So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.
In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:
"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."
When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet.
Some examples of lies people belive:
"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so"
"It was my fault that I was molested."
"I am a bad person for wanting a different life."
When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way.
In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others.
Long post underneath.
THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:
We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."
I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.
But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:
THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC
Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.
It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.
In the scene, Carmy asked,
"What is so hard, Mom?"
I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?
When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.
Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.
This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.
Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.
THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES
According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.
The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:
I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.
This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).
PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?
Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.
When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."
When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.
Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"
And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.
But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.
In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.
All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.
Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.
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So I was reading this…here is something I wanted to say
There is not doubt in my mind that Ayo and Jeremy played Syd and Carmen as two people that are attracted to one another
I have seen many blogs say that they think the show was running away from this ship. I did say that too. The dismissal or “platonification” of elements that were so romantically charged (as the table scene and the hamachi dish reveal)
But for all of that, Ayo and Jeremy knew how all this was supposed to end (or end at least till the extent of s5), and they DID NOT downplay the physical attraction one iota. Not to mention all the editing and directorial decisions that allowed this moments to have the impact they had.
The phrase “I don't know but there is theories” is actually insane cause…is Storer reading our metas? They could have say “there is suspicious” or there is “rumors” but the word theories maybe sounds so much to me like a hit to the audience theorizing in the bear
im so confused why did the hamachi with blood orange get turned into a scallop with grapefruit
they told her what the dish was when they laid down the plate. she has a picture of it. she knows what scallop and blood orange taste like. she knows what hamachi and grapefruit taste like.
some people believe it's a continuity error. other people say it's a timeline fix.
i personally think she lied and he clocked it immediately.
she's talked to others about him being her best dish but it's never shown her explicitly detailing the dish to anyone else. she keeps it close to her chest. she doesn't hesitate to tell others how she admires him, but the dish is something sacred. he presented his heart on the plate and she's keeping it safe. it's hers and hers alone. no one else knows that dish exists (aside from the server who we don't even see their face).
scallop and grapefruit both have sydcarmy moments through the past seasons. thematically, it's similar enough that it wouldn't sound crazy to the others. they were in the middle of the shit and chaos and surrounded by other people. but he knew right away.
@greymvs and @notthebear. Also @aerishey cause we have talked about this. There is two possibilities here:
That there was at some point a dish that had scallop in the menu of empire and Carmen is just stunned that he made the best dish she ever had. If Syd wanted for Carmen not to know about the hamachi, she would look for something else he had cooked there.
That Carmy did clock it was about the hamachi. The problem is that he still doesn't know whether it was the fennel version that Fields forced on him or the red blood orange one. I guess Carmy could have made the equivalent of it chemically, and assume she was subbing the blood orange for the grapefruit. But Syd also likes fennel a lot so there is that.
But this is what bothers me, this it what is killing me. The hamachi dish represented Syd falling in love with Carmen in his worst moment. That she tastes his heart in a plate despite the sad context in which Carmy made it. Syd could never tell the story of the hamachi dish without being honest about that. And Carmy could never fully know about it without knowing that she was the one person that got it.
But they don't talk about it. They don't. She tells her a half-truth or code of the truth and we don't know of he actually assimilatesed all of it. More important to me: Sydney doesn't know she is the one person that has truly tasted Carmen’s heart. He is never honest about that. She is never fully honest either. Is almost like this was supposed to be out signal that they are still not ready to address any of this, or of they'll ever will.
@greymvs dude I feel so insane for holding up to hope. But I do have hope. It genuinely would be greatest shit ever of all of this was indeed a setup for the secret feature that is supposedly coming up. Instead of feeling like the dismissal of something that has been established for 4 seasons straight.
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im so confused why did the hamachi with blood orange get turned into a scallop with grapefruit
they told her what the dish was when they laid down the plate. she has a picture of it. she knows what scallop and blood orange taste like. she knows what hamachi and grapefruit taste like.
some people believe it's a continuity error. other people say it's a timeline fix.
i personally think she lied and he clocked it immediately.
she's talked to others about him being her best dish but it's never shown her explicitly detailing the dish to anyone else. she keeps it close to her chest. she doesn't hesitate to tell others how she admires him, but the dish is something sacred. he presented his heart on the plate and she's keeping it safe. it's hers and hers alone. no one else knows that dish exists (aside from the server who we don't even see their face).
scallop and grapefruit both have sydcarmy moments through the past seasons. thematically, it's similar enough that it wouldn't sound crazy to the others. they were in the middle of the shit and chaos and surrounded by other people. but he knew right away.
@greymvs and @notthebear. Also @aerishey cause we have talked about this. There is two possibilities here:
That there was at some point a dish that had scallop in the menu of empire and Carmen is just stunned that he made the best dish she ever had. If Syd wanted for Carmen not to know about the hamachi, she would look for something else he had cooked there.
That Carmy did clock it was about the hamachi. The problem is that he still doesn't know whether it was the fennel version that Fields forced on him or the red blood orange one. I guess Carmy could have made the equivalent of it chemically, and assume she was subbing the blood orange for the grapefruit. But Syd also likes fennel a lot so there is that.
But this is what bothers me, this it what is killing me. The hamachi dish represented Syd falling in love with Carmen in his worst moment. That she tastes his heart in a plate despite the sad context in which Carmy made it. Syd could never tell the story of the hamachi dish without being honest about that. And Carmy could never fully know about it without knowing that she was the one person that got it.
But they don't talk about it. They don't. She tells her a half-truth or code of the truth and we don't know of he actually assimilatesed all of it. More important to me: Sydney doesn't know she is the one person that has truly tasted Carmen’s heart. He is never honest about that. She is never fully honest either. Is almost like this was supposed to be out signal that they are still not ready to address any of this, or of they'll ever will.
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This is not how you look at a friend. Is not about him being proud of how far she has come. Is about him remembering her initial impression of him and the chaos around him. It's about how she overcame it all and became the order and peace of the place. And mostly: you don't look at a friend like THAT. He is holding back
Carmy finally getting to be kind and soft spoken and good because he's so focused and getting Sydney everything that she needs to succeed without him that he's able to be present.
He loves her so much that it allows him to become the best version of himself, the version he really wants to be. He's not out of the kitchen, but he's out of his head.
They trust each other enough that he's abe to let go of that control that he's always grasping for, and she knows that he's there to catch her if she falls.
“We are in top of each other all the time…like physically”
You don't say baby, he wants to be in your BED, cuddling, arms around you so tight, he is trying to communicate! Look at him sulking like a rejected, confused puppy.
It looks like, in the last shot of Carmy ever, he's gazing at Sydney in front of Richie as she cuts up Evie's birthday cake and narrates the whole thing. That's his family, that's his wife!
This show loves its callbacks and visual puns. So, callback to the wedding episode from Season 4 when we did not see Carmy's face looking at Syd while dancing with Claire. Now we see his face consumed with Syd, swaying in JAW fashion (recall the cast interview where they joked about it) almost as if he is dancing. Visual pun is that Claire has reddish tints in her hair (no green in sight) which means she is still a Red Flag; she is standing behind him, unacknowledged, like part of his past and we don't see him acting like a couple with her though she keeps (Molly Gordon desperation style) trying to engage his attention. And behind her is Angel, the dishwasher, cause Claire is washed.....
Thank you @aerishey for making this gifs and @sublimepeachtriumph for your analysis. If it wasn't the last season I would believe this is indeed a set up. Maybe we would get something in the future, a secret feature that ties all of this. Cause why Carmy doesn't seem to give a fuck Claire is nearby? His heart and his eyes keep betraying him.
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It looks like, in the last shot of Carmy ever, he's gazing at Sydney in front of Richie as she cuts up Evie's birthday cake and narrates the whole thing. That's his family, that's his wife!
This show loves its callbacks and visual puns. So, callback to the wedding episode from Season 4 when we did not see Carmy's face looking at Syd while dancing with Claire. Now we see his face consumed with Syd, swaying in JAW fashion (recall the cast interview where they joked about it) almost as if he is dancing. Visual pun is that Claire has reddish tints in her hair (no green in sight) which means she is still a Red Flag; she is standing behind him, unacknowledged, like part of his past and we don't see him acting like a couple with her though she keeps (Molly Gordon desperation style) trying to engage his attention. And behind her is Angel, the dishwasher, cause Claire is washed.....
Thank you @aerishey for making this gifs and @sublimepeachtriumph for your analysis. If it wasn't the last season I would believe this is indeed a set up. Maybe we would get something in the future, a secret feature that ties all of this. Cause why Carmy doesn't seem to give a fuck Claire is nearby? His heart and his eyes keep betraying him.
They choose each other; they are each other's one and only peace. They have accepted each other, and they want to be in each other's arms when they are in danger. to be truly known, to be truly held.
I still don't know how to feel about this ambiguous ending. I hate that it seems like Syd had to get over her feelings for him and be happy with the friendship they had. I'm mad that Carmy seems to have hidden her desire for her at least at the moment. I'm pretty mad; I'm extremely sad. I was crying to my best friend for like an hour, trying to explain all the ways this decision seemed so unfair. and she told me
"Maybe you have to make peace with the fact that, whatever they become, you won't get to see it"
I'm a little lost for words, actually. Except for this: these motherfuckers made me believe in love again, the healing and transformative implications of it. Yes, it is possible they tried to tell us that Syd and Carmen were only meant to be partners who support each other, and that the under-the-table scene was always about that. But you know that's not true; we saw what it was.
And we know what it became
So I guess if they wanna leave it open-ended, hope they don't mind, cause this is the only possibility I'm open to. Cause this doesn't feel like friendship, I'll never be. This hug felt like an opening to what they are destined to become. Like they really needed to conquer the mountain that was the restaurant to build a bridge between them that allowed them to entertain the possibility of being in love. Like, this is the first step. If we had a new season, I'd even say this is the setup for endgame. Like they had to accept they'll be in each others life regardless of them confessing their feelings. idk if we would get a feature, but since they wanna leave it open, okay, Storer, this is the only thing real here, and we all know what it is. So I guess in my mind, this is where they live for me now, in this bubble of truth.
