Life Is Beautiful

My dearest Margaret, so odd a stranger has joined my ship! I know nothing of him other than he seems to be some sort of European, like Victor, though not the same. He introduced himself as Count Dracula, and spoke with utmost clarity and mastery of the english language. Victor looked upon him in a rather fragile state and cried out.

“Is one demon not enough for my so miserable life? Must another specter haunt my every waking hour, even now as I am so wretched? Oh, save me Walton, save me! The devil comes near, and he dost wish to smother all hope of respite and tranquility!”

Saying such, he leaped from where he was seated on the deck, and promptly fainted. I apologized for my friend’s behavior and brought Victor back to my cabin.

Dracula: “Vait how did you find my cadavers”

Frankenstein: “Look, I need them for reasons and you just had them laying around and were obviously not using them and they’re peasants right? So —“

Dracula: “Vhat do you possibly need cadavers for?”

Frankenstein: “I already told you, REASONS! Anyway I can’t help but notice all of them are totally drained of blood and I need the blood.”

Dracula: “how are you getting them out of the ground so quickly, you’re like a hundred pounds soaking vet —“

Frankenstein: *long winded flowery speech about how Count Dracula is a fiendish devil and vile abomination etc for what he’s done to the corpses*

Dracula: My brother in Christ YOU’RE the one robbing MY graveyard!!!

The premise is that Dracula accosts some folks in the 1970s in order to give His side of the story and it’s recorded on a tape deck. 

It’s hilarious though, because it’s basically like “Look, Johnathan Harker had No Idea what was going on.  He didn’t even speak the language, but somehow he claims to know what people were saying to him?  Cause he knows a few German words?”  And like “look I was just an innocent vampire trying to buy some property and he jumped to All Kinds of conclusions, really.”

And like it makes…a lot of good points about the novel, actually.  (Like it wasn’t ME that killed Lucy, maybe it was those experimental blood transfusions that didn’t pay any attention to BLOOD TYPE, VAN HELSING.)

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“Meet the Reaper” AKA Top 10 photos taken before disaster