickly sat down on the wand, letting the skirt spread over both the toy and his thighs so that the toy was no longer in sight, hidden under the plaid garment. Then the door swung open.

“Hey Dan, I couldn’t find any of the - Oh - Oh.”

Even through Dan’s hooded and hazy gaze he could clearly see Phil’s jaw nearly hit the ground. Dan’s lip curled under his teeth. Even though the wand was out of sight, it didn’t mean that it was out of feel. The vibrations continued to quietly quiver under the skirt.

“That’s new…” Phil walked into the room, carefully closing the bedroom door behind him. “So I leave to get dinner and you decide to have all the fun without me?” Phil’s voice was deepening. Dan was all too familiar with this tone of Phil’s. Phil did not hide his arousal well, but neither did Dan.

“Uh,” the tiniest moan bubbled it’s way from Dan’s throat when the tip of the wand rubbed against one of his balls. Dan’s stomach twisted, letting silent puffs of breath spill from his lips.

“You look awfully pretty, love. Why didn’t you tell me that this was something you wanted to try out?”

Before Dan knew it, Phil had made his way over to their bed where he crawled his way up to Dan.

“You’re so pretty. Hmm, you know that?” Phil’s sultry smooth voice was nearly enough to push Dan over the edge. But when Phil went to lift up the edge of Dan’s skirt, as if to take a peak underneath, Dan’s hand rushed to stop Phil’s actions from revealing anything else. Phil just smiled… but little did he know.

“You’ve never been shy before,” Phil teased, letting his eyes rake over Dan’s body. “You’re so hot like this. I like it” Phil snaked his hand under Dan’s shirt letting his finger flick the already hard nub of Dan’s nipple. Then, because Phil knew Dan’s body oh so well, he simultaneously brought his lips to the side of Dan’s neck.

This is when Dan began to cry. Everything was hitting him all at once. The whole situation, the embarrassment, the thrill of it, the overstimulation. When Phil’s lips made their way to Dan’s mouth, Dan could feel the vibrations from the wand reverberating at the back of his throat. And apparently, in their feverish open mouthed kiss, so could Phil...

“Oh, Daniel,” Phil pulled back, licking his lips. “What have you done now?” Now intrigued, Phil let his hands lift the hem of Dan’s skirt, exposing the fully functioning vibrator between Dan’s legs. “Fuck,” Phil exhaled. Phil, most likely wanting to inspect the toy, slid it out from under Dan’s bum. But what he didn’t mean to do, was drag the vibrating wand up along Dan’s cock until it just grazed the tip of his dick.

“Ohhhhuhhh,” Dan squeaked. His newfound high-pitch shrill echoed throughout the bedroom.

“Th-that’s a noise I haven’t heard you make before…” Phil stuttered, drool pooling in his mouth. As if to test his hypothesis, Phil brought the wand back to the edge of Dan’s dick.

“Ahhhuh’wait, don’t, don’don, ahuh,” Dan squealed. In one instant, everything he had been working against seemed happened all at once. In the brief second that Phil held the toy at the slit of Dan’s dick, Dan spilled thick and white all over his skirt. “Ahh’Phul’mmm,” Dan purred dropping his head against Phil’s chest. The wand clicked off, thanks to Phil, and the only noise left rattling in the room was Dan’s difficulty catching his breath. Phil’s hand affectionatly rubbed along his boyfriend's back once he noticed how much he was convulsing in his arms.

“I- I didn’t wanna cum on it,” Dan whispered, so far gone and blissed out. “I didn’t wanna ruin it,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s shoulder, his hands holding the damp skirt against his tummy.

Dan took a hesitant breath, a carefully slow, thought out breath. It wasn’t until Dan exhaled that he realized his breath wasn’t slow, it was in fact, shaky. His socked foot teetered over the first step of the stairs. He had tried to step down, but everytime he did something new had caught his eye.

Standing all the way up here, Dan could see the clear mess that was the main floor of the house. Children toys scattered across the hallway, so much so, that even Hansel and Gretel would think that they lead somewhere. The house was always this bad. Always a disaster. If someone asked Dan what colour carpet he had, he’d tell them that he thought they had wood floors the whole time. Dan was no James Bond, but it would take some careful maneuvering to make a tumble free descent with all the tickle-me-Elmos in the way of the steps. Hence his current disposition.

Dan told himself that it was too much of a mess to head downstairs, but he knew deep down that he was really just searching for a delay. After some mild meditation and internal encouragement, Dan made his way down, safely so… for now.

When Dan reached the bottom of the stairs, he slung his knapsack off his back and tossed it to the ground. And since his coat was already tangled around his knapsack straps, he flung that off as well and let it drape over the railing. Like Dan said, the house was already a mess. He wasn’t actually making it any worse because no one would actually be able to notice the new addition anyway. If everything was already a mess, he can’t make it any more messy. Perhaps, Dan’s life motto as well, in a way.

Dan fished his hand down his back pocket to check, and yes, the slip of paper was still there… unfortunately. Dan took his second shaky exhale, ruffled his hair, and headed down the hallway… The closer he got to the room he was heading toward, the louder the keyboard clicks became. The very quick, professional sounding keyboard clicks that only meant one thing; business. When Dan reached the end of the corridor, his knocks on the closed mahogany office door made the clicks stop all at once.

“Winnie, are you up from your nap…?”

Dan swallowed hard. “Phil?”

“That’s not Winnie...”

Dan could hear the disappointment in his voice. Phil already knew.

Dan scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, no. It’s Dan…” Dan’s head lobed against the wooden door giving one last final knock of defeat.

“Daniel, shouldn’t you be at school? What’s hap-”

“Can I come in?” Dan gulped.

There was no answer. But Dan knew this kind of silence from the other kinds of silence. This silence meant yes you may, but I really wish you weren’t.

Dan carefully pushed open the door, mindful of its swing, and padded his way over toward the office desk. Behind sat Phil. Dan, without saying a word, fished the paper from his back pocket and let the pink slip sit beside Phil’s laptop. Dan gave it a small push with his pinky finger, sliding it closer.

Phil let out a sigh. “Again...” The paper made a slight skid across the tabletop with Phil’s sigh. His disappoint so loud, it could move objects.

“Different class this time. Poli-sci…” Dan felt that weird clenching in his throat. The kind that made it hard to speak, nonetheless, breathe without crying.

Phil picked up the pink slip of paper, and even upside down, Dan could still read the bold, black letters ‘COURSE EXPULSION’ crystal clear. Of course, Dan could tell you what the slip said even with his eyes closed. Those two words haunted him his entire academic life.

“Did this happen today? You had this class hours ago… How long have you been home? I didn’t even hear you come in.” Phil looked up at Dan for the first time throughout the ordeal.

The thing is, it’s one thing to hear disappointment, it’s another to stare at it dead in the eye.

Dan swallowed and seemingly Phil knew just fine. “You came through your bedroom window again,” Phil sighed. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

Dan rubbed his elbow. “I didn’t want to wake any of the young ones.”

“You and I both know that Winnie sleeps like a rock,” Phil smiled light heartedly. “Something tells me that it wasn’t her you were trying to avoid...” Phil eyed Dan.

Dan swallowed as a response. The whole throat and crying thing still an existing problem.

“So you’re kicked out of this course halfway through the semester?” Phil toyed with the paper between his fingers.

“Mmhm,” Dan’s teeth bit into his bottom lip.

“And the reason this time is…”

As soon as Dan lifted his teeth from drawing any more blood from his bottom lip, the words seemed to fly out of his mouth without any control.

“My professor is a fucking asshole! I didn’t do anything wrong! Well not to him, at least. Some twat was giving me a hard time in class, so I accidentally punched him! I didn’t mean it, it just sort of happened!” Dan’s chest had started to heave. “I didn’t mean it,” Dan reiterated.

This confession got Phil to roll his office chair out from behind his desk. “Daniel, you-? Again with the violence? How hard - I just don’t understand,” Phil shrugged his shoulders and let out a huff, rubbing his temples. “I just don’t understand,” Phil repeated, this time a whisper, as if only for himself to hear.

“He deserved it,” Dan added, squeezing the words out from between his trembling lips.

“He deserved it?” Phil asked.

“Well yeah because he said-” Dan caught himself before he could finish. Actually bringing his hand to his lips to halt any more words from spilling out.  

“He said what?” Phil’s gaze caught Dan’s in a way that made Dan immediately tense up. A gaze that suggested that Phil was trying to be on Dan’s side, that maybe he actually...cared? As if Phil was trying to parent him, as if he was fatherly. “Dan, what did he say to you… about you?”

There was a moment's pause. One where Dan’s hand slowly brought itself down from his lips, carefully contemplating if he would continue to speak. Dan shook his head and before he knew it, he was pacing around the office.

There was only so much of Phil’s distressed face that he could take. Dan’s finger ran across the perimeter of the desk and came up with not a single trace of dust. Needless to say, this was the only clean room in the house.

When Dan’s finger reached the corner of the desk, it stopped at the edge. On the corner rested a mirrored picture frame. Inside was a crayon drawing of what was supposed to be Phil, but Dan would argue a stick man could be literally anyone, signed “PJ” in marker at the bottom. The letters would be illegible to anyone else, but once again, those two damn letters haunted him far too much to be easily missed. Sure enough, there in the distorted reflection of the picture frame, was Dan’s blank expression. “Sorry,” Dan mumbled.

Phil relaxed into his office chair, softening his gaze on Dan. “I’m not mad, Dan,” Phil reassured.

Dan looked up, carefully bringing his gaze back to Phil. If he moved to fast, a tear just might slip.

“Daniel, everything’s been hard on you and to some degree I’m sympathetic. It’s just… I pay for your schooling and so, all I ask is that you behave like I raised you,” Phil said softly.

Suddenly, Dan’s vacant expression transformed. Subtly so, but enough to burn holes into the old crayon drawing that Phil treated like a masterpiece. “Like you raised me?” Dan voice raised, catching both of them off guard. “Last time I checked you weren’t my dad.”

“Dan,” Phil’s voice was a purposeful interjection. One to maybe try to calm the boy before it was too late.

“No, go on,” Dan felt his temper rising, felt his snap fast approaching. “You say that to the other kids here? You make them feel like they owe you something in return for being taken in. Or you just save that one to Pj? At least that makes some sense since he’s actually your kid.” Dan flung his arms, knocking down the frame in the process.

“Hey, hey settle down,” Phil said, standing up to Dan’s level.  “There’s no need to raise your voice, you’ll wake your sister,” Phil said, holding his hands up in the universal ‘calm down’ motion. Phil reached out for Dan, cupping his elbow.

“She’s not my sister,” Dan grunted under his breath. Phil may not have heard but he surely caught the way that Dan rolled his eyes. Phil’s gentle hand climbed higher, resting on Dan’s forearm. Both locking him in place but also steadying his angry trembling.

Dan hated this. The way that Phil was always so calm. So well mannered. Always putting on a show. Just the best goddamn foster Dad on the planet. “Don’t touch me,” Dan said flatly, half-heartedly shaking his shoulder. This only brough Phil closer.

“Your mother wouldn’t want this of you,” Phil whispered.

Dan’s face fell momentarily. Then it clenched. Dan whipped his entire existence from Phil’s hold. Then he planted both hands on Phil’s desk and stared him dead in the eyes. “You. Never. Knew. Her.”

“She was my good friend, Dan.” Phil’s jaw fell slack as he spoke.

“Good friend? More like your neighbor. You gave her a place to stay because she blew all our money on drugs and alcohol and you saw it as an opportunity to feed your hero complex.”

“I gave you both a place to stay…”

“Fine. You gave us both a place to stay. And then what happened, Phil? What happened next?”

Dan could see that Phil’s eyes were brimmed with the faintest of tears. Behind those eyes, Dan could only imagine what he was thinking. And in that moment, Dan knew he had won. And because Dan knew he had repressed life as much as he humanely could, and because he was an emotional black hole, he was able to stab the knife and twist it to.

“Daniel… don’t...”

“She died, Phil. She died in your car, while you drove. Driving her to some bullshit AA meeting she didn’t even want to go to! You and you’re fucking hero complex killed her, how’s that for irony. And now, I can’t wait to fucking leave,” Dan spat. Dan knew this would be a perfect opportunity for a dramatic exit...but something kept him anchored exactly where he was.

There was a moment of silence where Phil took a breath. The room was quiet enough that Dan could hear Phil’s shirt buttons rattle against his chest with his every unsteady breath. But when Phil’s shoulders somehow, against all odds, relaxed back into his expensive suit jacket, Dan knew he didn’t break him after all. With buddhist soft calmness, Phil said,

“Then why are you here, Dan? You’re 20. You can leave. But you’re here because you need me. Because you have nowhere else to go. And I know that makes you mad. It probably makes you furious. But I’m willing to wait for you to come around and in the meantime happily, I give you all I have. But you need to understand that in my house-”

“we follow your rules...” Dan finished. He recoiled from Phil’s desk, pulling his arms tight against his body, a pitiful hug from himself. But when Dan looked at Phil and noticed the way that Phil was looking back at him, with this weird sense of care, of empathy, Dan couldn’t help himself from sputtering a clear and sharp, “Fuck. You.”

And then Winnie began crying.

Dan looked up at the ceiling. He would never admit it, but this was the only foolproof way of holding it together. Unlike Winnie, he didn’t cry. So he forced his tears back into his eyes. Then, with Phil’s same level of erie patience, Dan said, “You’ve got a two-year-old baby to attend to. And then after that, at around 3:30, you’re going to have several children home from school. And by dinner, you can all play your little game of foster house Brady Bunch. Just know, that I want nothing to do with you and your daily acts of kindness.”

Phil’s mouth hung agape.

“You might consider yourself to be their dad, but you’ll never be mine.”

As Dan made his way out of the office, for the first time, Phil didn't call after him. And for Dan, that felt like victory.

...

Dan stormed up to his room. As much as he wanted privacy, he knew that so long as he lived in this house, he wouldn’t get it. As soon as he swung open the door, there on one of the four twin beds was Pj unpacking his backpack. “Man, my professor for English lit 2140 is like the hardest marker ever!” Pj said. “I bet he gets off on giving students bad grades,” Pj joked, offering a smile Dan’s way.

Dan nodded duly.

Pj’s forced expression relaxed to something a little more believable. “Look... when I came home, it sounded pretty heated in the office so I just came straight up here... Did you want to talk about it?” Pj said. He had stopped unpacking his bag. Almost as if he were serious about this.

“Your dad’s shit,” Dan spat, plopping down on his bed. Very characteristically, his bed was the one in the back corner of the room, facing the wall, with the all black sheets.

“He does a lot for you...”

“Because he feels guilty. Not because he cares.” Dan said.

“Alright...” Needless to say, Pj returned to unpacking his bookbag.

Dan curled into himself on the far too small twin sized bed. Just as his body finally contorted into the best possible position for 19 hour hibernation, an Xbox controller was flung his way, hitting his pillow at a concussion inducing velocity.

“Let’s play some Crash. Or whatever game you want,” Pj said, waving his controller high in the air. He was sat across the room, on his stupid rainbow bed covered in eclectic shit.

“You’re just as annoying as your dad,” Dan grunted, turning on his side to face the wall instead of the rest of the room.

“I have lived with him for 20 years,” Pj reminded. “I am his son.”

“Aren’t you lucky,” Dan grumbled.

“Oh, come on. You’re always so grumpy. Lighten up! We’re 20! We’re supposed to be hating school, loving life! Making mistakes,” Pj’s impromptu pep rally got louder and louder with every word. That’s when Dan realized it was because Pj was coming closer. As the footsteps got closer to his bed, Dan instinctively curled his hands into fists, knuckles tightening.

“One round. You’ll feel better, I promise!” Pj nudged Dan’s shoulder with his game controller.

“Pj, I don’t want to fucking play with you,” Dan hissed, rolling over. Dan hadn’t realized but with his arms stretched out it was inevitable that his fist would catch on something, or someone.

“Ouw,” Pj winced, stumbling back. Pj’s controller dropped to the ground as both of his hands shot toward his eye.

Dan sprung up to a sitting position. He stared down at his fist. It was shaking. Dan looked toward Pj to find him cupping his eye socket. Dan felt his jaw slack. “I-I-” Dan looked toward the ceiling fan.

“Fine. I get it. I’ll remember to leave you alone from now on,” Pj spat, roughly grabbing the game controller by Dan’s head. “Dinner’s at 5. You know, the one my shitty dad makes for you every night,” Pj scoffed. Pj gathered presumably some homework sheets and headed toward the door. “You know, I think you forget that I lost my mom too... The only difference, I’m not a fucking twat about it.” Then Dan heard the second door of the day slam shut.

Precariously, it was always immediately after being left alone at his request, that Dan really wished he hadn’t been so goddamn alone.

“Fuck,” Dan sighed.

…

Somehow, miraculously, out of a house of 7 people, Dan was the second one to the dinner table. Just his luck.

Dan was sat directly beside Winnie who was sat in her high chair. Of course, Dan was not seated here out of personal request. Seating was assigned by Phil. Who insisted that Dan sat near Winnie since she only seemed to eat if she was sat beside her one and only favourite, ‘Da-da-nill’ aka Daniel.

The table was a cacophony of mismatched plastic dinnerware, placemats being soared across the table and how could one forget, assorted foster kids.

“Michael, come on, sit down. You can tell me about your science fair project in a second, just take a seat,” Phil laughed as he pushed Winnie closer to the table. Michael was 8, fostered since he was 3; practically adopted by Phil now.

“Christopher, where is Emily?” Phil asked. Twins, 13, freshly fostered. Dan liked neither. Too benevolent for his liking. Phil continued his roll call once the twins emerged.

“Has anyone seen Pj?”

This is where Phil finally looked to Dan.

“Why would I know his whereabouts,” Dan shrugged indifferently.

“You know, I’ve got two 20 year olds and my boys don’t even say one word to each other. That is completely ridiculous to me,” Phil said.

Dan stopped listening, his brain fixated on Phil’s use of ‘my boys’.

“Aha, speak of the devil,” Phil extended an arm out, passing a placemat to an incoming Pj. However, with his entrance, the entire table quieted. A true feat for a house of 7 normally loud misfits. Oddly, Dan didn’t even have to look up to know that he was somehow responsible for this silence.

“Peej,” Phil gasped. Dropping the placemat, Phil reached out for Pj’s face. Dan followed Phil’s arm with his gaze to find a purpling bruise right on the socket of Pj’s eye. “What happened?” Phil sounded devastated. He was always so goddamn melodramatic, Dan scoffed.

“Uh, school… pole. A pole at school,” Pj said. But true to Pj’s amature lying experience, he faintly sent a nervous glance Dan’s way. Which of course, Phil followed. It seemed as if in one instant, everyone was staring at Dan.

“Da-da-nill!” Winnie cheered, clapping her hands together.

“Daniel James. A word. Upstairs.” Phil, for the first time ever, raised his voice. The entire table silenced, even Winnie. “Now.”

Dan scooted his chair back. It scraped against the linoleum floor making an awful screech. As Dan walked away from the kitchen table, the conversation started back up behind him. All that affirmed, was that this family was much better off without him in the picture.

“It was an accident,” Dan said leaving the kitchen. As he turned the corner, Phil followed closely behind. When Dan started his ascent up the stairs, Phil’s presence felt like that of an executioner.

“That’s funny because I don’t believe the school pole accident story one bit,” Phil said, crossing his arms. When they reached the second floor, Dan turned right to head to his room but was interrupted by Phil’s voice.

“Left, Dan.”

Dan stopped. Left was Phil’s bedroom... No one was allowed in there. Not even Winnie, and Phil had a soft spot for Winnie. Dan spun around to plead his case directly to Phil.

“I didn’t mean the school thing. I know that I hit him. What I meant is that I did it by accident,” Dan clarified.

Dan’s gaze dropped to the ground but on it’s way, Dan caught sight of Phil’s hand firmly resting on his shoulder. That’s when Dan realized, that this whole time from leaving the kitchen table, Phil had been ushering him along. And now, Phil continued to do so, forcing Dan toward the bedroom with a push.

“Accidentally hit him?” Phil reiterated. But the question was worthless, Dan wasn’t listening anyway. Rightfully so, because as Phil opened the french doors to his bedroom, Dan was entranced. The room was grand, upscale; out of place for their small home.

Phil hit the light switch as he spoke. Which made it even harder to listen now. With the lights on, the bedroom was even more beautiful. The room looked dipped in gold. A chandelier hung from the center and Dan was sure he had never seen so many crystals in his life. No wonder Winnie wasn’t allowed in here, or anyone else for that matter.

“Dan your second nature to turn to violence worries me. This is out of control,” Phil shook his head. He closed the doors behind them and then made his way in front of Dan. From the looks of it, they were stood in some sort of lounge room that preceded the bed at the end of the room. The two sofas in front of Dan were surely vintage, pristine white leather and gold accents stared back at him. Dan wondered if the sofa would be soft or if they were merely a  decorative piece.

“I know I mentioned this to your mother once before but I really do think that maybe we need to see someone. See a doctor about your outbursts about your-”

The minute Dan heard ‘doctor’ he snapped back from this luxurious fantasy. “Sorry, what?”

“You know, someone who can help you with your behavioural issues. Maybe solve your poor temper.”

“Woah! What don’t you understand? I said it was an accident!” Dan’s voice rose and it echoed. It echoed because the room was so big.

Phil had began to pace the room. Dan wasn’t entirely sure if he were supposed to follow nonetheless allowed to. I mean, could you blame him? Dan had to ask to just walk into Phil’s office. Surely this was a shoes off kind of room. But the more Phil babbled on about this good therapist he knew, Dan felt the need to chase him down.

Dan walked toward Phil who had made his way over toward the giant king size mattress. About 4 times the size of Dan’s bed. This one was surely soft.

“Accidents don’t happen every single day, Dan,” Phil said, hands roughly brushing through his hair, spinning around in a circle of what Dan liked to call, ‘absolutely fucking done’. “That’s why I brought you up here, privately. There is no need to be ashamed about seeking help Dan. But if you’d like, the others don’t need to know.”

“It wasn’t me. It was Pj!” Dan affirmed.

“You’re telling me this is Peej’s fault?”

“I can’t help it if he oversteps! Why can’t he just leave me alone!” Dan shouted. His voice was getting louder. Dan wouldn’t admit it, but maybe the fact that the room was so luxe had something to do with it; a jealousy rooted anger. That combined with Phil bordering dangerous territory with his suggestions made for a very angry Dan. A Dan who was bound to say things he would regret...

“He cares about you. He’s only trying to help!” Phil said, shaking his hands in frustration.

“Cares about me? I’ve known him for like 10 months.” Dan looked at his raggedy shoes against the white fur rug and felt his stomach clench. “We’re nothing alike.”

“Why is it that you believe people need a reason to care about you. Why isn’t someone just caring about you enough?” Phil placed a hand on Dan’s arm.

“Because everyone’s got some agenda!” Dan shook Phil’s hold off.

“Do you think that your mom had an agenda? Or did she just love you?”

That’s when Dan felt the fire begin to rise. The all to familiar snap he couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried. Dan was about to blackout, he was sure of it. Whether he was about to turn to violence or nasty words were entirely up to how his fists felt.

“I bet Pj is only being nice to me because he’s just some closeted faggot prick who-”

Suddenly Dan was jolted. Both of his hands were grabbed by Phil’s and being shoved right up against his chest. “That’s my son you’re talking about, you watch your mouth right now Daniel.” The action was so out of Phil’s character that Dan choked on his own spit in the shock. Dan’s chin was locked up against Phil’s chest from being pressed so close so tightly.

“Opposed to me? You’re what, not real son? I’m just the accidental foster kid, right? The one you didn’t sign up for,” Dan hissed, twisting his wrists out of Phil’s grasp. The minute they were untangled, Dan expected Phil to recoil… but he didn’t. Phil stood his ground.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Phil spat. Dan had never heard him like this before. So, uncontrollable… so much like himself.

“It sure sounded like that’s what you meant,” Dan hissed.

“He means well! And it baffles me that you two spend no time together. It could be good for you! To let people into your life again” Phil said.

Dan’s hands went white with how hard they were clenched. “Oh, you want us to spend time together? Alright well don’t be so surprised if you find him sucking my dick because like I said-”

“Daniel James!” Abruptly, Phil grabbed a fistful of the front of Dan’s T-shirt. He grabbed hard, stretching out Dan’s collar for just a split second before letting go. “I said it once, and I’m not going to say it more than twice. Watch your mouth. I’ll have you know that I spanked Pj until he was 13 years old,” Phil shouted.

“What is that? A statement or a threat,” Dan said, dropping his gaze to Phil’s fist that was just moments before at his neck.

“Consider it a warning.”

“You’re really going to raise the bar to 20? You’re honestly going to spank a 20 year old man? Well hell then, let’s call Pj up here right now. We can all get spanked and call you fucking daddy because that's probably all you want you sick fucking-”

Then Dan let out a cry.

A high pitch wince escaped his mouth as he was thrown against the bed and bent sharply in half over the mattress. Face pressed against the silk sheets, bum high in the air.

Then he was spanked.

Just once.

Over his jeans but hard enough to leave a mark under them. Loud enough to echo.

God help him, Dan would hate himself for weeks after, but the whine that bubbled its way from his throat reverberated loud and pathetic across the room.

“Not another word from you, young man. Understood?” Phil unhinged Dan, standing him upright once again. “Understood?” Phil spoke directly into Dan’s eyes.

“Y-yeah,” Dan croaked. Dan felt terribly terribly hot, a little dizzy too.

“Understood?” Phil asked again, this time inches away from Dan’s face.

“I said, yes,” Dan squeaked. But Phil wasn't leaving. And then Dan realized why. He swallowed. A few moments passed as Dan tried to bring his gaze anywhere else but Phil. “Yes… Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Not a word,” Phil reminded. Then Phil turned to leave and without a word being said, Dan knew that he was meant to follow.

…

The remaining part of dinner, Dan spent looking at the floor. Partly because he couldn’t make eye contact with Phil. But more so because he had to monitor the stiff, uncomfortable twitching underneath the front of his pants.

And anytime Phil would ask Dan something along the lines of, “please pass the salt, Daniel,” Dan would say, “yes, Sir,” and do exactly. as. he. was. told. Not because he wanted to. But because as he sat against the wooden kitchen chair, all he could feel was the throbbing of a more than likely red handprint on his bottom, serving as a reminder of the new consequence of disobeying.

Worst of all, if Dan moved, even in the slightest, he could feel the sensation of being spanked all over again.

…

After dinner, and for the first time ever being dismissed from dinner, Dan made his way back into his bedroom. And sometime between midnight and one in the morning, after all 3 boys that Dan shared the room with had fallen asleep, Phil tiptoed through the bedroom door.

“I thought I’d find you awake…” Phil whispered.

Dan didn’t answer. Could you blame him?

“I just… We need to talk,” Phil said.

Dan curled further against the wall but that didn’t stop Phil from taking a seat at the end of Dan’s bed. “About what happened earlier.” As a response, Dan curled his knees toward his chest so that his body was as far away from Phil as possible. “Dan… I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t even understand it myself. I’ve never been so mad like that in my life.”

“Welcome to my world,” Dan whispered.

“I need to apologize or...”

“You’ll never be able to sleep again? Yeah, you get use to that bit after a while,” Dan murmured into his pillow.

“Dan…”

Dan sat up slowly, careful not to stir anyone awake. The others didn’t need to listen to this, who knows how much they overheard at dinner already.

Dan looked directly into Phil’s eyes, “Say that you’re sorry.”

“I am sorry,” Phil nodded. A genuine nod. “Dan, I’m very very sorry.”

“Sorry...that I spanked you,” Dan said. Phil gave Dan a confused look until he realized what Dan was asking. “That I spanked you,” Dan urged, his teeth barred.

“I’m sorry that I... that I sp-spanked you,” Phil repeated. His gaze dropping to his lap, evidently wallowing in his shame.

“And for,” Dan continued. Phil gave a second look of confusion, his eyebrows raising.

“And for?” Phil said apprehensively, looking back up.

“Giving you a boner because of it,” Dan said, watching with sad, sinister amusement at the way Phil’s face contorted with the realization.

“Dan, we should - this is rather inappropriate discourse and-” Phil had started to shift at the end of the bed. As if he was contemplating just leaving now.

“Giving you a boner because of it,” Dan repeated, eyes narrowing in demand.

Phil sighed. “Giving you a-” Phil took a breath. “Erection because of it,” Phil finished.

“And,” Dan continued.

“And?” Phil gulped. Phil looked around the room, surely, counting heads who were asleep. Little did he know, Dan already beat him to this.

“Giving you absolutely nowhere to masterbate and take care of it,” Dan said, making an obvious glance around the room full of boys fast asleep.

“Giving you absolutely nowhere to master…” Phil coughed between. “...bate and take care of it,” Phil said.

Tense quiet lingered between them. Dan felt tears in his eyes and he wasn’t quite sure why. The familiar tensing of his throat was fast approaching.

“Good. Apology accepted.” Dan let his body fall back against the mattress. “Now, leave me alone, I’m sleeping.”

Needless to say, the weight at the edge of Dan’s bed disappeared really fast.

…

An entire week went by where Dan didn’t say a single word to anyone in the house and no one said a single word to him. His little stunt in his bed at midnight must have left a lasting impression on Phil because he had left Dan alone for seven days straight. A whole seven days unbothered. Well, unbothered by the ‘real’ Phil. ‘Phil from last week’s’ handprint still lingered on Dan’s bottom. And as much as Dan would have liked to forget, the pink stain on his bum served as a reminder that this battle was won at some expense.

But when the following Thursday rolled back around, marking one week since the incident, the bizarre began once again.

Dan rolled over to an alarm clock shining back 10am. Typically, he’d be up at 6 in the morning, but since being kicked out of his poli-sci course, he now had a clear schedule on Thursdays.

When his hazy eyes finally adjusted, three unmade beds were empty around the perimeter of the room. Unlike himself, his overachiever roommates still had school to attend.

Dan yawned and stretched his hands up in the air. Crawling his way out of bed, Dan slid off his nighttime trackies. Before he could finish by kicking them from around his ankles, Phil walked into the room. Dan stood frozen, utterly exposed and vulnerable. Two of his least favourite feelings accompanied by his least favourite person.  

Completely unbothered, Phil continued to walk into the room even after seeing Dan’s state, a boy clad in a T-shirt and boxers only. Dan’s reflexes finally caught up, causing his hands to shoot down over his crotch to cover himself up.

Phil’s eyes looked through Dan as if he wasn’t even there at all. Phil continued to talk into the cell phone glued to his ear. “Yes, I’ll be downtown in an hour. I must drop Winnie off at the nannies first then I will be on my way. Yes, I’ll bring the files and-” Phil covered the bottom half of his cell and turned toward Dan.

Whispering yelling he said, “Dan, you’re coming to work with me today. You’re not treating this expulsion as a free summer vacation. Get dressed.” Then he brought the phone back up to his ear. “Thomas, you tell Scarlett that- yes I know-” Phil tossed his head back and rolled his eyes at what Dan imagined was one of his co-workers.

Dan was so perplexed by Phil’s approach that he wasn’t even able to protest Phil’s instruction. It got even worse when Phil directed his attention back to Dan, only briefly. “Dan, do dress nicely please. Borrow one of Peej’s nice shirts and ties. And come here, you’re all backwards today,” Phil said. Before Dan even had a second to process what Phil had meant, Phil placed a hand on the waistband of Dan’s boxers. Dan’s ab muscles tightened in response.

“Yes, Thomas, that I know. But we should schedule a group meaning…” Phil’s voice continued to talk on the phone but Dan couldn’t hear any of it with the way his ears were ringing. For some unannounced reason, Phil was sliding Dan’s boxers down his shaky thighs, completely and utterly unphased.

Dan quickly caught his exposed dick feeling a heat erupt all over his body. It took all the way up until his boxers were at his knees to realize that his underwear were on backwards and Phil, as promised, was going to straighten them out because Dan was ‘all backwards today’. Checkmate, this was Phil’s checkmate to Dan’s little stunt from the night before. Dan had never won, he had been hoodwinked into thinking he had.

“Tell Sharon that I…”

Dan’s throat felt tight. Like he wouldn’t be able to moan even if he wanted to. And believe him, he wanted to. He really really wanted to. His numbing hands fumbled to hold his dick from Phil’s view.

“I said, I’ll be there in about an hour if you just give me…”

Dan felt himself hardening from behind his fingertips. He hadn’t touched himself this closely in weeks. Close to months. So just the sheer presence of his hands was driving him up the wall. So embarrassingly, pathetically, pleasurable.

“Well I’m not staying late, so have the paperwork in my office by noon.” When Dan’s boxers reached the ground, he, without instruction, stepped outside of the leg holes and back in so that Phil could slide them back up right way round. Sure enough, Phil slid them back up just as slowly as he had slid them down.

“Mhm,” Dan squeaked, feeling Phil drag his fingertips up his thigh. Dan may have let a small whine escape but God help him he wasn’t going to move his hands- he wasn’t going to move his hands- he wasn’t going to move-

Phil then moved Dan’s hands. His penis in naked air for a millisecond before Phil snapped his boxers back into place. There, on the centre of the light grey fabric, Dan could see the not so subtle darkening patch soaking its way through the fabric. He clenched his eyes shut like if he couldn't see it, it wasn’t really happening. He wasn’t really cumming right in front of Phil.

“Alright, I’ll be there and-,” Phil said into the phone as he turned around to leave the room. Dan caught Phil by the wrist, stopping him... holding Phil in place.

“Wait,” Dan coughed out. Dan could hear the muffle of a voice coming through Phil’s end of the cell phone. But without a doubt, Dan’s thumping heart was louder. “Please, wait.” Dan held onto Phil’s arm for a brief few seconds, holding eyes with Phil. Dan gave a slight tug on Phil’s arm, all he could physically muster, and tried to pull Phil back. Dan looked at Phil’s hand which was only inches away from the dark grey mess Dan had made in his pants.

“Thomas, I’ll discuss this…” Phil’s voice trailed off lighter and lighter until he had completely left the room.

Dan stood in shock for several moments. His body in full sweat. Nonetheless, even after Phil’s kind efforts, Dan had to change his boxers once more. To ones that were dry and not sinfully wet.

 …

Phil and Dan had only been driving for 10 minutes. 10 silent minutes.

However, 10 minutes felt like 10 years for Dan who was putting forth all his conscious effort to not think about this morning’s events. His mind raced feverishly with his earlier exchange with Phil, leaving him subtly rutting against the seat against all of Dan’s will. Dan was being discreet, but he wished he wasn’t doing it at all. But how could he help it, the seat warmers only teased that much more.

Finally, Phil spoke up. But only when the car came to a halt, in front of a office supply store.

“I have to run in and grab some stuff. I’ll be back in 5 minutes,” Phil left the car taking the keys with him. As if Dan was going to hijack the car even in his semi erect state. As soon as the door slammed shut, Dan moaned.

“Fuck,” Dan exhaled. “Fuck,” his breath was getting faster. “Fuck.”

Phil had touched him. His mind still couldn’t grasp it. At least not his awake mind. Normally, if Dan was asleep it was all he could think about, hence why he never did a lot of deep sleeping. And now that Phil was gone, Dan couldn’t help his mind from wandering to that place it liked to visit every night.  

5 minutes. Dan had 5 minutes… He wasn’t going to do this, not in Phil’s car. That would be so wrong, so very wrong. “I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna, I’m not-”

Dan did. He shimmied his slacks down nearly tearing the zipper off its track. Then Dan sloppily shoved his hand down the front of his pants. Dan started out slow. If this was all the ‘me-time’ he was going to get in the next coming weeks, he was going to draw it out as long as he possibly could.

Though, Dan wouldn’t admit it... but he was touching himself slowly because… maybe he had forgotten how to. It had been so long that even Dan’s fingers felt foreign, his touch almost unrecognizable. Dan couldn’t even build a rhythm he was so amature. Or maybe he was just so fucking desperately frantic.

Dan’s head craned back against the headrest, a breath drawing from his lips. “Ahh’mmm,” Dan let his fingers curl their way down to the base of his cock and that’s when he remembered; remembered where he really wanted his fingers. It wasn’t anywhere he could reach sitting like this but god how Dan wanted to get knuckle deep.

Dan let his right hand tease the tip of his dick. His seatbelt was still on but he couldn’t be bothered to spend even a millisecond snapping it off. So he was doomed behind the strain of the restraint. Everytime his hips buckled they were forced back down by the belt. Dan wished he had the same sort of restraint for his voice because as much as he hated himself for it, an embarrassing whine continuously bubbled from his throat; not only a whine but a sinful confession.

“-ddy, dy-, daddy, daddy,” Dan hummed.

For a moment, Dan thought he was wanking himself into blindness but he soon realized that the dark cast was a shadow of a car pulling up beside his. “Shit,” Dan spat.

Dan flung forward hitting his head against the airbag console. It hurt, but at least he was hidden. Well, hidden enough.

Bent over like this, Dan could only remember the night before. Dan kept tugging. The night a few days ago where he had been bent over Phil’s bed. Dan continued to fuck himself into his hands, this time gaining speed. Phil had spanked him so hard, in just one slap. Dan felt his stomach flexing now. “MMmm,” Dan purred from his throat. This was humiliating but he couldn’t stop. If Dan pushed himself hard enough against the seat he could just feel Phil’s handprint burning deeper into his skin. As much as Dan had forgotten the pleasures of wanking, there was no way he’d forget the signal his clenching stomach was sending his brain. Instinctively, Dan reached forward grabbing a handful of tissues from Phil’s dashboard. Dan brought them to the end of his dick just in time. “Fuck-fuck-fuck- uh-ah-”

Dan made a mess. But fuck, did it feel good. Though, as soon as he released, it felt wrong. Dan sat back up red faced from post orgasm and head rush.  He hadn’t really expected it to hurt so much, but when Dan re-tucked himself back into his skinny trousers, his over sensitive dick stung quite a bit.

Dan was hardly granted a whole minute to compose himself before he heard the car door unlock; Phil was returning. Dan shoved the tissues into his pant pocket.

Phil swung open the door, tossing some shopping bags into the back seat. “Onward we go,” he smiled.

“Mhm,” Dan nodded. Red, sweaty, and wrecked beyond repair.

…

A short drive and one elevator ride later, Phil and Dan arrived on the 7th floor of the “M Life” Manchester magazine offices. Dan knew little about what Phil did profession wise, however, based on observation of Phil reading manuscripts until the early hours of the am, Dan presumed he was some kind of editor for the magazine.

Though, Dan wondered if maybe his theory had been off. Because for every few steps they took around the building a new person approached Phil like he was the messiah of the place.

Dan couldn’t help but think of Phil’s luxe bedroom and maybe that this had something to do with it.

Sure enough, as soon as they made their way into a new room, Phil was greeted.

“Good morning, Mr. Lester.” A woman chimed behind the front desk. She smiled and a strand of her short ginger hair fell across her cheek joining the bangs that swept across her freckled face. Dan wasn’t even close but could see her green eyes from across the room. She was model-esque. Too pretty to be working behind a desk. But what struck Dan the most, was that she was also too young. Probably only around his age.

“Good morning Scarlett,” Phil nodded her way, approaching the desk. From the counter he grabbed a stack of papers she passed his way.

“Everything is all set for your meeting in 708. Coffees included,” the young women winked.

“Sounds fantastic, love.”

Dan didn’t really like Phil. But he also didn’t really like people, specifically strangers. And after being lugged around the office so far, he had grown a little more than anxious. Hence why Dan hid himself a little bit behind Phil, using Phil to shield himself. Dan looked more like Winnie when she met strangers, half expecting himself to grab Phil’s lower calf like she would. Of course, Dan’s efforts did nothing to stop the woman from noticing him.

“I see you brought someone along. Apprentice?” Scarlett asked, stacking papers on the desk.

“My son,” Phil said. “Daniel.”

Dan and Scarlett looked at Phil with the same look of confusement. Except Scarlett followed up by very obviously checking Dan out.

“Oh. I don’t believe we met?” Scarlett’s eyes landed on Dan’s.

“No. Pj is more inclined to come around here. Dan’s a little more to himself.” Phil smiled, patting Dan on the back like he just won his first baseball game. “Nonetheless, my two boys,”

There it was again. My boys… Dan couldn’t pinpoint his feelings, but he was feeling something.

“Well nice to meet you Daniel.”

Phil looked to Dan and then Dan realized that he was expecting him to say something. “You too, ma’am,” Dan said. He looked to Phil for approval. Phil smiled. Then like the week before, Phil guided Dan through the corridors with a hand on his shoulder.

…

Phil’s personal office was about the size of his master bedroom which meant it was big. Except here, all the walls were windows. Light poured into the office reflecting off all the bright white contemporary decor.

“Alright, stay put here for the next hour or so. I’ve got a meeting and then once I’ve finished we can go. In the meantime I trust you’ll do your homework here more than you would have at home with distractions.”

Dan didn’t answer. He looked around the room, it was absolutely beautiful but for some reason, felt like prison. That is what he was here for after all. As if reading his mind, or rather simply his expression, Phil said,

“Dan. You’re not in trouble, alright? I just don’t want you spending the day at home all alone, you understand that, right?

Dan nodded.

Phil stared at Dan for a moment. Dan knew that Phil was trying to assess his current disposition. Phil would never succeed. Dan couldn’t even tell for himself.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon. Get some work done.”

And get some work done Dan did. Until about 45 minutes in when he realized that just as Phil left he could too. And so, just as he was told not to, Dan left Phil’s office.  

…

Dan wasn’t really sure where he was. Actually, he had no clue where he was. But he figured so long as he stumbled down the halls long enough, he would find something interesting. He did not however, expect to find someone.

“Daniel, was it?” The familiar voice asked. Dan spun around to see the receptionist from earlier coming out of a doorway he had passed. She held a piping hot coffee and Dan could only presume the room was some sort of lunch area.

“Just Dan,” Dan clarified.

“So the boss’s son, huh? Must be pretty cool,” Scarlett said. Then as Dan began to turn, she began to follow. She was tagging along much to Dan’s detest.

“Yeah…”

“You look just like him. All dapper and dressed up. Is this tie one of his?” Then, quickly, the girls hands were on his chest, fiddling with the tie. Dan tensed.

“I - I should get going back. My dad - Phil - is going to be looking for me.” But when Dan spun around he managed to, in his awkwardness, run into the drink the girl was holding. It spilled across her chest. “Oh my god. I’m sorry. Fuck. I-”

“That’s alright. It’s okay,” she said. Her tone suggested things were not.

“I’ll go find some towels or something-” but as Dan turned to walk away he stumbled over the fallen coffee cup. Scarlett reached out to steady him but of course, just to Dan’s luck they both fell across the ground.

And just to add to the noise, from across the hall, he heard his name.

“Daniel?”

“Phil?” Dan said, trying to compose himself from the floor.

“Scarlett?” Phil asked, fast approaching. He held a hand out and helped the young girl from the corridor floor.  

“Sir.” Scarlett said.

“What is going on here?” Phil asked, helping Dan up next. Except when Phil’s hand remained on Dan’s forearm, he knew he would be in for it.

“Nothing. Just, Dan and I were out for a walk. He spilled a drink and-”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll pay your dry cleaning. In the meantime, I’ll call someone to come help clean this up. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to have a word with Dan.”

And as Dan predicted, by his forearm, he was lugged back into Phil’s office.

…

When they stepped inside, Phil shut the door behind them. He hit what Dan assumed was a light switch but instead when flicked, it set off a dozen automated drapes. The blinds cascaded from the ceiling, covering the windows. The room darkened.

“I thought I told you to stay put?” Phil reminded. “What were you up to! Why were your hands all over her. Dan please. This is workplace. It is incredibly disrespectful and inappropriate. Not to mention this has HR’s name all over it.” Phil sighed, pacing around the room.

“I wasn’t seducing your coworker! I don’t even fucking like gi- I have self control jesus christ.” Dan huffed.

“Self control, is it? Really. This coming from the boy who punches everyone he sees,” Phil began to pack his laptop and papers into his bag. Something told Dan that they would be leaving ahead of schedule.

“It was an accident.” Dan said, following Phil to his desk.

“An accident? Is that the only excuse you know? Why is it that you bring trouble everywhere you go?” Phil’s hands raked through his hair. “How is that even possible?”

“Because I am trouble. Because that’s all I am! That’s what you want to say and you’re not saying it! Stop trying to beat around the bush and just call it what it is.” Dan wanted it his quip to come out strong but rather, it was a little broken, maybe he was a little broken.

“Daniel,” Phil’s voice softened. “I just want what’s best-”

“No. None of that Daniel shit! No more I just want what’s best for you. Just fuck off!”

“Daniel. Language.”

“I’m a 20 year old adult. I can say fuck if I want to! Fuck your stupid house rules,” Dan shouted.

“Does someone need to be spanked.” Phil stated.

That got Dan to shut up immediately. Dan stood frozen as Phil made his way over. In fact, Dan stood frozen all the while Phil carefully, gently bent Dan over his desk. His cheek pressed softly against the cold marble desk top. Dan’s body shuddered.

“Or does someone want to be spanked?” Phil asked.

Dan couldn’t bring himself to answer.

“What’s this?” Phil said, confusion in his voice... followed by a hint of astonishment.

Dan, at first, was confused. Until he felt Phil reach for his pocket, that along with his bum was in the air for Phil to grab.

“What’s this?” Before Dan could even jerk his hips away, Phil reached his hand out and pulled the ball of tissues from Dan’s slack’s pocket. The very obviously sticky tissues. A hand softly pressed against Dan’s spine, a gentle reminder to stay exactly where he was.

“Tell me Dan. The same way you made me apologize. I want to hear it from you. So I’m only asking once more, what’s this?” Phil let the tissues rest in the open palm of his hand, completely unphased by its contains.

“It’s a tissue.” Dan squeaked. His cheeks were quickly tinting a deep shade of pink.

“And what did you do? That made you need a tissue?” Phil’s gaze dropped. Dan knew exactly where Phil was staring.

“I... have a cold.” Dan said. It was stupid. He didn’t even believe the lie himself. Hell, even Winnie wouldn’t.

“A cold?” Phil’s eyebrows highered in amusement. “So it’s just full of sneezes and-” Phil began to slowly, teasingly, unwrap the ball of tissue.

“Stop. Don't!” Dan spat out. Dan fingers twitched.

Phil stood silent behind Dan. He was going to wait all day if he had to.

“I - uhm - erhm - fuck,” Dan breathed. It was obvious that his chest was heaving against the desk.

“You what now?” Phil pressed. His hand on Dan’s spine pushed down slightly, just enough to elicit the response from Dan’s lips.

“I touched myself,” Dan admitted, his head dropped, gaze fixated on nothing more than the the hazy grain of the marble.

“Oh, you touched yourself?” Phil said too loud for Dan’s liking. “Or... you masterbated… That’s the word you liked to use the other night, if I remember correctly.”

“Phil… please….” Dan was explosively red at this point.

“So just sneezes and-” Phil once again, let his fingers inspect the tissue in his hands.

“I masterbated,” Dan spat out. “I masterbated,” Dan repeated in a horse, broken voice. Quickly, the back of Dan’s hand shot up to wipe his eye, the one eye were a tear had slipped.

“You masterbated, that’s right, Daniel,” Phil said. “Now don’t say that I don’t give you anywhere to go.”

Suddenly, it all clicked for Dan. Phil never needed office supplies. Christ, he probably had someone hired to do that for him! Phil had gifted Dan time to himself… time to touch himself.

“You set me up…” Dan whispered in realization.

“I didn’t set you up, Dan. I simply gave you a nudge this morning, something nice to think about later in the car, and then I gave you some time to take care of yourself. I gave you a place to take care of yourself in privacy. Don’t say that I never do anything for you,” Phil said.

“Fuck,” Dan said. “Fuck,” Dan shifted in his position. His dick had begun to press too tightly in his pants for his liking. Not to mention, the lip of the desk pressing against his crotch only made the teasing worse.  

“Language.”

Dan felt another tear roll down his cheek. Dan was… he was crying. “Fuck,” Dan hissed.

“Language, Daniel.”

He was aroused. So terribly aroused. So much pent up arousal drowning him all at once, Dan didn’t even know what to do with himself. Bent here, all hard and dizzy was torture. Dan’s eyes were completely out of focus now, on the brink of fainting.

“Fuck,” Dan cursed.

This time, he was punished for it.

Before Dan could have time to process it, he was spanked. Once, twice, three times… Each spank firmly swatted on a downward angle. Even with his trousers on, the spanks stung. Four times, five times…

“Wait, Phil. Stop,” Dan spat out all at once. Phil immediately seized at Dan’s request.

Dan was crying. It felt good. It also hurt. It hurt as much as it felt good. And so the tear tracks continued to fall because it hurt so conflictingly. But something else hurt more...

Dan’s voice finally caught up with his brain. Dan shakily stood, turning to meet Phil’s intensely dark stare. Dan was not even going to try to put up a front. He was unapologetically about to beg. He needed it far too badly.

“I need to touch myself. May I please go to the bathroom.” Dan’s hands held the noticeably large tent in his pants. “I have to...badly...please.”

Phil’s eyes raked over Dan’s body. Dan’s cheeks were red and Phil could only presume so were the ones under his pants. “You may...”

Dan sighed in relief, though it bordered a moan.

“...Or you may stay here and let me take care of it.”

Dan’s mouth fell slack at Phil’s suggestion.

Was he drooling? He wouldn’t know. Dan hadn’t had someone else touch his dick in maybe a few months. The last person was his mathletes coach. “Y-yeah, yes, please that. I want that,” Dan nodded. Sweat dripped from his fringe, falling down the bridge of his nose.

With Dan’s approval, Phil sat back into his office chair. At first Dan was confused. Until Phil rolled toward Dan and gently pulled the boy into his lap. Dan’s legs spread to the outside of Phil’s thighs, forcing Dan’s erection against Phil’s lap. Dan sucked in so much air that he was immediately light headed.

Phil, unlike Dan, carefully undid the zipper to Dan’s trousers. The more he shimmied Dan’s trousers down, the more amused Phil became.

“I see that you changed your knickers from this morning. Tell me what happened?” Phil said.

Dan stared into Phil’s eyes to find the normal blue, now lustfully blown out. Dan shook his head no.

“Come on. You can tell me,” Phil let a gentle thumb trail down the back of Dan’s neck.

Dan’s neck craned with Phil’s touch, eliciting a moan. “I messed myself,” Dan whined. It was in this moment that Dan realized just how touch deprived he really was, starving for any bit of contact.

“Yes and because?” Phil pressed. His hands began to work over Dan’s length. Dan shuddered.

“Because of you. Because you touched me.” Dan confessed. Hardly a confession, surely Phil knew. Dan’s hip jerked into Phil’s hand. Dan wasn’t begging with his voice, he was begging with his body. Fucking up into Phil’s hand like it was a toy. Like Dan pathetically relied on it.  

“Look at you… You’re unravelling. You’re pliant in my arms, you’re trembling.” Phil gave Dan a rough tug, squeezing the shaft of his dick. “I like you like this, not so tense, not so worried.” Phil rubbed his hands over Dan’s balls.

Dan lurched forward, biting into Phil’s shoulder, which really meant he was sinking his teeth into a $1000 suit jacket, no doubt. “Mmm,” Dan moaned in a muffle.

Phil gripped the sides of Dan’s hips, shuffling his pants further down. Then the tip of one of his fingers teased the ring of muscle between Dan’s bum. Dan’s spine twisted in pleasure at the pressure. “You like to touch here?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” Dan buried his head deeper into Phil’s neck.

“Shh shh, not too loud.” Phil pressed his finger further, just enough to tease. Dan bounced in Phil’s lap, begging for his fingers.

“Yes, yes, more, more, more,” Dan shouted.

Phil quickly brought a hand up to Dan’s lips, plastering his palm across the young boy’s mouth. “Quiet, don’t want someone to hear,” Phil said. Dan moaned from behind Phil’s hand and Phil didn’t need to hear the words to know that Dan was still moaning for more.

Dan felt really dizzy. And now with Phil’s hand over his mouth, his moans vibrated back into his throat, rocking his body nicely into subspace. Everything felt great but being held in Phil’s arms like this felt better. He sank deep into his hold. Dan wallowed in Phil’s arms, desperately needing the intimate hug more than he could have ever imagined, more than he would have liked to admit.

Phil’s hand slowly peeled from Dan’s mouth. Unexpectedly, his hand lightly spanked across Dan’s bum. Dan inhaled sharply.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Dan whined into Phil’s shoulder.

Phil’s eyebrows narrowed. Dan was... sorry? He experimentally spanked again, softly. Dan responded the same way, just this time, more slurred.

“M’sorry, sorr’ah, ah, m’sorreh,” Dan whined. Then, Dan pushed his body out as if to ask Phil to swat again.

Dan had liked to be spanked. For him this was cathartic. Dan believed that he deserved it...

“Shh, shh don’t be sorry. You’re good. Hmm? My good boy? My boy?” Phil asked tentative.

Then Dan’s tummy did all the right kind of twisting. His boy. Phil had said it again. And suddenly, Dan started to find words for the feeling it gave him. Dan wanted to be Phil’s boy. All his. Not just his boy but his good boy. Dan rolled his hips into Phil’s hand that was back around his length. Phil stroked his dick as Dan bounced in his lap.

“Uh, uh, Phil, mm’ddy, uuhh’dy, da-da-ah dad-dy,” Dan squeaked. “I - I - cum,” Dan tried to lift himself from Phil’s hips but all Phil did was press him down further. “Gonna - gonna - ” Dan’s head lobbed back. The only thing from keeping it rolling back was Phil’s hand that flung up to cradle his neck. “Gonnacumphilgonna-”

Dan came. The best he had in weeks. The best he had in months. Probably the best since he first learned how to. Dan spurted between them. Thick white strips painting such a mess even in his far gone state, Dan felt embarrassed. Dan came hard. So much so, that he was left shuddering in Phil’s lap.

“Daniel?” Phil rubbed the boy’s back. “I’m here, I’m here,” Phil reassured.

Dan purred into Phil’s shoulder until he felt his dick stop pulsing.

“Are we done? Hmm? No no don’t move, I’ve got tissue,” Phil dragged the kleenex across Dan’s tummy. After a few moments,  Phil slid Dan’s pants back up. “Are you alright? Did that feel good?”

Dan nodded. Because that’s all he could do, he was breathless.

“Well I’m glad.” Dan nustled deeper against Phil’s chest. Noticing this, Phil wrapped his arms around the boy. “Let’s say we make a deal. You seem rather excited by being punished. Perhaps they don’t need to be punishments but instead, rewards. You do well in school, you be polite at home, and you can come to me and ask for whatever you’d like. Spankings included.” Phil lifted Dan from the nook of his neck and placed a soft kiss in his hair. He held the younger by his cheeks fixing his unfocused gaze on his. “Sound fair?”

Dan nodded. Unprovoked, he replied, “Yes, Sir.”

…

A week and a half later, the dinner table was, as per usual, chaotic. Everyone was talking over one another about their day as Winnie threw macaroni from her high chair. Dan characteristically, sat quiet minding his own business. That was until Phil, discreetly brought his attention Dan’s way.

Dan caught his stare and smiled back. Then knowing this was a perfect moment, he reached into his back pocket. Phil’s face instinctively took on a look of teetering disappointment being all to familiar with this action. But rather than pulling out a course expulsion slip, Dan pulled out a test paper. There in red ink, in the right hand corner, was the letter grade: A-

Dan ushered the paper Phil’s way. “I thought you’d like to see this.”

“That’s a great mark, Dan. I’m very proud of you. You did so well.”

Dan tensed at the foreign words. “I- I mean you did help me edit the paper but-”

“But you did it yourself. And I’m so proud. We can discuss this further, upstairs, later tonight,” Phil smiled.

Dan nearly bounced in his chair. “Yeah. Yes please. I mean, y-yeah, okay,” Dan swallowed. He already felt himself growing excited.

As Phil reached over the table to grab a bowlful of pasta salad he whispered in Dan’s ear, “whatever you’d like tonight.” Phil sat back down sending a wink Dan’s way.

Dan felt the lingering bruises on his bottom knowing exactly what he was going to ask for.

“Hey, Phil?” Dan said rather loudly, an indication that this wasn’t something for just the two of them.

“Did you want something? More water? Pj pass Dan the water,” Phil instructed. Pj was mid pass when he, and the entire table for that matter, froze, at what Dan said next.

“I just wanted to say thank you… for everything,” Dan said.

Phil was sat at the head of the table. Dan was sat at the corner closest to him. As per Phil’s request. Phil brought his hand to the boy’s back. “You deserve it,” Phil smiled.

Out of everything that came out of this entire whirlwind of the past few weeks, Phil’s reassuring featherlight touch was by far, Dan’s favourite.  

“If you wanna see the rest of gamingmas appear in your subscription box then click subscribe!” Phil said, with his over gesticulative hands cheering on the invisible viewers.

“We’ll link to the last video over there,” Dan pointed to the left.

“And our channels are below,” Phil peppily added.

“Goodbye everyone,” Dan waved. After a few shakes, Dan’s hand dropped into his lap. Taking a deep breath, Dan relaxed into his chair, retreating to his posture destroying slouch. “That should be enough footage, I think.” Dan scooched his chair closer to the desk so that he could drop his switch remote on the counter.

Phil agreed with a nod but only could commit to a half-hearted head bobble as he was still swamped in dizzy. “I hope so. I am totally not getting spun around again,” Phil groaned.

Dan laughed and even though Phil was trying hard to spite Dan for his silly challenge idea, he couldn’t even in the slightest. Not when his boyfriend’s laugh was just so bloody endearing.

“Dizzy?” Dan teased through his signature sly smile.

“Don’t make me spin you,” Phil threatened. But, even in Phil’s semi-nauseous woozy state, he noticed Dan’s hand subtly ghosting over his pant zipper. And that’s when Phil found it, the perfect opportunity for revenge. “You think we need to film the ‘not my arms’ bit again? Just in case the first round didn’t come out?”

“Why wouldn’t it have?”

“Just being safe. You’re leaving to go to that conference later this week, and I’m visiting my family. We don’t have time to reshoot if something went wrong,” Phil said, his excuse effortlessly rolling off his tongue for someone so terrible at telling lies.

Dan shot Phil a strange look.

“Alright, maybe I just wanna try again. You have to admit, it was kind of fun,” Phil pitched a new angle.

Dan shrugged. “Let’s see if we can do anything better than last place,” he chuckled. “Here, slide your chair behind mine,” Dan said, scooching his chair forward, making room for Phil to slide back.

“Well I was thinking, maybe you can sit on my lap this time. I’ll be able to get a better reach,” Phil nonchalantly suggested.

Dan’s jaw hung open. “Phi-Are-Th-th-th” Dan sputtered. “Are you stupid!” Dan screeched. “That’ll send Tumblr wild. As if we’re not already obvious enough. So what you're saying is you wanna do a coming out video next? That’ll fit so nicely in our busy schedule,” Dan ranted.

“Dan. Dan. Indoor voice,” Phil laughed. “It’s not like we didn’t film a video in a conjoined sweater for Christ’s sake. Plus, isn’t that what we want. More views,” Phil’s eyes lit up for emphasis.

“More views? Really selling yourself out there, Lester,” Dan rolled his eyes. But Phil just let his huge blue eyes silently stare at Dan in plea. “Fine fine. We’ll try it. But the second it gets homoerotic, you can kiss those ads goodbye, Mr. Monetization,” Dan said.

Phil smiled. Sure he had gotten his way, but there was a much better win ahead. “C’mere then,” Phil rolled his chair over to Dan. Phil then let Dan talk to the camera and introduce Phil’s new bright idea, setting the viewers up for what was about to go down. Little did Dan know, that Phil had no intent of this ever ending up on the Internet.

Once Dan was done explaining, he stood up and began lowering himself down on his Phil’s lap so that his back was against Phil’s chest. “This feels so wrong,” Dan groaned, playing it up for the camera.

“It’s not like you havnen’t been in this position before,” Phil said. Phil promptly received an elbow to the chest.

“Your going to have your work cut out for you in editing,” Dan reminded.

“A price I’m willing to pay to have your pretty little-”

“Phil! Do you want to do this for real or not,” Dan threatened. But Phil wasn’t listening. He was too busy focusing on the slight shift in Dan’s behaviour. The slight squirm in Dan’s hips…

“For real. For real,” Phil affirmed through a giggle. “Let me grab the remotes.” Sliding the chair towards the desk, Phil reached for the switch controllers, but not before making sure to force the movement to press Dan tight against his lap. Dan made an audible gulping noise, low enough for the camera but loud enough for Phil to know that his plan was going accordingly.

Dan composed himself quickly and returned to his on-screen persona, teasing Phil about his choice of map and shouting rather exaggeratedly. Until - Dan had to pause...

“Phil, pause for a sec,” Dan swallowed.

Phil devilishly smirked, of course Dan couldn’t see as he was sat in front of him. “What is it?” Phil asked, but he knew all too well.

“Just, I don’t know, stop moving so much. Like your going to make it so obvious on camera. Stay still, you know?” Dan said. Dan was naive to think Phil hadn’t noticed how much his voice wavered.

“Don’t move?” Phil asked like he wasn’t already doing it on purpose.

“Well yeah. ‘Just Bros’ aren’t that comfortable with each other,” Dan reminded.

“Since when have you and I ever been, ‘Just Bros’ ?” Phil teased.

“You know what I mean,” Dan sighed.

“Fine. No moving,” Phil nodded. “Stiff as a board.”

“Christ. Don’t say stiff, you do realize what that- Whatever, let’s just play,” Dan groaned.

Phil unpaused the game but only made it a solid five minutes before Dan swatted Phil’s hands with his own.

“Pause. Pause. Phil, stop that!” Dan shouted, turning his head to look at Phil as much as neck would allow still being sat on Phil’s lap.

“Stop what?” Phil asked innocently.

“You know what you’re doing. Need I remind you that we’re filming a gaming video not the introduction of an amature porn.”

“Where is your head at, Howell,” Phil scolded. “I haven’t been doing anything but pressing the buttons you’ve been telling me to press. In the order you’ve been asking. In the direction you’ve been asking. Even just as hard as you wanted…” “Phil,” Dan’s voice wanted to be firm but it wavered.

“Come on, let’s finish this last round, we’re both so close,” Phil said. But his voice was lower, intentionally so.

“Buckle your hips up one more time and I swear I’ll…” Dan muttered to himself letting his voice trail off into incoherent curse words while Phil unpaused the game. Now, Phil thought would be a good time to kick it up a notch.

Dan was in the middle of cheering Phil on when Phil, ‘dropped’ the controller. “Oh, Phil, look what you’ve done!” Dan shouted, playing up his ‘Phil, you delinquent’ character for the camera.  You had one job! One job and you dropped-” Dan stopped and let out a choked breath. “Ph-Phil,” Dan stammered, his eyes going wide.

“Hmm?” Phil asked. The question was rhetorical. Of course he knew. He was the one who fished his hand down the front of Dan’s pants after all.

“Phil, sss-st’uh--stop,” Dan curled forward, but that only worked to trap Phil’s hand tighter against his dick.

“You’re really hard, Dan. Have you been this hard from the beginning? You’re too wet to just be getting excited now,” Phil spoke, husky words hitting Dan’s ear.

“Phil.”

“C’mere, come on, let me help,” Phil, keeping one hand exploring Dan’s pants, hardly even stroking him, let his other free hand pull Dan’s shoulders back, uncurling the younger.

“We-we’re still filming, Phil. We’re still- uhhhh,” Dan moaned, molding into Phil’s hold, letting himself go lax in Phil’s lap.

“You didn’t answer me. You were hard when we were filming earlier, weren’t you?” Phil pried.

Dan’s hips buckled up with Phil’s hand that had began to slowly stroke over his cock. Dan let himself follow Phil’s movement, his hips lifting with every tug. “A little,” Dan answered, a bead of sweat raced down the bridge of his nose.

“Alright, so then you're capable of still playing. Go on, let’s finish,” Phil, without warning, pulled his hand out from between his boyfriend’s boxers.

“No, no, no,” Dan whined. “Phil, you just teased me for 30 bloody minutes, please just-”

“Please what?” Phil asked. Silence fell between them, sexual tension thick in the air. Phil’s next move hanging upon how well Dan could fill the quiet with his begs.

“Touch me. Now. Here,” Dan’s head lolled back, falling into the nook of Phil’s shoulder and neck.

“But, I thought you said we were filming and-”

“Phiiilll pulleasee,” Dan moaned, cutting Phil off. “Please,” Dan exhaled.

“You know I love how loud you are,” Phil said, letting his hand return to disappearing under Dan’s pants.

‘F-faster,” Dan whimpered, his voice almost a whisper. Then he let out a cough. “A little faster, Ph-Phil,” Dan croaked.

Phil obliged because hearing Dan demand things like ‘faster’ or ‘harder’ usually made it difficult for Phil to protest. The minute Phil’s hand picked up speed, Dan shot up from being pressed against Phil’s chest, his hands reached for the arms of the chair. With his knuckles turning white against the rails, Dan let out a long drawled out,

“Fuckkk.” Dan bit down on his bottom lip, causing the skin to split.

“Come on, Daniel.” Phil too leaned forward, letting his lips graze over the skin on the back of Dan’s neck. He sucked a mark, knowing that he would leave the boy with a nice purple hickey for his upcoming event. “Cum for me, Dan. In my hands, Bear. Come on now,” Phil purred.

Dan didn’t really like to cum in his pants. As it happens, Dan hated cuming in his pants. This was a known fact to Phil. In fact, some of the last times Dan had made a mess of his own trousers was in the early days of their relationship where he struggled with prematurity; a little too excited too fast. But at this point, after being so painfully hard for so long, teased and edged for the past 30 minutes of Phil’s shenanigans, Dan was willing to make some sacrifices. Pushing his hips down onto Phil’s lap, letting Phil’s thigh wedge between his crotch, Dan rutted against Phil’s leg and hand until he felt the heat pool in his stomach. “Phil, I - mmm’ore - Ph-Ph-Ph’uhh,” Dan panted. “Close. Close. Close.”

With one final swipe, Dan spilled all over Phil’s hands, more unfortunately, into his boxers. Phil shook his hand out from the tight space that was the crotch of Dan’s skinny jeans. He knew Dan was already struggling with the overstimulation of his sensitive dick against the friction of his jeans, so he thought he’d be kind enough to remove one obstruction.

Dan melted back into Phil’s lap. “Good?” Phil smiled, kissing the back of Dan’s hair.

“Yes,” Dan sighed. His state of bliss was short lived when the feeling of warm, sticky compressed wet mess set in. Dan reached his hands for the zipper of his pants but stopped before he tugged them down. “Grab the camera, I’m not getting naked while it’s running.”

“Well you came pretty close,” Phil said, tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

“Shut up,” Dan huffed. “You know I hate when you make me in my pants,” Dan grumbled.

“And you know I hate being dizzy.”

Dan turned toward Phil, his jaw practically unhinging. “Is this what this was all about! Because I made you get dizzy for some stupid video!” Dan’s voice grew louder approaching the ‘our neighbours already know about our kinky sex because I’m so loud’ territory.

“Tell you what. For being such a good sport-” Phil ushered Dan off of his lap and reached for the camera, popping it off the tripod. “-You can edit this whole video because I know how much you love to,” Phil laughed, tossing the camera in Dan’s lap.

“What! I don’t want to do that!” Dan screeched.

“Why? Afraid to watch it all back,” Phil smiled. “To watch everything back,” Phil reiterated. “Don’t worry, if you need a hand again, you can come find me,” Phil winked.

“You’re actually the worst. The literal worst,” Dan sighed. He moved to get off the chair but Phil couldn’t help but smile at the way Dan awkwardly shuffled post orgasm. “Remind me why we’re together.” Dan groaned.

“Because we love eachother,” Phil singsonged as he spun around and left the room. Not before placing a quick peck on Dan’s lips, of course.

Typically, Phil wasn’t one to pour milk directly onto the kitchen floor. But alas, here he was with a carton full of 2% dribbling down his arms. Of course, his intention was to aim for his cereal bowl. But when Dan bursted through their flat door to Phil’s surprise, he wasn’t going to blame himself for the inefficient redirection.

Dan, in his worst impression of an ‘indoor voice’ that Phil had ever heard, let out a shout of “Seriously, Phil! This is so stupid. I bet you that he’s not even a licensed dentist!” In his rath path, Dan slammed the door behind him. The door smashing and melodramatic dropping of Dan’s backpack was was loud. But Dan, true to his branding, was louder. “What a twat he was,” Dan huffed, making his way into the kitchen.

“Back so soon?” Phil laughed, continuing to help himself to his bowl of cereal despite the delay.

“Oh, fuck off,” Dan quipped. Phil was currently using his foot to drag a tea rag across the floor in attempt to mop up a small puddle of milk while eating from a balanced cereal bowl in his palm. On a day where Dan wasn’t infuriated by the medical industry he would stop and kindly ask Phil, ‘why the fuck?’ But today, Dan had more important things to rant about. Dan chucked a small plastic bag across the kitchen counter. It slid down the island like a curling stone. “Fucking terrible he was,” Dan groaned.

“Well he must have been good since he gave you a goody bag!” Phil said, eyeing the mini plastic bag that had conveniently stopped at his end of the island. “I haven't gotten one of those since I was like 11!” Phil, still balancing a bowlful of cereal in one hand, reached for the bag. Just as he was about to grab it, Dan's hand beat him to it, snatching it for himself.

“Don’t - that’s mine,” Dan said. But his tone told Phil that Dan didn’t want it to be.

“I think someone needs a hug.” Phil for the first time, put his bowl down. Making his way toward Dan he grabbed his boyfriend in his arms and placed a soft kiss at the back of his neck. Immediately, Dan’s breathing steadied. “Well, what did he say…?” Phil asked.

“That I shouldn't be doing it,” Dan said, breaking out of Phil’s hold. He swatted Phil’s arms away and began pacing around their small countertop island instead. Phil, unoffended, resumed eating his breakfast knowing that Dan would wrap up his marathon momentarily. Dan walked by Phil and then made another lap around his makeshift track. “I don't even know how he knew that I was doing it! I didn't even tell him! He just could tell from my teeth! Some voodoo if I ever saw!”

“I told you that you shouldn't be doing it!” Phil said through a mouthful of Honey Nut, quite pleased to have been right this whole time. “I’ve been telling you for years that you shouldn’t be doing it,” Phil shrugged.

“No shit I shouldn't be doing it, I already know that. It's what he said about what I have to do to fix it… what I have to use...” Dan trailed off. “He says I'm really messing up my teeth and if it continues, it’s possible that I’ll mess up my jaw too…”

“Well, I don't think adults are meant to suck their thumbs well into their twenties,” Phil said. “I tell you time and time again that you shouldn’t have your thumb in your mouth.”

Dan stopped pacing to look at Phil. “Screw you, you sure like to police what goes in and out of my mouth when it conveniences you,” Dan snapped.  

“Dan,” Phil said, taken aback.

“I can't help it!” Dan held up his pruning thumb out for evidence, it had clearly been in his mouth the whole Uber ride home. “I can't break the habit now!”

“Did you tell him that?” Phil placed his bowl down, offering Dan a look of sympathy and an arm on his shoulder. Dan relaxed back into his hold, molding into Phil’s arms.

“Of course I did! ...Which is why he told me to try this,” Dan groaned, tossing the plastic bag Phil’s direction. Phil moved to grab the bag while Dan slithered his way around Phil so that he could hug him from behind. Dan let his cheek smush deep against Phil’s spine and Phil quickly realized, Dan must have been really distraught to be this clingy.

Phil dumped the contents out onto the countertop to find the expected gifts after a dentist trip: floss, travel sized toothpaste, toothbrush and then-

“A dummy!?”

“An orthodontic pacifier,” Dan corrected. “Specially made to not fuck up your teeth… at least not as bad,” Dan said, as if he was pitching an advertisement, a sarcastic one that is.

“For real?”

“For real. He says if I keep this thumb sucking thing up I'll need jaw surgery in the future! So he prescribed this to ween me off of my habit! This is what they give children, Phil!”

“This one’s quite big,” Phil said, picking up the pacifier in his hand.

“It's for adults.”

“So it's not for kids,” Phil pointed out. He gave the thing a shake and it’s little handle clicked about.

“It's for kids. And I'm not using it.” Dan, with one quick swipe of his arm, herded all his presents from the dentist back into the bag. He very aggressively stuffed the floss and mini toothpaste back into the giftbag. “Now give that to me so I can throw it out.” Dan’s hand lay open in front of Phil’s.

“Well, wait just a second. Don't you think you should at least try it? At least until your next appointment. If it works then you’ll know it's not a sham,” Phil said. The dummy was baby blue, plain too. It didn’t have cartoon dinosaurs or kitty cats on it. It looked about as sophisticated as a pacifier could get.

“You're not honestly saying that I should consider this? Do you think that I have no fucking dignity!” Dan roughly snatched the pacifier from Phil’s hand. “What's next, sippy cups and nappies? I’m not using this. Period.” Dan shoved the pacifier into the very bottom of the plastic bag, tied the plastic bag handles into a tight knot, then squashed the bag in the garbage with much satisfaction. Then, because he was so damn melodramatic, he stormed out of the room.

“Daaan, I didn't mean it like that! Dannnn,” Phil half heartedly called after Dan. He could have easily chased after him, but there was no point, Dan’s mind had been made up. Also, he had spilt milk to mop and cereal to finish.

…

It was nearing midnight. The pair were quietly messing about on their phones while Game of Thrones’ medieval melody boomed through the living room. It was pretty much their average night, in each other’s company but lost worlds away in their own individual cyberspace.

As Phil scrolled through Twitter he could just start to hear it. The faint wet snapping of Dan’s thumb beginning to bob in his mouth. Phil huffed. Phil let the snapping continue for the next 15 minutes until he finally said,

“Hey Dan. Daaann, c’mere I want to cuddle.”

Dan without question, scooched his way up into the gap between Phil’s legs so that his back rested against Phil’s chest. Dan, once comfortably situated, returned to mindlessly scrolling through his phone. More importantly, proceeded to keep his thumb in his mouth.

Phil let the next few seconds pass. Then, carefully, as sneakily as he could, he reached for the hand in Dan’s mouth and lightly pulled it down by his wrist. He entwined his fingers with his boyfriend’s and disguised the whole ordeal as a matter of simple wanting to hold hands. Of course, Phil was only as sneaky as he’d dreamed to be, because almost instantly Dan let out a,

“Hey!” Dan looked up, his eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. Dan twisted his wrist, untangling his fingers from Phil’s.

“It’s just- didn't the dentist tell you to stop that.” Phil said.

Dan shook his arm free of Phil. “Mind your own business,” Dan said. Of course, the remark was nothing more than a slurred mumer thanks to the thumb that immediately returned to being pressed against his tongue.

Phil sighed. “Well this just so happens to be a no thumb sucking zone.” Phil popped Dan’s thumb from his mouth once more emitting the sound of a wet smack.

“I can either do it here or in our bedroom, what difference does it make?” Dan replied, over dramatically waving his thumb around as he spoke.

“I’m saying that maybe you should give that dummy a try.”

“How about no,” Dan refuted, putting his thumb back in his mouth. Then all slurred and lispy said, “Plus, I already threw it in the bin. So that’s just too bad.” Dan sarcastically shrugged his shoulders. It was a wonder how Phil understood him, but at this point after years of hearing Dan talk through his thumb, Phil understood his every word like a mother of an incoherent toddler.

“Well it’s too bad that I kept it,” Phil said, fishing his hand into his pocket to pull out the pacifier like some kind of magic trick. He tossed the dummy in Dan’s direction where it landed in his lap. Dan’s thumb voluntarily popped out from between his lips. Phil now knew, that Dan must have been really mad.

“You pulled it from the bin and expect me to put it in my mouth!” Dan angrily wiggled out from Phil’s arms and came to a stand where he tossed the stupid thing back at Phil.

“No! Of course I washed it first! How about we’ll dip in Ribena! Make it like a ring pop!”

“I’m not using a child’s pacifier, no thank you.” Dan said. His cheeks were a patchy red and Phil couldn’t decipher if Dan was upset or embarrassed.

“It’s not even called that! I looked it up, it’s called an adult soother! How nice does that sound?” Phil waved the pacifier in front of his face as if it were a dog treat and Dan was no more than some disobedient corgi.

“That’s not helping. Now you’ve made it sound like some bizarre sex toy. Which, oddly enough, isn’t even as weird as that fucking thing. You know what? I’ve had enough, I’m going to my room,” Dan said.

“Daannnn. C’mon, I'm just trying to help! I don’t want you to need surgery!” Phil pleaded as Dan gathered his electronics. “Fine fine, I’ll drop it,” Phil said. Quite literally, he dropped the pacifier to the ground. “Just stay and watch this show with me?”

There was a pause of silence where Dan let the thought percolate.

“Did you even wanna cuddle or was it just some twisted trick to get my thumb from my mouth.” Dan crossed his arms. He didn’t know it, but he was pouting. Phil couldn’t help but smile at this. The pouting was also a habit Dan hadn’t been able to break since they met, except this one, Dan was unaware of.

“A little bit of both. Now c’mon, just stay.” Phil held out his arms, begging Dan to climb back in them. “It’s so cold and you’re so warm,” Phil pleaded.

Dan stood and looked at the television. Then back to Phil. Then he tossed his phone back onto the sofa. “Fine. But I’m only staying because I want to know how this episode ends.”

“Fair enough,” Phil smiled.

But quite ironically, before the episode was even three quarters of the way through, Dan was out like a light. Phil had noticed this when he realized that the show was no longer backed by the sound of Dan’s rhythmic thumb sucking. Turning to look toward his boyfriend in his lap, Phil found Dan curled up and asleep with his thumb just resting on his bottom lip.

Phil, courtesy of his long arms, was able to grab a blanket from the ground and drape it over Dan’s body. In any other circumstance, Phil would usually wake Dan up and guide his half-asleep stumbling body back to their room. But tonight, Phil had realized that he already fought enough with Dan and would rather let the boy rest peacefully. Though, just as Phil flung the blanket over Dan, the previously thrown pacifier rolled out from between the fleece. Phil caught the pacifier before it rolled over the edge of the sofa. He stared at it. Then to Dan. His hand reached down...and put the pacifier back into his pocket. Two minutes hardly passed before Phil joined Dan in sleep.

…

“How are you winning again?!” Dan shouted at the television.

“Because I’m great at this game!” Phil jerked the controller in his hand as his avatar on the screen made a sharp turn in their go-cart dodging some turtle shells. “And because I’m actually playing with two hands.” Phil made an obvious glare at Dan’s remote control situation.

Dan had his right hand sprawled over the controller trying to manage both the buttons and analog stick with one hand while his left thumb was wedged between his teeth. “It’s not that I’m playing with one hand, It’s cause I’m left-handed,” Dan corrected through a slur.

“You know, it’s never much fun like this,” Phil reminded.

“Don’t be such a sore winner.”

Before Phil could even roll his eyes, his avatar crossed the finish line again, securing him first place for the fifth time. The split screen vanished as it pulled up the scores. No surprise, Dan was in last place. “You know, I know a way where you can play with two hands,” Phil said ominously. He chucked his controller to the side of the couch and dug into his pocket.

“I swear to God Phil, if you pull out that pacifier one more time-”

“Adult soother,” Phil corrected. Phil pulled out the adult soother and ushered it toward Dan. “Just try it, it’s not going to kill you. I don’t get what the big deal is.” Both his hands rested pleadingly on Dan’s knees.

“Because it’s embarrassing! I’m 26 and that’s for 2 year olds,” Dan groaned.

“What’s there to be embarrassed about? I don’t think it’s embarrassing. So then why are you embarrassed,” Phil said, shaking Dan by the knees, trying to physically knock some sense into the boy.

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has to use it,” Dan said. He was no longer yelling. Now his big brown eyes just stared longingly back at Phil, begging him to drop the topic. Phil knew this stare all too well. Dan wasn’t angry. He wasn’t embarrassed. Dan was feeling like an outcast.

“So, I’ll use it. Look!” Without hesitation, Phil tossed the pacifier in his mouth.”Slhee!” Phil proudly announced.

“Ew, gross! You expect me to use it now that you’ve slobbered all over it!” Dan lightly shoved Phil’s chest.

“Hey!” Phil popped out the pacifier by it’s handle. “Don’t act like we don’t already make out,” Phil smiled. But before Dan could distinguish this particular smile as a devious one, Phil lunged over to Dan’s lips to solidify his point.

“Mmmhm’okay.” Dan groaned, pulling away from Phil’s spontaneous touch, using his hands to pry Phil from his face. “Fair point,” Dan said, wiping the back of his hand over his lips. Phil wasn’t usually a messy kisser and now Dan was a little more than flushed from it.

“One second. Just try it for one second,” Phil begged holding the pacifier just at the tip of Dan’s lips. “One second and then I’ll sort you out from that kiss, yeah?” Phil subtly dropped his gaze to Dan’s crotch and Dan got the message, turning a deeper shade of crimson.

“Fine. A single second,” Dan agreed. Before Dan could blink, Phil pushed the pacifier into his mouth. And before Dan could even suck it back, he spat it out back into the palm of Phil’s hand. “There. Happy?”

“You tell me.” And then Phil was all over him again. This time, to Dan’s satisfaction for much longer. And while their hands travelled and their clothes unravelled, the pacifier was lost and forgotten somewhere between the couch cushions.

…

Phil was a light sleeper. So it was no surprise when Phil’s eyes fluttered awake when he felt a harsh dip in the mattress beside him. The clock shined back at him from his nightstand. But the number that shone back seemed wrongly timed for the dip in the mattress. “Coming to bed at 10 o’clock? That’s a new record. Internet down or something?” Phil mumbled through his half-asleep state.

“Phil?”

“Mhmm?” Phil said into his pillow, returning to sleep fast enough that his dream was about to pick up where it left off.

“Phil…”

This time, Dan’s tone seemed off. As if Phil’s name didn’t spill out of his mouth right.

This pulled Phil from his slumber just as quick as it washed over him. Phil rolled over and brought himself to his knees despite the head rush that it gave him. “What’s wrong?”

Dan just muttered one word, under his breath.

“Hmm?” Phil asked, rubbing his eye with his knuckles.

“Bad thoughts,” Dan muttered. Phil let out a breath.

“Okay, okay. Well don’t think anymore just come here,” Phil grabbed the younger in his arms, resting his hand on the back of Dan’s head and pushing it into the crook of his neck. “Let’s sleep, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan whispered into Phil’s neck.

So Phil leaned back, carefully bringing Dan down with him against his chest. With Dan laying on Phil like this, usually the weight of his boyfriend would reassure Phil that his boyfriend was here with him, safe. But tonight, all he could feel was uneasy breaths coming from the boy on top. “Dan, relax,” Phil said, rubbing Dan’s back. But Dan’s breaths did not steady. “Dan?”

“I wanna suck my thumb but my hands are all shaky.”

Phil, feeling the situation for himself, brought his hands to Dan’s that were in fact, trembling. Phil softly rolled Dan to the spot next to him so that he was no longer on top of him but beside him. Phil then turned the other way toward their nightstand and flicked on their nearby lamp, illuminating the room in a faint warm glow. He also snatched something else from the nightstand before rolling back towards Dan.

“I promise you that this doesn’t shake,” Phil brought the pacifier up to Dan’s lips which was difficult since there was so little space between the two of them already. Their foreheads pressed together and Phil could feel Dan was hot.

Dan didn’t response. Instead his eyes went cross as he stared at the pacifier.

“Just for five minutes, after five minutes I promise your thumb won’t be shaky anymore and then you can have that instead,” Phil said.

Dan, again, didn’t respond with words. This time, he slowly opened his mouth, moving his tongue to make room. Phil took this as a green light and let the pacifier slide between his lips. It sat there for a few seconds, unmoved, just resting in Dan’s mouth. Then, just as Phil was preparing for Dan to spit it out back in his palm, Dan closed his eyes and the pacifier started bobbing in his mouth. Phil brought his hand up and brushed Dan’s fringe from his eyes.

Dan purred, a small hum buzzing from his throat.

“Not so bad, huh?” Phil asked.

Dan shook his head against the pillow. The pacifier rattled faintly and that’s when Phil really noticed it. How much younger Dan looked like this. How much more relaxed he looked without having to hold his arm at a 90 degree all the time. How much softer and steadier his breathing was now that his knuckles weren’t resting directly under his nostrils. How much Dan looked, for the first time in a long time, calm.

True to his promise, after exactly five minutes, Phil went to pull the pacifier from Dan’s mouth. But just as his fingers grabbed the handle, he realized that Dan wasn’t responsive to his touch… because Dan had fallen asleep.

“Oh,” Phil let go and let his hands drop to his chest. Dan was about to have that pacifier a lot longer than 5 minutes.

…

The rest of the week went smoothly. For starters, Dan didn’t have any more late night episodes. The two also announced their new tour all while finding the time to record some more main channel videos. All was great except for that fact that Dan, was still sucking his thumb. He made no effort to discuss the morning when he woke up with the pacifier in his mouth. In fact, the night was off the table of discussion topics. Dan had retreated back to sucking his thumb and forcing both his teeth and Phil to deal with it. But with Dan’s dentist appointment coming up in one month’s time, Phil was desperate to change this.

“Phil, stop it. Cut that out. Do you want me to make dinner or not?” Dan groaned.

“This is hardly making dinner. All you’re doing is putting a frozen pizza in the oven,” Phil said. But the problem was, that he was purposely saying it against Dan’s neck. Knowing all too well that his hot breath on Dan’s skin was making even this simple task difficult for Dan.

“Well it’s still food and we need to - Phillll, so help me I - ” Dan’s head craned back. Phil had snaked his hand down the back of Dan’s pants.

“Do you really want dinner right this moment? Or do you think it can wait?” Phil grabbed Dan by the hips and pushed him further back on his hand.

“Wait. It can wait,” Dan nodded. With his approval, Phil had grabbed Dan by the shoulders, flipped him around and kissed him all the way to their living room sofa where they collapsed in a frenzy.

“What do you want, love? Hmm?” Phil asked, unbuttoning Dan’s jeans.

“Your mouth, I want your mouth first,” Dan panted. He lifted his hips up letting Phil slide his trousers down. But Phil wasn’t budging. His hands were locked on Dan’s belt loops, but he wasn’t moving the fabric anywhere. “What are you waiting for? You’re not teasing me today or so help me-”

“You want me to suck you off?” Phil asked. His speech was a little uncharacteristic which Dan would have noticed had he not been so painfully hard.

“Yes, fuck yes. Why else would I be begging you to take me pants of, Christ,” Dan squirmed.

“Then you suck something for me, or I won’t do it,” Phil pulled Dan’s jeans up instead of down, pushing the denim against Dan’s erection, for emphasis.

“Uhhh’fuck,” Dan moaned. “What are you on about?” Dan asked through gritted teeth.

That’s when the pacifier was tossed onto Dan’s chest. “C’mon we both know you don’t last very long anyway,” Phil asked.

“Are you serious, is this your negotiation?” The pacifier rolled closer to his face when his hips buckled up from the couch.

“The other day, when I fucked you in my lap, I know you still had your thumb in your mouth. This isn’t that much different,” Phil said.

“Phiill, please,” Dan whined. Rarely would Phil talk like this, and now because Phil had something to prove, Dan had to suffer the consequences of his boyfriend’s dirty mouth.

Phil, finally listening to Dan, tugged Dan’s jeans and boxers down to his thighs. But since it was too good to be true, all he did was lick a stripe across the underside of Dan’s dick before looking back up at Dan with devious blue eyes and said, “your turn.”

“Phil,” Dan’s head raked up the side of the sofa’s armrest. He was so sensitive and now after just one touch, his dick was pressed tight against his tummy.

“You can squirm all you want but I’m not gonna cave,” Phil said.

“Please don’t tease me like this. Phil, you know I can’t handle it.” The back of Dan’s hands pressed into his eye sockets as sweat turned the tips of his hair into ringlets.

“You’re doing this to yourself. If you would just get over your-”

“Fine!” Dan brought his frenzic hands down to his chest patting to search for the pacifier. Finally, he grabbed it by the nub and shoved it in his mouth. “Pwlease Phul, fugck,” Dan moaned.

Once Phil’s lips were around him, Dan only continued to moan more and more. Except now, they were muffled from the plastic in his mouth. “Mm mm mm,” Dan breathed. Every moan trapped behind his pacifier with every exhale. And every time, Phil dragged his mouth over that one particular spot, Dan had to push the pacifier back into his mouth before it fell out of his craning jaw.

Dan thought he could manage like this, he really did. But when Phil started doing that thing that Dan really liked, that he really really couldn’t handle, the pacifier started to slip from his tongue. Just as Phil’s nose brushed up against Dan’s belly, taking all of him down, he let his fingers start to message the entrance of Dan’s hole. Then the pacifier dropped.

“Daddy,” Dan yelled.

Then Phil stopped.

Then Dan went red. Red from being hot and bothered. Red from being tortured and teased. Red from pure embarrassment.

Phil steered his mouth away from Dan, licking his lips. “The only time you’ve ever let that slip you said it was an accident,” Phil said.

“It’s an accident now.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asked. His fingers pushed against the entrance of Dan’s hole and Dan wanted nothing more than for them to slide all the way in.

“Y-yes. I’m sure.” Then Dan reached for the fallen pacifier that had rolled onto his shoulder and placed it back in his mouth - unprompted. Almost as if, the only thing worse than the pacifier, was this conversation.

Phil raised an eyebrow. “So you’re saying that it’s not a thing for you?” Phil scissored his fingers apart a bit.

Dan shook his head. And he wasn’t lying, at least not entirely. This wasn’t a matter of a simple yes or no. It was a matter of, Dan felt oh so dizzy.

Phil continued to prod. “It’s just that, twice doesn't really feel like an accident any more. You sure you wouldn’t be at all fazed if I said something like...” Phil paused to think.

Dan let out a whine from behind the pacifier. It was the best he could do in attempt to beg Phil not to continue.

Phil continued, “something like... Daddy’s going to make you cum so hard?”

Just as the words left Phil’s mouth, Dan came all over his stomach, just like that.

Phil looked down at Dan’s torso in shock. “That really did it for you…”

Dan grabbed a fistful of his pants and quickly shimmied them back up, despite that it just further spread his mess across his tummy and between his thighs. Then he scrambled to his feet.

“Dan? Dan, what - what’s wrong?” Phil just as quickly, fumbled from the sofa. “Dan, where are you going?” Phil’s question was answered when the door to their bedroom was slammed shut.

…

“Dan, you can’t stay in there all day! Please come out and talk. I ordered us milkshakes an hour ago and now yours is getting cold - warm? You know what I mean, It’s melting. Just Dan please, I want to talk,” Phil said. He was on his knees, banging his forehead against their bedroom door. He had been here for over three hours since their couch fiasco. And in that entire time, Dan hadn’t said one word from the other side. Infact, Phil even wondered if Dan was still in the flat. “Dan I’m sorry,” Phil voice cracked. Finally, the door slowly crept open.

Dan was in fact, on the other side of the door in the same position as Phil. On his knees and distraught. Dan crawled around the door as it swung and collapsed into Phil’s lap. Phil hardly had enough time to drape his arms around him before he realized Dan had been, and was, crying.

“You’re not… mad at me?” Phil asked. He was so uncertain and caught off guard that his arms were stiff around Dan.

Dan snaked his way into Phil’s hold, letting his head fall into the crook of Phil’s neck, bringing his hand around the other side and lifting his thumb to his lips. Dan shook his head no.

Phil brought his hand up to the back of Dan’s head to pat his hair. But in order to do this, Phil had to send the signal to his brain multiple times for his frozen hand to make so much of a twitch. It’s just that, he had never seen Dan like this. So, unlike himself. “Did- Did I make you uncomfortable, Dan”

Dan shook his head no again.

“Did I overstep?”

This time, Dan paused for a moment. Phil felt a drop in his stomach. But then, Dan shook no.

Phil raked his brain again and then it came to him. “Did I make you embarrassed?” Dan shook his head, rubbing his tears across the nape of Phil’s neck. “Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil went to rub circles into Dan’s back but instead, Dan pulled off of his lap and scooted to sit in front of Phil.

“I told you to drop the Daddy thing the last time,” Dan sniffled, his wet eyes staring up at Phil. Dan dragged his sweater sleeve under his nose wiping away snot and tears.

“I know, I know, and I should have. I won’t do it again. If you say it was an accident, then it was an accident.” Phil reached over, to swat Dan’s hand away. He then let his thumb wipe the few tears that had spilled down Dan’s cheek.

“And the pacifer-”

“We’ll leave it under the sofa where you dropped it,” Phil held up his hands in surrender.

“Good,” Dan huffed. “Good, no more,” Dan reiterated. Phil arched his eyebrow, Then he swatted Phil’s hand away. “Now, about those milkshakes…?”

…

Ever since Dan’s trip to the dentist, the Lester-Howell household had been home to high emotions and occasional yelling. But alas, it finally settled. Unfortunately, the silence was because the loudest person was currently,

“Sick. Dan, I’m telling you you’re sick. You need to see a doctor,” Phil said, for possibly the fiftieth time that week.

“Phiilllll, I’m not going,” Dan whined. “Just please, bring me some cough syrup!” Dan hoarsely croaked from the sofa.

“I am. I am.” Phil eyebrows furrowed pushing his glasses up higher on his face. He stared at the two bottles of medicine in his hand. “Sore throat?” Phil turned the second bottle over. “Or runny nose?”

“S’m’throat,” Dan moaned.

“Alright, first bottle it is,” Phil opened the lid of the medicine to find thick black liquid sloshing around. “We’ll need a spoon,” Phil nodded. “Come to the kitchen,” Phil reached for his boyfriend’s hand. “And get that thumb out of your mouth, I bet this is why you’re always sick.” Before Dan could protest he was already being guided to the kitchen.

“Okay, two spoonfuls, open up,” Phil carefully guided the first spoon to Dan’s mouth. But the very instant that Dan swallowed, it came right back up. Along with his lunch, and breakfast and every sip of Ribena from that day. “D-Dan,” Phil was frozen in place as Dan lurched over the kitchen sink.

“Fu-fuck,” Dan coughed. “Oh fuck.” Dan reached forward and turned the tap on draining the sink and splashing his skin with the cool water.

“Dan?” Phil reached out and placed a shaky hand on Dan’s back.

“I need my dummy.”

Before Phil’s jaw could even hit the ground, Dan raised his voice. “I need my dummy, now,” he cried. My dummy?, Phil thought. “Phil, please,” Dan lurched forward again.

“Okay, okay, I’ll grab it,” Phil spun on his heels but then immediately spun back toward Dan. “Where is it?”

-

Dan was curled up on the sofa, head resting in Phil’s lap.

“Are you feeling better?” Phil combed through the boy’s hair, mindful not to knock the makeshift tea-rag compress laying on his forehead.

“Mhmm.”

“Not going to throw up again?” Phil asked.

“Nu-uh.”

“Okay,” Phil sighed in relief. “Now, want to tell me why this-” Phil paused to tap the pacifier in Dan’s mouth - “was in your bedside table...”

Dan’s eyes flickered down, his eyelashes brushing the tops of his cheeks. Dan rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, removing the pacifier on their way down. “Because… I like to sleep with it…”

Phil almost knocked Dan off his lap with his excitement. “Well that’s great! That’s less time you’re sucking your thumb, right! The dentist is going to be-”

“No, Phil. I don’t use it for that reason,” Dan swallowed.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not really sure…” Dan returned his gaze up at Phil but this time Phil was staring at the pacifier rolling between his fingers.

“So tell me again because I’m still not seeing this. Why can’t you do your laundry back at school like everybody else, Dan?”

“Because! What part of, ‘I witnessed someone steal just one sock from someone else's laundry that someone else threw on the floor,’ are you not understanding!” Dan waved his hands around in his signature gesticulative manner. And because it was Dan, his voice was, of course, a high pitch shrill. Additionally, in Dan hyperbolic fashion, his sneakers exaggeratedly knocked against Phil’s dryer which he was currently sat atop of.

“Alright, alright! Simmer down before you break my dryer; then you’ll have nowhere to do your laundry,” Phil laughed.

“Right because I come all this way just for your appliances, Phil, and not because I don’t have a single friend back on campus,” Dan laughed back.

Phil’s face softened a bit, a small break of genuine concern that Dan never noticed when he said things like that. Phil joined in Dan’s laughter to amuse him but couldn’t help when it dwindled off awkwardly; a tad uncomfortable; worried... “So do you plan on heading back to school tonight…? It’s getting a little late for that, don’t ya’ think?” Phil was standing in front of Dan. Or at least that’s how this conversation had started. Somewhere between the one hour load of whites, Phil had ended up standing between Dan’s legs, hands supporting his weight on the dryer, just beside the outside of Dan’s thighs. They were close; this, however, Dan could notice. Phil, not so much.

This seemed to be a recurring theme within the past few months of knowing each other. Phil was friendly and kind hearted, sometimes too much so (really he held the door for soo many people, Dan would argue). And though his intentions were pure, without fail, whenever they hung out, Dan had to make a strong conscious effort to keep his mind in the right place. So subsequently, when he said his next words, Dan failed to realize he had just walked straight into a problem he should have saw coming.  

“I was thinking maybe I could just spend the night like last time. You know because an 18-year-old dragging his laundry through Manchester at midnight seems like someone begging to be kidnapped to me,” Dan replied.

“Yeah sure, sleepover it’ll be fun. I’m not going easy on you in Sonic though,” Phil smiled, then his eyes subtly widened as if he just remembered something. “Oh, but I binned the old couch, the one that kept eating up all my loose change and your runaway maltesers. But the new one hasn’t arrived yet, leave it to Ikea. So I guess you can just sleep in my bed,” Phil shrugged.

Dan felt his cheeks pinken and his heart immediately pick up a unsteady thump. See, Phil was a true sharer, someone who really stuck with the ‘sharing is caring’ rule cemented in their early years of kindergarten. So there was no doubt in Dan’s mind, that Phil, would also be sleeping in his bed tonight. “Uh’yeah, thanks.”

And maybe because Dan’s heart was now beating a little heavier than it had been a few minutes previous did he realize that the dryer was also giving it’s own little rhythmic drum. Every cycle the clothes made around, gave a light pulse under his bum. Now, Dan was fully aware of the mild bumble and bounce of the dryer. Even his voice had a subtle hiccup like tremor from the machine… or maybe that was attributed to the ever growing blush on his cheeks. Pulling him from his thoughts, the dryer beeped from beneath him, and more importantly, the thump came to a halt.

“Hm? Oh, your leg bumped one of the buttons, one sec, I’ll get you those clean socks in no time,” Phil cheered in his dorky matter. Then, in sweet Phil manner, he placed a hand on Dan’s thigh, pushed it aside and clicked the dryer back on. His hand, however, remained in place. “Oh! How’d that maths test go? You were so nervous last we spoke.” Phil looked up at Dan, eyes bright and unbothered.

“Nice. Good.” Dan shook his head rattling his brain. “Well- I did well,” he stumbled out. Phil was looking at Dan and although Dan stared back, all his focus was in his peripherals watching Phil’s hand.

“See! I told you there was nothing to worry about!” Phil cheered, grabbing Dan by the shoulders and giving him a friendly shake. Sure, that’s all Dan needed, more bouncing. But when Phil’s praise was done, his hand made it’s way back onto Dan’s thigh, this time inches higher.

It was at this point that Dan’s 18-year-old began full takeover. A true dick-tatorship, because everything in his body, including any trace of rational thought, was being controlled by the tightening beneath his jeans. Dan wished, he really wished, he wasn’t this easily aroused. But God damn it, this was Phil! The Phil he met on the internet and idolized and maybe even fantasized more than he would have liked to admit. But this was no dream, Phil was here, hand on his leg, while Dan’s terribly pathetic adolescent horny self sought pleasure from the laundry machine.

“Next thing you know you’ll be passing the Law exams like no problem!”

“Mmhmm,” Dan nodded. He squished his legs together, trying to either conceal a boner or give it some attention; he hadn’t decided yet.

The dryer dinged again because God was against him and Satan wanted to see him suffer on this particular Tuesday evening.

“Oh Gosh!” Phil hissed in frustration. “What is wrong with this thing today! Maybe it’s handling too many loads between me and you.”

“Maybe it’s not meant to sit on top of,” Dan said. Using this opportunity as his escape, he began to slide off the makeshift household vibrator (honestly appliances could do with just one more warning label).

“No, no, you’re good, it’s not like we’ve got a couch to sit on anyway. Hold on, let me check what’s going on. Maybe we put too many towels in? Is that a thing?” Phil’s voice grew distant as he kneeled down to open the door of the dryer, with one hand that is. His other held his balance by holding the top of the dryer, hand dangerously close to Dan’s crotch.

“Phil!” Dan shrieked.

Phil sprang back up. Visibly confused, not to mention jump-scared by Dan’s screech.

Because Dan was already unraveling, the bottled up adrenaline quickly followed suit. “Your hand almost touched my dick, and I’m already hard from the fucking dryer machine because I’ve been so stressed from Uni and haven't tossed one out in like a solid couple of weeks and I promise I’m not a total fucking creep,” Dan took a gulp of air at the very end when he realized he hadn’t taken a single breath. The motion sent a small bead of sweat down the side of his face.

Phil stared back blankly at Dan, his face unreadable. Then just as fast as Dan confessed probably the most embarrassing confession of his life, Phil one-upped Dan’s unpredictability.

Phil leaned forward and kissed Dan. It started out slow, careful; just soft enough to give Dan the chance to pull away if he wanted. Dan kissed back tense and awkward out of both shock and astonishment.

Phil’s nose brushed over Dan’s. “This okay?” Phil hummed.

“I-” Dan’s eyes went cross staring at Phil, fuzzy and glazed as he experienced the unimaginable. “...think so,” he finished. Then Phil’s lips were back on his. Breaking away for just a second Phil squeezed in a quick,

“Do you wanna just kiss?”

“Uhm,” Dan coughed, clearing his throat. What was Phil implying? How much was Phil implying? “No,” Dan said faintly.

This time when Phil kissed him he moved a hand between Dan’s legs pushing up against the seam of his pants. “OH’my’god, fuck Phil,” Dan craned his head back breaking their lips apart. Phil, continuing to kiss, kept his lips where they were now focusing on Dan’s neck. “Oh-oh,” Dan panted. This was happening too fast for his brain to process. Phil’s fingers were at Dan’s zipper unmoved but waiting… and now Dan had to take the second leap of faith of the night. “Y-yes, yes please.”

Something Dan had yet to consider was that the dyer machine also played another factor. Not only had the consistent bump and bumble from the machine got and continued to get Dan painfully hard, but the heat the machine conducted had warmed up Phil’s hands enough to provide Dan the most unmatched, odd, and exhilarating handjob of his life. Phil’s hot hands dragged over Dan’s dick that was already embarrassingly slicked in pre-cum. Making this the wildest first real-life sexual encounter with Phil that Dan could ever imagine. Sure, he had awaken many nights to some fairly dirty dreams but never would he thought that their first snog would be getting naughty on the laundry. Not to mention, he didn’t think it would happen at all. Dan was so close to blacking out at this point. With Phil sucking kisses on his adam’s apple, his bum grinding against the machine a la its built in vibration setting and Phil’s warm touch, Dan was really testing his stamina now. The only way this whole situation could go South was if-

“Dan…”

“Oh shit, fuck, Phil, I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.” Dan immediately buried his face in his hands.

“It’s alright, it happens. Didn’t think I was honestly that good,” Phil pulled his hands out from under Dan’s trousers, from between Dan’s boxers to reveal that they had been prematurely splattered in Dan’s mess.

“Ah’fuckn’hell,” Dan frustratingly huffed. He pushed himself off the dryer and past Phil. That’s when he realized that his huff wasn’t entirely a huff and more like the start of a sob. He dropped his head against the laundry room wall, away from Phil, and bit back brimming tears he didn’t know why were on the brink of falling.

“Hey hey Dan, c’mhere.” Phil grabbed Dan by the shoulder and pulled the younger into his arms. “So here’s what we can do. We throw your pants into the wash, throw in another load, and then we try again? How about that hmm?” Phil grabbed Dan by the chin and kissed him.

Dan nodded.

“Good. And it shouldn’t be a problem to go again since the first time you got turned on just by the bloody dryer machine,” Phil teased.

“Hey, shut up,” Dan playfully shoved.

Then Phil looked at Dan with a different expression. Dan blinked thinking that maybe it was the almost tears that obscured his perception. But that didn’t help, Dan still couldn’t read Phil. With his heart fluttering and his body high on teenage endorphins, Dan was forced to stare back in silence, entranced in Phil’s gaze. Phil looked at Dan for a short while before he said, as if just realizing it himself,  “I really really like you Dan…”

Dan swallowed. “Me too… I think,” Dan swallowed again. “I know,” Dan corrected.