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But real emotional intimacy with someone who actually sees him scares the absolute shit out of Carmy. Why? Because any potential future with Sydney requires him to break his internal time loop. He has to ACTUALLY change. In Groundhog Day terms, Sydney is his Rita. She’s the person who demands absolute, unvarnished emotional honesty.

If he cuts Donna off, how would he gain her approval? How else can he continue this lie in his head that she always loved him but was too troubled to show it? That she now wants to change for him! Instead of the truth, that she actually abused him to keep control over them, because she was resentful of them and wanted to let them know while making them attend her needs.

If he ever got even to let himself recognize his own feelings for Syd, how would he gain the approval of the popular girl that his older brother wanted him to be with? If he ever accepts Sydney's love for him, he would have to recognize that he had been mistreated his entire life and that the relationship with Claire he built in his head was never loving or genuine. Dating Syd (or anybody outside his social circle) means he can indeed have a family outside the one that abused him. If he ever dated Syd, particularly her, who doesn't tolerate bullshit behavior, it would mean he has no option but to grow. Syd would not be with him if he continued to harm himself. She has stayed through the struggle, but he knows she knows when he self-sabotages. Maybe that's another reason he left, he wants to come back a new man ro convince her of what he could be for her.

If he ever recognizes that Michael abused him (mentally and otherwise) he would have to let go of the idealized version of his brother he compares himself to.

If he ever told anybody about the abuse that he suffered under Chef David, it would make it real, and it would confront others with how unprotected he was inside and outside the family. Besides, hoe many other chef have been abused and all of them understand “it's part of the job”? This is Carmys whole world view that he has been trapped in for 30 years.

I WANT them to ask Connor back.

Why would they introduce him, give him all those lines

Give him closeups

Have Carmy jealous of him

Just to unceremoniously drop him before season 3 got going?

I mean season 3 was bad because those Executive producers got involved and had a field day.

However if we have Carmy going off and possibly meeting Claire again, I want SYDNEY TO BE LOCKED UP TIGHT away from him emotionally

Carmy does get to go explore dating while Sydney is sitting there waiting

There must be ROWS of dudes taking her out and showing her a good time

Connor is young but seemed like he knew what he was about and how to "mack"

AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE LONG

Carmy just has to see them walking down the street laughing or at the park

He can text Sydney or call and she checks her phone, sees it's him and shuts it off. Continue talking and laughing with Connor.

Boom!

The Bear is treading water.

I’m so frustrated with the show that my writing has dried up - again and again, Carmy dumps everything on Sydney and runs away to avoid dealing with his issues, and this time he did it behind her back (which is also why I think he’ll return to the kitchen - his trauma doesn’t evaporate with his retirement, his brain is still his, he has no plans and no treatment, this man is not going to heal within the walls of his apartment).

Why would Sydney want to be around him right now? Why would she make space for someone like Carmy in her life? Carmy is incredibly traumatized, don’t get me wrong, but he has hurt Sydney in an excruciating way this time - he tries to refuse to see it that way too, trying to absolve himself of his guilt by framing his departure as beneficial to Sydney.

I want Sydney to turn away completely from him in s5 - when Carmy sorts himself out, only then will it feel realistic for him to try and prove to Sydney that he’s someone she can trust and rely on, and love.

Fak number 1 did not deserve space for a romantic storyline, he just didn’t, he is the most unpopular character by far in the show. I did not care one bit about Tiff or her new husbands insecurities. They forced us to sit trough Claire’s “noble struggle” after the breakup. They teased the Francine drama for so long, and then yeah kudos for her and Nat for having an actual conversation. This were just a bunch of white people behaving childishly and yeah ok trauma but in the meantime…

Ebra is a fucking child soldier survivor and refugee. Tina lost her job after 20 years and was afraid to not be able to feed her family. Sweeps lost his dream job due to a hacked drug test and was homeless for a while. Marcus was the sole caregiver to a mother that had not time left guaranteed and wasn’t present in her last moments because he was at work. Sydney lost her mother as an infant and was a black woman in an industry that is famous for being abusive and racist.

So @notthebear got me thinking a little about what I’d like to see out of S5 and I will be honest. I like drama, mess, stakes, but I also like redemption stories.

I think someone mentioned that Carmy is the hero and villain of the story which I think is pretty fair discounting [redacted]. He’s been in his villain arc since he brought the vampire to renovations and the Kasama outing that wasn’t. When Syd called him a “piece of shit”, I didn’t realize it would be a prophecy lol.

However, I think he’s overdo for redemption but I don’t want to see it as though he puts the fate of the restaurant on his back and saves the day.

I want Carmy to suffer. Badly.

Walk with me.

I’m always someone who is drawn to the idea in media to the person who has to absolutely hit rock bottom to realize that they either change themselves, their life, their perspective, their habits, or stay at the bottom.

I think some people don’t understand anything other than pain and heartache and Carmy is this person. He will not learn otherwise until pain stops being fun for him. Until it really fucking hurts in a way you can’t self-soothe.

Sometimes pain and heartache are the best teachers and sometimes medicine doesn’t taste good or feel good but it is good.

My wishlist is that the green sweatshirt was in Mikey’s room and him and [redacted] were fucking despite the age difference, that Mikey was the one who “pushed” her and to “help” him she kept him supplied with opioids and everyone (Richie, Nat, the Faks) knew about this but Carmy.

I want him to feel the betrayal and absolute hurt of [redacted] using him and settling for him to remain mired in a time where Mikey was close. I want him to feel the pain of chasing someone relentlessly and making apologies to pacify someone who all they ever did was lie to him.

This is what you wanted, right?

I want him to feel the betrayal by people who knew he was being used but only cared about what would look the best and keep him from staying too far. People that depend upon his own stagnation so his progress doesn’t make them have to look at their own lives and short comings. I want to come to the realization that he was only ever a pawn.

This is what you wanted, right?

I want him to come to terms about the truth of the person he made his life a walking tribute to, I want him to really have to look at the person he made his patron saint and feel the sickness for giving up his life and wants to be this person.

Sometimes bones have to be broken to be reset properly, sometimes treatments that save lives cause excruciating pain.

I think him coming back to save his family should and could be saving his found family. The people who have stood by him and placed their faith in him. The people who still see the good in him despite everything.

Sometimes we want and chase and crave and obsess over things that we think are good until we get exactly that and we realize that this was the very opposite of good in every way.

Ignoring intuition and your body’s signs of discomfort and fear and upset has consequences and sometimes consequences are learning moments.

I think Carmy should experience this type of learning moment of seeing the danger of not trusting himself and maybe then he’ll be motivated to put himself and his needs first. Maybe he’ll be motivated to fix the things he put in the way by “hurdles.”

these two points are the big points for me:

Sometimes we want and chase and crave and obsess over things that we think are good until we get exactly that and we realize that this was the very opposite of good in every way. Ignoring intuition and your body’s signs of discomfort and fear and upset has consequences and sometimes consequences are learning moments.

i get so frustrated with carmy. his trauma isn't to be underestimated. and so many people around him have swept it under the rug. he's learned to walk on broken bones. i want him to be well. happy healthy safe. but sometimes i get so stuck and i empathize sharply with people who want a jealousy arc. and then i have to immediately remember he's in an abusive relationship. yes he had this sneak around, secret 'romance', kisses/sex, people cheering it on, whatever, while syd is honest, square, doing good work, being diligent. and there's more to this show than romantic relationships. but it's his whatever with [white noise] that spurs him to tighten up. he pulls the other direction and is a terror. ignores syd, reduces her impact whever he can. it's with the intention that he's giving all the effort he can to get her a star. but like. idk. he's yelling screaming moving unilaterally.

i'm stuck in a circle of okay he's being awful, there's a reason he's overcompensating in a weird way, he's suffering too, remember when he got to sneak and get sex and kisses, that was an abusive relationship, he's in pennance for it, don't forget the trauma from his childhood and now his brother's death, return to start.

i want him to break this cycle. i love that syd is a positive influence that pours into him because idk i believe in love, and as love as a source of healing, but i am so frustrated that she's treated as an unlimited resource. it's hard to keep that cycle i brought up earlier in mind and know how to prescribe him out of it. therapy, continuing to be active with his team, taking a backseat not exiting the whole enterprise, something. but like idk he wants to go, he should be able to go. but then it blows back on syd. he wants to close things with [redacted], and i think it's too much energy but if he needs it to grow he needs it to grow. i wonder if he could stand rock bottom. if he's healthy enough for that? if it'll help then okay but i guess i baby him and i worry that he can't take more negativity. but like...if he needs to get the work done to be a strong adult and break some cycles, then, okay.

For me, it has to be tough love. He gets gentle love from Syd and tramples all over it. I don’t think he’d understand anything else.

I think Carmy really needs a circumstance where his own words in his own voice are spat right back at him, “This is what you wanted, right?”

I don’t want a jealousy arc because that actually won’t move the storyline but Carmy having to contend with betrayal, lies, being used by his circle and learning that they never actually wanted the best for him while being completely absent of Syd because she’s living her life that he’s not a part of because he’s not her friend and never acted like one. She’s spending time with her family and reconnecting with her friends and she’s not available to him anymore because he didn’t appreciate nor care when she was.

Now he has to rely on himself for the answers, he has to trust himself on how to get them. He’ll suffer and suffer badly but I don’t see him growing any other way.

Some people simply don’t respond to gentleness, they only respond to hardships of their own making.

You wanna be treated like shit? Bet.

But at the same time, we love a comeback and we love the story of the phoenix who rose from the ashes.

she's so tired :(

And he can tell, which makes it worse