Elf‘s Tears Society

Wow, such a strange feeling being back to tumblr after all this years. Yesterday i went to my old account.. What's up with 73 (??) texts that start with "babygirl"? Anyways...

I have been writing blogs and being on social media in this or other way since I have been 11-12yo. And since I am currently taking a long break from Instagram and Tiktok, I have made a decision to come back to tumblr and use it as my main writing place, as long as i have not mastered coding and created my own silly website.

If you somehow came across my account and don't know who I am: Hey, my name is Elfi Finn, my pronounce in english are they/them (german dey/deren/denen) and I am a chronically ill and Disabled migrant, who just wants to make it without much more damage. 𓆏

🤎I have a Youtube Channel "Elf´s Tears Society" and i learn to create long Content after making short form content for social media since 2017. 🤎I also have a Newsletter, my lovely NPN (No Post-Truth Newspaper), where I share links, write tiny articles and since now also post texts from guests as well. 🤎In addition to all that I have published a book (in German) Die Schildkröte, Die Forelle und Das Schaf. It is available as an E-book via Ko-fi and I am working on reprinting it in the physical form. 🤎I do have depop and Vinted, I tried to sell reworked and upcycled clothes and accessories, but my health is hard to work with, so there is no consistency on it at the moment. You can still check it out though. If you want something, just text me anywhere (just not via Instagram, I don't even have the app anymore).

I want to use this blog in a way we have been using blogs when I was a teenie or a kid (I was born 1998): sharing thoughts, pictures and personal opinions. I don't plan on getting bunch of followers or selling via tumblr (does anyone do that even?) I just want some peace and quite, without pressure of the algorithms and mean jerks who want to tell me how wrong I am about feeling good about myself or fighting for human rights.

Yeah.. That's it i guess. Thats me. And I just want to be ok. ˗ˏˋ 𓅰 ˎˊ˗

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⊹₊⟡⋆Links ⊹₊⟡⋆

🌿YT: https://www.youtube.com/@Elfs_Tears_Society

🌿Telegram Channel: https://t.me/elfis_mind

🌿Das Buch: https://ko-fi.com/s/56ab18f6e0

🌿NPN Subscription: https://mailchi.mp/c3d4db08fdbd/npn-subscribtion

🌿Pinterest: https://de.pinterest.com/elfs_tears_society/

-Hey, do you think it will get better?

-well, getting better is a big spectrum and up for interpretation. You can get rid of people who are not helpful for you, you can change your everyday life, you can start some helpful medication an feel better in it, you can make up your mind about your position in the world or find meaning in your suffering.. there is probably more. People adapt, we need to adapt to be able to cope long term.

-so.. it might be a fake “getting better?”

-mmh no, don’t think there is no fake or real thing. If the one that’s happening to you is real enough to make a difference or to leave a mark, then it’s real.

-a spectrum of realness huh?

-you bet.

-so, unless it gets worse.. it gets better?

-mmh

-and if it gets worse there is still a chance that it gets better? Somewhere on the spectrum?

-jep. Depending on what you believe in, there is always some sort of “better” in the end.

-that’s just morbid

-no, I mean, that no matter if you get to be reborn, start over, go to heaven or everything just.. stops. When your question is if it will get better, then it means it will get better. Just try whatever is there to try, death will come regardless of what we do.

-what about hell though haha

I thought I can outran

Reclaim, rename, change, restore

Make it happen, because I believe

Because I know I am strong

But my main weakness seems to be the fear of being weak

Sogar in der Ohnmacht will ich Kontrolle haben

Du hast mich nicht erschossen, ich habe es dir erlaubt

I pour the soul out as long as I get to be strong again

But whats in for me? Ich brauche die Macht über die Ohnmacht

The true power is in the ability to be weak in front of those who’ve depended on your strength

And I am too weak for that, too scared. Angst ist der stärkste Schild.

Yeah so… people said, the book is worse than the film and I agree. Never read a book that was written after a film and it makes sense why people usually donor do it. I feel like the author did the best job, but it’s just not really possible to do a great job unless you have direct contact with the screenwriters, directors and maybe some acting folx as well. Maybe it could be good if the director or the screen writer wrote it. Idk. You can definitely see the problematic behaviour towards Chris much better than in the film (there it’s just romanticised and downplayed. Check out the trigger warnings before reading or watching). Also, she is the perfect picture of “I was brought up to never respect or protect myself” as a product of her time and it just makes me cringe a lot. I don’t want to spoiler anything though.

The racist parts are still racist and I guess the author was not allowed to change anything. The racist parts btw are the most awkward once in the film and in the book, because it’s soooo unnecessary for the plot and could have been done much better AND not racist.

I really really need to stop giving a damn haha

But how when Disability bE DiSaBiLiTing?😭🥲🫠

P.s. it’s a so called “inclusive theater” btw and yes they might be mostly good to the acting group but I am also Disabled can someone include me please T___T

I enjoyed it more than the previews two books. I actually laughed and cried too. The end („After“) was the best part, it’s a shame it was so short. The whole story is 99.9% just suffering, grief, horror, more suffering, pain, frustration, hopelessness for happiness. It was refreshing to read something soft in the end, but I feel like if the books would have a little more of it in between the story we would feel the horrors and grief even more. You know, balance and stuff. (Yes, I am here to ask you to break my heart, I know)

I definitely wanted more diversity in characters, but it had a little bit of queer characters and I enjoyed it. I thought there would be more.. I was really waiting T.T but it’s a 2014 book so I think it did pretty well for its time?

It’s hard to write a review without spoilers, but I honestly did not enjoy Mal :) because what the hell dude, I get the whole complicated situation started from the second book but what was wrong the whole time before it? Also, I did not understand if he actually did other girls or not, Zoya said it in a way that actually sounded like he didn’t, I don’t understand (sorry, I am an autistic and I read as an autistic). Because if he did, why the hell? And if he didn’t, also, why the hell? Anyways, check out the trigger warnings and go read the trilogy.